PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 23

On this day in 1611, the mutinous crew of Henry Hudson's fourth voyage sets Henry, his son and seven loyal crewmembers adrift in an open boat in what is now Hudson Bay, one of the harshest, most unforgiving bodies of water on the planet. They are never heard from again, obviously.

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On this day in 1713, French-speaking residents of Acadia are given one year to declare allegiance to the British Crown, or be forced to leave their homeland. Most refuse, and are forcibly deported.

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On this day in 1810, Illuminati bloodline family head John Jacob Astor forms the Pacific Fur Company. Evil ensues.

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On this day in 1960, the US FDA declares Enovid to be the first officially approved combined oral contraceptive pill in the world, taking yet another step in the engineering of human population levels.

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On this day in 1961, the Antarctic Treaty comes into force. It sets aside the Antarctic as a scientific preserve and bans military activity on the continent. Of course, this is only because the world elites want to hide a) the Mountains of Madness, b) the hole to the Hollow Earth, c) a secret alien base, d) the remains of a pre-catastrophic Atlantis, or e) all of the above.

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On this day in 1970, one-hit-wonder Chubby Checker is arrested for possession of marijuana. Twisting ensues.

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On this day in 1972, President Richard Nixon and White House Chief of Staff H.R. Haldeman are taped talking about using the CIA to obstruct the FBI’s investigation into the Watergate break-ins.

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On this day in 1985, a terrorist bomb aboard Air India flight 182 brings the Boeing 747 down off the coast of Ireland, killing all 329 aboard, including 268 Canadians, 27 British citizens and 24 Indians. It was the largest mass murder in Canadian history and the deadliest aviation disaster to ever occur over a body of water. Canadian law enforcement determined that the main suspects in the bombing were members of the Sikh militant group Babbar Khalsa and other related groups based in Canada. Though a handful of members were arrested and tried, Inderjit Singh Reyat, a Canadian resident, was the only person convicted of involvement in the bombing. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison for building the bombs.

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On this day in 1993, Lorena Gallo Bobbitt slices off the top of hubby John Wayne's cock and tosses it into an empty field. Late-night talk show hosts are only now allowing us to forget this sordid bit of sorry trivia.

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On this day in 2001, a Senior Executive Intelligence Brief with the title Bin Laden Attacks May Be Imminent is sent to top White House officials. This means President George W. Bush received the warning during the previous day’s President Daily Briefing. Also on this day a CIA cable is distributed with the title, Possible Threat of Imminent Attack from Sunni Extremists. The cable warns that there is a high probability of near-term “spectacular” terrorist attacks resulting in numerous casualties. 

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On this day in 2006, the Miami Seven are arrested in connection with an alleged Sears Tower Plot. Check out this classic Daily Dirt article - THE MIAMI SEVEN : TERROR CELL OR WU-TARD CLAN? - to find out more about this ridiculous "gimme" for the US DOJ.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 7

On this day in 1794, French Revolutionary Robespierre proposes that the new state religion of the French First Republic be the Illuminati-inspired Cult of the Supreme Being. It fails to catch on.

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On this day in the year 1824, composer Ludwig von Beethoven's magnificent 9th (and final) Symphony - one of the only world-historic pieces of music - is performed for first time in front of an audience. The vocal section uses Freidrich Schiller's poem Ode To Joy, which is jam-packed with esoteric allusions that are ripe for exploitation as an expression of the beauties and charms of collectivism, which makes its eventual use as the "national anthem" of the European Union both amusing and somewhat troubling. Stanley Kubrick proved that he understood the essential duality of this piece of music - as well as the double-edged nature of genius in general - by highlighting it in an incredibly ironic way in his satirical sf masterpiece Clockwork Orange.

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On this day in 1896, one of the first and most prolific and inventive serial killers of all time is put to death for only a handful of the crimes he committed over a lifetime of almost unbelievable wickedness. His name was Herman Webster Mudgett, alias Doctor Henry Howard Holmes, and he built his own private "Murder Castle" in Chicago during the 1893 World Columbian Exposition - itself an event rife with parapolitical and paracultural over-and-undertones.

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On this day in 1952, the concept of the integrated circuit, also known as the "monolithic integrated circuit" and the "microchip" - the basis for all modern computing technology - is first presented to the public by Geoffrey W.A. Dummer. Culturally, economically and historically, it's a game-changer on pretty much every imaginable level.

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On this day in 1999, the British Antarctic Survey reports that the sky fell by no less than five miles over the preceding forty year period, as the upper limit of the ionosphere - beyond which lies the vacuum of space - collapsed from 190 to 185 miles altitude. Researchers at the time pointed to this startling phenomenon as "an important environmental warning sign," but yer old pal Jerky hasn't heard any more about it since the report was released. What gives?!

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On this day in 2004, in one of the most heinous of many heinous landmarks that we collectively had to endure in the 'naughties, the sadistic and brutal beheading of American businessman Nick Berg is recorded on videotape and released on the Internet for all the world to see. I present to you an editorial that I wrote on the subject of the Berg conspiracy theories, reprinted now at my Useless Eater blog for archival purposes. Also reprinted is one of my best editorials (if I do say so myself), titled The Paradox of Polar Bears. It also touches on Berg's murder, but for much different reasons. I'd suggest you "enjoy", but somehow that just doesn't seem right in this case.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 2

On this day in 1536, England's Queen Anne Boleyn - consort to King Henry VIII (who destroyed the Catholic Church in England just to be with her), and mother of the woman who would go on to become the hugely influential Queen Elizabeth I (last of England's Tudor royals) - is arrested and imprisoned in the Tower of London on charges of adultery, incest, treason and witchcraft. She would be found guilty of all charges and beheaded 19 days later. Ah... fickle fate!

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On this day in 1670, King Charles II of England grants a permanent charter to the Hudson's Bay Company to open up the fur trade in North America. That's right... a permanent charter. In fact, there's a whole whack of information about Hudson's Bay Co. that seems ripe for parapolitical exploration.

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On this day in 1808, the people of Madrid rise up in rebellion against French occupation, prompting Goya to memorialize the event in his painting The Second of May 1808.

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On this day in 1816, German/Belgian royal Léopold de Saxe-Coburg marries Princess Charlotte Augusta of Wales, thus initiating the "royal" Saxe-Coburg Gotha bloodline - name-changed to Windsor in England around the time of the Great War, due to anti-German sentiment - that has ruled much of the "free" world over the last century-and-a-half.

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On this day in 1933, Adolf Hitler bans trade unions in Germany.

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On this day, not one but two ultra-right-wing American lunatics kick the bucket. In 1957, Senator Joe McCarthy, of Red Scare II infamy, dies of multiple health problems exacerbated by alcohol and general mean spiritedness. In 1972, J. Edgar Hoover - whose abuses of power make Joe McCarthy's seem almost adorable by comparison - dies when his own shriveled black heart finally realizes exactly the type of vile creature its beats had helped to sustain over the years before giving up in disgust. Oh, and by the way, contrary to popular legend, from Little Rock to organized crime, he also pretty much sucked at his job.

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On this day in 1998, the European Central Bank is founded in Brussels in order to define and execute the European Union's monetary policy. So far, it seems to be working out just fine, disregarding the UK in 2016.

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On this day in 2000, President Bill Clinton announces that super-accurate GPS technology would no longer be restricted to the United States military, paving the way for some very interesting and useful consumer technology... as well as the allowing for the propagation of a technology that will eventually facilitate the more perfect tracking of pretty much every single citizen in our rapidly evolving Surveillance State.

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And, finally, on this day in 2011, Americans celebrate Mission Accomplished Day – Part II when President Barack Obama announces that Osama bin Laden, the evil genius mastermind behind the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, had been found, then killed, in full-throttle action-movie style by SEAL Team Six in Abbottabad, Pakistan! Of course, he couldn't show us Osama's corpse, because it was dumped at sea in an undisclosed location, in accordance with some kind of Muslim religious doctrine that nobody's ever heard of before. And of course, they couldn't show us any photographic evidence of his death, because that would have been disrespectful to one of the worst alleged mass-murderers in the history of mass-murder... right? I mean, it's not like there's anything fishy about all this... right? Right?! By the way, there is one group that performs burials at sea for "dishonored enemies"... Freemasons! Trying to find a link to back this up, but all Google can find is a song called "Burial at Sea" by some shitty band called The Secret Lives of Freemasons. Interesting how that works out, idnit?

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 30

On this day in 1945, in an underground bunker, Adolf Hitler first poisons his wife, Eva Braun, then blows his own brains out with a pistol. Also, today is Walpurgisnacht, or Germany's Witch's Sabbath. Just a friendly reminder to all you devil-worshipers planning to gather in wooded glades in order to offer blood-sacrifices to Wotan the Horned One... stay alive, don't drink and drive!

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On this day in 1966, a former carnival barker by the name of Anton LaVey shaves his head, buys an abandoned insane asylum in San Francisco and converts it into the Church of Satan. Later he would declare: “The Satanic Age started in 1966. That’s when God was proclaimed dead, the Sexual Freedom League came into prominence, and the hippies developed into a free sex culture.” Nothing quite so fun as pulling the squares’ legs, eh, Anton?

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On this day in 1973, President Richard Nixon announces the resignation of top aides Haldeman, Ehrlichman and other co-conspirators, in what was the first in a series of pathetic attempts to offer up scapegoats in lieu of the big enchilada, himself, who would last another year in the White House, despite everything.

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On this day in 1975, Communist forces gain control of Saigon and the Vietnam War formally comes to an end with the unconditional surrender of South Vietnamese president Duong Van Minh.

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On this day in 1980, upon the abdication of her mother, Beatrix Wilhelmina Armgard becomes Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands. 29 years later, on this day in 2009, seven people are killed and seventeen injured at a Queen's Day parade in Apeldoorn, Netherlands, when a cuckoo-bird by the name of Karst Tates rams his tiny little Euro-car through the parade route, killing six and mortally injuring himself. Flash forward another four years to this very day, and Queen Beatrix is, herself, abdicating the throne and handing it over to her eldest son, Willem-Alexander, who will be the Netherlands’ first king in 123 years.

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On this day in 1993, deranged tennis fanatic Günter Parche runs onto the court and stabs Monica Seles in the back during a quarterfinal match of the Citizen Cup in Hamburg, Germany.

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On this day in 2004, American media groups release graphic photos of American soldiers abusing and sexually humiliating Iraqi prisoners at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 8

On this day in 1820, the world famous Venus de Milo statue is discovered on the Aegean island of Melos. One of the most magnificent surviving examples of Ancient artistic genius, it is dated to between 130 and 100 BC. Western European art would not again achieve the level of sophistication on display in the Venus until the Renaissance, roughly fifteen hundred years later.

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During a three-day span beginning on this day in 1904, while visiting Cairo, Egypt, notorious British occultist Aleister Crowley “receives” the first chapter of The Book of the Law, the central sacred text of the religious philosophy that would come to be known as Thelema. Also known as Liber Al Vel Legis, this slim volume – allegedly dictated “from beyond” by Hoor-Paar-Kraat (“Horus the Child”) via a discarnate intermediary called Aiwass (whom Crowley would eventually claim as his own personal Holy Guardian Angel) – is widely regarded as kicking off the Aeon of Horus, which some have connected to both the Age of Aquarius and the New Age. This otherworldly revelation-by-dictation has come to be considered one of the most important mystical documents of the 20th century, and is well worth reading. 

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On this day in 2004, National Security Advisor the Reverend Doctor Condoleezza Rice Junior appears before the independent congressional commission investigating the terror attacks of 9/11 and delivers one of the longest opening statements in the history of opening statements. Whether this was due to the crushing weight of her guilty conscience, or a desire to bore people into changing the channel before the questioning began, only Condi knows for sure. In any case, here's the closing statement from her epic opening statement, to which hindsight has certainly not been kind:

"Today, along with many allies, we are helping the people of Iraq and Afghanistan to build free societies. And we are working with the people of the Middle East to spread the blessings of liberty and democracy as the alternatives to instability, hatred, and terror. … The defeat of terror and the success of freedom in those nations will serve the interests of our Nation and inspire hope and encourage reform throughout the greater Middle East. In the aftermath of September 11, those were the right choices for America to make -- the only choices that can ensure the safety of our Nation in the decades to come."

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On this day in 1946, after a series of disastrous failures and bungled opportunities, the League of Nations - which had risen from the ashes of World War One - assembles for last time before ultimately disbanding 4 days later, on April 12, leaving behind little more than an official emblem featuring one of the most eyebrow-raising and paranoia-inducing designs ever created. I mean, just look at it! Two pentagrams inside a pentagon? Come on!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 9

"Read Free or DIE!!!" The first ever tax-supported public library opens its doors in Peterborough, New Hampshire on this day in 1833.

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On this day in 1860, a French fellow by the name of Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville makes the oldest known recording of an audible human voice - his own, singing Au Clair de la Lune, very slowly - on a machine of his own devising, which he christened the Phonautograph Machine! You can listen to this brief but creepy echo from the far, distant past here, on the machine's Wikipedia page.

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On this day in 1865, after four years of bloody combat that left 600,000 dead, Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrenders the Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant at the Appomattox Courthouse in Virginia. This effectively ends the American Civil War. Today, many revisionists try to argue that the Civil War wasn't about slavery - either the practice at it had evolved in the South, or its expansion into the newly developing Western states. Anybody who tries to argue this point is either pathetically ignorant of history or a bald-faced liar, and anything they have to say about any topic can therefore be dismissed as a-historical balderdash and/or right-wing propaganda.

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On this day in 1992, a U.S. federal court finds former Panamanian dictator and notorious, CIA asset, and Bush Crime Family crony Manuel Noriega guilty of drug and racketeering charges. Sentenced to 30 years in prison, Noriega was ultimately extradited to France in 2010, where he was tried for money laundering, and then back home to Panama in 2011, where he was tried over the murder of a domestic political challenger, and where he remains behind bars to this day.

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On this day in 2003, the world first learns that Patient Zero in the SARS pandemic just happened to fly on seven different planes to six different international locations in the span of six fucking days just two weeks earlier. He flew from Hong Kong to Munich on March 30, then flew to Barcelona where, according to authorities, he began developing symptoms. Undaunted, he hopped another plane to Frankfurt, then switched off and flew to London (same day, different plane). The day after that, he flew to Munich, then headed back to Frankfurt, again on a different plane. Eventually, he made his way back to Hong Kong, where he checked into a hospital and was confirmed to have SARS. Regarding these suspiciously ostentatious travel habits, authorities said: "He travels a lot." In other words: "Move along, nothing to see here."

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On this day in the year 2003, after the application of a little "Shock and Awe" by the "Coalition of the Willing", the city of Baghdad falls to advancing American forces. In the center of the city, a statue of Saddam Hussein is pulled down in what the mainstream media described as regular, everyday Iraqis turning on symbols of their former leader. In fact, that's still the way Wikipedia portrays those events. In reality, however, even the Pentagon was forced to admit that the whole thing was a stage-managed psychological operation. Oh well, it might have been a Big Lie, but at least it ended the war!

I'm kidding, of course. Because even though Preznit Dubya and all the bought-and-paid-for whores in the right-wing military/industrial/media propaganda complex declared victory, in reality, the war in Iraq had barely just begun. Ten years, six thousand dead Americans, a hundred times that many dead Iraqis and over a TRILLION wasted dollars later, the only undeniable truth about the war in Iraq. is that it was a wasteful, Satanic enterprise built upon a foundation of propaganda, forgery, and lies. There was no valid ethical, moral or legal justification for it, no matter how "easy" the task might have seemed back in the early days of what would ultimately turn out to be a completely Pyrrhic victory.