Thursday, August 13, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 13


On this day in 1831, an atmospheric disturbance causes the sun to appear blue-green, which mystical-minded slave Nat Turner takes to be a most prodigious portent. This causes him to organize a slave uprising in the state of Virginia. The revolt was so bloody, many historians refer to it as the First War, with the Civil War being the Second War. On the road to Jerusalem, VA, Nat and his growing army of slaves killed fifty-five white folks, who then turn around and killed a hundred-plus black folks, many of whom had nothing to do with the uprising. Ahhh... the good old days!

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On this day in 1913, an acrobat by the name of Otto Witte is purportedly crowned King of Albania.

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On this day in 1928, New Jersey radio station WRNY becomes the first to broadcast a television image: a woman's face on a video "canvas" about 1.5 inches square, which was maintained for ten minutes. Which means there was about the same amount of quality programming on the air back then as there is now.

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On this day in 1942, Major General Eugene Reybold of the US Army Corps of Engineers authorizes the construction of facilities that would house the "Development of Substitute Materials" project, better known as... the freaking Manhattan Project.

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On this day in 1964, Peter Allen and Gwynne Evans are hanged for the Murder of John Alan West, thus becoming the last people to be executed in the United Kingdom.

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On this day in 2001, Flight 175 hijackers Marwan Alshehhi, Fayez Ahmed Banihammad, and Hamza Alghamdi buy knives and multi-tools. Alshehhi buys a Cliphanger Viper and an Imperial Tradesman Dual Edge, both short-bladed knives. Banihammad buys a Stanley two-piece snap knife set, and Alghamdi buys a Leatherman Wave multi-tool. All purchases are made in the same city, though the 9/11 Commission does not specify as to which city that might be.

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Happy birthday to Donny Osmond-throttling, transvestite prostitute-punching, Patridge Family alumnus, Danny Bonaduce! Also born on this day, trailblazing televangelist scam-artist Rex Humbard (1919), Cuban revolutionary dictator Fidel Castro Ruz (1927), and Hawaiian ukulele-slinger Don Ho (1930)!

Wednesday, August 12, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 12



On this day in 30 BC, the infamous Cleopatra VII Philopator, last ruler of the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasty, commits suicide, allegedly by means of an asp bite.

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On this day in 1950, the Bloody Gulch Massacre takes place during the Korean Conflict. North Korean soldiers gun down dozens of American Prisoners of War.

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On this day in 1952, 13 prominent Jewish intellectuals are murdered in Moscow, Russia, in a wave of anti-Semitic violence known as The Night of the Murdered Poets.

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On this day in 1953, the Soviet Union test-detonates their so-called Layer Cake Bomb - a 400-kiloton device fueled by layers of uranium and lithium deuteride - in Kazakhstan. In response, the Pentagon cranks things up a notch by creating both a Bundt Cake Bomb and an Apple Brown Betty Bomb, both of which are devastatingly powerful... and irresistibly scrumptious!

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On this day in 1964, South Africa is banned from the Olympic Games due to the country's racist policies.

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On this day in 1981, the IBM Personal Computer (PC) is released.

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On this day in 1992, Canada, Mexico and the United States announce completion of negotiations for the North American Free Trade Agreement, more popularly known as NAFTA.

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On this day in 2000, The Oscar class submarine K-141 Kursk of the Russian Navy explodes and sinks in the bottom of the Barents Sea during a mysterious military exercise. The cause of the sinking remains unknown.

Tuesday, August 11, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 11



On this day in 3114 BC, the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar, used by several pre-Columbian Mesoamerican civilizations, notably the Mayans, begins.

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On this day in 2492 BC, traditional date of the defeat of the tyrant Bel by tribal leader Hayk, progenitor and founder of the Armenian nation.

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On this day in 1919, the constitution of the Weimar Republic is adopted. Good musical theater, nice furniture, great (deviant) art and a really "gay" metropolitan nightlife ensue.

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On this day in 1965, race riots flare up in the Watts area of Los Angeles, California. The great novelist Thomas Pynchon wrote this interesting essay about it.

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On this day in 1972, the mayor officially decrees it to be Cheech and Chong Day in the city of San Antonio, Texas. Twenty years later, the federal government passes an Omnibus bill which includes vaguely-worded laws that make it illegal to sell "bongs" but not "water pipes." Twelve years after that,Tommy Chong is sentenced to nine months in jail for marketing a line of water pipes called Chong's Bongs. What the fuck happened between then and now?

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On this day in 1984, Olympian Carl Lewis duplicates Jesse Owens' 1936 feat, winning 4 Olympic track gold medals. On the same day, during preparations for a radio broadcast, president Ronald Reagan picks up a microphone and says: "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today, that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." Unfortunately, Ronnie had failed to notice that the mic was already on, and that his little "joke" was being heard by thousands of pants-shitting Americans, who'd already been rendered beat-dog flinchy by the hyperbolic rhetoric of the Cold War's dying days.

Monday, August 10, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 10


On this day in 1755, under the orders of Charles Lawrence, the British Army begins to forcibly deport the Acadians from Nova Scotia to the Thirteen Colonies.

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On this day in the year 1866, the Transatlantic Telegraph Cable - one of mankind's greatest technological triumphs - is finally completed. Once he's announced this milestone to the American people, President James Buchanan proceeds to spend the rest of the day masturbating furiously while engaging in "morse-code-sex" with Queen Victoria.

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On this day in 1948, the TV show Candid Camera makes its television debut after being on radio for a year as Candid Microphone. Hardly seems possible, does it?

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On this day in 1977, in Yonkers, New York, 24-year-old postal employee David Berkowitz – better known as the Son of Sam – is arrested for a series of killings in the New York City area over the period of one year.

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On this day in 1981, the severed head of six-year-old Adam Walsh is found by two fishermen in a Florida canal. The rest of Adam’s body was never recovered. Adam’s kidnapping and murder - possibly by serial killer Otis Toole - inspired the creation of the television series America's Most Wanted, which was hosted by Adam’s father, John Walsh, for over two decades.

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On this day in 1987, the Dow Jones Industrial Average breaks through the elusive 2,600 point ceiling for the first time ever. Of course, what goes up must eventually come down, and if shit keeps hitting fan, we may well live to see 2,600 again. My advice for riding out the coming storm? Sink all your capital in ammunition, gas generators and out-of-the-way real estate.

Sunday, August 9, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 9


On this day in 1173, construction of the campanile of the cathedral of Pisa – now known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa – begins. It will take two centuries to complete, and yet STILL they fuck the damn thing up!

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On this day in 1483, the Sistine Chapel opens for public viewing in Rome with the celebration of a Mass.

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On this day in 1854, American philosopher-writer Henry David Thoreau publishes his masterpiece, Walden.

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On this day in 1930, the sexiest little cartoon character of all time, Betty Boop, makes her debut in Dizzy Dishes.

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On this day in 1936, American Olympian Jesse Owens throws a wrench into Adolf Hitler's plans to use the Berlin Olympics as a showcase for the superiority of Aryan Nazi Supermen when he wins his fourth gold medal of the games. The first person to run over and congratulate Jesse, in full view of a flustered Fuhrer, was the giant, smiling Nazi Luz Long, about whom Jesse Owens would later write: "You could melt down all the medals and cups I have, and they wouldn't be a plating on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long."

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On this day in 1942, Indian leader Mahatma Gandhi is arrested in Bombay by British forces, launching the Quit India Movement.

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On this day in 1944, the United States Forest Service and the Wartime Advertising Council release posters featuring Smokey Bear for the first time.

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On this day in 1945, the second part of the atom bomb one-two punch landed by the USA against Japan takes place when the city of Nagasaki is devastated by an atomic bomb called Fat Man.  39,000 people are killed instantly in this incredible international horror.

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On this day in 1965, the island/city of Singapore becomes the first (and so far only) nation in history to gain independence (from Malaysia) against its will.

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On this day in 1969, members of Charles Manson's "family" butcher Sharon Tate and four of her friends in Beverly Hills. The next day,Manson - upset with his underlings for their lack of murderous panache - orders his crew out on another raid "to show you how it's done." Charlie had forgotten one thing, however: his all-consuming cowardice. The trash-talking, acid-gobbling midget freak had to leave the room before his brain-fried followers slaughtered the victims that Charlie, himself, had hand-picked... the LaBianca family. If you're at all interested in the background and different theories about what really went down back then in those crazy, acid-hazy days, then you should most definitely read Adam Gorightly's incredible book, The Shadow Over Santa Suzana: Black Magic, Mind Control and the Manson Family Mythos.

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On this day in 1974, as a direct result of the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon becomes the first President of the United States to resign from office. His Vice President, Gerald Ford, becomes president.

Saturday, August 8, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 8

On this day in 1955, a conference is held in Geneva to discuss potential "peaceful uses" for the atomic bomb. My own personal favorite suggestion? Use a few thousand to carve the moon into a continent-sized bust of Ludwig von Beethoven!

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On this day in 1969, at a street crossing in London, photographer Iain Macmillan takes the photo that becomes the cover of the Beatles album Abbey Road, one of the most famous album covers in recording history. Check out this link for information about all the super-secret messages contained in this image (and other Beatles images).

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On this day in 1973, South Korean activist and politician Kim Dae-jung is kidnapped by agents of that nation's quasi-fascist ruling regime. Nick-named "the Asian Mandela", he would be set free and eventually become South Korea's eighth President, winning a Nobel Peace Prize in the process.

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On this day in 1974, while Tricky Dick Nixon was being flown back to the neo-fascist cradle-forge of Orange County with his forked tail tucked between his waxy, sallow legs, newly sworn-in President Gerald Ford goes on television and declares: "My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.

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On this day in 1989, Space Shuttle Columbia takes off on a "secret" 5-day military mission.

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On this day in 1991, the Warsaw radio mast, at one time the tallest construction ever built, collapses. It takes a long damn time for the freaking thing to fall all the way down.

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On this day in 2000, the Confederate submarine H.L. Hunley is raised to the surface after 136 years on the ocean floor and 30 years after its discovery by undersea explorer E. Lee Spence and 5 years after being filmed by a dive team funded by novelist Clive Cussler.



Friday, August 7, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 7


On this day in 1933, the Iraqi government slaughters over 3,000 Assyrians in the village of Simele. The day becomes known as Assyrian Martyrs Day.

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On this day in 1965, the infamous first Reyes party between Ken Kesey's Merry Pranksters and motorcycle gang the Hell's Angels takes place at Kesey's estate in La Honda, California introducing psychedelics to the gang world and forever linking hippies and bikers in the public imagination.

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On this day in 1970, California judge Harold Haley is taken hostage in his courtroom and killed during in a failed effort to free Black Panther leader and "Soledad Brother" George Jackson from police custody. Just over one year later, Jackson would be shot and killed by prison guards during an escape attempt.

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On this day in 1974, some crazy Frenchman by the name of Philippe Petit performs a high wire act between the twin towers of the World Trade Center 1,368 feet in the air, without safety harness or a net.

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On this day in 1978, US President Jimmy Carter declares a federal emergency at Love Canal due to toxic waste that had been negligently disposed of.

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On this day in 1998, a massive truck bomb explodes outside the U.S. embassy in Nairobi, Kenya. Minutes later, another bomb goes off outside the embassy in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. Two hundred and twenty four people, including 12 Americans, die in the attacks. 4,500 more are wounded. At the time, all signs pointed towards disgruntled Saudi construction scion Osama bin Laden.

Thirteen days later, on August 20, President Bill Clinton orders cruise missiles launched against bin Laden's terrorist training camps in Afghanistan, and against a pharmaceutical plant in Sudan, where bin Laden was allegedly making or distributing chemical weapons.

Reaction from traitorous, seditious Republicans is swift. Clinton, they claimed, was "wagging the dog" - borrowing the title of a movie that was actually based on former President Ronald Reagan's ass-covering farce of an invasion in Grenada, which was hastily thrown together to deflect criticism of the disastrous Beirut barracks bombing in which 242 Marines were killed - to deflect attention from the blooming Monica Lewinsky scandal. Because, of course, in the minds of such ethical luminaries as Trent Lott and Bob Barr and Jesse Helms and Dan Burton and on and on, ad infinitum, Clinton's actions couldn't possibly have been to avenge the murders of a couple hundred darkies on the least important continent on the planet! Such a move, for these racist, scum-sucking GOP jackasses, could ONLY be either a diversionary tactic, or a waste of good missiles.

Thursday, August 6, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 6

On this day in 1890, at Auburn Prison in New York, murderer William Kemmler becomes the first person to be executed by electric chair.

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On this day in 1930, Judge Joseph Force Crater steps into a taxi in New York and disappears never to be seen again. This unsolved mystery earns Crater the sobriquet: "Missingest Man in New York".

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At 8:15 A.M., on this day in the year 1945, with a blinding flash and a deafening roar, a single bomb turns the thriving city of Hiroshima into a twisted, smoldering, radioactive tableau of death and ruin. Nearly all people and buildings within a two-kilometer radius of the drop point were obliterated. An incredible one hundred and forty thousand people were killed by a single bomb... nearly half the city's population. This brief, horrific moment in time still stands as quite possibly the most significant turning point in the history of our doomed and damned species.

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On this day in 1964, in the American state of Nevada, a bristlecone pine by the name of Prometheus – at somewhere close to five thousand years old, the world's most ancient living tree – is chopped down by a graduate student trying to figure out exactly how old it really is. The freaking idiot.

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On this day in 1991, a brilliant fellow by the name of Tim Berners-Lee releases files describing his idea for the World Wide Web. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1996, NASA announces that the ALH 84001 meteorite, thought to originate from Mars, contains evidence of primitive life-forms. After that, they fall suspiciously silent... Meanwhile, six years later, on this day in 2012, NASA's Curiosity rover lands on the surface of Mars. Coincidence? You be the judge!

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On this day in 2001, after only seven months in office, Preznit Dubya begins a month-long vacation at the Crawford "ranch" he purchased as a photo-op backdrop in 1999. He wouldn't spend another night in the White House until after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 - the ones he'd been warned about again and again and again - were safely over and done with. The same cannot be said of Dubya's dad, President Poppy, however. Turns out the old man spent the final night of the pre-September 11th era... in the White House. This, of course, raises all kinds of spooky questions.

Wednesday, August 5, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 5


On this day in 1570, a group of Spanish Jesuits led by Fray Batista Segura arrives in the Chesapeake Bay area of Virginia in order to convert the native "savages" there to Christianity. Six months later, the entire group was slaughtered by the very Indians they had come to evangelize. BURN!

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On this day in 1583, Sir Humphrey Gilbert establishes the first English colony in North America at what is now St. John's, Newfoundland.

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On this day in 1735, New York Weekly Journal writer John Peter Zenger is acquitted of “seditious libel” against the royal governor of New York because what he had published was, in fact, true.

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On this day in 1861, in order to help pay for the Civil War, the United States government levies the first ever income tax as part of the Revenue Act of 1861. Back then, you had to give the US government 3% of all incomes over and above $800.

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On this day in 1861, the United States Army abolishes flogging. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1882, Standard Oil of New Jersey is established. It is more widely known across the globe as Exxon and or Esso, one of the most evil, conspiracy-encrusted corporations in history, run by one of the most evil, conspiracy-encrusted families in history... the Rockefellers.

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On this day in 1944, the Nazis begin a week-long massacre of anywhere between 40,000 and 100,000 civilians and prisoners of war in Wola, Poland.

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On this day in 1957, American Bandstand debuts on the ABC television network. The show is dedicated to teenage baby-boomers, playing the songs and showing popular dances of the time. The show’s Dorian Grey-like host, Dick Clark, didn’t age a day during the show’s half-century run.

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Goodbye, Norma Jean. The once and future Marilyn Monroe blows out her own candle with a fistful of barbiturates on this day in 1962, thus selflessly sparing us, the public, from having to witness her long, sad decline into decrepitude. Meanwhile, half a world away, in South Africa, freedom fighter Nelson Mandela is thrown in jail. He would not emerge from captivity until 28 years later, in 1990.

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On this day in 1981, US President, rapmaster Ronnie Reagan fires 11,359 striking air-traffic controllers who ignored his presidential declaration that they had to return to work, or else.

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On this day in 2012, some asshole by the name of Wade Michael Page walks into a Sikh temple in Oak Creek, Wisconsin, and opens fire, killing six people. Eventually, he shoots himself in the head after being wounded by police during the post-massacre standoff.

Tuesday, August 4, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 4


On this day in the year 70 AD, Jerusalem’s Second Temple, located on the Temple Mount (aka Mount Zion) is destroyed by Roman occupiers. The Second Temple had been built 586 years earlier to replace King Solomon's Temple, which was destroyed by neo-Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar II upon his siege of Jerusalem and subsequent enslavement of the Jewish people in 587 BC. Jewish eschatology holds that, before the Messiah can appear on Earth, a Third Temple must be built. Various messianic groups have attempted to get this project started up, but that particular piece of real estate is one of the most hotly contested spots on the face of the Earth... if not MOST hotly contested

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On this day in 1693, a Frenchman by the name of Dom Perignon allegedly invents the sparkling wine commonly referred to as Champagne. This is a traditional belief, however, for which there is no evidence or proof.

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On this day in 1892, the father and stepmother of Lizzie Borden are found murdered in their Fall River, Massachusetts home. Borden’s subsequent trial and acquittal gave rise to the popular rhyme: “Lizzie Borden took an axe. Gave her father forty whacks. When she saw what she had done… Gave her mother forty-one!”

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On this day in 1944, a tip from a Dutch informer leads the Gestapo to a sealed-off area in an Amsterdam warehouse, where they find and arrest Jewish diarist Anne Frank, her family, and four others.

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On this day in 1964, civil rights workers Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Chaney are found dead in Mississippi after disappearing on June 21. The film Mississippi Burning is based on these events.

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On this day in 1964, the destroyers USS Maddox and USS Turner Joy report coming under attack in the Gulf of Tonkin, near Vietnam. This led to an escalation of American intervention in the region – and the number of deaths on all sides – despite the fact that the events most likely never took place.It was, in many ways, the lie that launched America's war against Vietnam.

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On this day in 1987, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) rescinds the Fairness Doctrine, which had required radio and television stations to present controversial issues fairly, giving equal time to both sides of an issue. Rush Limbaugh ensues, then dies after a dishonorable, DJT provided, medal of honor ceremony.

Monday, August 3, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 3


A couple interesting "firsts" took place on this day. It was on this day in 1527 that the first known letter was sent from North America. It was written by mariner John Rut and mailed to England's King Henry from St. John's, Newfoundland. It was also on this day, in the year 1678, that construction on the American continent's first full-sized sailing ship was completed. Built by Robert LaSalle, Le Griffon was a sixty-foot, forty-five ton vessel that cruised the Great Lakes for only a few short weeks before disappearing without a trace.

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On this day in 1492, Christopher Columbus sets sail from Palos de la Frontera, Spain.

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On this day in 1783, Mount Asama erupts in Japan, killing 35,000 people.

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On this day in 1929, messianic "world teacher" Jiddu Krishnamurti shocks the Theosophy movement by dissolving the Order of the Star, the organisation built to support him.

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On this day in 1934, megalomaniacal runt Adolf Hitler becomes the supreme leader of Germany when he combines the offices of President and Chancellor into the single, all-powerful position of Führer. It was all downhill from there.

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On this day in 1948, former commie Whittaker Chambers accuses Alger Hiss of being a communist and a spy for the Soviet Union.

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On this day in 1958, the nuclear submarine USS Nautilus travels beneath the Arctic ice cap.

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On this day in 1961, the New Democratic Party of Canada is founded by the merger of the Cooperative Commonwealth Federation and the Canadian Labour Congress.

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On this day in the year 1966, revolutionary "stand-up comic" Lenny Bruce injects a gorilla-dose of morphine into himself and dies for our sins.

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On this day in 1976... RAID ON ENTEBBE!!!

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On this day in 1977, the United States Senate begins its hearing on Project MKUltra.

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On this night in 2000, the GOP gently walks John McCain over to the podium, bends him over, pulls down his pants and fucks him nice and slow for all the world to see. Yer old pal Jerky's always had a soft-spot for McCain, but the speech he gave that night at the GOP convention was pathetic. At one point, he said: "I support Governor Bush. I am grateful to him. And I am proud of him." He supported the man who's campaign team started a whisper campaign declaring him mentally unstable? He was grateful to the man who falsely accused him of voting against breast-cancer research? He was proud of the man who repeatedly and maliciously made up lies about his record? At one point, he said: "Many years ago, the governor's father served in the Pacific, with distinction, under the command of my grandfather. Now it is my turn to serve under the son of my grandfather's brave subordinate." Wow. That is one helluva long way to go to suck ass.

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On this day in 2004, the Statue of Liberty opens for business after being closed since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Better get out to see her now, while you still can.

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On this day in 2005, some fuzzy nob by the name of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad becomes President of Iran.

Sunday, August 2, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 2


On this day in 338 BC, a Macedonian army led by Philip II defeats the combined forces of Athens and Thebes in the Battle of Chaeronea, securing Macedonian hegemony in Greece and the Aegean.

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On this day in 216 BC, the Carthaginian army led by Hannibal defeats a numerically superior Roman army under command of consuls Lucius Aemilius Paullus and Gaius Terentius Varro.

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Predating disco by about six centuries, the first-ever roller-skating rink opens in London, England, on this day in the year 1375.

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On this day in 1377, Russian troops are defeated in the Battle on Pyana River... because of drunkenness. Insert sad trombone note here.

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On this day in 1776, the signing of the United States Declaration of Independence takes place.

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On this day in 1790, the first US Census is conducted.

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On this day in 1932, the positron (antiparticle of the electron) is discovered by Carl D. Anderson.

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On this day in 1937, the Marihuana Tax Act of 1937 is passed in America, the effect of which is to render marijuana and all its by-products illegal.

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On this day in 1939, world-famous scientist Albert Einstein (and some dude named Leó Szilárd) write a letter to Franklin D. Roosevelt, urging him to begin the Manhattan Project to develop a nuclear weapon.

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On this day in 1990, after getting a green-light from U.S. ambassador April Glaspie, Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein orders his military to invade the tiny neighboring monarchy of Kuwait, using weapons supplied by the U.S. government. Then-President George Herbert Walker "Poppy" Bush gives his former best buddy Saddam the surprise of a lifetime by going on the TV and calling him a Hitler, vowing to protect Saudi Arabia and liberate Kuwait, by any means necessary. So America sets up base in Riyadh, near the Muslim holy city of Mecca, which severely pisses off Osama Bin Laden, a Saudi who'd been among the thousands trained and equipped by the C.I.A. to fight a terror war against Soviet troops in Afghanistan. The subsequent slaughter of Desert Storm - resulting in the deaths of over 25,000 Iraqi combatants and 200,000 Iraqi civilians - pisses off Osama even MORE. The rest, as they say, is an incredibly depressing, textbook case of BLOWBACK.

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On this day in 1991, funkadelic super-freak Rick James and his equally super-freaky girlfriend Manya Hijazi are arrested on sexual torture and kidnapping charges after one of their sex slaves escapes from their basement/sex dungeon. James was found guilty and was released in 1996, after which he began his second career as a regularly featured performer on tabloid TV "Where are they now?" segments. James, who died on August 6, 2004, is best remembered for his catch-phrase: "I'm Rick James, bitch!", which was actually coined by stand-up comic Dave Chappelle.

Saturday, August 1, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 1

On this day in 1192, English regent Richard the Lionheart lands on Jaffa and defeats the army of Islamic leader Saladin.

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On this day in the year 1619, a few weeks after having been traded for a shipload of food by a desperate Dutch slave-trader, the very first Africans to ever touch American soil land in Jamestown, Virginia. Unfortunately, they were such a hit with the slave-owning classes (who previously had been content to own native Americans and English paupers), rush orders were soon being placed for millions more. The rest, as they say, is history.

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On this day in 1914, Germany declares war on Russia at the opening of World War I. The Swiss Army mobilizes because of World War I.

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On this day in 1944, the Warsaw Uprising against the Nazi occupation breaks out in Warsaw, Poland.

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On this day in 1957, the United States and Canada form the North American Air Defense Command, better known as NORAD.

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On this day in 1966, some crazy emmeffer by the name of Charles Whitman climbs a bell tower and kills 16 people at the University of Texas at Austin before being killed by the police.

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On this day in 1966, purges of intellectuals and imperialists becomes official China policy at the beginning of the Cultural Revolution.

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On this day in 1972, the Washington Post reports that a $25,000 cashier's check earmarked for the Comittee to Re-Elect the President (CREEP) was discovered in the bank account of one of the men caught burglarizing a Democratic office in the Watergate building. It's the Post's first Watergate story, and it's also the beginning of the end for President Nixon.

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On this day in 1980, a politician by the name of Vigdís Finnbogadóttir is elected President of Iceland, becoming the world's first democratically elected female head of state!

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On this day in 1981, MTV begins broadcasting in the United States and airs its first video, "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles.

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The combined efforts of Captain J. T. Kirk and T.J. Hooker weren't enough to save William Shatner's wife when he found her, face down in the bottom of the family pool on this day in 1999. And yes, he DID call 911, or, as he calls it: "Nine..... one-one!"

Friday, July 31, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 31


On this day in 30 BC, the Battle of Alexandria takes place, during which Mark Antony achieves a minor victory over Octavian's forces, but most of his army subsequently deserts, leading to his suicide (he was under the mistaken impression that his lover, Cleopatra, had already done herself in). Or was it an Egyptian priest in Octavian's pay who murdered him? We will never know. In any case, after her capture by the Roman general, Cleopatra was allowed to give Marc Antony full burial rites.

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On this day in 1790, the very first United States patent is granted to Samuel Hopkins, for his miraculous potash processing technique. I don't even know what potash is but am duly impressed, nonetheless!

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On this day in 1922, some dude by the name of Ralph Samuelson becomes the first person to ride on water skis. The weird thing is, he doesn't do it in Florida, where you might expect that kind of thing to happen. Trail-blazing Samuelson strapped those planks to his tootsies in the great state of Minnesota, on one of her many scenic (and ice-cold) lakes.

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On this day in 1932, the NSDAP (better known as the Nazi Party) wins more than 38% of the vote in German elections. It is their greatest showing at the polls.

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On this day in 1941, under instructions from Adolf Hitler, Nazi official Hermann Göring orders SS General Reinhard Heydrich to "submit to me as soon as possible a general plan of the administrative material and financial measures necessary for carrying out the desired Final Solution of the Jewish question." The birth of the Holocaust.

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Starting just before midnight on this day in the year 1966, chronic headache-sufferer Charles Whitman goes totally fucking ape-shit. After killing his mother and wife, he grabs a rifle and climbs to the observation deck of the University of Texas clock tower and proceeds to rain hot leaden death upon the cowering students below. Ninety minutes and sixteen corpses later, a police officer is finally able to introduce Mister Whitman to his maker. Later, an autopsy would reveal a golf ball-sized tumor in Whitman's brain. The concept of S.W.A.T. policing basically came about because of Whitman's rampage.

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On this day in 2006, revolutionary Cuban dictator Fidel Castro hands over power to brother Raúl Castro like it was some kind of car dealership or something.

Thursday, July 30, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 30


On this day in 762, Baghdad is founded by caliph Al-Mansur.

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On this day in 1619, colonial Virginia's House of Burgesses is established. The first popularly elected legislature in the New World, the House of Burgesses meant Americans had a 157-year head start on democracy once they declared full independence from England in 1776, assuring a relatively smooth transition towards self-rule. Of course this "democracy" applied only to land-owning white dudes. But hey, you know... baby steps, people!

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On this day in 1733, the first Masonic Grand Lodge in the future United States (aka Grapes Tavern) is constituted in Massachusetts.

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On this day in 1839, a bloody revolt takes place on the slave ship La Amistad, thereby laying the groundwork for yet another "message" movie by Steven Spielberg.

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On this day in 1945, Japanese submarine I-58 sinks the USS Indianapolis, killing 883 seamen during World War II.

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On this day in 1962, the Trans-Canada Highway, the largest national highway in the world, is officially opened.

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On this day in 1965, U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Social Security Act of 1965 into law, establishing Medicare and Medicaid.

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On this day in 1975, union boss Jimmy Hoffa disappears from the parking lot of the Machus Red Fox restaurant in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit, at about 2:30 p.m. He is never seen or heard from again, and will be declared legally dead on this date in 1982.

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On this day in 1991, publicists for MTV announce that the groundbreaking cable music video channel would soon be splitting into three separate channels. Marketers call the move "expansion and diversification," while music lovers describe it as "metastasization."

Wednesday, July 29, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 29



On this day in 1836, the very beautiful Arc de Triomphe is inaugurated in Paris, France. It remains one of that nation's most cherished and beloved landmarks.

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On this day in 1848, the Irish nationalist Tipperary Revolt against British rule takes place during the Irish Potato Famine. It is unsuccessful. 

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On this day in 1900, King Umberto I of Italy is assassinated by the anarchist Gaetano Bresci.

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On this day in 1907, the Brownsea Island Scout camp is set up by Sir Robert Baden-Powell in Poole Harbour on the south coast of England. The camp ran until August 9, 1907, and is regarded as the foundation of the Scouting movement.

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On this day in 1921, after first joining the organization as a government infiltrator/spy, Adolf Hitler becomes leader of the National Socialist German Workers Party, later known as the Nazi Party.

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On this day in 1976, in New York city, David Berkowitz (aka the "Son of Sam") kills one person and seriously wounds another in the first of a series of attacks.

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On this day in the year 1981, England's Prince Charles marries Lady Diana Spencer, and they lived happily ever after.

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On this day in 1987, hippy ice cream entrepreneurs Ben & Jerry team up with Grateful Dead front man Jerry Garcia to create a popular new flavor: Cherry Garcia. Subsequent partnerships with other musicians, resulting in such flavors as Grape Slick, Strawberry Pearl Jam, and M&Eminem&M, were nowhere near as successful.

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On this day in 2005, astronomers announce their discovery of the dwarf planet Eris.

Tuesday, July 28, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 28



On this day in 1794, French revolutionary Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre loses his head to one of the many guillotines he, himself, helped to erect across France during his "Reign of Terror."

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On this day in 1945, a B-25 US Army bomber crashes into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building. 14 people die in the resulting explosion.

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On this day in 2061, Halley's Comet will make its 31st recorded pass through our solar system. Most of us will be dead, buried and dissolved by then. Have a nice day!

Monday, July 27, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 27


On this day in 1586, Sir Walter Raleigh brings the first ever shipment of tobacco from the New World (Virginia) to England, where the addiction takes firm hold and begins to spread - much like cancerous polyps - across Europe. Eventually, the sweeter leaf makes its way down through the Muslim lands and around Asia until basically, the entire planet is hooked and puffing. Combined with the arrival from the opposite direction of coffee - and caffeine - a mere thirty years later, is it any wonder that the ensuing century would be so productive when compared to, say, the previous ten?

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On this day in 1794, French Revolution: Maximilien Robespierre is arrested after encouraging the execution of more than 17,000 "enemies of the Revolution".

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On this day in 1837, the United States Mint opens in Charlotte, North Carolina. Exactly seven years later to the day - in 1844 - it burns to the ground in a fire. Kinda makes you wonder why they bothered building it in the FIRST place!

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On this day in 1890, painter Vincent van Gogh shoots himself and dies two days later.

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On this day in 1919, the Chicago Race Riot erupts after a racial incident occurred on a South Side beach, leading to 38 fatalities and 537 injuries over a five-day period.

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On this day in 1940, the animated short A Wild Hare is released, introducing the character of Bugs Bunny.

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On this day in 1981, 6 year old Adam Walsh, son of America's Most Wanted host John Walsh, is kidnapped in Hollywood, Florida and is found murdered two weeks later.

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On this day in 1996, in Atlanta, USA, a pipe bomb explodes at Centennial Olympic Park during the 1996 Summer Olympics. One woman, Alice Hawthorne, is killed, and a cameraman suffers a heart attack fleeing the scene. 111 are injured. Early on, heroic-yet-tubby security guard Richard Jewell is considered a suspect, but eventually the far more handsome right-wing anti-abortion crusader and lone nut survivalist Eric Rudolph is identified as the true culprit.

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On this day in 2002, at a Ukraine airshow, a Sukhoi Su-27 fighter crashes in Lviv, killing 85 and injuring more than 100 others, the largest air show disaster in history.

Sunday, July 26, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 26

On this day in 1533, the 13th and last emperor of the Incas, Atahualpa, dies by strangulation at the hands of Francisco Pizarro's Spanish conquistadors. His death marks the end of 300 years of Inca civilization.

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On this day in 1775, Hellfire Club charter member Benjamin Franklin becomes America's first Postmaster General.

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On this day in 1847, Liberia declares independence... and they all lived happily ever after.

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On this day in 1887, publication of the Unua Libro, founding the Esperanto movement.

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On this day in the year 1928, cinematic sorceror-king Stanley Kubrick enters the world kicking and screaming. During the time-span between the release of Dr. Strangelove in 1964, through the five years it took to film 2001: A Space Odyssey, continuing up until the premiere of Clockwork Orange in 1971, no popular artist had as firm a grasp on the zeitgeist of the West as did Stanley Kubrick. Two-hundred years from now, if human beings are still around to watch and discuss film, Stanley Kubrick’s masterpieces will continue to be watched, revered and fiercely debated, while 99.999% of the tepid dreck that currently pollutes our movie screens will be blissfully forgotten.

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On this day in 1936, the Axis powers decide to intervene in the Spanish Civil War, thus giving macho liberals, socialists and other assorted left-wingers - like Ernest Hemmingway - a chance to earn their battle scars and gain some macho street cred, years before World War II really got rolling.

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On this day in 1941, in response to the Japanese occupation of French Indochina, US President Franklin D. Roosevelt orders the seizure of all Japanese assets in the United States. This does not sit well with them.

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On this day in 1944, the first German V2 rocket hits the United Kingdom. Seeing as they were supersonic, you never heard the one that hit you.

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On this day in 1947, US President Harry S. Truman signs the National Security Act into law, thus creating the Central Intelligence Agency, the Department of Defense, the US Air Force, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and the United States National Security Council. One year later, on this day in 1948, Truman signed Executive Order 9981, thereby desegregating the US military.

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On this day in 1956, following the World Bank's refusal to fund building the Aswan Dam, Egyptian leader Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalizes the Suez Canal, sparking international condemnation.

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On this day in 1977, the National Assembly of Quebec mandates the use of French as the official language of the provincial (and perhaps, one day, national) government.

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On this day in 1989, a federal grand jury indicts Cornell University student Robert T. Morris Jr for releasing the Morris Worm, thus becoming the first person to be prosecuted under the 1986 Computer Fraud and Abuse Act.

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On this day in 1990, President George Herbert Walker "Poppy" Bush signs into law the Americans with Disabilities Act, thereby making it possible for his very own son, George "Dubya" Bush, to become the nation's first mentally retarded Preznit, only a decade later.

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On this day in 1991, a Florida police officer arrests Pee Wee Herman after watching him jerk off in a porno theater. Within hours, every last person on the planet - including people who had no idea who Pee Wee Herman was - are informed that Pee Wee Herman jerked off in a porno theater. For a while there, he was the designated Global Village Idiot.

Saturday, July 25, 2026

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 25


On this day in 1755, British governor Charles Lawrence and the Nova Scotia Council order the deportation of the Acadians. Thousands are sent to the British Colonies in America, France and England. Some later move to Louisiana, while others resettle in New Brunswick. That's what my ancestors did, anyway.

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On this day in 1946, America's military scientists detonate the first ever underwater atomic bomb off the Bikini atoll. Meanwhile, in Paris, a new two-piece swimsuit makes its debut at a fancy-shmancy fashion show. It's name? The Bikini! Coincidence? YOU BE THE JUDGE!

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On this day in 1965, folk singer Bob Dylan "goes electric" as he plugs in at the Newport Folk Festival, signaling a major change in folk and rock music. Some in the audience boo, but the world at large applauds. Figuratively speaking, of course.

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On this day in 1976, the Viking 1 probe takes the famous Face on Mars photo.

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On this day in 1978, the world's first "test tube baby", named Louise Brown, is born.

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On this day in 1984, Salyut 7 cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya becomes the first woman to perform a space walk!

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On this day in 1990, US Ambassador to Iraq April Glaspie tells Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein: "We have no opinion on your Arab-Arab conflicts, such as your dispute with Kuwait. Secretary Baker has directed me to emphasize the instruction, first given to Iraq in the 1960's, that the Kuwait issue is not associated with America." Four days later, Iraq invades Kuwait. A few months later, the United States bombs Iraq. BWAH-HA-HA-HA!!! Suckers!

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On this day in 1999, a conflagration - half barbarian self-affirmation, half banal suburban vandalism - erupts belch-like from the belly of a lost generation. The children of the seventies and eighties - the children of greed, selfishness and solipsism - have their Woodstock, and brother, it ain't pretty. Better to call it Altamont '99, or Woodstockalypse Now. It's pointless to compare the hellish negativity of Woodstock 99 with the benign goofiness of the one that came thirty years before, so why bother? There was public nudity at both events, sure, but the nudity of Woodstock 99 was confrontational, vile and pathetic... it stank of the peep-show booth. Look at me! Touch me! It's all about my tits and cock! Conservatives, of course, see in Woodstock 99 a confirmation of their prejudices. "You see?! THIS is what happens when you allow a counterculture to thrive!" But most of these kids were either born or raised during the greatest surge of social conservatism this nation has ever known. These kids who were setting fire to everything that would burn, these kids who were overturning cars, trucks and ambulances for the rush of it, these kids who looted concessions and sent merchants running for their lives, these are the bastard offspring of the dog-eat-dog, every-man-for-himself conservatism of Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. Brutal, narcissistic and numb. Woodstock is dead... long live Woodstock.

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On this day in 2010, WikiLeaks publishes classified documents about the War in Afghanistan, one of the largest leaks in U.S. military history.