PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 16

On this day in 622, the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) begins his Hijra - i.e. "schlep" - from Mecca to Medina, thus marking the beginning of the Islamic calendar.

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On this day in 1054, three Roman legates break relations between Western and Eastern Christian Churches through the act of placing an invalidly-issued Papal bull of Excommunication on the altar of Hagia Sophia during Saturday afternoon divine liturgy. Historians frequently describe the event as the start of the East–West Schism, splitting the Roman Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Christian churches.

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On this day in 1661, the first banknotes in Europe are issued by the Swedish bank Stockholms Banco, thus beginning the era of "paper money" that is working out so well for us all. I am referring, of course, to the recent revelation that putting 250 dollars into a Chase "savings account" will net you 12 cents a year in accumulated interest while costing you 4 dollars a month in assorted bank fees.

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On this day in 1790, the District of Columbia is established as the capital of the United States after signature of the Residence Act. After Vatican City and the City of London, it features one of the most conspiracy-spawning civil engineering layouts of any big city in the world.

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On this day in 1935, the world's first parking meter is installed in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

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On this day in 1945, the Atomic Age begins when the United States successfully detonates a plutonium-based test nuclear weapon near Alamogordo, New Mexico. The test site was named Trinity, after one of John Donne's Holy Sonnets, and Manhattan Project chief Robert Oppenheimer recalled a passage from the Hindu holy book, the Bhagavad-Gita: "Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." Heavy shit, and not without cause.

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On this day in 1948, the storming of the cockpit of the Miss Macao passenger seaplane, operated by a subsidiary of the Cathay Pacific Airways, marks the first aircraft hijacking of a commercial plane in history.

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On this day in the year 1951, a former member of the CIA’s psychiatry division unleashes on an unwitting public one of the greatest hypnotic trigger mechanisms ever created. That man is J.D. Salinger. The mechanism is his novel, The Catcher in the Rye, which was a favorite of at least three crazed "lone" gunmen: Sirhan Sirhan (who was involved in the assassination of RFK), Mark David Chapman (who assassinated John Lennon) and John Hinkley Jr (who tried to kill President Ronald Reagan on behalf of the Bush Crime Family)..

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On this day in 1969, the Apollo 11 rocket is launched at the moon. Sitting atop this rocket is the Lunar Module. On board are three men: Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong and Michael Collins. Armstrong and Aldrin will be the first human beings (that we know of) to walk on the lunar surface. Unfortunately for Collins, Commander Neil caught him trying to steal one of Buzz's Tang packets, and as punishment, was not allowed to leave the module. Collins is bitter to this very day, and vows that when he dies, his ghost will haunt the moon forever. Just kidding.

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On this day in 1979, Iraqi President Ahmed Hassan al-Bakr resigns and is replaced by Uncle Sam's Man in Baghdad... Saddam Hussein.

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On this day in 1994, fragments of the Shoemaker-Levy 9 comet smash spectacularly into Jupiter, poking huge holes in the giant planet's gassy atmosphere.

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On this day in 1999, there was absolutely nothing worth being suspicious about in relation to the small airplane crash that took the lives of pilot John Kennedy Jr, his wife Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy and sister-in-law Lauren Bessette. Nope... nothing at all worth being suspicious about.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 15

On this day in 1149, the reconstructed Church of the Holy Sepulchre is consecrated in Jerusalem.

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On this day in 1741, Russian explorer Aleksei Chirikov sights land in Southeast Alaska. He sends men ashore in a longboat, making them the first Europeans to visit Alaska.

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On this day in 1799, French military captain Pierre-Francois Bouchard discovers the Rosetta Stone in an Egyptian village. The large stone tablet is essentially a Greek/Egyptian translation dictionary using three scripts: Hieroglyphic, Demotic Egyptian and Greek. Greek being relatively well understood, the stone was the key to deciphering ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, including such rules of grammar as "feather before squiggly line, except after bird."

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On this day in 1869, everybody's third-favorite toast spread – margarine – is patented in Paris, for use as a butter substitute by the French Navy. It is neither healthier, nor is it better tasting, than butter, but it does serve nicely as an inexpensive lubricant for anal sex. How ironic, then, that it should be made with "rape seed oil."

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On this day in 1964, Republicans nominate arch-conservative, extremist Arizona senator Barry M. Goldwater for president, thus ensuring the election of Texas Democrat Lyndon B. Johnson by one of the widest margins in electoral history.

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On this day in 1974, Ohio morning news personality Christine Chubbuck goes on the air and says: "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide." She then pulled a .38 revolver out from underneath her desk, put it to her head and pulled the trigger, thus becoming the first person to commit live, publicly broadcast suicide.

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On this day in 1979, US President Jimmy Carter gives his so-called malaise speech, where he characterizes the greatest threat to the country as "this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our nation". Funny thing about that speech, not once does he use the word “malaise”.

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On this day in 1983, a terrorist attack is launched by Armenian militant organization ASALA at the Paris-Orly Airport in Paris, leaving 8 people dead and 55 injured. That’s right, Armenians! Betcha didn’t think they had it in ‘em!

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Preznit Dubya's "Total Information Awareness" guru John Poindexter – the biggest Big Brother yet – spent this day in 1987 telling lies to the Congress during the Iran-Contra hearings. He would ultimately be convicted of conspiracy, lying to Congress, defrauding the government, and destroying evidence in the still poorly-understood guns-for-drugs-for-hostages-for-blood scheme dreamed up in the White House basement during the Glorious Reign of Ronald, the Reagan.

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On this day in 1997, in Miami, Florida, serial killer Andrew Cunanan guns down world-famous fashion designer Gianni Versace outside his home.

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On this day in 2002, so-called "American Taliban" John Walker Lindh pleads guilty to supplying aid to the enemy and to possession of explosives during the commission of a felony. Meanwhile, in Pakistan, an anti-terrorism court hands down the death sentence to British born Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh and life terms to three others suspected of the videotaped beheading of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl.

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On this day in 2003, AOL Time Warner disbands Netscape. The Mozilla Foundation is established on the same day.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 25

On this day in 253, Pope Cornelius is beheaded – some say “martyred” – during the anti-Christian persecutions promoted by Emperor Decius near Rome, Italy.

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On this day in 1798, the then-Federalist USG passes the first part of the so-called Alien and Sedition Acts. Read this article to see how many disturbing modern-day parallels you can spot.

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On this day in 1876, Lieutenant Colonel George Armstrong Custer makes his legendary “Last Stand” during the Great Sioux War of 1876/77. He’s killed by forces led by Crazy Horse at the quasi-legendary Battle of the Little Bighorn, near Greasy Grass Creek in the Eastern Montana Territory.

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On this day in 1910, the United States Congress passes the Mann Act, which prohibits interstate transport of females for “immoral purposes”. The ambiguous language would be used to selectively prosecute people for years to come.

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On this day in 1947, the Diary of a Young Girl – better known as The Diary of Anne Frank – is first published.

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On this day in 1978, the rainbow flag representing Gay Pride is flown for the first time in the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade.

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On this day in 1996, the Khobar Towers bombing in Saudi Arabia kills 19 U.S. servicemen.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 23

On this day in 1611, the mutinous crew of Henry Hudson's fourth voyage sets Henry, his son and seven loyal crewmembers adrift in an open boat in what is now Hudson Bay, one of the harshest, most unforgiving bodies of water on the planet. They are never heard from again, obviously.

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On this day in 1713, French-speaking residents of Acadia are given one year to declare allegiance to the British Crown, or be forced to leave their homeland. Most refuse, and are forcibly deported.

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On this day in 1810, Illuminati bloodline family head John Jacob Astor forms the Pacific Fur Company. Evil ensues.

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On this day in 1960, the US FDA declares Enovid to be the first officially approved combined oral contraceptive pill in the world, taking yet another step in the engineering of human population levels.

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On this day in 1961, the Antarctic Treaty comes into force. It sets aside the Antarctic as a scientific preserve and bans military activity on the continent. Of course, this is only because the world elites want to hide a) the Mountains of Madness, b) the hole to the Hollow Earth, c) a secret alien base, d) the remains of a pre-catastrophic Atlantis, or e) all of the above.

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On this day in 1970, one-hit-wonder Chubby Checker is arrested for possession of marijuana. Twisting ensues.

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On this day in 1972, President Richard Nixon and White House Chief of Staff H.R. Haldeman are taped talking about using the CIA to obstruct the FBI’s investigation into the Watergate break-ins.

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On this day in 1985, a terrorist bomb aboard Air India flight 182 brings the Boeing 747 down off the coast of Ireland, killing all 329 aboard, including 268 Canadians, 27 British citizens and 24 Indians. It was the largest mass murder in Canadian history and the deadliest aviation disaster to ever occur over a body of water. Canadian law enforcement determined that the main suspects in the bombing were members of the Sikh militant group Babbar Khalsa and other related groups based in Canada. Though a handful of members were arrested and tried, Inderjit Singh Reyat, a Canadian resident, was the only person convicted of involvement in the bombing. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison for building the bombs.

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On this day in 1993, Lorena Gallo Bobbitt slices off the top of hubby John Wayne's cock and tosses it into an empty field. Late-night talk show hosts are only now allowing us to forget this sordid bit of sorry trivia.

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On this day in 2001, a Senior Executive Intelligence Brief with the title Bin Laden Attacks May Be Imminent is sent to top White House officials. This means President George W. Bush received the warning during the previous day’s President Daily Briefing. Also on this day a CIA cable is distributed with the title, Possible Threat of Imminent Attack from Sunni Extremists. The cable warns that there is a high probability of near-term “spectacular” terrorist attacks resulting in numerous casualties. 

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On this day in 2006, the Miami Seven are arrested in connection with an alleged Sears Tower Plot. Check out this classic Daily Dirt article - THE MIAMI SEVEN : TERROR CELL OR WU-TARD CLAN? - to find out more about this ridiculous "gimme" for the US DOJ.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 7

On this day in 1099, the Siege of Jerusalem begins during the First Crusade.

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On this day in 1892, “colored” passenger Homer Plessy is arrested for refusing to leave his seat in the "whites-only" car of a train. He would lose the resulting court case, Plessy v. Ferguson.

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On this day in 1893, the Mahatma, Mohandas Gandhi, begins his first act of civil disobedience. I think it involves collecting salt or some such thing.

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On this day in 1929, with the ratification of the Lateran Treaty, the Vatican becomes its own independent nation.

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On this day in 1955, President Dwight Eisenhower becomes the first President ever to appear on color television.

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On this day in the year 1965, Sony introduces the first video cassette recorder - the peer-to-peer file-swapping scandal of its day - priced at a whopping $995. Sales are almost non-existent until the late 70's, when millions of North American men suddenly realize that this miraculous new device allows them to masturbate while watching complete strangers fuck, all in the comfort of their own living room! Technology… HUZZAH!!!

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In a decision that has a direct influence on yer old pal Jerky’s ability to report on the item directly above this one, the United States Supreme Court overturns the conviction of Paul Cohen for disturbing the peace, setting the precedent that vulgar writing is protected under the First Amendment… thank Fuck!

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On this day in 1981, the Israeli Air Force destroys Iraq's Osiraq nuclear reactor during Operation Opera. For those of you still wondering why Saddam Hussein shot SCUD missiles towards Israel during the first Gulf War, wonder no more.

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On this day in 1982, Priscilla Presley opens Graceland to the public. Sadly, the bathroom where Elvis died five years earlier is kept off-limits.

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On this day in 1998, a mentally retarded man named James Byrd, Jr. is killed when white supremacists drag him behind a pickup truck along an asphalt road until he comes apart at the seams.

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On this day in 2006, an alleged Al Qaeda leader in Iraq named Abu Musab al-Zarqawi – they say he was directly responsible for beheading American hostages Nick Berg and Eugene Armstrong – is himself killed in an air-strike... although there are certain discrepancies and doubts.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 30

On this day in 1431, in Rouen, France, shortly after being captured by Burgundian troops in the English-occupied French region then known as Compiègne, the virgin-warrior "Maid of Orleans", Joan of Arc, is burned at the stake as a heretic. She was only 19 years old, but in the two years that she'd led a devoted army of rugged warriors to numerous impressive victories in the name of the Charles Dauphin (whom she lived to see crowned King of France), she had managed to transform the Hundred Years War into a religious war, terrifying superstitious English soldiers and inspiring French warriors to the point of fanaticism... which made her brutal execution all the more devastating to her many devoted admirers. Twenty-five years after her execution, an Inquisitorial court authorized by Pope Callixtus III examined the trial, pronounced her innocent and declared her a martyr. Joan was beatified in 1909, and canonized in 1920... Saint Joan, Patron Saint of France. Some modern historians think Joan fell prey to a plot by the very King Charles she'd helped to crown, because he wanted to make a deal with the Burgundians while she favored destroying them, militarily. It's impossible to know for sure at this point, but it does make for one hell of a story, that's for sure.

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On this day in 1778, renowned French philosopher and author François-Marie Arouet - better known as Voltaire - passes away at the tender age of 84. He is still widely read today, and his works still have the power to amuse, inspire, and offend, in equal measure. I recommend Candide, in which he rails hilariously against the naive philosophical optimism of Jean Jacques Rousseau and Leibniz.

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On this day in 1972, in Tel Aviv, Israel, members of the Japanese Red Army carry out the Lod Airport Massacre, killing 24 people and injuring 78 others, leaving everybody scratching their heads, wondering what in the high holy FUCK kind of gripe those Japanese goofs could possibly have against the Jews, anyway?!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 24

On this day in 1943, Nazi "Angel of Death" Josef Mengele becomes chief medical officer of the Auschwitz concentration camp, where he performed atrocious medical experiments on inmates, especially children and twins. After the end of the war, despite being one of the most hunted human beings in history, he manages to evade arrest, moving from Europe to South America under assumed identities, and some allege he continued his experiments, going so far as to create a "town of twins" in Brazil.

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On this day in 1970, drilling of the Kola Superdeep Borehole begins in the Soviet Union. Workers soon put down their tools and run off, however, when a microphone dropped down the miles-long shaft reveals the screams of the damned being tormented in Hell... or did it?

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On this day in 1991, Israel conducts Operation Solomon, evacuating thousands of Black Ethiopian Jews to Israel... where they are promptly treated like shit and forced to submit to sterilizing birth control injections.

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On this day in 1994, four men convicted of bombing the World Trade Center in New York in 1993 are each sentenced to 240 years in prison, making the WTC's Twin Towers totally safe for one and all, forever after.

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On this day in 2001, the floor of the third floor of the Versailles wedding hall in Jerusalem, Israel, falls away, killing 23 and injuring over 200. It is the worst civil disaster in Israel's history.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 17

On this day in 1642, French explorer Paul Chomedey de Maisonneuve founds the city of Montréal. Today, Montreal is the second most populous city in Canada after Toronto, and the fifteenth largest in North America. It contains the largest metropolitan French-speaking population outside of France and remains a vibrant cultural hub.

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On this day in 1792, the New York Stock Exchange is formed when the "Buttonwood Agreement" is signed by 24 stockbrokers outside of 68 Wall Street in New York, under a buttonwood tree.

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On this day in 1804, the historic duo of Lewis & Clark begin exploring the land acquired from Napoleon by Thomas Jefferson, in a sweetheart deal known as the Louisiana Purchase.

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On this day in 1902, Greek archaeologist Valerios Stais discovers the Antikythera mechanism, a fascinating ancient mechanical analog computer designed to calculate the positions of the planets and certain stars. The construction has been dated to the early 1st century BCE, and - according to establishment-approved historical record - technological artifacts of similar complexity did not reappear until the 14th century, when similar astronomical clocks were built in Europe.

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On this day in 1933, Vidkun Quisling and Johan Bernhard Hjort form Nasjonal Samling, the Nazi party of Norway. Hence the origins of "quisling" as an insult-word denoting an enthusiastic collaboration with evil.

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On this day in 1974, police in Los Angeles, California, raid the headquarters of the self-styled left-wing urban militant "revolutionary vanguard" terrorist group, the Symbionese Liberation Army, killing six members, including leader (and most likely CIA mind-control test subject) Donald "Cinque" DeFreeze and Camilla Hall, who was shot in the head while trying to give herself up to police. The raid remains one of the most vicious firefights in LAPD history... and that's saying something.

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On this day in 1978, Charlie Chaplin's coffin is discovered ten miles from the Swiss cemetery where the infamous director had recently been buried. An officer at the scene drops dead of a heart-attack when, upon opening the coffin to verify that Chaplin's remains were still present, a giant boxing glove shoots out and pops him a good one right in the chops. I'm kidding of course. Moving right along...

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On this day in 2004, Massachusetts becomes the first U.S. state to legalize same-sex marriage. Chaos ensues.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 16

On this day in 1918, the United States Congress passes the Sedition Act, which extended the Espionage Act of 1917 to cover a broader range of offenses, notably speech and the expression of opinion that cast the government or the war effort in a negative light, or interfered with the sale of government bonds. Basically, these laws made criticism of the American government an offense punishable by hefty fines and/or incarceration. The Espionage Act (an umbrella law that covered the later Sedition Act) was repealed by Congress in December of 1920. Democrat Woodrow Wilson was President during both enactment and repeal.

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On this day in 1943, after 28 days of bloody fighting, armed resistance by Jews in the Warsaw ghetto comes to an end as Nazi soldiers overwhelm the area.

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On this day in 1988, a report issued by United States' Surgeon General C. Everett Koop states that the addictive properties of nicotine are similar to those of heroin and cocaine. To be perfectly honest... he's very wrong about that.

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On this day in 1991, Queen Elizabeth II becomes the first British monarch to ever address the United States Congress. She spends most of the speech congratulating President George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush on his magnificent handling of the Gulf War in Iraq.

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On this day in 2005, Newsweek magazine retracts a story in which it was claimed that investigators had found evidence the Quran was desecrated by interrogators at the U.S. naval prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The story had sparked deadly protests in Afghanistan and elsewhere. Of course, despite the retraction, it's clear that the desecration did take place - that, and far, far worse - and that Newsweek cracked under pressure by The Powers That Be.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 14

On this day in 1607, the English colony of Jamestown, in the state of Virginia, is first settled. It was the first permanent English settlement in the New World, coming on the heels of some epic failures - like the Lost Colony of Roanoke - and would serve as capital of the colony for 83 years.

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On this day in 1643, Louis XIV becomes King of France upon the death of his father, Louis XIII. The Bourbon royal, popularly referred to as the Sun King, was only 4 years old at the time, enabling him to eventually become Europe's longest-reigning monarch, ruling France and Navarre for 72 years and 110 days.

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On this day in 1796, medical researcher Edward Jenner administers the first ever smallpox vaccination. Just imagine how thick that dull the syringes must have been back then... Ugh.

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On this day in 1948, in the city of Tel Aviv, Jewish Agency chairman David Ben-Gurion declares: "We hereby proclaim the establishment of the Jewish state in Palestine, to be called Israel." Within hours, Israel is repelling military attacks from pretty much all of its neighbors.

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On this day in 1955, the nations of Bulgaria, Hungary, East Germany, Poland, Romania, the Soviet Union and Czechoslovakia sign a mutual defense treaty. They call themselves the Warsaw Pact.

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On this day in 1970, the Red Army Faction, or RAF, is established in Germany by Andreas Baader, Gudrun Ensslin, Horst Mahler, and Ulrike Meinhof. The RAF described itself as a communist and anti-imperialist "urban guerrilla" group engaged in armed resistance against what they deemed to be a fascist state. Their terrorist activities mostly consisted of attempts to free jailed members of their gang using violent means. They eventually hook up with the Socialist Patient's Collective, or SPK, a real bunch of nutters who believed that "illness as the protest against capitalism and considering illness the anticipation of the human species that does not yet exist but that should be created through illness." As such, they took a hard-line stance against capitalism... and doctors. I'm not kidding. In their own documents - some of which were co-written by respected French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre! - they proclaimed themselves to be staunchly "pro-illness." You couldn't make up this crap if you tried.

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On this day in 1984, Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg is born. That's right... the fucker ain't even 50 years old yet. How's that Mac'N'Cheese taste, amigo?

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On this day in 1995, the Dalai Lama proclaims 6-year-old Gedhun Choekyi Nyima to be the eleventh reincarnation of Panchen Lama, thereby proving that, contrary to popular supposition, Tibetan Buddhism isn't any more enlightened than any other world religion.

ON THIS DAY IN PARA-CULTURE, JUNE 4

On this day in 1760, British Loyalists from New England arrive in Nova Scotia, claiming the land as their own, despite the fact that said land had already been occupied by the French-speaking Acadians for over two hundred years. Yeah, my ancestors also got screwed by the British. A lot of that going around, it seems.

On this day in 1783, France's Montgolfier brothers launch the first-ever hot-air balloon.


On this day in 1913, suffragette Emily Davison runs out in front of King George V's horse at the Epsom Derby and is promptly trampled. She never regains consciousness and dies a few days later. Six years later to the day, the U.S. Congress approves the 19th Amendment to the American Constitution, guaranteeing suffrage (i.e., the vote) to American women.

On this day in 1939, the MS St. Louis, a ship carrying 963 Jewish refugees, is denied permission to land in Florida, after already being turned away from Cuba. Forced to return to Europe, more than 200 of its passengers would later die in Nazi concentration camps.


On this day in 1984, American singer/songwriter Bruce Springsteen releases the most mis-understood song in the history of rock: Born in the USA.

On this day in 1986, spy Jonathan Pollard pleads guilty to espionage for selling top secret United States military intelligence to Israel. He is currently serving a life sentence. Check out his Wikipedia page for a hilarious account of the Israeli reaction to Pollard's treatment. Un-fucking-believable.

On this day in 1989, the Ayatalloh Ruhullah Khomeini of Iran dies of internal bleeding at the age of 86. That same day, Iran's Assembly of Experts choose Ali Khamenei to be the new Supreme Leader of Islamic republic of Iran.

On this day in 1998, Tim McVeigh's bomb-buddy Terry Nichols is sentenced to 161 consecutive life sentences for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing that claimed 168 lives (including 19 children). He is currently serving his time in ADX SuperMax in Florence, Colorado, on "Bomber's Row" with Ted "Unabomber" Kaczynski and Ramzi "Bojinka" Yousef.

ON THIS DAY IN PARA-CULTURE, MAY 30

On this day in 1431, in Rouen, France, shortly after being captured by Burgundian troops in the English-occupied French region then known as Compiègne, the virgin-warrior "Maid of Orleans", Joan of Arc, is burned at the stake as a heretic. She was only 19 years old, but in the two years that she'd led a devoted army of rugged warriors to numerous impressive victories in the name of the Charles Dauphin (whom she lived to see crowned King of France), she had managed to transform the Hundred Years War into a religious war, terrifying superstitious English soldiers and inspiring French warriors to the point of fanaticism... which made her brutal execution all the more devastating to her many devoted admirers. Twenty-five years after her execution, an Inquisitorial court authorized by Pope Callixtus III examined the trial, pronounced her innocent and declared her a martyr. Joan was beatified in 1909, and canonized in 1920... Saint Joan, Patron Saint of France. Some modern historians think Joan fell prey to a plot by the very King Charles she'd helped to crown, because he wanted to make a deal with the Burgundians while she favored destroying them, militarily. It's impossible to know for sure at this point, but it does make for one hell of a story, that's for sure.

On this day in 1778, renowned French philosopher and author François-Marie Arouet - better known as Voltaire - passes away at the tender age of 84. He is still widely read today, and his works still have the power to amuse, inspire, and offend, in equal measure. I recommend Candide, in which he rails hilariously against the naive philosophical optimism of Jean Jacques Rousseau and Leibniz.

On this day in 1972, in Tel Aviv, Israel, members of the Japanese Red Army carry out the Lod Airport Massacre, killing 24 people and injuring 78 others, leaving everybody scratching their heads, wondering what in the high holy FUCK kind of gripe those Japanese goofs could possibly have against the Jews, anyway?!

ON THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICS, MAY 17

On this day in 1642, French explorer Paul Chomedey de Maisonneuve founds the city of Montréal. Today, Montreal is the second most populous city in Canada after Toronto, and the fifteenth largest in North America. It contains the largest metropolitan French-speaking population outside of France and remains a vibrant cultural hub.

On this day in 1792, the New York Stock Exchange is formed when the "Buttonwood Agreement" is signed by 24 stockbrokers outside of 68 Wall Street in New York, under a buttonwood tree.

On this day in 1804, the historic duo of Lewis & Clark begin exploring the land acquired from Napoleon by Thomas Jefferson, in a sweetheart deal known as the Louisiana Purchase. 

On this day in 1902, Greek archaeologist Valerios Stais discovers the Antikythera mechanism, a fascinating ancient mechanical analog computer designed to calculate the positions of the planets and certain stars. The construction has been dated to the early 1st century BCE, and - according to establishment-approved historical record - technological artifacts of similar complexity did not reappear until the 14th century, when similar astronomical clocks were built in Europe.

On this day in 1933, Vidkun Quisling and Johan Bernhard Hjort form Nasjonal Samling, the Nazi party of Norway. Hence the origins of "quisling" as an insult-word denoting an enthusiastic collaboration with evil.

On this day in 1974, police in Los Angeles, California, raid the headquarters of the self-styled left-wing urban militant "revolutionary vanguard" terrorist group, the Symbionese Liberation Army, killing six members, including leader (and most likely CIA mind-control test subject) Donald "Cinque" DeFreeze and Camilla Hall, who was shot in the head while trying to give herself up to police. The raid remains one of the most vicious firefights in LAPD history... and that's saying something. 

On this day in 1978, Charlie Chaplin's coffin is discovered ten miles from the Swiss cemetary where the infamous director had recently been buried. An officer at the scene drops dead of a heart-attack when, upon opening the coffin to verify that Chaplin's remains were still present, a giant boxing glove shoots out and pops him a good one right in the chops. I'm kidding of course. Moving right along... 

On this day in 2004, Massachusetts becomes the first U.S. state to legalize same-sex marriage.

ON THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICS, MAY 14

On this day in 1607, the English colony of Jamestown, in the state of Virginia, is first settled. It was the first permanent English settlement in the New World, coming on the heels of some epic failures - like the Lost Colony of Roanoke - and would serve as capital of the colony for 83 years. 

On this day in 1643, Louis XIV becomes King of France upon the death of his father, Louis XIII. The Bourbon royal, popularly referred to as the Sun King, was only 4 years old at the time, enabling him to eventually become Europe's longest-reigning monarch, ruling France and Navarre for 72 years and 110 days.

On this day in 1796, medical researcher Edward Jenner administers the first ever smallpox vaccination. Just imagine how thick that dull the syringes must have been back then... Ugh.

On this day in 1948, in the city of Tel Aviv, Jewish Agency chairman David Ben-Gurion declares: "We hereby proclaim the establishment of the Jewish state in Palestine, to be called Israel." Within hours, Israel is repelling military attacks from pretty much all of its neighbors.

On this day in 1955, the nations of Bulgaria, Hungary, East Germany, Poland, Romania, the Soviet Union and Czechoslovakia sign a mutual defense treaty. They call themselves the Warsaw Pact.

On this day in 1970, the Red Army Faction, or RAF, is established in Germany by Andreas Baader, Gudrun Ensslin, Horst Mahler, and Ulrike Meinhof. The RAF described itself as a communist and anti-imperialist "urban guerrilla" group engaged in armed resistance against what they deemed to be a fascist state. Their terrorist activities mostly consisted of attempts to free jailed members of their gang using violent means. They eventually hook up with the Socialist Patient's Collective, or SPK, a real bunch of nutters who believed that "illness as the protest against capitalism and considering illness the anticipation of the human species that does not yet exist but that should be created through illness." As such, they took a hard-line stance against capitalism... and doctors. I'm not kidding. In their own documents - some of which were co-written by respected French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre! - they proclaimed themselves to be staunchly "pro-illness." You couldn't make up this crap if you tried.

On this day in 1984,  Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg is born. That's right... the fucker ain't even 30 years old yet. How's that Mac'N'Cheese taste, amigo?

On this day in 1995, the Dalai Lama proclaims 6-year-old Gedhun Choekyi Nyima to be the eleventh reincarnation of Panchen Lama, thereby proving that, contrary to popular supposition, Tibetan Buddhism isn't any more enlightened than any other world religion.

Oh, and today is also World Naked Gardening Day. Just thought you'd want to know.

ZIZEK JOINS THE GROWING CHORUS OF INTELECTUALLY RIGOROUS APOCALYPTIC ANGST

THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICAL HISTORY - APRIL 20

On this day in 1939, Adolf Hitler's 50th birthday is celebrated as a national holiday in Nazi Germany. Six years later, in 1945, Hitler makes his final trip to the surface of the Fuehrerbunker in order to award Iron Crosses to boy soldiers of the Hitler Youth. After returning underground, he would never resurface alive.

On this day in 1968, English C/conservative politician Enoch Powell -- who looks like a Monty Python parody of an English C/conservative politician -- makes his controversial "Rivers of Blood" speech, in which he claims that "in 15 or 20 years time, the black man will have the whip hand over the white man", and that allowing immigration from "colored" lands was like "watching a nation busily engaged in heaping up its own funeral pyre." The following video is a documentary about the speech, its ramifications and legacy.

On this day in 1978, Soviet fighter jets open fire on Korean Air Flight 902, killing two passengers and forcing an emergency landing on a frozen lake. The Soviet government claimed that the plane, which had invaded Soviet airpace, had not replied to requests for indentification, but Korean Air released tapes that showed the pilots had, indeed, identified themselves.

On this day in 1998, the left-wing German terrorist group Red Army Faction, also known as Baader-Meinhof, announces its dissolution after 28 years. Seeing as most of the terrorist attacks attributed to them (and many other left-wing European groups) were actually committed under the aegis of Gladio, a clandestine fascist remnant, they needn't really have bothered. This documentary is a good starting point if you want to understand the truth about the evolution of Western Civilization in the latter half of the 20th century.

On this day in 1999, the Columbine High School massacre occurs when psychopharmaceutically saturated high school nihilists Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold kill 12 classmates and one teacher -- injuring 24 others -- before committing suicide in Jefferson County, Colorado. To this day, eye-witnesses claim there was a third shooter, and compelling evidence supports this assertion.

WHO IS FETHULLAH GULEN?

The Man, the Movement, the Gule-Meister!

You've probably never heard of him, but Mohammed Fethullah Gülen is one of the most controversial and divisive - yet profoundly influential - mainstream Islamic personalities to emerge in recent decades. He remains a veritable institution in his homeland, Turkey, despite having fled to Pennsylvania after being brought up on charges of encouraging the dismantling of Turkey's secular government in order to replace it with a state built upon an Islamic foundation. There he remains to this day, in a veritable fortress on a 45-acre estate in the Keystone State's mountainous Pocono region.

Gülen has amassed an estimated $25 billion fortune over the years, most of it from media properties and other investments. However, much of that fortune stems from the vast number of charter schools he has established all over the world. Currently, Gülen schools can be found in 25 of America's 50 states - usually with innocuous names like "Bumblebee Academy" - and the FBI has recently launched an investigation into the movement's suspicious fiscal practices and alleged visa abuse.

Much has been written about Gülen over the years, most of it ridiculously contradictory. For instance, despite its vocal stance against all forms of terrorism, many Western sources have portrayed the Gülenist movement as anti-Semitic and anti-Western, calling it a dangerous proselytizing force that seeks to "Islamize" the Christian West. Socially conservative and far-right periodicals in Europe have gone so far as to claim Gülen is a new Khomeini, devoted to the resurrection of the Ottoman Empire and even the establishment of a global caliphate... a "New Islamic World Order".

The Islamic world sees a very different Gülen. To conservative Islamic public intellectuals, Gülen is an agent of the the Western intelligence aparat, an American puppet, a tool of the Vatican and a Zionist patsy. They see the "kinder, gentler" Islam being preached in Gülenist schools throughout the Middle East and claim it is an attempt to soften or "Christianize" Islam in order to make it more docile, thus rendering the region easy pickings for the Western power elites who are pulling Gülen's strings. 

In Turkey, despite his substantial following, Gülen has enemies on both sides of the fence. Conservatives side with the hard-line Islamist view, while the nation's substantial secularist segment sees this "imam in exile" and his movement as a clear and present danger to Turkey's long, proud history of separation between Mosque and State. 

Meanwhile, Turkey's ruling AK (Justice and Development) Party has fostered close ties with the Gülenist movement, and those who criticize from the secularist perspective are beginning to feel the pinch. In recent weeks, Turkish police have jailed anti-Gülenist journalist Ahmet Sik, raided his lawyer's and publisher's offices and seized every existing copy of the unfinished manuscript of his book, The Imam's Army, much to the dismay of global free press advocates Reporters Without Borders. 

The court order that launched these lightning raids was issued on the grounds that Sik's book was "a document that clearly makes the propaganda of a terrorist organization," in reference to Turkey's hugely controversial and ironically byzantine Ergenekon meta-conspiracy - as dense and complex a conspiracy as your humble bloggist has ever tried to wrap his head around. This, of course, does little to allay fears that much of Turkey's police and judiciary are currently under the sway of Gülen and his cronies.

What does the future hold for Mohammed Fethullah Gülen and the movement he created? Because Turkey is - and for the foreseeable future will remain - one of the most strategically important areas in the world, it is the duty of every concerned citizen to pay attention to what is going on there. Alert readers need not be reminded that Turkey isn't alone in its use and abuse of the "terrorist" label to undermine critics of The Powers That Be. Recognizing this does not legitimize the practice. Rather, it should serve to remind us that these recent developments are not a Turkish problem, but a human problem.

In any case, one thing is certain: Mohammed Fethullah Gülen is a force to be reckoned with, and we should all be paying closer attention.

Friends in High Places...