PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 5

On this day in 1456, in a case of closing the barn door after the horses have escaped, the tractor has been stolen and the barn, itself, has been reduced to kindling, a tribunal declares Joan of Arc to be innocent of the crimes for which she was burned at the stake.

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Happy birthday to John Paul Jones, born on this day in 1747! John Paul was the sea-going hero who uttered the immortal words: "I have not yet begun to fight." John Paul also stunned the scientific community when he went on to play bass for Led Zeppelin, even though he was well into his two-hundred-and-thirties. Way to keep on rockin' JPJ!

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On this day in 1811, Venezuela becomes the first South American country to declare independence from Spain. Always the trouble-makers, aren't they?

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On this day in 1830, France invades Algeria, and they all live happily ever after! Well... at least until this day in 1962 when, after years of bloody revolt, Algeria gains its independent from France. Huzzah!

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On this day in 1865, some Jesus-freak by the name of William Booth founds The Christian Mission, which would later be renamed The Salvation Army. They may eventually come to regret that name-change, as rumor has it that former Preznit Dubya once considered the possibility of deploying these bell-ringing pan-handlers to Iraq.

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On this day in 1944, the Ringling Brothers Circus lives up to its stated goal of providing the "Greatest Show on Earth" when their big-top catches fire in Hartford, Connecticut. 170 people are roasted to their deaths in the infernal conflagration, giving new meaning to the old showbiz term, SHOWSTOPPER!

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On this day in 1975, tennis player Arthur Ashe becomes the first - and last - black man to win the Wimbledon singles title. He then went on to die of AIDS. Coincidence? Pfeh! Don't make me laugh.

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On this day in 1989, twenty five years ago, the sitcom Seinfeld airs its first episode on NBC. All together now: "WHAT?!?!"

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On this day of the year 2014, half the back yards in America stink of spent gunpowder, cheap beer and boozy hot-dog vomit. Don't worry about it, though... they say it's good for the lawn!

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On this day in 1054, in a corner of the dark night sky, there is a bright white flowering. It shines for 23 days. The people of that era have no way to know that it is their privilege to be watching that rarest of cosmic spectacles: the death of a star. The super-nova actually happened 6000 years prior to its being witnessed by human eyes. Today, the resulting cloud of post-collapse debris is known as the Crab Nebula.

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On this day in 1776, the United States Declaration of Independence is adopted by the Second Continental Congress. Happy Birthday, USA!

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On this day in 1826, second American President John Adams and third American President Thomas Jefferson both pass on to that big White House in the sky. Exactly five years later, in the year 1831, fifth American President James Monroe also dies. Timing your death to coincide with the fourth of July? Talk about PATRIOTISM!

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On this day in 1888, in the hot and dusty burg of Prescott, Arizona, the first ever organized rodeo competition is held. Unfortunately, videotape didn't exist at the time, so we can only experience Billy-Joe Tuller's horrific, 15 minute goring at the horns of Sir Stomps-a-Lot through eye-witness accounts.

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On this day in 1910, African-American boxer Jack Johnson knocks out white boxer Jim Jeffries in a heavyweight boxing match sparking race riots across the United States.

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On this day in 1918, Bolsheviks kill Tsar Nicholas II of Russia and his family at the Winter Palace.

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On this day in 1966, after making sure to destroy all the documents linking him to President Kennedy's assassination, President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Freedom of Information Act.

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On this day in 1969, two teens (one male, one female) are attacked at Blue Rock Springs in California. They are the second (known) victims of the Zodiac Killer. The male survives.

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On this day in 1976, Israeli commandos raid Entebbe airport in Uganda, rescuing all but four of the passengers and crew of an Air France jetliner seized by Palestinian terrorists.

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On this day in 2004, the cornerstone of the Freedom Tower is laid on the site of the World Trade Center in New York City.

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On this day in 2012, the discovery of particles consistent with the Higgs boson at the Large Hadron Collider is announced at CERN.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 3

On this day in 987 AD, some Frenchie by the name of Hugh Capet is crowned King of France. He is the first of the Capetian dynasty that would rule over France until the French Revolution deposed them in 1792.

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On this day in 1608, the city of Quebec is founded by Samuel de Champlain, making it one of the oldest cities in North America. Also, the ramparts surrounding the Old Quebec region are the only still standing city walls that exist north of Mexico. It’s a great place to visit. Y’all should go sometime.

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On this day in 1754, American Revolutionary General George Washington surrenders Fort Necessity to French forces during the French and Indian Wars.

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On this day in 1819, the Bank of Savings in New York City, the first savings bank in the United States, opens.

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On this day in 1844, the last pair of Great Auks - a kind of clumsy, North Atlantic penguin - is killed.

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On this day in 1884, Dow Jones and Company publishes its first stock average.

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On this day in 1886, Karl Benz officially unveils the Benz Patent Motorwagen – the first purpose-built automobile.

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On this day in 1886, the New York Tribune becomes the first newspaper to use a linotype machine, eliminating typesetting by hand.

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On this day in 1939, baseballer Lou Gehrig makes his "luckiest man alive" speech at Yankee Stadium. This, despite the fact that he was suffering from Lou Gehrig's Disease, which would soon take his life. Imagine, dying of a disease whose name you share! What are the frickin' odds?!

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On this day in the year 1969, Rolling Stone guitarist Brian Jones drowns in his pool. When told about the tragedy, Keith Richards says: "Brian who?"

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On this day in 1971, Jim Morrison - frontman and founder of The Doors - dies of heart failure in a bathtub in Paris. Fussy Parisians take his death as a confirmation of the long-held superstition that bathing can kill you.

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On this day in 1979, U.S. President Jimmy Carter signs the first directive for secret aid to the opponents of the pro-Soviet regime in Kabul.

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On this day in 1988, the United States Navy shoots down an Iran Air jetliner over the Persian Gulf, killing all 290 civilians on board. Oops!

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On this day in 1996, the Stone of Scone is returned to Scotland.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 2

On this day in 1777, Vermont becomes the first American territory to abolish slavery.

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On this day in 1839, twenty miles off the coast of Cuba, 53 rebelling African slaves led by Joseph Cinqué take over the slave ship Amistad. Spielberg eventually makes a movie about it.

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On this day in 1881, Charles J. Guiteau shoots and fatally wounds U.S. President James Garfield, who eventually dies from an infection on September 19.

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On this day in 1897, Italian scientist Guglielmo Marconi obtains a patent for radio in London.

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On this day in 1934, the Night of the Long Knives ends with the death of Brownshirts leader Ernst Röhm.

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On this day in 1937, an over-ambitious Amelia Earhart disappears over the Pacific ocean while attempting to be the first woman to circumnavigate the globe, inadvertently proving once and for all that chicks have no sense of direction.

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On this day in 1950, the Ed Wood science fiction classic Plan 9 From Outer Space debuts in a single Hollywood theater. One of the worst films ever made, it still beats the hell out of Battlefield Earth.

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On this day in 1962, the first ever Wal-Mart store opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas.

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On this day in 1964, US President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act of 1964 meant to prohibit segregation in public places. At the time, LBJ said "The Democrats have just lost the South for a generation." Turns out he was under-estimating the damage by a couple generations.

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On this day in 1966, the French military explodes a nuclear test bomb code-named Aldébaran in Mururoa, their first nuclear test in the Pacific.

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On this day in 1976, after the fall of "free" South Vietnam, Communist North Vietnam declares their union to form the Socialist Republic of Vietnam.

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On this day in 1986, Rodrigo Rojas and Carmen Gloria Quintana are burnt alive during a street demonstration against the dictatorship of General Augusto Pinochet in Chile.

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On this day in 2000, Vicente Fox Quesada is elected the first President of México from an opposition party, the Partido Acción Nacional, after more than 70 years of continuous rule by the Partido Revolucionario Institucional.

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On this day in 2001, the AbioCor self-contained artificial heart is first implanted.

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On this day in 2002, millionaire adventurer Steve Fossett becomes the first person to fly solo around the world nonstop in a balloon.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 1

On this day in 1862, the United States Congress passes a law which makes polygamy a crime. Thankfully, screwing around behind your wife's back remains perfectly legal, if risky.

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On this day in 1867, the Dominion of Canada is forged from the provinces of New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Ontario and Quebec. So wash down a bacon sandwich and a plate of poutine with a bottle of Moosehead. Or don't. It's entirely up to you.

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On this day in 1879, the first ever edition of the Jehovah’s Witness magazine The Watchtower is published by Charles Taze Russell.

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On this day in 1899, the Gideon Society is established with the stated goal of getting a bunch of crazy Christian folks to sneak a copy of the Holy Bible into every hotel room in the land, in the hopes that doing so will guarantee their ascent into heaven after they die… the poor, deluded fools.

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On this day in 1903, the first ever Tour de France bicycle race is run.

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On this day in 1908, SOS - short for "Save Our Souls" - is adopted as the international distress signal.

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On this day in 1963, ZIP Codes are introduced for United States mail. This will make it infinitely easier for the elites to herd us all into camps, when the time comes to do so.

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On this day in 1967, the European Community is formally created out of a merger with the Common Market, the European Coal and Steel Community, and the European Atomic Energy Commission.

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On this day in 1968, the CIA's Phoenix Program is officially established. It expressly targets North Vietnamese civilians for terrorization by covert forces, and is thus quite evil and not fondly remembered.

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On this day in 1968, the Nuclear non-proliferation treaty is signed in Washington, D.C., London and Moscow by sixty-two countries. Proliferation continues apace, regardless.

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On this day in 1980, O Canada officially becomes the national anthem of Canada. The song is already over 100 years old by this point in time.

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On this day in 1981, the Wonderland Murders occurr in the early morning hours, allegedly masterminded by businessman and drug dealer Eddie Nash and partially committed by pornography legend John Holmes.

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On this day in 1987, President Ronald Reagan nominates right-wing extremist Robert Bork for the United States Supreme Court. Thankfully the Democratic-controlled Senate has the good sense to reject this bug-eyed reactionary freak, and turned his last name into a verb. "Bork! Bork! Bork!"

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On this day in 1991, the Warsaw Pact is officially dissolved at a meeting in Prague.

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On this day in 2002, the International Criminal Court is established to prosecute individuals for genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and the crime of aggression.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 30

On this day in 1882, American preacher, lawyer, political writer and spurned stalker Charles J. Guiteau is hanged by the neck until dead in Washington DC after being found guilty of assassinating US President James Garfield, who died eleven weeks after Guiteau shot him.

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On this day in 1905, world historic genius physicist Albert Einstein publishes the article On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies, in which he introduces special relativity. Very few people understand it, to this very day.

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On this day in 1908, a gigantic, gaseous fireball slams into the Siberian tundra at Tunguska, leveling trees for thousands of square miles. Some folks claim the incident was actually a UFO crash-landing, while others believe the explosion was caused by a small asteroid. Personally, I believe that there was a lot more to it than just that. Something... strange and otherworldly, perhaps.

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The so-called Night of the Long Knives took place on this day in 1934. Himmler, Goering and Goebbels convince Hitler that he needs to get rid of Ernst Roehm, who controlled the 3 million-strong Sturm Abteilung Brownshirt militia, without which Hitler probably would not have been able to seize power in Germany in the first place. Roughly 400 Nazi party members, including Roehm, are killed in the purge, which is only revealed to the German public half a month later.

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On this day in 1966, the United States' largest feminist organization - the National Organization for Women, or NOW - is founded in Washington DC. Today, it has over half a million dues paying members in over five hundred chapters all across the USA.

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On this day in 1971, the three-man crew of the Soviet Soyuz 11 spacecraft is killed during an accidental catastrophic depressurization event, causing their air supply to escape through a faulty valve coupling. Theirs remain the only human deaths in outer space (as opposed to the high atmosphere deaths of those killed in Space Shuttle missions).

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On this day in 1987, the Royal Canadian Mint introduces Canada’s new $1 coin to replace the paper banknote. Canadians immediately start referring to it as the Loonie, after the aquatic bird that graces one side of it.

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On this day in 1997, the United Kingdom transfers sovereignty over Hong Kong to the People's Republic of China. In hindsight, the transition appears to have gone off without a hitch or hiccup, and Hong Kong residents enjoy a certain degree of autonomy and freedom of expression not allowed to their mainland compatriots to this very day.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 29

On this day in the year 1149, the Crusader army of Raymond of Antioch is defeated by the Syrian army of Nur ad-Din at the Battle of Inab. After the battle, Raymond was beheaded by Shirkuh, uncle of the legendary Saladin, who then placed Raymond’s head in a silver box and sent it to the Caliph of Baghdad as a gift. 

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On this day in 1520, after attempting and failing to get his people to stop fighting back against Cortez and his Conquistadors, Moctezuma II, ruler of the Aztecs, is either stoned to death by his disgusted subjects or murdered by Cortez over his crappy negotiating skills. The truth is lost to history.

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On this day in 1864, a train passing through Mont St. Hilaire in the province of Quebec fails to acknowledge a stop signal and falls through an open swing bridge, plunging into the Richelieu River and killing 99 mostly German and Polish immigrants. It remains Canada’s worst rail disaster on record.

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On this day in 1881, Sudanese religious leader Muhammad Ahmad declares himself to be the Mahdi, the Messiah of Islamic prophecy, destined to rule for seven years during which time he would redeem the Islamic faith and rid the world of evil in preparation for the Day of Judgment. Unfortunately, he died a mere four years later.

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On this day in 1940, the USA passes the Smith Act, also known as the Alien Registration Act. This act set criminal penalties for “advocating the overthrow of the government.” Just over two hundred people were indicted under this legislation – mostly communists and a few fascists – until a number of Supreme Court decisions reversed many of the convictions. The statute is still technically on the books. 

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This day in 1946 was known as the “Black Shabbat” in Israel – then still known as Palestine – when British soldiers and police execute Operation Agatha, arresting 2700 members of such extremist Jewish groups as Haganah, Palmach, the Stern Gang and Irgun. While many of the targeted groups get the message and settle down, Irgun retaliates by bombing the King David Hotel. With a death toll of 91 victims, it remains, to this day, Israel’s worst terrorist bombing.

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On this day in 1967, actress Jayne Mansfield is killed in a horrific automobile wreck. Also killed in the crash is Mansfield’s abusive boyfriend/manager Sam Brody, who had recently been “cursed” by Church of Satan honcho Anton LaVey. Mansfield, who was an enthusiastic supporter of LaVey’s Church, was apparently just collateral damage.

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On this day in 1978, actor Bob Crane of Hogan’s Heroes fame is found bludgeoned to death in his apartment in Scottsdale, Arizona. In the years leading up to his death, Crane had begun videotaping his sexual escapades with the help of a Sony sales executive. In an ironic twist, police believe Crane was bludgeoned to death with a video camera tripod. His murder remains unsolved.

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On this day in 1995, the Sampoong Department Store collapses in Seoul, South Korea, killing 501 and injuring a thousand more.

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On this day in 2002, naval clashes between South Korea and North Korea lead to the death of six South Korean sailors and sinking of a North Korean vessel. Meanwhile, in the United States, Vice President Dick Cheney becomes “acting President” for two and a half hours while George W. Bush undergoes a colonoscopy.

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On this day in 2007, Apple enters the mobile phone market with their hugely popular iPhone line of products. 

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On this day in 2008, Thomas Beatie, the world's first pregnant man, gives birth to a daughter.

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On this day in 2009, financier and former NasDaq chairman Bernard Madoff receives a 150-year sentence – the maximum possible penalty – for his multibillion-dollar fraud scheme. In a recent letter to his daughter, Madoff bragged that he was being treated “like a Mafia Don” by both his fellow inmates and the staff at FCI Butner Medium Security Facility where he is serving out his sentence.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 28

On this day in 1820, brave colonel Robert Gibbon Johnson disproved the myth that tomatoes are poisonous by eating a crate of them on the courthouse steps in Salem, New Jersey. Today, the typical American consumes about 80 pounds of tomatoes per year (true fact!) most of it in "sauce" or "salsa" form.

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On this day in the year 1914, Austria's Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife, Sophia, are gunned down by a Serbian nationalist lunatic in the middle of a busy street in Sarajevo, thereby starting a little scrap the old-timers used to call World War One. That war would last five years to the DAY, ending with the Treaty of Versailles, which was signed in Paris on this day in 1919.

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On this day in 1964, Malcolm X forms the Organization of Afro-American Unity.

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On this day in 1969, the Stonewall Riots begin in New York City marking the start of the Gay Rights Movement.

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On this day in 1994, members of the Aum Shinrikyo cult release sarin gas in Matsumoto, Japan. Seven people are killed and 660 injured. The cult still exists, and it is now known as Aleph.

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On this day in 1975, at the Western Open, golfer Lee Trevino is hit by a bolt of lightning. I don't have a joke to go with this factoid, I just enjoy thinking about golfers getting hit by lightning. PEE-OW! Man, that must sting!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 27

On this day in 1844, Mormon founder Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum are lynched (shot) by an angry mob outside a Carthage, Illinois jailhouse. To this day, some believe that a man who tried to decapitate the cult leader's corpse with a knife was prevented from doing so by a lightning bolt, but yer old pal Jerky suspects that story is bullshit.

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On this day in 1971, after only three years in business, rock promoter Bill Graham closes the Fillmore East in New York, New York, the "Church of Rock and Roll", but no before Frank Zappa and the Mothers record Fillmore East '71 there! Iridescent Naugahyde, baby!

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On this day in 1954, the CIA - using money, propaganda, weapons and personnel - overthrows the democratically elected government of Guatemala, installing some of the most profoundly evil fuckers in the hemisphere in their stead. The Powers That Be consider this a great moral victory.

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On this day in 1990, author Salman Rushdie - condemned to death by Iran's Ayatollah Khomeni for penning the "blasphemous" novel, The Satanic Verses - contributes $8600 to help earthquake victims in Iran. Unfortunately for Salman, Iran's leaders saw through his little good-will ploy and refused to revoke the fatwah.

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On this day in 1995, stammering sex symbol Hugh Grant and street-walking cocksucker Divine Brown are arrested by the LAPD for expressing their love for each other in the front seat of Grant's white BMW.

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On this day in 2001, people start saying some very disturbing things about quasi-autistic, sexually ambiguous "comedienne" Paula Poundstone when she's arrested for "lewd conduct with a minor". The media kept discussing it until the terrorist attacks of 9/11, after which they stop. Soon thereafter, she pleads guilty to a lesser charge, and the details of her indictment are never disclosed to the public.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 26

On this day in the year 1945, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Prime Minister Winston Churchill's plot to replace the doomed League of Nations with a new international organization to force their pinko-liberal agenda on ostensibly free nations in the postwar world came one step closer to reality when representatives from fifty nations gathered in the Herbst Theater auditorium in San Francisco (figures!) to sign the United Nations charter. The charter called for the U.N. to enforce international treaties, promote vile socialist programs, destroy national sovereignty by establishing international law, promote the dubious and sinister notion of so-called "human rights," and terrify many fine, upstanding Americans by building secret concentration camps right under our noses and flying black helicopters over empty fields throughout the Homeland's Heartland. Despite this endless parade of crimes against freedom and the Lord God Jesus, since 1945, the Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to the United Nations, its organizations and officials a grand total of ten times, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that this shadowy cabal of egg-head Swedes are totally in cahoots with these fascistic, would-be international overlords.

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On this day in 1948, things were looking bleak in post-war Europe. The Soviet Union, upset over having been cut out of the decision-making process regarding Germany's economic future, had recently taken the rather bold, bullying move of imposing a military blockade, choking off all roads and rail-lines leading into the city of West Berlin, which was located entirely within the Soviet-controlled, East German zone of occupation. Figuring it would be bad form to spark World War III so soon after the end of World War II, President Harry Truman put the kaibosh on his Joint Cheifs of Staff, who recommended military retaliation. He opted instead to institute a massive airlift effort, flying in food, supplies and -- we can be pretty sure about this -- decks of cards with nekkid ladies on 'em to the city besieged. It was a public relations master-stroke that pretty much glued a black hat on the USSR, as far as Cold War role-playing game was concerned.

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On this day in 1974, the Universal Product Code (UPC) stripey-bar thingy is scanned for the first time to sell a package of Wrigley's chewing gum at the Marsh Supermarket in Troy, Ohio. Next up? RFIDs!

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On this day in 1975, two FBI agents and a member of the American Indian Movement (AIM) are killed in a shootout on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota. Leonard Peltier is later convicted of the murders in a controversial trial.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 25

On this day in 253, Pope Cornelius is beheaded – some say “martyred” – during the anti-Christian persecutions promoted by Emperor Decius near Rome, Italy.

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On this day in 1798, the then-Federalist USG passes the first part of the so-called Alien and Sedition Acts. Read this article to see how many disturbing modern-day parallels you can spot.

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On this day in 1876, Lieutenant Colonel George Armstrong Custer makes his legendary “Last Stand” during the Great Sioux War of 1876/77. He’s killed by forces led by Crazy Horse at the quasi-legendary Battle of the Little Bighorn, near Greasy Grass Creek in the Eastern Montana Territory.

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On this day in 1910, the United States Congress passes the Mann Act, which prohibits interstate transport of females for “immoral purposes”. The ambiguous language would be used to selectively prosecute people for years to come.

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On this day in 1947, the Diary of a Young Girl – better known as The Diary of Anne Frank – is first published.

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On this day in 1978, the rainbow flag representing Gay Pride is flown for the first time in the San Francisco Gay Freedom Day Parade.

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On this day in 1996, the Khobar Towers bombing in Saudi Arabia kills 19 U.S. servicemen.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 24

On this day in 1374, a sudden outbreak of St. John's Dance causes people in the streets of Aachen, Germany, to experience hallucinations and begin to jump and twitch uncontrollably until they collapse from exhaustion.

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On this day in 1497, English explorer John Cabot lands in North America at Newfoundland, leading the first European exploration of the region since the Vikings.

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On this day in 1604, French explorer Samuel de Champlain discovers the mouth of the Saint John River, site of Reversing Falls and the present day city of Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada.

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On this day in 1717, the Premier Grand Lodge of England, the first Masonic Grand Lodge in the world (now known as the United Grand Lodge of England), is founded in London, England. Is there no mercy for the widow's son?

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On this day in 1880, the first ever performance of O Canada, the song that would become the national anthem of Canada, at the Congrès national des Canadiens-Français.

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On this day in 1916, Canadian cutie Mary Pickford becomes the first female film star to sign a million dollar contract.

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On this day in 1947, the first widely reported UFO sighting is reported by Kenneth Arnold near Mount Rainier, Washington. Read all about it, in his own words.

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On this day in the year 1963, the first ever videotape recorder is demonstrated before a rapt audience at BBC Studios in London... and thus, the first, tentative steps in the Great Pornpgraphy Revolution are taken.

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On this day in 1997, at a United Nations Earth Summit, the leaders of various island nations describe an apocalyptic scenario of flooded islands and submerged cities unless swift action is taken to curb Global Warming. Good thing we got right on that!

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On this day in 1611, the mutinous crew of Henry Hudson's fourth voyage sets Henry, his son and seven loyal crewmembers adrift in an open boat in what is now Hudson Bay, one of the harshest, most unforgiving bodies of water on the planet. They are never heard from again, obviously.

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On this day in 1713, French-speaking residents of Acadia are given one year to declare allegiance to the British Crown, or be forced to leave their homeland. Most refuse, and are forcibly deported.

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On this day in 1810, Illuminati bloodline family head John Jacob Astor forms the Pacific Fur Company. Evil ensues.

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On this day in 1960, the US FDA declares Enovid to be the first officially approved combined oral contraceptive pill in the world, taking yet another step in the engineering of human population levels.

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On this day in 1961, the Antarctic Treaty comes into force. It sets aside the Antarctic as a scientific preserve and bans military activity on the continent. Of course, this is only because the world elites want to hide a) the Mountains of Madness, b) the hole to the Hollow Earth, c) a secret alien base, d) the remains of a pre-catastrophic Atlantis, or e) all of the above.

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On this day in 1970, one-hit-wonder Chubby Checker is arrested for possession of marijuana. Twisting ensues.

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On this day in 1972, President Richard Nixon and White House Chief of Staff H.R. Haldeman are taped talking about using the CIA to obstruct the FBI’s investigation into the Watergate break-ins.

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On this day in 1985, a terrorist bomb aboard Air India flight 182 brings the Boeing 747 down off the coast of Ireland, killing all 329 aboard, including 268 Canadians, 27 British citizens and 24 Indians. It was the largest mass murder in Canadian history and the deadliest aviation disaster to ever occur over a body of water. Canadian law enforcement determined that the main suspects in the bombing were members of the Sikh militant group Babbar Khalsa and other related groups based in Canada. Though a handful of members were arrested and tried, Inderjit Singh Reyat, a Canadian resident, was the only person convicted of involvement in the bombing. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison for building the bombs.

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On this day in 1993, Lorena Gallo Bobbitt slices off the top of hubby John Wayne's cock and tosses it into an empty field. Late-night talk show hosts are only now allowing us to forget this sordid bit of sorry trivia.

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On this day in 2001, a Senior Executive Intelligence Brief with the title Bin Laden Attacks May Be Imminent is sent to top White House officials. This means President George W. Bush received the warning during the previous day’s President Daily Briefing. Also on this day a CIA cable is distributed with the title, Possible Threat of Imminent Attack from Sunni Extremists. The cable warns that there is a high probability of near-term “spectacular” terrorist attacks resulting in numerous casualties. 

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On this day in 2006, the Miami Seven are arrested in connection with an alleged Sears Tower Plot. Check out this classic Daily Dirt article - THE MIAMI SEVEN : TERROR CELL OR WU-TARD CLAN? - to find out more about this ridiculous "gimme" for the US DOJ.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 22

On this day in 1633, the Roman Catholic Church forces Galileo Galilei to disavow his theory that the Earth orbits around the Sun, rather than vice-versa. Three hundred and sixty years later, in 1992, the Vatican admits it made a mistake, and that Galileo was right. Which leads yer old pal Jerky to wonder... how long do you think it will be before they finally admit to making up all that GOD crap in order to keep the rabble in line?

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On this day in 1783, a poisonous cloud created by the eruption of the Laki volcanic fissure system in Iceland reaches the French mainland. All told, six million people around the world would die due to Laki’s multiple eruptions over a two year period, making it the deadliest volcanic event in history.

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On this day in 1813, after learning of American plans for a surprise attack on Beaver Dams in Ontario, Canada, a plucky gal by the name of Laura Secord sets out on a 30 kilometer journey on foot to warn Lieutenant James FitzGibbon. Chocolate ensues.

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On this day in the year 1847, Captain Hanson Gregory took the top of a round tin pepper box and pressed it down into one of his mother's uncooked miniature fried cakes, creating the world's first doughnut! Today, doughnuts are considered a separate food group in Canada, and they make up roughly 35% of the average police officer's diet.

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On this day in 1941, in one of the worst missteps of World War II, Hitler’s Germany invades the Soviet Union in Operation Barbarossa. Needless to say, things do NOT go Hitler’s way.

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On this day in 1954, in Christchurch, New Zealand, Pauline Parker and Juliet Hulme murder Pauline's mother by caving in her skull with a rock. This they do because they believe dear old mum is interfering in their “close” friendship. In 1994, Peter Jackson made a movie about it - Heavenly Creatures – which also introduced Kate Winslet to the world.

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On this day in 1956, playwright Arthur Miller defies the House Committee on Un-American Activities by refusing to "name names," as they used to call it.

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On this day in 1969, the incredibly polluted Cuyahoga River catches fire – yep, you read right, a RIVER caught fire – in northeast Ohio. It is one of those watershed moments (no pun intended) that called attention to ecological concerns and led to an increase in environmental awareness the world over.

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On this day in 1978, American astronomer James W. Christy discovers Charon, a satellite of the dwarf planet Pluto. Creepy name for a creepy moon!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 21

On this day in 1948, Columbia Records introduces the long-playing record album (LP) in a public demonstration at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York, New York, thus ushering in the era of the deleriously pompous excesses of Progressive Rock and "concept albums".

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On this day in the year 1964, three civil rights workers - Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Chaney - disappear while driving back to New York in the middle of the night. 44 days later, their dead bodies are discovered in an earthen dam where their Klan-affiliated murderers, including some members of the local constabulary, had buried them. What did these three men do to deserve such a fate? They were getting black folks to register for the vote in Mississippi.

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On this day in 1969, homosexual icon Judy Garland dies in London at the age of 47, in a freak avalanche. Seems she was singing in the shower when she hit a high note that triggered a chain reaction, sending all the pills in her medicine cabinet plunging into the bathroom, crushing her.

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On this day in 1982, would-be Reagan assassin John Hinckley Jr is found not guilty by reason of insanity. The fact that he’s the son of one of the people who financed George Herbert Walker “Poppy” Bush’s bid for the Republican nomination just a few years earlier - a bid he lost to Reagan - probably helped him out a bit, don't you think? Seriously folks, read the information contained at the given link. You'll be amazed, if you aren't already aware of these facts.

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On this day in 2004, Paul Allen and Burt Rutan’s SpaceShipOne becomes the first privately funded spaceplane to achieve spaceflight. Spacewow, that’s, like, totally spaceawesome!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 20

On this day in 1782, the US Congress adopts the Great Seal of the United States, using a design that is fairly dripping with occult significance. Read all about it.

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On this day in 1793, inventor Eli Whitney applies for a patent on his cotton gin, but regulators prove reluctant when they find out you can't drink it. Not without getting cottonmouth, anyway.

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On this day in 1837, Queen Victoria succeeds to the British throne, thus kicking off the Victorian Era.

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On this day in 1840, inventor Samuel Morse receives the patent for his telegraph machine. Therefore, Di-di-di-dit Di-dah Di-dah-dah-dit Di-dah-dah-dit Dah-di-dah-dah, Dah-di-di-dit Di-dit Di-dah-dit Dah Di-di-di-dit Dah-di-dit Di-dah Dah-di-dah-dah Dah-di-dah-di-dah-dah!

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On this day in 1945, the United States Secretary of State approves the transfer of great big Nazi Wernher von Braun and his team of great big Nazi rocket scientists to America, where they all lived happily ever after.

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On this day in 1963, leaders from the United States and the Soviet Union agree to set up a telephone "Hot Line" to guarantee instant communication at all times, in case of a nuclear emergency. Less than one year later, Stanley Kubrick would have a fictional President Merkin Muffley hilariously inform a drunken Premiere Kissoff that one of his generals… "well, he went a little funny… funny in the head. And he did a silly thing." The film is Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, and the President was played by the legendary Peter Sellers, in the absolute funniest one-sided telephone conversation ever caught on film. If you haven't seen this movie yet, what are you waiting for? You think art isn't important? Now more than ever, folks… now more than ever.

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On this day in 1972, an 18½-minute gap appears in the tape recording of the conversations between U.S. President Richard Nixon and his advisers regarding the recent arrests of his operatives while breaking into the Watergate complex.

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On this day in 2003, the WikiMedia Foundation is founded in St. Petersburg, Florida. Its most popular website, Wikipedia, always ranks in the Top Ten most visited websites worldwide, and has become a legitimate source of information.

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On this day in 2009, during protests of the Iranian election, a lady named Neda Agha-Soltan is shot and killed by a pro-government Basij militia member. Her death was captured on video and it spread virally on the Internet, making it one of the most widely witnessed deaths in all of human history. The Iranian government's behavior in the wake of Neda's death is perhaps the best evidence the world has that said nation is run by some of the nastiest assholes around.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 19

Happy JUNETEENTH, everybody! On this day in 1862, US Congress prohibits slavery in United States, nullifying Dred Scott v. Sandford. News of the Emancipation Proclamation only reached slaves in Galveston, Texas, three years later to the day, on this day in 1865. The anniversary of this day is still officially celebrated in Texas and 13 other states as Juneteenth!

"No man can put a chain around the ankle of his fellow man without at last finding the other end fastened about his own neck." - Frederick Douglass

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On this day in the year 240 BC, some old Greek dude by the name of Eratosthenes correctly estimates the circumference of the Earth to within a few dozen miles. Pretty impressive!

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On this day in 1934, the Communications Act establishes the Federal Communications Commission, still widely reviled as the FCC. Above you will find a little ditty from Monty Python’s Eric Idle that expresses many people’s feelings towards that particular institution…

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On this day in 1953, husband and wife communist spy team Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are both executed at Sing Sing prison, in New York, for giving the Soviets technical information about how to make a nuclear bomb that accelerated their efforts in that regard by roughly one full year, according to one Congressional study.

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On this day in 1954, the Taz the Tasmanian Devil makes his debut in the Warner Bros. cartoon: Devil May Hare! Today, millions of steroid-shooting, raisin-ball’d goons have adopted the whirling freak as an avatar of sorts, stamping his likeness on everything from muscle-shirts to vehicle mud-flaps. Anyone whose favorite Warner Bros. cartoon character is "Taz" is a person that you should try to avoid.

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The first ever Garfield comic strip is published on this day in 1971. It still holds the Guinness World Record for the world's most widely syndicated comic strip. 

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On this day in 1982, the body of God's Banker, Roberto Calvi is found hanging beneath Blackfriars Bridge in London. The story of his downfall involves the Mafia, the Vatican, the CIA and the Freemasons. Folks, things simply do NOT get any more conspiratorial than this story.

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On this day in 1991, the USSR ends its occupation of Hungary. Some really top-notch pornography ensues.

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On this day in 1981, the heaviest known orange in the history of the world – weighing in at an impressive five pounds – is exhibited in Nelspruit, South Africa. Meanwhile, on that same day in India, the APPLE communications satellite is launched into orbit. Apples and oranges! A coincidence? Yeah, right…

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 18

On this day in 1178, five Canterbury monks see what is possibly the Giordano Bruno crater being formed when they spot a huge explosion taking place on the surface of the Moon. Here's how they described what they saw:

“From the midpoint of the division a flaming torch sprang up, spewing out, over a considerable distance, fire, hot coals and sparks. Meanwhile the body of the Moon which was below writhed, as it were in anxiety, and to put it in the words of those who reported it to me and saw it with their own eyes, the Moon throbbed like a wounded snake. Afterwards it resumed its proper state. This phenomenon was repeated a dozen times or more, the flame assuming various twisting shapes at random and then returning to normal. Then, after these transformations, the Moon from horn to horn, that is along its whole length, took on a blackish appearance.”

I don’t know about you guys, but that would have freaked the hell OUT of me if I'd seen that.

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On this day in 1812, the US Congress declares war on the United Kingdom. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1945, English-speaking pro-German propaganda broadcaster William Joyce - more infamously known as Lord Haw-Haw - is charged with treason. When you go back and listen to his broadcasts, they're actually no more seditious or objectionable than what you can hear on AM talk radio 24 hours a day from the likes of Michael "the Savage" Wiener, panic-mongering pants-wetting phony Glenn Beck, and right-wing radio's clown prince, Rush Limbaugh.

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On this day in 1873, infamous rabble-rousing suffragette Susan B. Anthony is fined 100 dollars for attempting to vote during the previous year's Presidential elections.

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On this day in 1928, aviatrix Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to cross the Atlantic by air. But don't let too excited, ladies... it was as a passenger this time.

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On this day in 2006, Kazakhstan launches their first ever satellite into orbit. That's right, you read right... Kazakhstan, of Central Asian dictatorship infamy, has access to space-faring technology. I mean, it's not as bad as if it had been Turkmenistan, but still!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 17

On this day in 1631, Mumtaz Mahal dies during childbirth. Her grief-stricken husband, Mughal emperor Shah Jahan I, will spend the next 17 years building her mausoleum, a little building you and I know as… the Taj Mahal.

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On this day in 1856, the Republican Party opens its first national convention in Philadelphia. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1885, sculptor Frederic Auguste Bartholdi’s colossal neoclassical statue, the Statue of Liberty, arrives in New York Harbor in pieces aboard the French steamer ship Isere, a gift to the American people from the nation of France.

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On this day in 1939, the final public execution in France takes place when convicted murderer Eugen Weidmann is guillotined before an unruly crowd of gawkers in Versailles, France, just outside the Saint-Pierre prison. The execution was surreptitiously filmed from an apartment adjacent to the prison. That fact, combined with the crowd’s unruly behavior, caused French President Albert Lebrun to pass legislation stipulating that all future executions were to take place behind closed doors. The guillotine would continue chopping off heads until September of 1977, when it was used to dispatch Tunisian immigrant Hamida Djandoubi, who had been convicted of torturing, then murdering, his girlfriend.

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Happy Birthday to the plucky, eccentric island nation of ICELAND, which declared its independence from Denmark on this day in 1944!

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Also celebrating a birthday today is the WAR ON (some) DRUGS, which was launched by President Richard Nixon on this day in 1971!

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On this day in 1994, the world watches on CNN as OJ Simpson leads the LAPD on the most infamous police chase in history. Yes, that's right... this is the 19th anniversary of Bloody Orenthal's abortive "excape" attempt! Can you believe it?! Quothe Uncle John's Band: "Where does the time go?"

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 16

On this day in the year 1755, the Loyalist Colonel Moncton and his army attack and defeat the Acadian enclave of Fort Beausejour on Canada's east coast. After that, it all turns nasty for yer old pal Jerky's ancestors. Within weeks, the Brits are burning down Acadian homes and crops, slaughtering and stealing livestock, and otherwise making a real mess of the place. Towards the end of that long, hot summer, the Brits decide they'd rather not have any French-speaking neighbors. So they round them up, load them onto rickety boats, steal their few remaining possessions, and ship over three-quarters of the Acadian population madly off in all directions. "Anywhere but here" was their motto. Most of the deportees ended up in Louisiana, where they invented Cajun cooking and taught themselves to talk funny for tourists.

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On this day in 1816, leading Romantic movement figure Lord Byron issues a challenge to his four house guests at the Villa Diodati. His proposal, that he, Percy Shelley, Mary Shelley, Claire Clairmont, and John Polidori each write a tale to terrify the others, culminates in Mary Shelley writing the novel Frankenstein, Polidori writing the short story The Vampyre, and Byron writing the poem Darkness.

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On this day in 1883, at the Victoria Hall theatre in Sunderland, England, the audience at a Fay Family Children’s Variety Show were told that there would be door prizes for children who held tickets bearing a particular number. In the ensuing mad dash for free goodies, an incredible 183 children had the life squeezed out of them as they were crushed against a heavy iron door bolted in such a manner as to only allow one child through at a time.

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This day in 1904 is the day on which all the fictional events in James Joyce's ground-breaking novel Ulysses supposedly take place. Literary wanks call this day Bloomsday, while the Irish call it... Wednesday.

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On this day in 1911, the Computing-Tabulating-Recording Company is founded in the city of Endicott, New York. The company would switch to the much more memorable International Business Machines, or IBM, in 1924.

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In the history of the US Open golf tournament, only 21 holes-in-one have ever been sunk. Four of them happened on this day in 1989 when Weaver, Wiebe, Pate and Price all sink the sixth hole on a single shot.

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On this day in 2010, the South Asian nation of Bhutan becomes the first country in the world to institute a total ban on the cultivation, harvesting, production, and sale tobacco.