PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 14

On this day in 1533, Conquistadors from Spain under the leadership of Francisco Pizarro arrive in Cajamarca, Inca Empire.

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On this day in 1851, author Herman Melville's epic novel Moby Dick is first published. It's the story of one man's quest to find a gigantic snow-white penis-shaped beast called a "Sperm Whale" so he can repeatedly thrust his harpoon into it. I mean, seriously... who the fuck was this Melville cat trying to kid?! Kinda makes yer old pal Jerky think that maybe "Call me, Ishmael" wasn't an introduction so much as an invitation!

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On this day in 1910, aviator Eugene Burton Ely performs the first take off from a ship in Hampton Roads, Virginia. He took off from a makeshift deck on the USS Birmingham in a Curtiss pusher.

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On this day in 1967, American physicist Theodore Maiman is given a patent for his ruby laser systems, the world's first laser.

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On this day in the year 1973, Britain's Princess Anne injects some much-needed chromosomal chlorine into the British Royal Family's gene pool when she marries "a common commoner," Captain Mark Phillips of Her Majesty's Royal Fusilier Brigade or whatever.

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On this day in 1979, US President Jimmy Carter issues Executive order 12170, freezing all Iranian assets in the United States in response to the hostage crisis.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 13

On this day in 1947, the Soviet Union completes development of the AK-47, one of the first proper assault rifles.

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On this day in 1956, the Supreme Court of the United States declares Alabama laws requiring segregated buses illegal, thus ending the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

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On this day in the year 1974, nuclear power-plant employee Karen Silkwood was run off the road by parties unknown while coming home from a union meeting where she discussed serious breaches in plant safety with concerned officials. By the time police stumbled across the accident, incriminating documents she was known to be carrying had disappeared.

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On this day in 1974, Ronald DeFeo, Jr. murders his entire family in Amityville, Long Island in the house that would become known as The Amityville Horror.

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On this day in 1981, Maya Lin's haunting, controversial Vietnam memorial is dedicated in Washington, DC. In twenty-two short years, the memorial - two black granite walls inscribed with the names of the 57,939 American soldiers killed or missing in the Vietnam war - has gone from being called "a tombstone" by critics who thought it was an "antiwar mockery," to being one of America's most holy places. Before each name etched on the wall is a symbol. A diamond signifies death, while a cross signifies Missing In Action/Prisoner Of War. As the deaths of various MIA/POW’s were confirmed, lines were etched over the crosses to make them diamonds. If they returned alive, circles were etched around the crosses. There are far too few circled crosses.

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On this day in 2001, in the first such act since World War II, US President George W. Bush signs an executive order allowing military tribunals against foreigners suspected of connections to terrorist acts or planned acts on the United States.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 12

Thirteen years ago today, during the post-election storm in the year 2000, the following information was posted at www.bushwatch.com, and promptly ignored. Seeing as the questions raised by the incident described below have never been properly addressed, yer old pal Jerky thought he might as well bring it up again, if only for memory's sake:

As you are aware heavily Republican Seminole County Florida was the last to finish its mandatory recount. The margin was down to about 229 and Seminole County votes added another 98 (net) to Bush. The reason for Seminole County's delay is that they voluntarily provided the complete recount, INCLUDING REJECTED BALLOTS, sought in Palm Beach etc. Yesterday afternoon local TV news carried pictures and an interview with a member of the Seminole County election board (Supervisor of Elections?) and local REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN DAN MICA who was present and interviewed. They were running each individual ballot through the voting machines. ANY BALLOT THE MACHINE REJECTED WAS THEN EXAMINED BY HAND, AND IF THE "WILL OF THE VOTER" COULD BE DETERMINED, THEY PREPARED A NEW BALLOT TO REPLACE THE ORIGINAL REJECTED BALLOT AND ADDED THIS NEWLY CREATED BALLOT TO THE COUNT. Naturally in a county Bush carried almost 2-1 this resulted in a net increase of Bush votes. Now in the Republican Seminole County Florida, under the leadership of CONGRESSMAN DAN MICA (R-Fla) acting on behalf of Bush.. The REJECTED VOTES WERE EXAMINED AND ADDED TO THE OFFICIAL TOTALS. If the Bush camp thinks that it is proper to examine by hand the rejected votes in Republican Seminole County Florida, AND to SUBSTITUTE NEW BALLOTS FOR THOSE REJECTED, how can this possibly be PROPER when done in Seminole County Florida and then be IMPROPER when done in Palm Beach County Florida? 

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Also on this day, in the year 1933, surgeon Hugh Gray takes the first known photograph of the Loch Ness Monster. Recently, high-resolution digital enhancements of the image revealed that the so-called monster was really just legendary TV funny-man Milton Berle doing the backstroke.

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On this day in 2002, Iraq agrees to the terms of the UN Security Council Resolution 1441.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 11

On this day in 1215, the Catholic Church inaugurates the doctrine of transubstantiation as detailed in the Fourth Lateran Council, convened by Pope Innocent III. Transubstantiation is the tenet that the bread and wine of the Eucharist actually and literally change into the flesh and blood of Jesus Christ during the ritual of communion. This, yer old pal Jerky supposes, means that all practicing Catholics are cannibals.

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On this day in 1500, Louis XII of France and Ferdinand II of Aragon agree to divide the Kingdom of Naples between them.

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On this day in 1675, Gottfried Leibniz demonstrates integral calculus for the first time to find the area under the graph of y = ƒ(x).

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On this day in 1831, in Jerusalem, Virginia, Nat Turner is hanged after inciting a violent slave uprising.

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On this day in 1864, Sherman's March to the Sea – Union General William Tecumseh Sherman begins burning Atlanta, Georgia to the ground in preparation for his march south.

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On this day in 1880, Australian bushranger Ned Kelly is hanged at Melbourne Gaol.

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On this day in 1887, anarchist “Haymarket Martyrs” August Spies, Albert Parsons, Adolph Fischer and George Engel are executed.

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On this day in 1918, Germany signs an armistice agreement with the Allies in a railroad car in the forest of Compiègne, France. The fighting officially ends at 11:00 a.m., (the eleventh hour in the eleventh month on the eleventh day) and this is annually honoured with a two-minute silence. The war officially ends on the signing of the Treaty of Versailles on 28th June, 1919.

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On this day in 2004, the Palestine Liberation Organization confirms the death of Yasser Arafat from "unidentified causes". Mahmoud Abbas is elected chairman of the PLO minutes later.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 10

On this day in 4004 BC, Adam and Eve were chased out of Paradise after having their immortality revoked by a raging JEHOVAH, after daring to taste of the fruit on the Tree of Knowledge. And that's the reason why you and I must one day die.

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On this day in 1580, after a three-day siege, the English Army beheads over 600 Papal soldiers and civilians at Dún an Óir, Ireland. Ouch.

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On this day in 1619, French philosopher René Descartes has the dreams that inspire his Meditations on First Philosophy.

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On this day in 1793, a Goddess of Reason is proclaimed by the French Convention at the suggestion of Chaumette.

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On this day in the year 1801, yet another in a series of never ending blows to our precious personal freedoms takes place, as the state of Kentucky votes unanimously to outlaw dueling. Those fascist BASTARDS!!! Somebody call Charlton Heston!

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On this day in 1871, Henry Morton Stanley locates missing explorer and missionary, Dr. David Livingstone in Ujiji, near Lake Tanganyika, famously greeting him with the words, "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"

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On this day in 1898, beginning of the Wilmington Insurrection, the only instance of a municipal government being overthrown in US history. Something tells me it won't be the last.

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On this day in 1969, National Educational Television (the predecessor to the Public Broadcasting Service) in the United States debuts the children's television program Sesame Street.

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On this day in 1975, the 729-foot-long freighter SS Edmund Fitzgerald sinks during a storm on Lake Superior, killing all 29 crew on board. There's a pretty good song about it.

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On this day in 1975, United Nations Resolution 3379: United Nations General Assembly approves a resolution equating Zionism with racism (the resolution is repealed in December 1991 by Resolution 4686).

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On this day in 1979, a 106-car Canadian Pacific freight train carrying explosive and poisonous chemicals from Windsor, Ontario, Canada derails in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada just west of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, causing a massive explosion and the largest peacetime evacuation in Canadian history and one of the largest in North American history. If you've ever read novelist Don Delillo's incredible novel White Noise, it was kind of like that.

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On this day in 1989, German citizens begin to bring the Berlin wall down

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On this day in 1995, in Nigeria, playwright and enviroemental activist Ken Saro-Wiwa, along with eight others from the Movement for the Survival of the Ogoni People, are hanged by government forces, and Shell Oil doesn't do dick to stop it. As a matter of fact...

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 On this day in 2007, hereditary "royal" King Juan Carlos of Spain tells Venezuela's democratically elected president Hugo Chávez to “shut up”, which is pretty fucking annoying, all things considered.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 9

On this day in 1494, the Medici family is expelled from Florence.

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On this day in 1620, Pilgrims aboard the Mayflower sight land at Cape Cod, Massachusetts.

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On this day in 1872, the Great Boston Fire starts raging.

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On this day in 1888, Mary Jane Kelly is murdered in London, widely believed to be the fifth and final victim of the notorious unidentified serial killer Jack the Ripper.

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On this day in 1906, Theodore Roosevelt is the first sitting President of the United States to make an official trip outside the country. He did so to inspect progress on the Panama Canal.

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On this day in 1913, the Great Lakes Storm, the most destructive natural disaster ever to hit the lakes, destroys 19 ships and kills more than 250 people.

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On this day in 1938, Nazi German diplomat Ernst vom Rath dies from the fatal gunshot wounds of Jewish resistance fighter Herschel Grynszpan, an act which the Nazis used as an excuse to instigate the 1938 national pogrom, also known as Kristallnacht (the Night of Shattering Glass).

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On this day in 1960, Robert McNamara is named president of Ford Motor Co., the first non-Ford to serve in that post. A month later, he resigned to join the administration of newly elected John F. Kennedy.

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On this day in the year 1965, investigative reporter Dorothy Kilgallen is found dead in her apartment - sitting bolt-upright, fully dressed, in bed - shortly after returning from Dallas where she had interviewed Jack Ruby as part of her investigation into the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Kilgallen was widely known as one of the stars of the long-running What's My Line? television series. Folks, if the Powers That Be don't mind offing somebody as well-known and well-regarded as Dorothy Kilgallen was, imagine how safe they feel when they're putting the kibosh on a relative nobody like you!

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On this day in 1967, the first issue of Rolling Stone Magazine is published.

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On this day in 1979, NORAD computers and the Alternate National Military Command Center in Fort Ritchie, Maryland detect a purported massive Soviet nuclear strike. After reviewing the raw data from satellites and checking the early warning radars, the alert is cancelled. Phew!

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On this day in 1989, the Berlin Wall comes tumbling down. The formerly deprived citizens of communist East Germany are elated to finally have access to the glorious, freedom-embracing music of David Hasselhoff!

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 On this day in 1993, Stari Most, the "old bridge" in Bosnian Mostar built in 1566, collapses after several days of bombing. It has since been re-built. Gorgeous thing, isn’t it? Look up to see it…

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 8

On this day in 1519, Hernán Cortés enters Tenochtitlán and Aztec ruler Moctezuma welcomes him with a great celebration.

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On this day in 1901, bloody clashes take place in Athens following the translation of the Gospels into demotic Greek. Of all the reasons to riot… 

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On this day in 1917, the People's Commissars give authority to Vladimir Lenin, Leon Trotsky, and Joseph Stalin. Trotsky soon falls out of favor, however, and gets an ice pick to the forehead.

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On this day in 1923, Hitler’s Beer Hall Putsch takes place in Munich, where he leads the Nazis in an unsuccessful attempt to overthrow the German government.

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On this day in 1937, the Nazi exhibition Der ewige Jude ("The Eternal Jew") opens in Munich.

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On this day in 1960, John F. Kennedy defeats Richard Nixon in one of the closest presidential elections of the twentieth century to become the 35th president of the United States.

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On this day in 1973, the right ear of John Paul Getty III is delivered to a newspaper together with a ransom note, convincing his father to pay 2.9 million USD.

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On this day in 2002, UN Security Council Resolution 1441 – The United Nations Security Council unanimously approves a resolution on Iraq, forcing Saddam Hussein to disarm or face "serious consequences". The brutal irony being, of course, that Iraq had already disarmed, and that the US was going to invade no matter what... the bully only beating up his victim once he'd tied both the victim's hands behind his back.

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On this day in 2004, more than 10,000 U.S. troops and a small number of Iraqi army units participate in a siege on the insurgent stronghold of Fallujah. It's a freaking massacre and a war crime. But nobody gives a fuck.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 7

On this day in 1665, the London Gazette, the oldest surviving journal, is first published.

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On this day in 1874, a cartoon by Thomas Nast in Harper's Weekly, is considered the first important use of an elephant as a symbol for the United States Republican Party.

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On this day in 1907, Jesús García saves the entire town of Nacozari de Garcia, Sonora by driving a burning train full of dynamite six kilometers (3.7 miles) away before it can explode.

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On this day in 1908, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid are reportedly killed in San Vicente, Bolivia.

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On this day in 1916, Jeannette Rankin is the first woman elected to the United States Congress.

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On this day in 1918, an influenza epidemic spreads to Western Samoa, killing 7,542 (about 20% of the population) by the end of the year.

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On this day in 1929, in New York City, the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) opens to the public.

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On this day in 1944, Franklin D. Roosevelt elected for a record fourth term as President of the United States of America. 

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On this day in the year 1967, President Lyndon Johnson signs a bill establishing the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. So if you've ever so much as glanced at Big Bird, you owe LBJ, big time.

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On this day in 1991, hoop star Magic Johnson tells the world that he contracted the HIV virus due to his promiscuous lifestyle. A sympathetic nation asks: "Why couldn't it have been (insert the name of somebody you hate)?!"

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On this day in 1999, Van Halen tells Gary Cherone - whom they had brought in to replace Sammy Hagar, whom they had brought in to replace David Lee Roth, whom they brought in to replace Sonny Bono - to pack his bags and take his copious talents elsewhere. The move came as no surprise to fans of the venerable rock combo, seeing as their one album with the former Xtreme frontman turned out to be a commercial and artistic disaster.

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On this day in 2000, Al Gore defeats George W. Bush in the US presidential elections, but the Bush Crime Family sees to it that he never gets to sit in the Oval Office. So, basically, this day in the year 2000 is basically the day on which all of our current troubles began.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 6

On this day in 1528, shipwrecked Spanish conquistador Álvar Núñez Cabeza de Vaca becomes the first known European to set foot in the area that would become Texas.

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On this day in 1861, Jefferson Davis is elected president of the Confederate States of America.

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On this day in 1869, in New Brunswick, New Jersey, Rutgers College defeats Princeton University (then known as the College of New Jersey), 6–4, in the first official intercollegiate American football game.

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On this day in 1913, Mohandas Gandhi is arrested while leading a march of Indian miners in South Africa.

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On this day in 1917, the Bolshevik revolution begins with the capture of the Winter Palace. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1944, plutonium is first produced at the Hanford Atomic Facility and subsequently used in the Fat Man atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki, Japan.

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On this day in 1947, Meet the Press makes its television debut (the show went to a weekly schedule on September 12, 1948).

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On this day in 1962, the United Nations General Assembly passes a resolution condemning South Africa's racist apartheid policies and calls for all UN member states to cease military and economic relations with the nation.

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On this day in 1990, Arsenio Hall gets a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, thereby causing the value of neighboring stars to plummet drastically.

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On this day in 1995, the Rova of Antananarivo, home of the sovereigns of Madagascar from the 16th to 19th centuries, is destroyed by fire.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 5

On this day in 1138, Lý Anh Tông is enthroned as emperor of Vietnam at the age of two, beginning a 37-year reign.

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On this day in 1605, Guy Fawkes is arrested. So HAPPY GUY FAWKES DAY to all our jug-eared, snaggle-toothed friends in Jolly Olde Englande! Today is the day they celebrate the fact that a Catholic terrorist plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament - along with King James I - was foiled by a treacherous turncoat. This they do by lighting bonfires, setting off fireworks and burning effigies of conspirator Guy Fawkes, whose execution was marred by the fact that he slipped and broke his neck on the way to the gallows, thus denying the assembled spectators the satisfyingly cathartic public hanging they had gathered to watch.

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On this day in 1862, in Minnesota, 303 Dakota warriors are found guilty of rape and murder of whites and are sentenced to hang. 38 are ultimately executed and the others reprieved.

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On this day in 1872, in defiance of the law, suffragist Susan B. Anthony votes for the first time, and is later fined $100.

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On this day in 1895, George B. Selden is granted the first U.S. patent for an automobile.

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On this day in 1925, secret agent Sidney Reilly, the first "super-spy" of the 20th century, is executed by the OGPU, the secret police of the Soviet Union.

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On this day in 1935, the Parker Brothers game company contribute to the steady unraveling of the fabric of Western society by launching Monopoly, a game responsible for more family punch-ups than you could fit in two dozen seasons of Jerry Springer.

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On this day in 1967, the Hither Green rail crash in the United Kingdom kills 49 people. Survivors include Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees.

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Acid-head Herbert Mullin was terrified that a monster earthquake was about to send California sliding into the Pacific Ocean as a sort of cosmic retribution against America for devastating South East Asia during the Vietnam War. So, in order to prevent this monster quake, Mullin did the only thing he believed might make a difference… he began offering up human sacrifices! The fucked-up fruit-cake killed his first of thirteen victims on this day in the year 1972.

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On this day in 1979, Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini first identifies the United States as "The Great Satan." Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1990, Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the far-right Kach movement, is shot dead after a speech at a New York City hotel.

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On this day in 1995, André Dallaire attempts to assassinate Prime Minister Jean Chrétien of Canada. He is thwarted when the Prime Minister's wife locks the door.

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On this day in 2003, Green River Killer Gary Ridgway pleaded guilty to 48 counts of murder.

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On this day in 2009, US Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan murders 13 and wounds 29 at Fort Hood, Texas in the deadliest mass shooting at a US military installation.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 4

On this day in 1646, the leadership of the Massachusetts Bay Colony pass a law making it a capital offense for any citizen to deny that the Bible is the divinely inspired and wholly-true Word of GOD. By the way, that's "capital" as in "hung by the neck until dead." And this, in a place populated by people who fled England because of religious persecution! Oh, the IRONY!

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On this day in 1791, the Western Confederacy of American Indians wins a major victory over the United States in the Battle of the Wabash.

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On this day in 1847, Sir James Young Simpson, a British physician, discovers the anaesthetic properties of chloroform. Woo-hoo!

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On this day in 1921, Japanese Prime Minister Hara Takashi is assassinated in Tokyo.

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On this day in 1922, in Egypt, British archaeologist Howard Carter and his men find the entrance to Pharaoh Tutankhamun's tomb in the Valley of the Kings.

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On this day in 1924, Nellie Tayloe Ross of Wyoming is elected the first female governor in the United States.

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On this day in 1942, disobeying a direct order by Adolf Hitler, General Field Marshal Erwin Rommel leads his forces on a five-month retreat.

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On this day in 1952, the United States government establishes the National Security Agency.

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On this day in 1955, after being destroyed in World War II, the rebuilt Vienna State Opera reopens with a performance of Beethoven's Fidelio.

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On this day in 1970, Genie, a 13-year-old feral child is found in Los Angeles, California having been locked in her bedroom for most of her life. Crazy, but true.

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On this day in 1979, the Iran hostage crisis begins when a group of Iranians, mostly students, invades the US embassy in Tehran and takes 90 hostages (53 of whom are American).

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On this day in the year 1995, after making a speech at a peace rally in Israel, Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin - a man who wanted peace because he had hands-on experience with war - is gunned down in the street by Yigal Amir, an ultra-conservative Israeli who thought Rabin didn't take a sufficiently hardline stance towards the Palestinians. Or was he?

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On this day in 2008, Barack Hussein Obama becomes the first African-American to be elected President of the United States.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 3

On this day in 1493, Christopher Columbus first sights the island of Dominica in the Caribbean Sea.

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On this day in 1793, French playwright, journalist and feminist Olympe de Gouges is guillotined.

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On this day in 1817, the Bank of Montreal, Canada's oldest chartered bank, opens in Montreal, Quebec.

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On this day in 1903, with the encouragement of the United States, Panama separates from Colombia.

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On this day in 1954, the first Godzilla film is released and marks the first appearance of the character of the same name.

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On this day in 1956, the Khan Yunis killings are perpetrated by the Israel Defense Forces in Israeli-occupied Gaza, resulting in the deaths of 275 male Arabs.

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On this day in 1957, the Soviets launch Laika the dog into orbit on Sputnik 2. For her heroism and selflessness (like she had a choice), Laika was long beloved behind the iron curtain countries, many of which issued some rather lovely stamps in her honor. Sadly, depending on which expert you ask, the heroic bitch either suffocated when her oxygen ran out, or she roasted alive soon after the satellite shed its heat shields.

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On this day in 1964, Washington D.C. residents are able to vote in a presidential election for the first time.

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On this day in 1979, the Greensboro massacre happens when five members of the Communist Workers Party are shot dead and seven are wounded by a group of Klansmen and neo-Nazis during a "Death to the Klan" rally in Greensboro, North Carolina, United States.

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On this day in 1982, the Salang tunnel fire in Afghanistan kills up to 2,000 people. Now THAT'S a FIRE!

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On this day in 1986, the Lebanese magazine Ash-Shiraa reports that the United States has been secretly selling weapons to Iran in order to secure the release of seven American hostages held by pro-Iranian groups in Lebanon. This was one of the elements of a scandal that would come to be known as Iran/Contra.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 2

On this day in 1898, cheerleading is started at the University of Minnesota with Johnny Campbell leading the crowd in cheering on the football team. Soon, even Presidents of the USA would be engaging in this pursuit.

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On this day in 1899, the Boers begin their 118 day siege of British held Ladysmith during the Second Boer War.

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On this day in 1917, the Balfour Declaration proclaims British support for the "establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people" with the clear understanding "that nothing shall be done which may prejudice the civil and religious rights of existing non-Jewish communities".

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On this day in 1930, Haile Selassie is crowned emperor of Ethiopia.

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On this day in 1936, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation CBC is established. Meanwhile, in the UK, the British Broadcasting Corporation initiates the BBC Television Service, the world's first regular, "high-definition" (then defined as at least 200 lines) service. Renamed BBC1 in 1964, the channel still runs to this day.

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On this day in 1947, in California, designer Howard Hughes performs the maiden (and only) flight of the Spruce Goose or H-4 The Hercules; the largest fixed-wing aircraft ever built.

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On this day in 1957, the Levelland UFO Case in Levelland, Texas, generates national publicity.

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On this day in 1959, Twenty One game show contestant Charles Van Doren admits to a Congressional committee that he had been given questions and answers in advance.

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On this day in 1965, Norman Morrison, a 31-year-old Quaker, sets himself on fire in front of the river entrance to the Pentagon to protest the use of napalm in the Vietnam war.

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On this day in 1982, Channel 4 is launched in the United Kingdom. They have a reputation of being one of the most risk-taking and adventurous broadcasters in the world.

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On this day in 1983, U.S. President Ronald Reagan signs a bill creating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

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On this day in 1988, the Morris Worm, the first internet-distributed computer worm to gain significant mainstream media attention, is launched from MIT.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 1

On this day in 1512, the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, painted by Michelangelo, is exhibited to the public for the first time.

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On this day in 1520, the Strait of Magellan, the passage immediately south of mainland South America connecting the Pacific and the Atlantic Oceans, is first discovered and navigated by European explorer Ferdinand Magellan during the first recorded circumnavigation voyage.

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On this day in 1755, the Lisbon earthquake takes place, jolting many "modern" people's faith in God. The city of Lisbon is destroyed by a massive earthquake and tsunami, killing between sixty thousand and ninety thousand people.

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On this day in 1896, a picture showing the bare breasts of a woman appears in National Geographic magazine for the first time.

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On this day in 1911, the first dropping of a bomb from an airplane in combat, during the Italo-Turkish War.

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On this day in 1939, the first rabbit born after artificial insemination is exhibited to the world.

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On this day in 1941, American photographer Ansel Adams takes a picture of a moonrise over the town of Hernandez, New Mexico that would become one of the most famous images in the history of photography.

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On this day in 1946, Karol Wojtyla, the future Pope John Paul II, is ordained to the priesthood by Adam Sapieha. Also on this day in 1946, the first ever NBA basketball game is played... in Toronto! That's right, you read right. The first NBA game was played in Maple Leaf Gardens, where the Toronto Huskies (they lasted one season) faced off against the New York Knickerbockers. Black players would not be allowed in the NBA for a few years yet, so the game mostly consisted of pasty, lumbering Irishmen and Swedes violently hurling the ball up and down the court in a sloppy, clay-footed passing game. Needless to say, nobody dunked. New York won, 68-66.

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On this day in 1950, Puerto Rican nationalists Griselio Torresola and Oscar Collazo attempt to assassinate US President Harry S. Truman at Blair House.

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On this day in 1951, during Operation Buster-Jangle, 6,500 American soldiers are exposed to 'Desert Rock' atomic explosions for training purposes in Nevada. Participation is not voluntary.

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On this day in 1954, the Front de Libération Nationale fires the first shots of the Algerian War of Independence.

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On this day in 1956, the Springhill Mining Disaster takes place in Springhill, Nova Scotia, killing 39 miners; 88 are rescued.

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On this day in 1959, Montreal Canadiens goaltender Jacques Plante wears a protective mask for the first time in an NHL game.

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On this day in 1960, while campaigning for President of the United States, John F. Kennedy announces his idea of the Peace Corps.

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On this day in 1968, the Motion Picture Association of America's film rating system is officially introduced, originating with the ratings G, M, R, and X.

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On this day in 1988, DC comics announces the result of their fan poll to decide whether Batman's sidekick Robin would live or die. The mob demands blood, and Robin is blown to bits in the very next issue, leaving Batman without a date for the twelfth annual Fire Island Halloween Flame-Out and Vogue-Off Ex-trava-ganza.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 31

On this day in 683, during the Siege of Mecca, the Kaaba catches fire and is burned down.

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On this day in 1517, Protestant reformer Martin Luther posts his 95 theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg.

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On this day in 1876, a monster cyclone ravages India, resulting in over 200,000 deaths.

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On this day in 1913, the Lincoln Highway, the first automobile highway across United States, is dedicated.

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On this day in 1917, the "last successful cavalry charge in history" takes place during World War I, at the Battle of Beersheba.

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On this day in 1926, after being punched in the stomach by some idiot college punk backstage after a show in the frozen Canadian city of Montreal, Harry Houdini - the world's most famous magician and escape artist - dies of a burst apendix. Hey! Smooth move, CANADA!

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On this day in 1941, after 14 years of work, Mount Rushmore is completed.

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On this day in 1956, the United Kingdom and France begin bombing Egypt to force the reopening of the Suez Canal. Jeez, why didn't they just ASK?!

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On this day in 1961, in the Soviet Union, Joseph Stalin's body is removed from Lenin's Tomb.

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On this day in 1963, hundreds of people gather at the Indiana State Fair Coliseum to take in the season's final showing of Holiday on Ice. Unfortunately, a faulty propane-powered popcorn machine explodes under the bleachers, and seventy-four people die in the resulting conflagration, making this one of Indiana's worst ever man-made catastrophes. God damn you, Orville Redenbacher!

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On this day in 1984, Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi is assassinated by two security guards. Riots break out in New Delhi and nearly 10,000 Sikhs are killed.

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On this day in 2000, the Soyuz TM-31 launches, carrying the first resident crew to the International Space Station. The ISS has been continuously crewed since.

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By this day in 2001, it had only been a few days since our erstwhile superiors in Washington passed the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.O.T.A.C.T. (without ever reading it), but it was passed in time for Wisconsin man Jeffrey Remshek to learn about the game's changing rules, the hard way. Jeffrey was arrested after calling Central Intelligence Agency headquarters and accusing the organization of being involved in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. This, of course, was a very bad idea, as the CIA has the third worst sense of humor of any federal law enforcement agency (with the NSA and the Secret Service being only slightly less whimsical). After four calls, the spooks had had enough. They sent local authorities to arrest Remshek on three misdemeanor counts of - get this - "making an unlawful telephone call with intent to threaten." How could they possibly know that?! Anyway, he spent the night in jail, and was released the next day on a signature bond, which means he will likely be under omnipresent surveillance until the day he dies... and all for pointing out the obvious! Gee... I wonder whatever happened to old Jeff? I'd check myself, but I don't feel comfortable Googling his name.

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On this day in 2002, a federal grand jury in Houston, Texas indicts former Enron Corp chief financial officer Andrew Fastow on 78 counts of wire fraud, money laundering, conspiracy and obstruction of justice related to the collapse of his ex-employer.

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On this day in 2011, the global population of humans reached seven billion. This day is now recognized by the United Nations as Seven Billion Day.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 30

On this day in 1501, a banquet held by Cesare Borgia in the Papal Palace where fifty prostitutes or courtesans are in attendance for the entertainment of the guests. This legendary party is often referred to as the Ballet of Chestnuts, for some reason.

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On this day in 1806, believing he is facing a much larger force, Prussian Lieutenant General Friedrich von Romberg, commanding 5,300 men, surrendered the city of Stettin to 800 French soldiers commanded by General Lassalle.

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On this day in 1831, in Southampton County, Virginia, escaped slave Nat Turner is captured and arrested for leading the bloodiest slave rebellion in United States history.

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On this day in 1905, Tzar Nicholas II's "October Manifesto" grants civil liberties to his Russian subjects. Having been given an inch, the Bolsheviks soon decide to take a foot.

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On this day in 1938, soon-to-be-cinematic auteur Orson Welles broadcasts his radio play of H.G. Wells's The War of the Worlds, causing anxiety in some of the audience in the United States.

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On this day in 1941, Franklin Delano Roosevelt approves U.S. $1 billion in Lend-Lease aid to the Allied nations before the USA officially joins in the World War II festivities.

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On this day in 1953, U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower formally approves the top secret document National Security Council Paper No. 162/2, which states that the United States' arsenal of nuclear weapons must be maintained and expanded to counter the communist threat. An uncontrollable military-intelligence-industrial-media-complex ensues.

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On this day in 1960, Michael Woodruff performs the first successful kidney transplant in the United Kingdom at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary.

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On this day in 1961, the Soviet Union detonates the hydrogen bomb Tsar Bomba over Novaya Zemlya; at 50 megatons of yield, it is still the largest explosive device ever detonated, nuclear or otherwise.

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On this day in 1974, the Rumble in the Jungle boxing match between Muhammad Ali and George Foreman takes place in Kinshasa, Zaire. Guess who won?

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 29

On this day in 1390, the first trial for witchcraft in Paris leads to the death of three people.

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On this day in 1675, the philosopher Leibniz makes the first use of the long s (∫) as a symbol of the integral in calculus. That’s right. It wasn’t Newton. The two shared credit for the creation of this notoriously difficult aspect of mathematics.

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On this day in 1787, Mozart's occult-tinged opera Don Giovanni receives its first performance in Prague.

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On this day in 1901, assassin Leon Czolgosz is executed by electrocution for killing U.S. President William McKinley.

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The dull, wet thud of accountants and money-lenders kissing concrete echoes throughout New York City on this day in the year 1929, as the worst Stock Market crash in history - Black Tuesday - triggers the so-called Great Depression. Truth is, there was nothing "great" about it.

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On this day in 1941, in the Kaunas Ghetto over 10,000 Jews are shot by German occupiers at the Ninth Fort, a massacre known as the "Great Action". One year later, on this day in 1942, leading clergymen and political figures in the United Kingdom hold a public meeting to register outrage over Nazi Germany's persecution of Jews.

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On this day in 1967, Montreal's World Fair, Expo 67, closes after welcoming over 50 million visitors, a smashing success by any measure.

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On this day in 1969, the first-ever computer-to-computer link is established on ARPANET, the precursor to the Internet.

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On this day in 1991, the American Galileo spacecraft makes its closest approach to 951 Gaspra, becoming the first probe to visit an asteroid. See above.

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On this day in 1994, Francisco Martin Duran fires over two dozen shots at the White House Duran is later convicted of trying to kill US President Bill Clinton.

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On this day in 1997, Anton Lavey, founder of the Church of Satan, dies in San Francisco of pulmonary edema.

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On this day in 1998, Space Shuttle Discovery blasts off on STS-95 with 77-year old John Glenn on board, making him the oldest person to go into space.

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On this day in 2012, Hurricane Sandy hits the east coast of the United States, killing 148 directly and 138 indirectly, while leaving nearly $70 billion in damages and causing major power outages.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 28

On this day in 1420, Beijing is officially designated the capital of the Ming Dynasty on the same year that the Forbidden City, the seat of government, is completed.

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On this day in 1516, Turkish forces under the Grand Vizier Sinan Pasha defeat the Mameluks near Gaza in the Battle of Yaunis Khan.

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On this day in 1538, the first university in the New World, the Universidad Santo Tomás de Aquino, is established. It would take another 98 years before a vote of the Great and General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony would establish the first college in what would become the United States, today known as Harvard University, on this day in 1636.

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On this day in the year 1900, after over five fucking months of competition, the Paris Olympic Games finally come to an end, much to the delight and relief of everyone involved.

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On this day in 1919, U.S. Congress passes the Volstead Act over President Woodrow Wilson's veto, paving the way for Prohibition to begin the following January. Crime - both organized and not-so-organized - ensues.

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On this day in 1922, Italian fascists led by Benito Mussolini march on Rome and take over the Italian government.

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On this day in 1948, Swiss chemist Paul Müller is awarded the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for his discovery of the insecticidal properties of DDT. Today, after a few decades in the doghouse, it seems as though the substance is poised to make a comeback, for better or for worse.

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On this day in 1962, USSR leader Nikita Khrushchev orders the removal of Soviet missiles from Cuba, effectively bringing an end to the Cuban Missile Crisis.

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On this day in 1965, Nostra Aetate, the "Declaration on the Relation of the Church with Non-Christian Religions" of the Second Vatican Council, is promulgated by Pope Paul VI. This declaration officially absolves the Jews of responsibility for the death of Jesus, reversing Pope Innocent III's 760 year-old dictum to the contrary.

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On this day in 1965, construction on the St. Louis Arch is completed. Did you know you can ride an elevator up to the top of this damned thing?! I wouldn't, but you might want to some day.

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On this day in 2005, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Vice-president Dick Cheney's chief of staff, is indicted in the Valerie Plame Affair. Libby resigns later that day. Here's a little something I wrote about that massive debacle, back in the day.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 27

On this day in 312, during the Battle of the Milvian Bridge, Constantine the Great is said to have received his famous Vision of the Cross, after which he decides to fight "under the protection of the Christian God" by slapping crosses on his soldiers' shields and armor. His troops win the battle and Christianity starts its long march towards becoming the most important world religion for the next thousand-plus years.

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On this day in 1553, after being condemned as a heretic, Spanish theologian, physician, cartographer and Renaissance humanist Michael Servetus is burned at the stake just outside Geneva.

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On this day in 1682, the city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - the City of Brotherly Love - is founded.

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On this day in 1838, Missouri governor Lilburn Boggs issues the Extermination Order, which orders all Mormons to leave the state or be exterminated. Seriously.

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On this day in 1904, the first underground New York City Subway line opens; the system becomes the biggest in United States, and one of the biggest in world.

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On this day in 1936, Mrs Wallis Simpson files for divorce which would eventually allow her to marry King Edward VIII of the United Kingdom, thus forcing his abdication from the throne.

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On this day in 1962, Major Rudolf Anderson of the United States Air Force becomes the only direct human casualty of the Cuban Missile Crisis when his U-2 reconnaissance airplane is shot down in Cuba by a Soviet-supplied SA-2 Guideline surface-to-air missile.

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On this day in 1962, A plane carrying Enrico Mattei, post-war Italian administrator, crashes under mysterious circumstances. Don't they all?

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On this day in 1964, washed up actor Ronald Reagan delivers a speech on behalf of Republican candidate for president, Barry Goldwater.

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On this day in 1986, the British government suddenly deregulates financial markets, leading to a total restructuring of the way in which they operate in the country, in an event now referred to as the Big Bang.

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On this day in 1988, President Ronald Reagan decides to tear down the new U.S. Embassy in Moscow because of Soviet listening devices in the building structure.

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On this day in 1999, gunmen open fire in the Armenian Parliament, killing Prime Minister Vazgen Sargsyan, Parliament Chairman Karen Demirchyan, and 6 other members.

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On this day in 2005, riots begin in Paris after the deaths of two Muslim teenagers who were running from police. It was some batshit crazy bullshit that went down, and that's for damn sure. Check out this timeline for more information.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 26

On this day in 1776, Benjamin Franklin departs from America for France on a mission to seek French support for the American Revolution. It works!

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On this day in 1944, the Battle of Leyte Gulf – the largest naval battle in history – ends with an overwhelming American victory against Japan.

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On this day in 1967, Iran’s shah, Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, crowns himself Emperor of Iran and then crowns his wife Farah Empress of Iran.

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On this day in 1984, Baby Fae receives a heart transplant from a baboon.

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On this day in 1999, Britain's House of Lords votes to end the right of hereditary peers to vote in Britain's upper chamber of Parliament.

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On this day in 2001, America's political class passes the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.O.T.A.C.T. into law without even really trying to READ the damned thing..

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On this day in the year 1988, American and Soviet scientists combine their efforts to save two gray whales from certain death after the beasts are suddenly surrounded by miles of unbroken ice off the coast of Alaska. They work day and night for nearly a week, cutting holes in the ice so the whales can surface and breathe. Meanwhile, a tribe of harpoon-clutching Eskimos - their tummies grumbling - can only shake their heads as they watch this absurdly expensive and time-consuming rescue effort escort a month's worth of food towards open water.

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On this day in 1988, after doing four months of "consulting" work, oleaginous real estate tycoon Donald Trump issues a $2,000,000 invoice to heavyweight cannibal rapist Iron Mike Tyson, thereby inadvertantly revealing the secret to all his financial success: STEALING from mentally unstable people!