PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 17

On this day in 1862, the Dakota War of 1862 begins in Minnesota as Lakota warriors attack white settlements along the Minnesota River.

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On this day in 1908, the first animated cartoon, Fantasmagorie, created by Émile Cohl, is shown in Paris, France.

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On this day in 1915, a man by the name of Leo Frank is lynched for the alleged murder of a 13-year-old girl in Marietta, Georgia, United States. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1947, the Radcliffe Line, the border between Dominion of India and Dominion of Pakistan is revealed.

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On this day in 1950, American POWs are massacred by the North Korean Army in an event christened the Hill 303 Massacre.

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On this day in 1953, Narcotics Anonymous meets for the first time in Southern California.

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On this day in 1959, Kind of Blue by Miles Davis, the much acclaimed and highly influential best selling jazz recording of all time, is released.

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On this day in 1962, East German border guards kill 18-year-old Peter Fechter as he attempts to cross the Berlin Wall into West Berlin becoming one of the first victims of the wall. Meanwhile, in England, the Beatles replace drummer Pete Best with Ringo Starr.

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On this day in 1970, Venera 7 is launched. It will later become the first spacecraft to successfully transmit data from the surface of another planet (Venus).

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On this day in 1980, Azaria Chamberlain disappears, probably taken by a dingo, leading to what was then the most publicized trial in Australian history. "A dingo ate my baby!"

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On this day in 1988, President of Pakistan Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq and U.S. Ambassador Arnold Raphel are killed in a plane crash. Why any politicians ever ride in small planes is a mystery to me.

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On this day in 1998, US President Bill Clinton admits in taped testimony that he had an "improper physical relationship" with White House intern Monica Lewinsky. On the same day he admits before the nation that he "misled people" about the relationship.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 16

On this day in 1869, a Paraguayan battalion made up of children is massacred by the Brazilian Army during the Paraguayan War.

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On this day in 1896, three prospectors named Skookum Jim Mason, George Carmack and Dawson Charlie discover gold in a tributary of the Klondike River in Canada, setting off the Klondike Gold Rush.

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Carl Panzram, one of the most unapologetically evil fuckers ever to roam the planet, is arrested for the last time in his miserable, misbegotten life on this day in 1928. Born to a couple of Minnesota dirt farmers, Carl got off to a rolling start when he was incarcerated for public drunkenness at the ripe old age of eight years old. From that point on, his life would be half-spent in Christian correctional schools, county lockups and state penitentiaries. The other half of his life was devoted to theft, arson, forced buggery, child rape, serial thrill-killing... you name the evil deed, and Panzram was an authority. During the course of his long career as an almost elemental force for evil, he plied his Satanic trade on four continents, murdering untold numbers of victims, including six men in one day, whom he killed during a crocodile hunt in Africa. Truly, Carl Panzram was too evil to live.

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On this day in 1966, the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) begins investigations of Americans who have aided the Viet Cong. The committee intends to introduce legislation making these activities illegal. Anti-war demonstrators disrupt the meeting and 50 people are arrested.

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On this day in 1974, Punk Rock pioneers The Ramones play their first show in a local New York club named CBGB.

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On this day in the year 1977, Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll, dies on his throne when his heart explodes from overstraining while trying to squeeze out a grey, cement-like loaf of hardened, compacted shit from his colon. I've always thought that it would have been fitting to bury the parasitic Doctor Nick and the Colonel with Elvis, much like in Ancient Egypt, where the most loyal servants of Pharoah used be be buried alive with their masters.

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On this day in 1989, a solar flare from the Sun creates a geomagnetic storm that affects micro chips, leading to a halt of all trading on Toronto's stock market.

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On this day in 2010, China Overtakes Japan as World's Second-Biggest Economy

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On this day in 2012, in one of the worst anti-labor atrocities of contemporary times, South African police fatally shoot 34 miners and wound 78 more during an industrial dispute near Rustenburg. This happened just a handful of years ago, folks, not in the 1890's.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 15

On this day in 778, the much-sung-about character or Roland is killed in the Battle of Roncevaux Pass.

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On this day in 1057, King Macbeth is killed at the Battle of Lumphanan by the forces of Máel Coluim mac Donnchada.

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On this day in 1281, the Mongolian fleet of Kublai Khan is destroyed by a "divine wind" for the second time in the Battle of Kōan.

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On this day in 1534, Saint Ignatius of Loyola and six classmates take initial vows, leading to the creation of the Society of Jesus – or the Jesuits – in September 1540.

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On this day in 1914, a male servant of American architect Frank Lloyd Wright sets fire to the living quarters of the architect's Wisconsin home, Taliesin, murders seven people and burns the living quarters to the ground.

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On this day in 1914, the Panama Canal opens to traffic with the transit of the cargo ship SS Ancon.

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On this day in 1939, the film version of The Wizard of Oz premiers at Grauman's Chinese Theater in Los Angeles, California. Its images and motifs eventually become an intrinsic part of Monarch mind control technology.

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On this day in 1947, India gains Independence from the British Indian Empire and joins the Commonwealth of Nations.

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On this day in 1962, an American soldier named James Joseph Dresnok defects to North Korea after running across the Korean Demilitarized Zone. Dresnok still resides in the capital, Pyongyang. 

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On this day in 1969, the three-day music festival known as Woodstock opens its doors.

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On this day in 1971, President Richard Nixon completes the break from the gold standard by ending convertibility of the United States dollar into gold by foreign investors.

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On this day in 1974, Yuk Young-soo, First Lady of South Korea, is killed during an apparent assassination attempt upon President of South Korea, Park Chung-hee.

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On this day in 1977, the Big Ear, a radio telescope operated by Ohio State University as part of the SETI project, receives a radio signal from deep space; the event is named the "Wow! signal" from the notation made by a volunteer on the project.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 14

On this day in 1888, an audio recording of English composer Arthur Sullivan's "The Lost Chord", one of the first recordings of music ever made, is played during a press conference introducing Thomas Edison's phonograph in London, England.

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On this day in 1893, France becomes the first country to introduce motor vehicle registration.

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VJ DAY! On this day in 1945, reeling from a thermonuclear one-two punch, the nation of Japan surrenders unconditionally to the United States of America, thus ending World War II... except, of course, for the few die-hards who toughed it out on deserted jungle islands for lonely decades out of devotion to Emperor-God Hirohito, who sold them out to save his own ass.

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On this day in 1969, in a pasture rented from Max Yasgur in rural Sullivan County, New York, hundreds of thousands of people* come together for the opening day of the now legendary Woodstock Music and Art Fair. All the greatest musical acts of the day were in attendance, and a truly groovy time was had by all... except those poor souls unfortunate enough to have taken the brown acid before word got out that it was bad shit, man. Afterwards, according to bloviating curmudgeons who really had no clue, it took a decade to clean up the filthy mess left behind by those darn hippies, and the cloying stench of patchouli still lingers at the site. Thirty years later, in 1999, the much-hyped Woodstock III - brought to you by Pepsico - turned into a celebration of arson, rape and assorted mayhem.

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On this day in 1974, the second Turkish invasion of Cyprus begins; 140,000 to 200,000 Greek Cypriots become refugees. 6,000 are massacred and another 1,619 go missing.

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On this day in 2003, a wide-scale power blackout blankets the northeast United States and Canada in darkness. Some people don't see the power go back up again until three days later.

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On this day in 2007, the Kahtaniya bombings kills at least 796 people in Iraq... the deadliest terrorist attack in that country, ever.

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On this day in 2010, the first-ever Youth Olympic Games are held in Singapore. Nobody gives a crap.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 13

On this day in 1831, an atmospheric disturbance causes the sun to appear blue-green, which mystical-minded slave Nat Turner takes to be a most prodigious portent. This causes him to organize a slave uprising in the state of Virginia. The revolt was so bloody, many historians refer to it as the First War, with the Civil War being the Second War. On the road to Jerusalem, VA, Nat and his growing army of slaves killed fifty-five white folks, who then turn around and killed a hundred-plus black folks, many of whom had nothing to do with the uprising. Ahhh... the good old days!

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On this day in 1913, an acrobat by the name of Otto Witte is purportedly crowned King of Albania.

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On this day in 1928, New Jersey radio station WRNY becomes the first to broadcast a television image: a woman's face on a video "canvas" about 1.5 inches square, which was maintained for ten minutes. Which means there was about the same amount of quality programming on the air back then as there is now.

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On this day in 1942, Major General Eugene Reybold of the US Army Corps of Engineers authorizes the construction of facilities that would house the "Development of Substitute Materials" project, better known as... the freaking Manhattan Project.

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On this day in 1964, Peter Allen and Gwynne Evans are hanged for the Murder of John Alan West, thus becoming the last people to be executed in the United Kingdom.

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On this day in 2001, Flight 175 hijackers Marwan Alshehhi, Fayez Ahmed Banihammad, and Hamza Alghamdi buy knives and multi-tools. Alshehhi buys a Cliphanger Viper and an Imperial Tradesman Dual Edge, both short-bladed knives. Banihammad buys a Stanley two-piece snap knife set, and Alghamdi buys a Leatherman Wave multi-tool. All purchases are made in the same city, though the 9/11 Commission does not specify as to which city that might be.

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Happy birthday to Donny Osmond-throttling, transvestite prostitute-punching, Patridge Family alumnus, Danny Bonaduce! Also born on this day, trailblazing televangelist scam-artist Rex Humbard (1919), Cuban revolutionary dictator Fidel Castro Ruz (1927), and Hawaiian ukulele-slinger Don Ho (1930)!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 12

On this day in 30 BC, the infamous Cleopatra VII Philopator, last ruler of the Egyptian Ptolemaic dynasty, commits suicide, allegedly by means of an asp bite.

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On this day in 1950, the Bloody Gulch Massacre takes place during the Korean Conflict. North Korean soldiers gun down dozens of American Prisoners of War.

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On this day in 1952, 13 prominent Jewish intellectuals are murdered in Moscow, Russia, in a wave of anti-Semitic violence known as The Night of the Murdered Poets.

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On this day in 1953, the Soviet Union test-detonates their so-called Layer Cake Bomb - a 400-kiloton device fueled by layers of uranium and lithium deuteride - in Kazakhstan. In response, the Pentagon cranks things up a notch by creating both a Bundt Cake Bomb and an Apple Brown Betty Bomb, both of which are devastatingly powerful... and irresistibly scrumptious!

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On this day in 1964, South Africa is banned from the Olympic Games due to the country's racist policies.

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On this day in 1981, the IBM Personal Computer (PC) is released.

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On this day in 1992, Canada, Mexico and the United States announce completion of negotiations for the North American Free Trade Agreement, more popularly known as NAFTA.

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On this day in 2000, The Oscar class submarine K-141 Kursk of the Russian Navy explodes and sinks in the bottom of the Barents Sea during a mysterious military exercise. The cause of the sinking remains unknown.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 11

On this day in 3114 BC, the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar, used by several pre-Columbian Mesoamerican civilizations, notably the Mayans, begins.

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On this day in 2492 BC, traditional date of the defeat of the tyrant Bel by tribal leader Hayk, progenitor and founder of the Armenian nation.

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On this day in 1919, the constitution of the Weimar Republic is adopted. Good musical theater, nice furniture, great (deviant) art and a really "gay" metropolitan nightlife ensue.

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On this day in 1965, race riots flare up in the Watts area of Los Angeles, California. The great novelist Thomas Pynchon wrote this interesting essay about it.

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On this day in 1972, the mayor officially decrees it to be Cheech and Chong Day in the city of San Antonio, Texas. Twenty years later, the federal government passes an Omnibus bill which includes vaguely-worded laws that make it illegal to sell "bongs" but not "water pipes." Twelve years after that,Tommy Chong is sentenced to nine months in jail for marketing a line of water pipes called Chong's Bongs. What the fuck happened between then and now?

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On this day in 1984, Olympian Carl Lewis duplicates Jesse Owens' 1936 feat, winning 4 Olympic track gold medals. On the same day, during preparations for a radio broadcast, president Ronald Reagan picks up a microphone and says: "My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today, that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." Unfortunately, Ronnie had failed to notice that the mic was already on, and that his little "joke" was being heard by thousands of pants-shitting Americans, who'd already been rendered beat-dog flinchy by the hyperbolic rhetoric of the Cold War's dying days.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 10

On this day in 1755, under the orders of Charles Lawrence, the British Army begins to forcibly deport the Acadians from Nova Scotia to the Thirteen Colonies.

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On this day in the year 1866, the Transatlantic Telegraph Cable - one of mankind's greatest technological triumphs - is finally completed. Once he's announced this milestone to the American people, President James Buchanan proceeds to spend the rest of the day masturbating furiously while engaging in "morse-code-sex" with Queen Victoria.

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On this day in 1948, the TV show Candid Camera makes its television debut after being on radio for a year as Candid Microphone. Hardly seems possible, does it?

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On this day in 1977, in Yonkers, New York, 24-year-old postal employee David Berkowitz – better known as the Son of Sam – is arrested for a series of killings in the New York City area over the period of one year.

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On this day in 1981, the severed head of six-year-old Adam Walsh is found by two fishermen in a Florida canal. The rest of Adam’s body was never recovered. Adam’s kidnapping and murder - possibly by serial killer Otis Toole - inspired the creation of the television series America's Most Wanted, which was hosted by Adam’s father, John Walsh, for over two decades.

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On this day in 1987, the Dow Jones Industrial Average breaks through the elusive 2,600 point ceiling for the first time ever. Of course, what goes up must eventually come down, and if shit keeps hitting fan, we may well live to see 2,600 again. My advice for riding out the coming storm? Sink all your capital in ammunition, gas generators and out-of-the-way real estate.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 9

On this day in 1173, construction of the campanile of the cathedral of Pisa – now known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa – begins. It will take two centuries to complete, and yet STILL they fuck the damn thing up!

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On this day in 1483, the Sistine Chapel opens for public viewing in Rome with the celebration of a Mass.

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On this day in 1854, American philosopher-writer Henry David Thoreau publishes his masterpiece, Walden.

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On this day in 1930, the sexiest little cartoon character of all time, Betty Boop, makes her debut in Dizzy Dishes.

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On this day in 1936, American Olympian Jesse Owens throws a wrench into Adolf Hitler's plans to use the Berlin Olympics as a showcase for the superiority of Aryan Nazi Supermen when he wins his fourth gold medal of the games. The first person to run over and congratulate Jesse, in full view of a flustered Fuhrer, was the giant, smiling Nazi Luz Long, about whom Jesse Owens would later write: "You could melt down all the medals and cups I have, and they wouldn't be a plating on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long."

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On this day in 1942, Indian leader Mahatma Gandhi is arrested in Bombay by British forces, launching the Quit India Movement.

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On this day in 1944, the United States Forest Service and the Wartime Advertising Council release posters featuring Smokey Bear for the first time.

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On this day in 1945, the second part of the atom bomb one-two punch landed by the USA against Japan takes place when the city of Nagasaki is devastated by an atomic bomb called Fat Man.  39,000 people are killed instantly in this incredible international horror.

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On this day in 1965, the island/city of Singapore becomes the first (and so far only) nation in history to gain independence (from Malaysia) against its will.

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On this day in 1969, members of Charles Manson's "family" butcher Sharon Tate and four of her friends in Beverly Hills. The next day,Manson - upset with his underlings for their lack of murderous panache - orders his crew out on another raid "to show you how it's done." Charlie had forgotten one thing, however: his all-consuming cowardice. The trash-talking, acid-gobbling midget freak had to leave the room before his brain-fried followers slaughtered the victims that Charlie, himself, had hand-picked... the LaBianca family. If you're at all interested in the background and different theories about what really went down back then in those crazy, acid-hazy days, then you should most definitely read Adam Gorightly's incredible book, The Shadow Over Santa Suzana: Black Magic, Mind Control and the Manson Family Mythos.

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On this day in 1974, as a direct result of the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon becomes the first President of the United States to resign from office. His Vice President, Gerald Ford, becomes president.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 8

On this day in 1955, a conference is held in Geneva to discuss potential "peaceful uses" for the atomic bomb. My own personal favorite suggestion? Use a few thousand to carve the moon into a continent-sized bust of Ludwig von Beethoven!

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On this day in 1969, at a street crossing in London, photographer Iain Macmillan takes the photo that becomes the cover of the Beatles album Abbey Road, one of the most famous album covers in recording history. Check out this link for information about all the super-secret messages contained in this image (and other Beatles images).

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On this day in 1973, South Korean activist and politician Kim Dae-jung is kidnapped by agents of that nation's quasi-fascist ruling regime. Nick-named "the Asian Mandela", he would be set free and eventually become South Korea's eighth President, winning a Nobel Peace Prize in the process.

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On this day in 1974, while Tricky Dick Nixon was being flown back to the neo-fascist cradle-forge of Orange County with his forked tail tucked between his waxy, sallow legs, newly sworn-in President Gerald Ford goes on television and declares: "My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.

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On this day in 1989, Space Shuttle Columbia takes off on a "secret" 5-day military mission.

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On this day in 1991, the Warsaw radio mast, at one time the tallest construction ever built, collapses. It takes a long damn time for the freaking thing to fall all the way down.

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On this day in 2000, the Confederate submarine H.L. Hunley is raised to the surface after 136 years on the ocean floor and 30 years after its discovery by undersea explorer E. Lee Spence and 5 years after being filmed by a dive team funded by novelist Clive Cussler.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 7

On this day in 1933, the Iraqi government slaughters over 3,000 Assyrians in the village of Simele. The day becomes known as Assyrian Martyrs Day.

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On this day in 1965, the infamous first Reyes party between Ken Kesey's Merry Pranksters and motorcycle gang the Hell's Angels takes place at Kesey's estate in La Honda, California introducing psychedelics to the gang world and forever linking hippies and bikers in the public imagination.

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On this day in 1970, California judge Harold Haley is taken hostage in his courtroom and killed during in a failed effort to free Black Panther leader and "Soledad Brother" George Jackson from police custody. Just over one year later, Jackson would be shot and killed by prison guards during an escape attempt.

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On this day in 1974, some crazy Frenchman by the name of Philippe Petit performs a high wire act between the twin towers of the World Trade Center 1,368 feet in the air, without safety harness or a net.

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On this day in 1978, US President Jimmy Carter declares a federal emergency at Love Canal due to toxic waste that had been negligently disposed of.

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On this day in 1998, a massive truck bomb explodes outside the U.S. embassy in Nairobi, Kenya. Minutes later, another bomb goes off outside the embassy in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. Two hundred and twenty four people, including 12 Americans, die in the attacks. 4,500 more are wounded. At the time, all signs pointed towards disgruntled Saudi construction scion Osama bin Laden.

Thirteen days later, on August 20, President Bill Clinton orders cruise missiles launched against bin Laden's terrorist training camps in Afghanistan, and against a pharmaceutical plant in Sudan, where bin Laden was allegedly making or distributing chemical weapons.

Reaction from traitorous, seditious Republicans is swift. Clinton, they claimed, was "wagging the dog" - borrowing the title of a movie that was actually based on former President Ronald Reagan's ass-covering farce of an invasion in Grenada, which was hastily thrown together to deflect criticism of the disastrous Beirut barracks bombing in which 242 Marines were killed - to deflect attention from the blooming Monica Lewinsky scandal. Because, of course, in the minds of such ethical luminaries as Trent Lott and Bob Barr and Jesse Helms and Dan Burton and on and on, ad infinitum, Clinton's actions couldn't possibly have been to avenge the murders of a couple hundred darkies on the least important continent on the planet! Such a move, for these racist, scum-sucking GOP jackasses, could ONLY be either a diversionary tactic, or a waste of good missiles.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 6

On this day in 1890, at Auburn Prison in New York, murderer William Kemmler becomes the first person to be executed by electric chair.

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On this day in 1930, Judge Joseph Force Crater steps into a taxi in New York and disappears never to be seen again. This unsolved mystery earns Crater the sobriquet: "Missingest Man in New York".

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At 8:15 A.M., on this day in the year 1945, with a blinding flash and a deafening roar, a single bomb turns the thriving city of Hiroshima into a twisted, smoldering, radioactive tableau of death and ruin. Nearly all people and buildings within a two-kilometer radius of the drop point were obliterated. An incredible one hundred and forty thousand people were killed by a single bomb... nearly half the city's population. This brief, horrific moment in time still stands as quite possibly the most significant turning point in the history of our doomed and damned species.

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On this day in 1964, in the American state of Nevada, a bristlecone pine by the name of Prometheus – at somewhere close to five thousand years old, the world's most ancient living tree – is chopped down by a graduate student trying to figure out exactly how old it really is. The freaking idiot.

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On this day in 1991, a brilliant fellow by the name of Tim Berners-Lee releases files describing his idea for the World Wide Web. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1996, NASA announces that the ALH 84001 meteorite, thought to originate from Mars, contains evidence of primitive life-forms. After that, they fall suspiciously silent... Meanwhile, six years later, on this day in 2012, NASA's Curiosity rover lands on the surface of Mars. Coincidence? You be the judge!

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On this day in 2001, after only seven months in office, Preznit Dubya begins a month-long vacation at the Crawford "ranch" he purchased as a photo-op backdrop in 1999. He wouldn't spend another night in the White House until after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 - the ones he'd been warned about again and again and again - were safely over and done with. The same cannot be said of Dubya's dad, President Poppy, however. Turns out the old man spent the final night of the pre-September 11th era... in the White House. This, of course, raises all kinds of spooky questions.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 5

On this day in 1570, a group of Spanish Jesuits led by Fray Batista Segura arrives in the Chesapeake Bay area of Virginia in order to convert the native "savages" there to Christianity. Six months later, the entire group was slaughtered by the very Indians they had come to evangelize. BURN!

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On this day in 1583, Sir Humphrey Gilbert establishes the first English colony in North America at what is now St. John's, Newfoundland.

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On this day in 1735, New York Weekly Journal writer John Peter Zenger is acquitted of “seditious libel” against the royal governor of New York because what he had published was, in fact, true.

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On this day in 1861, in order to help pay for the Civil War, the United States government levies the first ever income tax as part of the Revenue Act of 1861. Back then, you had to give the US government 3% of all incomes over and above $800.

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On this day in 1861, the United States Army abolishes flogging. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1882, Standard Oil of New Jersey is established. It is more widely known across the globe as Exxon and or Esso, one of the most evil, conspiracy-encrusted corporations in history, run by one of the most evil, conspiracy-encrusted families in history... the Rockefellers.

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On this day in 1944, the Nazis begin a week-long massacre of anywhere between 40,000 and 100,000 civilians and prisoners of war in Wola, Poland.

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On this day in 1957, American Bandstand debuts on the ABC television network. The show is dedicated to teenage baby-boomers, playing the songs and showing popular dances of the time. The show’s Dorian Grey-like host, Dick Clark, didn’t age a day during the show’s half-century run.

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Goodbye, Norma Jean. The once and future Marilyn Monroe blows out her own candle with a fistful of barbiturates on this day in 1962, thus selflessly sparing us, the public, from having to witness her long, sad decline into decrepitude. Meanwhile, half a world away, in South Africa, freedom fighter Nelson Mandela is thrown in jail. He would not emerge from captivity until 28 years later, in 1990.

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On this day in 1981, US President, rapmaster Ronnie Reagan fires 11,359 striking air-traffic controllers who ignored his presidential declaration that they had to return to work, or else.

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On this day in 2012, some asshole by the name of Wade Michael Page walks into a Sikh temple in Oak Creek, Wisconsin, and opens fire, killing six people. Eventually, he shoots himself in the head after being wounded by police during the post-massacre standoff.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 4

On this day in the year 70 AD, Jerusalem’s Second Temple, located on the Temple Mount (aka Mount Zion) is destroyed by Roman occupiers. The Second Temple had been built 586 years earlier to replace King Solomon's Temple, which was destroyed by neo-Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar II upon his siege of Jerusalem and subsequent enslavement of the Jewish people in 587 BC. Jewish eschatology holds that, before the Messiah can appear on Earth, a Third Temple must be built. Various messianic groups have attempted to get this project started up, but that particular piece of real estate is one of the most hotly contested spots on the face of the Earth... if not MOST hotly contested

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On this day in 1693, a Frenchman by the name of Dom Perignon allegedly invents the sparkling wine commonly referred to as Champagne. This is a traditional belief, however, for which there is no evidence or proof.

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On this day in 1892, the father and stepmother of Lizzie Borden are found murdered in their Fall River, Massachusetts home. Borden’s subsequent trial and acquittal gave rise to the popular rhyme: “Lizzie Borden took an axe. Gave her father forty whacks. When she saw what she had done… Gave her mother forty-one!”

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On this day in 1944, a tip from a Dutch informer leads the Gestapo to a sealed-off area in an Amsterdam warehouse, where they find and arrest Jewish diarist Anne Frank, her family, and four others.

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On this day in 1964, civil rights workers Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Chaney are found dead in Mississippi after disappearing on June 21. The film Mississippi Burning is based on these events.

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On this day in 1964, the destroyers USS Maddox and USS Turner Joy report coming under attack in the Gulf of Tonkin, near Vietnam. This led to an escalation of American intervention in the region – and the number of deaths on all sides – despite the fact that the events most likely never took place.It was, in many ways, the lie that launched America's war against Vietnam.

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On this day in 1987, the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) rescinds the Fairness Doctrine, which had required radio and television stations to present controversial issues fairly, giving equal time to both sides of an issue. Rush Limbaugh ensues, then dies after a dishonorable, DJT provided, medal of honor ceremony.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 3

A couple interesting "firsts" took place on this day. It was on this day in 1527 that the first known letter was sent from North America. It was written by mariner John Rut and mailed to England's King Henry from St. John's, Newfoundland. It was also on this day, in the year 1678, that construction on the American continent's first full-sized sailing ship was completed. Built by Robert LaSalle, Le Griffon was a sixty-foot, forty-five ton vessel that cruised the Great Lakes for only a few short weeks before disappearing without a trace.

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On this day in 1492, Christopher Columbus sets sail from Palos de la Frontera, Spain.

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On this day in 1783, Mount Asama erupts in Japan, killing 35,000 people.

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On this day in 1929, messianic "world teacher" Jiddu Krishnamurti shocks the Theosophy movement by dissolving the Order of the Star, the organisation built to support him.

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On this day in 1934, megalomaniacal runt Adolf Hitler becomes the supreme leader of Germany when he combines the offices of President and Chancellor into the single, all-powerful position of Führer. It was all downhill from there.

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On this day in 1948, former commie Whittaker Chambers accuses Alger Hiss of being a communist and a spy for the Soviet Union.

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On this day in 1958, the nuclear submarine USS Nautilus travels beneath the Arctic ice cap.

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On this day in 1961, the New Democratic Party of Canada is founded by the merger of the Cooperative Commonwealth Federation and the Canadian Labour Congress.

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On this day in the year 1966, revolutionary "stand-up comic" Lenny Bruce injects a gorilla-dose of morphine into himself and dies for our sins.

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On this day in 1976... RAID ON ENTEBBE!!!

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On this day in 1977, the United States Senate begins its hearing on Project MKUltra.

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On this night in 2000, the GOP gently walks John McCain over to the podium, bends him over, pulls down his pants and fucks him nice and slow for all the world to see. Yer old pal Jerky's always had a soft-spot for McCain, but the speech he gave that night at the GOP convention was pathetic. At one point, he said: "I support Governor Bush. I am grateful to him. And I am proud of him." He supported the man who's campaign team started a whisper campaign declaring him mentally unstable? He was grateful to the man who falsely accused him of voting against breast-cancer research? He was proud of the man who repeatedly and maliciously made up lies about his record? At one point, he said: "Many years ago, the governor's father served in the Pacific, with distinction, under the command of my grandfather. Now it is my turn to serve under the son of my grandfather's brave subordinate." Wow. That is one helluva long way to go to suck ass.

***

On this day in 2004, the Statue of Liberty opens for business after being closed since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. Better get out to see her now, while you still can.

***

On this day in 2005, some fuzzy nob by the name of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad becomes President of Iran.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR AUGUST 2

On this day in 338 BC, a Macedonian army led by Philip II defeats the combined forces of Athens and Thebes in the Battle of Chaeronea, securing Macedonian hegemony in Greece and the Aegean.

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On this day in 216 BC, the Carthaginian army led by Hannibal defeats a numerically superior Roman army under command of consuls Lucius Aemilius Paullus and Gaius Terentius Varro.

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Predating disco by about six centuries, the first-ever roller-skating rink opens in London, England, on this day in the year 1375.

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On this day in 1377, Russian troops are defeated in the Battle on Pyana River... because of drunkenness. Insert sad trombone note here.

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On this day in 1776, the signing of the United States Declaration of Independence takes place.

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On this day in 1790, the first US Census is conducted.

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On this day in 1932, the positron (antiparticle of the electron) is discovered by Carl D. Anderson.

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On this day in 1937, the Marihuana Tax Act of 1937 is passed in America, the effect of which is to render marijuana and all its by-products illegal.

***

On this day in 1939, world-famous scientist Albert Einstein (and some dude named Leó Szilárd) write a letter to Franklin D. Roosevelt, urging him to begin the Manhattan Project to develop a nuclear weapon.

***

On this day in 1990, after getting a green-light from U.S. ambassador April Glaspie, Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein orders his military to invade the tiny neighboring monarchy of Kuwait, using weapons supplied by the U.S. government. Then-President George Herbert Walker "Poppy" Bush gives his former best buddy Saddam the surprise of a lifetime by going on the TV and calling him a Hitler, vowing to protect Saudi Arabia and liberate Kuwait, by any means necessary. So America sets up base in Riyadh, near the Muslim holy city of Mecca, which severely pisses off Osama Bin Laden, a Saudi who'd been among the thousands trained and equipped by the C.I.A. to fight a terror war against Soviet troops in Afghanistan. The subsequent slaughter of Desert Storm - resulting in the deaths of over 25,000 Iraqi combatants and 200,000 Iraqi civilians - pisses off Osama even MORE. The rest, as they say, is an incredibly depressing, textbook case of BLOWBACK.

***

On this day in 1991, funkadelic super-freak Rick James and his equally super-freaky girlfriend Manya Hijazi are arrested on sexual torture and kidnapping charges after one of their sex slaves escapes from their basement/sex dungeon. James was found guilty and was released in 1996, after which he began his second career as a regularly featured performer on tabloid TV "Where are they now?" segments. James, who died on August 6, 2004, is best remembered for his catch-phrase: "I'm Rick James, bitch!", which was actually coined by stand-up comic Dave Chappelle.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR FEBRUARY 29 (LEAP YEAR!)

HAPPY LEAP YEAR, FOLKS! The Earth completes its orbit around the Sun in 365 days, 5 hours, 49 minutes, and 16 seconds (365.2425 days). That's why we add a calendar day every four years. Unfortunately, that leaves an excess of 42 minutes and 52 seconds each time, or about 3 days every 400 years.

To compensate for this, three days are removed every 400 years. This adjustment is made by having an exception to the general rule that there is a leap year every four years. Instead, a year divisible by 100 is not a leap year unless that year was also exactly divisible by 400! 

This means that the years 2000 was the last "centenary leap year", that the last centenary leap year took place in 1600, and that the next centenary leap year will take place in 2400! So unless you're younger than 16, you were around for the last one, and NOBODY alive today will be around for the next one (unless something really sci-fi and revolutionary happens in the medical or pharmaceutical sciences). 

Anyway, just because February 29 only comes around with about a quarter the frequency of every other calendar day, that doesn't mean nothing ever happens on it! Here are a few things that happened... ON THIS DAY!

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On this day in 1504, controversial explorer Christopher Columbus uses his knowledge of an upcoming lunar eclipse to convince a tribe of Native Americans to provide him with supplies. Tricky bugger.

***

On this day in 1912, the 300-ton "Piedra Movediza" (or "Moving Stone") of Tandil, Argentina, near Buenos Aires, falls and breaks due to either vandalism (fawk!) or vibrations from a nearby construction project (d'oh!).

***

On this day in 1940, actress Hattie McDaniel - who don't know nuthin bout birthin no babies -becomes the first African American to win an Academy Award. It is the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, in recognition for her performance as "Mammy", in Gone with the Wind.

***

On this day in 1980, hockey legend Gordie Howe of the then Hartford Whalers makes NHL history as he scores his 800th goal.

***

On this day in 1988, for the first time ever, a member of the Canadian House of Commons comes out as gay. His name? Svend Robinson. He'd been serving since 1979, and he served until 2004. He won seven elections. And yet, in Canada, his permanent legacy is that of a bipolar gay guy who tried and failed to steal an expensive ring, effectively bringing his political career to a dead stop.

***

On this day in 2004, after a complicated series of gangland slayings and public riots, democratically-elected Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide is removed from power (he says kidnapped) and flown to Jamaica, then South Africa, in a forced exile following a coup that was supposedly masterminded by the USA, France and (really?!) CANADA!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR FEBRUARY 29 (LEAP YEAR!)

 

HAPPY LEAP YEAR, FOLKS! The Earth completes its orbit around the Sun in 365 days, 5 hours, 49 minutes, and 16 seconds (365.2425 days). That's why we add a calendar day every four years. Unfortunately, that leaves an excess of 42 minutes and 52 seconds each time, or about 3 days every 400 years.

To compensate for this, three days are removed every 400 years. This adjustment is made by having an exception to the general rule that there is a leap year every four years. Instead, a year divisible by 100 is not a leap year unless that year was also exactly divisible by 400! 

This means that the years 2000 was the last "centenary leap year", that the last centenary leap year took place in 1600, and that the next centenary leap year will take place in 2400! So unless you're younger than 16, you were around for the last one, and NOBODY alive today will be around for the next one (unless something really sci-fi and revolutionary happens in the medical or pharmaceutical sciences). 

Anyway, just because February 29 only comes around with about a quarter the frequency of every other calendar day, that doesn't mean nothing ever happens on it! Here are a few things that happened... ON THIS DAY!

***

On this day in 1504, controversial explorer Christopher Columbus uses his knowledge of an upcoming lunar eclipse to convince a tribe of Native Americans to provide him with supplies. Tricky bugger.

***

On this day in 1912, the 300-ton "Piedra Movediza" (or "Moving Stone") of Tandil, Argentina, near Buenos Aires, falls and breaks due to either vandalism (fawk!) or vibrations from a nearby construction project (d'oh!).

***

On this day in 1940, actress Hattie McDaniel - who don't know nuthin bout birthin no babies -becomes the first African American to win an Academy Award. It is the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, in recognition for her performance as "Mammy", in Gone with the Wind.

***

On this day in 1980, hockey legend Gordie Howe of the then Hartford Whalers makes NHL history as he scores his 800th goal.

***

On this day in 1988, for the first time ever, a member of the Canadian House of Commons comes out as gay. His name? Svend Robinson. He'd been serving since 1979, and he served until 2004. He won seven elections. And yet, in Canada, his permanent legacy is that of a bipolar gay guy who tried and failed to steal an expensive ring, effectively bringing his political career to a dead stop.

***

On this day in 2004, after a complicated series of gangland slayings and public riots, democratically-elected Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide is removed from power (he says kidnapped) and flown to Jamaica, then South Africa, in a forced exile following a coup that was supposedly masterminded by the USA, France and (really?!) CANADA!

 Hi all! Jeeribaldi here. Just a quick hello, with the New Year here! I'll be keeping things going here at Useless Eater Blog. Additions will be made, but I'm not planning anything HUGE. And you will probably need to wait a bit for any new stuff. I tend to make edits either on the day of publishing, or immediately after.

Anyways, all my love to all and remember, only the clown knows!!!!

DDD SUGGESTED READING LIST ~ APRIL 11

1. As a citizen of Canada—one who counts members of the First Nations among his very best and most cherished of friends—I can’t help but feel a deep sense of shame over the fact that it took  the BBC to tell the story of the Red River Women. I suppose the slimmest of silver linings here is that a world class broadcaster has finally produced a substantial piece of interactive online journalism on this grisly subject, which has for far too long been like an invisible chorus of silent screams in the darkest frozen night-pits of Hell. The erudition, professionalism, and sensitivity brought to bear via this production goes a long way towards rectifying the near-criminal journalistic negligence that has for far too long been the norm in Canada regarding this subject. I won't be reproducing any portion of it here. Instead, I insist that you go to the BBC's Red River Women project page and read it in its entirety at your earliest possible convenience. Be sure to watch all the related videos. I consider it a duty for every Canadian, even if only to acquaint oneself with the mind-numbing numbers involved, and to look into the eyes of those tragic, beautiful souls that have already been lost. Dear friends... I am literally hereby begging you to read this website and begin trying to deal with the information it contains.

2. Okay then, after that brutal and traumatic information assault—or perhaps prior to it, in case you’re saving the BBC’s interactive Red River Women websites for later—maybe you can be excused for seeking out a small sliver of escapist fantasy. To that purpose, I give you an amusingly British audiobook recording of the classic Philip K. Dick science-fiction story, “Beyond Lies the Wub”, about an unfortunate alien creature who happens to be both an erudite conversationalist and indescribably tasty when roasted with root veggies.

3. Finally for today, the Open University and BBC Radio 4 (yes, them again) have combined forces to produce a quite excellent introductory level general philosophy course entitled The History of Ideas. The program's website is rich in information and resources, complete with archived radio programs and primary materials (most of which is in the public domain). It's a real treasure trove for anyone interested in uncovering the intellectual foundations upon which the world's most important human structures rest (or, occasionally, teeter). 

Eventually, the series is slated to span 60 episodes grouped under 15 general philosophical concepts. As part of this series, each concept gets four episodes, and each episode is accompanied by a 2-minute animation, narrated by Stephen Fry, Gillian Anderson and Harry Shearer, executed in a handsome and humorous style that really helps get the basic ideas across. You don't really need to listen to the whole series in order to appreciate the animations, so I've decided to present all four animations from each general philosophical concept at the end of every Suggested Reading List from now on until I reach the end of what they have for me to plunder. So let's get started!

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE FREE?

"The Harm Principle"

"The Free Will Defence"

"The Libet Experiment: Is Free Will an Illusion?"

"Freedom and Security: Freedom at Any Cost?"