PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 7

On this day in 1099, the Siege of Jerusalem begins during the First Crusade.

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On this day in 1892, “colored” passenger Homer Plessy is arrested for refusing to leave his seat in the "whites-only" car of a train. He would lose the resulting court case, Plessy v. Ferguson.

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On this day in 1893, the Mahatma, Mohandas Gandhi, begins his first act of civil disobedience. I think it involves collecting salt or some such thing.

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On this day in 1929, with the ratification of the Lateran Treaty, the Vatican becomes its own independent nation.

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On this day in 1955, President Dwight Eisenhower becomes the first President ever to appear on color television.

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On this day in the year 1965, Sony introduces the first video cassette recorder - the peer-to-peer file-swapping scandal of its day - priced at a whopping $995. Sales are almost non-existent until the late 70's, when millions of North American men suddenly realize that this miraculous new device allows them to masturbate while watching complete strangers fuck, all in the comfort of their own living room! Technology… HUZZAH!!!

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In a decision that has a direct influence on yer old pal Jerky’s ability to report on the item directly above this one, the United States Supreme Court overturns the conviction of Paul Cohen for disturbing the peace, setting the precedent that vulgar writing is protected under the First Amendment… thank Fuck!

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On this day in 1981, the Israeli Air Force destroys Iraq's Osiraq nuclear reactor during Operation Opera. For those of you still wondering why Saddam Hussein shot SCUD missiles towards Israel during the first Gulf War, wonder no more.

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On this day in 1982, Priscilla Presley opens Graceland to the public. Sadly, the bathroom where Elvis died five years earlier is kept off-limits.

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On this day in 1998, a mentally retarded man named James Byrd, Jr. is killed when white supremacists drag him behind a pickup truck along an asphalt road until he comes apart at the seams.

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On this day in 2006, an alleged Al Qaeda leader in Iraq named Abu Musab al-Zarqawi – they say he was directly responsible for beheading American hostages Nick Berg and Eugene Armstrong – is himself killed in an air-strike... although there are certain discrepancies and doubts.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 18

On this day in 1152, King Henry II of England marries Eleanor of Aquitaine, an incredibly fascinating world-historic person in her own right.

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On this day in 1804, Napoleon Bonaparte is proclaimed Emperor of the French by the French Senate, which kind of flies in the face of the ideals behind the entire Revolutionary Project, but whatever.

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On this day in 1896, a mass panic on Khodynka Field in Moscow during the festivities of the coronation of Russian Tsar Nicholas II on the day of his 28th birthday results in the deaths of... hold on, can this be right? 1,389 people?! Sheez, that must have been some serious-ass panicking!

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On this day in 1910, the Earth passes through the tail of Halley's Comet. Despite many contemporaneous prophecies to the contrary, life as we know it does not cease to exist right then and there.

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On this day in 1927, 45 second-to-sixth graders are killed and 58 more are wounded when a huge cache of explosives planted by anti-tax activist Andrew Kehoe explodes beneath a school in Bath, Michigan. It took Kehoe a year to plan his atrocity, and months to pack the school full of explosives which he then detonated remotely, herding his victims for maximum carnage, before blowing up his own shrapnel-packed car with himself inside it. He even issued a number of vague threats before doing the dirty deed, but nobody caught on.

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On this day in 1944, the Soviet Union exiles more than 200,000 Tartars from Crimea because they were collaborating with the Nazis. And to think… the only thing the USA did with their Nazi collaborators - Preznit Dubya's grand-daddy being chief among them - was give them a slap on the wrist and hand their descendants the keys to the White House. It's kind of funny, in an utterly fucking disgusting kind of way.

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On this day in 1974, India becomes the sixth nation in world history to explode an atomic bomb... not counting Atlantis.

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On this day in 1980, Mount Saint Helens erupts, gushing forth billions of gallons of volcanic ash, killing between 57 and 65 people (depending who you ask) and blasting away a huge chunk of the mountainside. 

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On this day in 1995, a crystal-meth-addicted, half-psychotic, authority-hating Army vet named Shawn Nelson steals an M60 Patton Tank from a National Guard base in San Diego and goes on a rampage, destroying cars, fire hydrants and other property before being gunned down by police after getting stuck on a median.

ON THIS DAY IN PARA-CULTURE, JUNE 6

On this day in 1884, ten inches of snow falls in New England. This was the "year without a summer," thanks to all the crap thrown into the atmosphere by the massive explosion of the island of Krakatoa, near Indonesia. Don't bother looking for it on a map... it blew up real good, and it ain't there no more.

On this day in 1934, US President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs the Securities Act into law, establishing the Securities and Exchange Commission. Ever since then, subsequent Republican administrations have done their damnedest to file down the Act's fangs.

On this day in 1984, one of the best-selling video games of all-time is released: TETRIS! It remains, to this day, the single most popular cultural artifact ever to emerge from Soviet Russia.

On this day in 1988, President George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush promises to provide reparations and an official apology to the thousands of Americans of Japanese descent who were held in work camps for the duration of World War II. Neither the reparations nor the apology were ever tendered.

On this day in 2002, a near-Earth asteroid estimated at 10 meters diameter explodes over the Mediterranean Sea between Greece and Libya. The resulting explosion is estimated to have a force of 26 kilotons, slightly more powerful than the Nagasaki atomic bomb. This occurred during a time of great tension between nuclear rivals Pakistan and India, leading some to speculate about what might have happened if the detonation had occurred over one of those countries. Could it have been mistaken for a nuclear first-strike? Might it have lead to an accidental retaliation? Who knows? All I know is, now I'm hungry for some Butter Chicken!