PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 2

On this day in 1777, Vermont becomes the first American territory to abolish slavery.

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On this day in 1839, twenty miles off the coast of Cuba, 53 rebelling African slaves led by Joseph Cinqué take over the slave ship Amistad. Spielberg eventually makes a movie about it.

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On this day in 1881, Charles J. Guiteau shoots and fatally wounds U.S. President James Garfield, who eventually dies from an infection on September 19.

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On this day in 1897, Italian scientist Guglielmo Marconi obtains a patent for radio in London.

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On this day in 1934, the Night of the Long Knives ends with the death of Brownshirts leader Ernst Röhm.

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On this day in 1937, an over-ambitious Amelia Earhart disappears over the Pacific ocean while attempting to be the first woman to circumnavigate the globe, inadvertently proving once and for all that chicks have no sense of direction.

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On this day in 1950, the Ed Wood science fiction classic Plan 9 From Outer Space debuts in a single Hollywood theater. One of the worst films ever made, it still beats the hell out of Battlefield Earth.

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On this day in 1962, the first ever Wal-Mart store opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas.

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On this day in 1964, US President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act of 1964 meant to prohibit segregation in public places. At the time, LBJ said "The Democrats have just lost the South for a generation." Turns out he was under-estimating the damage by a couple generations.

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On this day in 1966, the French military explodes a nuclear test bomb code-named Aldébaran in Mururoa, their first nuclear test in the Pacific.

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On this day in 1976, after the fall of "free" South Vietnam, Communist North Vietnam declares their union to form the Socialist Republic of Vietnam.

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On this day in 1986, Rodrigo Rojas and Carmen Gloria Quintana are burnt alive during a street demonstration against the dictatorship of General Augusto Pinochet in Chile.

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On this day in 2000, Vicente Fox Quesada is elected the first President of México from an opposition party, the Partido Acción Nacional, after more than 70 years of continuous rule by the Partido Revolucionario Institucional.

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On this day in 2001, the AbioCor self-contained artificial heart is first implanted.

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On this day in 2002, millionaire adventurer Steve Fossett becomes the first person to fly solo around the world nonstop in a balloon.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 13

On this day in 1373, the Anglo-Portuguese Alliance between England and Portugal is founded. It remains the oldest alliance in the world that is still in force to this day.

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On this day in 1525, rogue German cleric Martin Luther marries Katharina von Bora, against the celibacy rule decreed by the Roman Catholic Church for priests and nuns. This perhaps helps explain his “Protestantism” to a certain degree.

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On this day in 1886, one day after being deposed, Bavaria’s “Mad” King Ludwig II is found dead in Lake Starnberg, in waist-deep water, along with his personal physician. Both have unexplained wounds to their head and shoulders.

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On this day in 1934, German fuhrer Adolf Hitler and Italian generalissimo Benito Mussolini meet in Venice, Italy. Mussolini later describes the German dictator as "a silly little monkey".

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On this day in 1966, the US Supreme Court rules in Miranda v. Arizona that the police must inform suspects of their rights before questioning them, much to their extreme displeasure.

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On this day in 1971, the New York Times begins publication of the Pentagon Papers. Pretty heavy stuff.

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On this day in the year 1981, television host Tom Snyder interviews Charles Manson on his late-night program, Tomorrow. Viewers have a hard time deciding which wildly gesticulating loon looks more deranged.

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On this day in the year 1983, America’s Pioneer 10 space probe reaches the outermost boundaries of our Solar System and slips into the inky black nothingness of interstellar space. Yer old pal Jerky finds it strangely comforting that -- even after the last, toxin-riddled member of our suicidal species gurgles its final, pain-wracked breath -- these hunks of metal we’ve sent hurtling through the cosmos will still be carving a path through the void, blinking eternally, intergalactic proof that, yes, WE ONCE WERE!

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On this day in 2005, a California jury finds faded pop phenom Michael Jackson "not guilty" of ten charges stemming from allegations that he molested a 13-year-old cancer patient two years before. When asked how he was going to celebrate, a jubilant Jacko squealed: "I'm going to Disneyland! And then, after picking up a vanload of hot dates, I'm going to Neverland!"

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 10

On this day in 323 BC, after conquering almost the entirety of the known world and leaving scores of cities re-named in his honor, Macedonian legend-king Alexander the Great passes away at the ripe old age of 33.

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On this day in the year 1692, a woman named Bridget Bishop becomes the first person to be hanged for witchcraft during the Salem Witch Trials. In all, 20 people have their lives cut short by their former friends and neighbors before somebody points out how fucking retarded it is to hang people for no good reason. Who says small town country living is safe?

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On this day in 1886, New Zealand’s Mount Tarawera erupts, killing 153 people and destroying the famous Pink and White Terraces, considered by many of those who were lucky enough to see them to be a strong contender for the Eighth Wonder of the Natural World. Wish I could have frolicked in them.

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On this day in 1977, James Earl Ray – the man who may or may not have assassinated Martin Luther King Jr – escapes from Brushy Mountain State Prison in Petros, Tennessee, only to be captured three days later.

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On this day in 1985, French agents restore a sense of pride to the nation's much maligned military by blowing up the un-armed Greenpeace boat Rainbow Warrior. A photographer drowns when he tries to retrieve his equipment from the rapidly sinking ship.

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On this day in 1991, an 11-year-old girl named Jaycee Lee Dugard is kidnapped by Phillip Craig Garrido and his wife, Nancy, in South Lake Tahoe, California. Dugard would remain missing for more than 18 years, during which time she would be held against her will in a secure area on Garrido’s property and forced to father two daughters by her captor and tormentor.

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On this day in 2002, the first “direct electronic communication experiment between the nervous systems of two humans” is carried out by the intensely creepy post-humanist pseudo-philosopher cum scientism evangelist Kevin Warwick in the United Kingdom. Trust me, folks… when it comes to individuals whose hubris and massive blind spots could potentially wreak untold havoc on the entire planetary ecosphere, this guy is on the short list.

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Also on this day in 2002, Attorney General John Ashcroft takes to the airwaves to announce the arrest of US citizen Abdullah al-Mujahir - a.k.a. Jose Padilla - allegedly over his being part of an al-Qaeda plot to detonate a radioactive “dirty bomb” in a US city. Padilla was held as an “enemy combatant” for over a year, and subjected to so-called enhanced interrogation techniques (a euphemism for torture) before the major charges against him were dropped for lack of merit, and he was tried for other transgressions in civilian court in 2007. Of particular note is the fact that authorities kept him strapped into a "sensory deprivation rig" whenever he was being transported from place to place, so he would never know whether his family (who were not allowed to meet with him) were there to support him. A nice, petty, Bush-era touch of malignant hubris.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 5

On this day in 8239 BC, the Universe is imagined into existence by a couple of void-dwelling Gods, according to the Mayan "long-count" calendar. FYI, this is the same calendar that lists December 21st, 2012 A.D. as the day that the Universe was supposed to come to an end... so take that with a grain of salt.

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On this day in 1933, Congress enacts a joint resolution (48 Stat. 112) nullifying the right of creditors to demand payment in gold, thereby effectively abrogating the United States' use of the gold standard.

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On this day in 1947, US Secretary of State George Marshall calls for economic aid to war-torn Europe during a speech at Harvard University. This is the unofficial start of the Marshall Plan, an unprecedented reconstruction effort that laid the foundations for the post-war world.

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On this day in 1963, British Secretary of State for War John Profumo resigns over a sex scandal known as the Profumo Affair, which involved him getting all shagadelic with a call girl who was also regularly banging a Soviet official in London at the time.

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On this day in 1967, the Israeli air force launches simultaneous preemptive attacks on the air forces of Egypt and Syria, thus igniting the Six-Day War.

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On this day, in 1968, at 12:16 am Pacific Standard Time, Sirhan Sirhan shoots Bobby Kennedy -- or not, depending on who you ask. RFK succumbs to his wounds the next day. So, let's see... JFK, RFK, MLK, John Lennon... Hey! How come these whack-job lone gunmen only succeed when they go after liberals? Right-wingers have better aim, I guess. And don't give me any of that crap about Oswald being a commie, either. Seems EVERYBODY who disagrees with a certain right wing party are "communists" nowadays!

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On this day in 1981, the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that five people in Los Angeles, California, have a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with weakened immune systems, in what turns out to be the first recognized cases of AIDS.

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On this day in 1995, a new state of matter is created in a laboratory. Dubbed the Bose-Einstein Condensate, it can be used to literally reduce the speed of light, slowing it down to the speed of the average bicycle.

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On this day in 2004, American actor and politician Ronald Reagan -- 40th President of the United States – passes away. Read my musings from that time if you're interested in learning how "conservative movementarians" used Reagan's death as cover for their crimes and as a means of concretizing their manufactured legendarium as historical truth.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 29

"No, Einstein, why don't YOU do the math?"

POLITICAL INCORRECTNESS ALERT! On this day in 1733, the right of Canadians to keep slaves is upheld in a Quebec City legislative assembly. 100 years later, in 1833, slavery would be abolished throughout Canada. In fact, it is a well kept secret that the only Canadian population to ever enthusiastically practice slavery... were the natives! The Haida were particularly vicious enslavers and slave-traders, venturing as far south as California on kidnapping raids. As for the European side of things, historian Marcel Trudel has documented precisely 4,092 recorded slaves throughout Canadian history, of which 2,692 were native peoples owned by the French, and 1,400 blacks owned by the British, together owned by approximately 1,400 masters. There can be no accurate accounting of native enslavement of other natives, but it surely totals in the millions, over a much longer time span.

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Happy Birthday to para-political heavy-weight philosopher Oswald Spengler, who was born in Germany on this day in 1880! Spengler's hugely influential book, The Decline of the West, put forth his fascinating Civilizations Model, which posits that every epoch goes through a cycle of seasons, from Spring to Winter, after which comes an ultimate and unavoidable collapse. Cheerful stuff.

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On this day in 1913, the Paris premiere performance of composer Igor Stravinsky and choreographer Vaslav Nijinski's ballet The Rite of Spring: Pictures from Pagan Russia provokes a riot when detractors and supporters of the gloriously asynchronous, poly-rhythmic music and primal, violent dancing begin fighting each other in the aisles. Despite the ruckus, which spilled out into the street, the 33-minute ballet was performed in its entirety. Stravinsky's score remains one of the most important and impressive pieces of Modernist music ever composed - an "it's all there" key to understanding where serious composition was headed in the 20th century - and, as a well-rounded human being, you really do owe it to yourself to take the time and give this horizon-expanding, mind-blowing, eardrum-pounding creation an uninterrupted listen with your complete and undivided attention. "Farewell la Belle Epoch, welcome the New Age."

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In another defining moment of the Modern Age, it was on this day in 1919 that scientists Arthur Eddington and Andrew Crommelin conducted the first-ever real-world test of Albert Einstein's theory of General Relativity. They set up camp on the island of Príncipe, near Africa, and prepared to watch a solar eclipse. According to general relativity, stars with light rays that passed near the Sun would appear to shift due to their light curving through the Sun's gravitational field - an effect only noticeable during eclipses, since otherwise the Sun's brightness would obscure the affected stars. They discovered that Newtonian physics could only account for half the shift that they recorded - a shift that was accurately predicted by Einstein's theory. All of a sudden, the Universe seemed like a whole lot stranger place, indeed... especially to those elite few with minds capable of grasping the physics of it all.

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On this day in 1954, at the Hotel de Bilderberg near Arnhem in the Netherlands, the first ever Bilderberg Conference is held. The whole ball of wax got rolling when several people, including Polish politicians Józef Retinger and Andrew Nielsen, became concerned about the growth of anti-Americanism in Western Europe. They proposed an international conference at which leaders from European countries and the United States could come together and promote a better understanding between the cultures of the United States and Western Europe and foster cooperation on political, economic, and defense issues. That's the official line. For a more accurate take on the goals, activities and origins of every conspiracy theorist's favorite honest-to-gosh actual global conspiracy, check out SourceWatch's excellent Bilderberg dossier. You'll be glad you did. Or not...

A Picasso of Stravinsky watching Nijinski work  - it doesn't get much more Modern than that!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 24

On this day in 1943, Nazi "Angel of Death" Josef Mengele becomes chief medical officer of the Auschwitz concentration camp, where he performed atrocious medical experiments on inmates, especially children and twins. After the end of the war, despite being one of the most hunted human beings in history, he manages to evade arrest, moving from Europe to South America under assumed identities, and some allege he continued his experiments, going so far as to create a "town of twins" in Brazil.

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On this day in 1970, drilling of the Kola Superdeep Borehole begins in the Soviet Union. Workers soon put down their tools and run off, however, when a microphone dropped down the miles-long shaft reveals the screams of the damned being tormented in Hell... or did it?

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On this day in 1991, Israel conducts Operation Solomon, evacuating thousands of Black Ethiopian Jews to Israel... where they are promptly treated like shit and forced to submit to sterilizing birth control injections.

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On this day in 1994, four men convicted of bombing the World Trade Center in New York in 1993 are each sentenced to 240 years in prison, making the WTC's Twin Towers totally safe for one and all, forever after.

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On this day in 2001, the floor of the third floor of the Versailles wedding hall in Jerusalem, Israel, falls away, killing 23 and injuring over 200. It is the worst civil disaster in Israel's history.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 22

On this day in 1176, a group of hired killers from Rashideddin Sinan's "Masyaf" branch of the Ismaili Hashshashin sect - also known as the Assassins - make their second attempt to murder Saladin, a world-historic figure who founded the Ayyubid dynasty, ruling Egypt, Syria and beyond. They come close, but fail.

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On this day in 1844, the Báb announces to the world the coming of "He whom God shall make manifest", thus founding the religion of Bábism, a new religious movement that represented a break with traditional Islam, and which was brutally suppressed in Persia. However, since he is considered the forerunner of Bahá'u'lláh, the founder of the Bahá'í Faith, and seeing as Baha'i still revere the teachings of the Báb, it wasn't a total waste of time.

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On this day in 1856, South Carolina Congressman Preston Brooks sneaks up on, then beats the high holy hell out of Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner with a wooden cane because the latter insulted the former's state - as well as his uncle's "honor" - in an anti-slavery speech. It was the first act of physical violence to take place in the Congress, and is considered an important precursor to the Civil War.

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On this day in 1906, the Wright brothers are granted U.S. patent number 821,393 for their "Flying-Machine."

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On this day in 1954, Robert Zimmerman - that’s Bob Dylan to you, me, and Jesus - officially becomes a man when he’s Bar Mitzvahed! Mazeltov!

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On this day in 1964, President Lyndon B. Johnson announces social reforms to bring an "end to poverty and racial injustice in America", calling it the Great Society. Today, the only thing that remains of these reforms is the neoconservative reaction to them.

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On this day in 1968, the Skipjack-class nuclear-powered submarine the USS Scorpion sinks with 99 men aboard 400 miles southwest of the Azores. The Navy still isn't sure what happened.

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On this day in 2002, the remains of Chandra Levy, an intern at the Federal Bureau of Prisons, are found in Rock Creek Park in Washington, D.C. She'd been banging Congressman Gary Condit (D-California) at the time of her disappearance in early 2001, and for a while he was a suspect... in the media, if not officially. Eventually, the September 11 terrorist attacks knocked Levy off the front page and police pinned the murder on illegal Salvadoran immigrant Ingmar Guandique. Case closed.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 21

Leopold, Darrow and Loeb

On this day in 1863, the Seventh Day Adventist Church - an offshoot of the Apocalyptic creed of Millerite Protestantism - is organized in Battle Creek, Michigan. Today, there are over seventeen million "Sevvies" around the world, and they are one of the most ethnically diverse branches of the Christian faith. Seventh Day Adventists celebrate the Sabbath day on Saturday, in the Old Testament style of the Jews, and they place a strong emphasis on healthy eating and living. Probably the most lasting impact that they've had on popular culture is the introduction of ready-to-eat breakfast cereals to the North American diet.

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On this day in 1871, French troops invade the Paris Commune and engage its residents in street fighting. By the close of "Bloody Week" some 20,000 anarchist and Marxist "communards" will have been killed and 38,000 arrested. Thus ended a historic, two-month experiment in self-rule by the people of Paris.

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On this day in 1924, two young, well-to-do homosexuals named Leopold and Loeb murder 14 year-old Bobby Franks. At the time, this murder was considered one of the vilest and most sensational crimes in U.S. history, because the killers did it just for kicks. Defending the young murderers in court, legendary lawyer Clarence Darrow claims that the boys would never have become killers if they hadn't read the works of German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, whose theory of the Ubermensch - a highly evolved idealization of humanity who exists above and beyond the mundane conceptions of "good" and "evil" - he claims twisted their minds.

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On this day in 1946, physicist Louis Slotin is blasted with a fatal dose of radiation in a "criticality incident" during an experiment with the aptly-named Demon Core - a 6.2 kilogram sub-critical mass of plutonium - at Los Alamos National Laboratory. It was the second time that such an incident resulted in the acute radiation poisoning and subsequent death of a scientist. After these incidents, the core was used in an atomic bomb test in 1946, and proved in practice to have a slightly increased yield over similar cores which had not been subjected to criticality excursions. Here's a dramatization of the Slotin incident from the movie Fat Man and Little Boy.

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On this day in 1969, Palestinian immigrant Sirhan Sirhan is sentenced to death for killing Robert Kennedy in a Los Angeles restaurant kitchen. The sentence is never carried out, as California got rid of the death penalty.

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On this day in 1979, the White Night Riots take place in San Francisco following the manslaughter conviction of Dan "Twinkie Defense" White for the assassinations of mayor George Moscone and openly gay city councilman Harvey Milk.

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On this day in 1981, the Italian government releases the membership list of Propaganda Due, also known as the P2 Lodge, a Masonic lodge operating under the jurisdiction of the Grand Orient of Italy from 1945 to 1976 (when its charter was withdrawn), and a pseudo-Masonic or "black" or "covert" lodge operating illegally (in contravention of Italian constitution banning secret lodges and membership of government officials in secret membership organizations) from 1976 to 1981. During the years that the lodge was headed by Licio Gelli, P2 was implicated in numerous Italian crimes and mysteries, including the collapse of the Vatican-affiliated Banco Ambrosiano, the murders of journalist Mino Pecorelli and banker Roberto Calvi, and corruption cases within the nationwide bribe scandal "Tangentopoli". P2 came to light through the investigations into the collapse of Michele Sindona's financial empire. It has also been connected to the CIA-connected European right-wing black-ops org known as Gladio.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 20

On this day in 325, the first Ecumenical Council of the Christian Church is held in the city of Nicea, located in modern day Turkey. Today, this Council is commonly referred to as the First Council of Nicea. Among the many decisions made during this meeting were the settlement of the issue of the nature of Jesus and his relationship to God, settling the date for Easter, and issuing a decree forbidding dudes from cutting off their own dicks. I shit you not.

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On this day in 1908, Congress ignores the constitutionally mandated tradition of keeping church and state separate by enacting legislation declaring that the motto "in God we trust" should be included on most legal tender.

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On this day in 1875, the Metre Convention is signed by 17 nations, leading to the establishment of the "International System of Units". Today, the only industrialized country that does not use the metric system as its official system of measurement is the USA, with the UK also lagging in the adoption of some elements.

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On this day in 1980, the people of the French Canadian province of Quebec head to the ballot box to vote on a proposal to begin the work of loosening the bonds of unity with the rest of Canada. The referendum measure receives a 60% NO vote.

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On this day in 1983, the journal Science first publishes researcher Luc Montagnier's theory that the HIV virus causes AIDS. Okay, sure, fine, but what is it, exactly, that caused the HIV virus? That isn't as settled a question as most people would like to think. And anyway, if it turns out that HIV wasn't man-made, that doesn't mean the AIDS epidemic wasn't.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 19

New England's Dark Day

On this day in 1536, Anne Boleyn, the second wife of Henry VIII, is beheaded for adultery, treason, and incest.

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On this day in the year 1780, in the middle of the afternoon, New England is plunged into almost total darkness. On the day in question, Connecticut State Council wanted to adjourn so members could go home and prepare for Judgement Day, but councilor Abraham Davenport said: "I am against an adjournment. The day of judgment is either approaching, or it is not. If it is not, there is no cause of an adjournment: if it is, I choose to be found doing my duty. I wish therefore that candles may be brought!" To this day, nobody knows what happened... although I gotta figure it probably had something to do with witches.

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On this day in 1943, Nazi dictator Adolph Hitler declares the city of Berlin to be Judenrien, or completely empty of Jewish people. At first, the dictator is proud of his sinister achievement, but when he finds that he can't get a decent smoked meat sandwich to save his life anymore... he begins to secretly harbor regrets.

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On this day in 1953, the Pentagon sets off a nuclear explosion on a remote Nevada proving ground, but unexpectedly strong winds carry fall-out all the way to the town of Saint George, Utah. Today, when looking back at the ecological catastrophe, the plucky people of Saint George say: "No sweat!" It's not that they don't mind that their government's lax safety controls led to their town getting bathed in radiation. It's just that they were born without sweat glands, and literally can't produce sweat.

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On this day in 1962, a birthday salute to President John F. Kennedy takes place at Madison Square Garden in New York City. The highlight is Marilyn Monroe's rendition of Happy Birthday, making the whole presidential extramarital liaison thing just a little too obvious for some folks' liking.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 14

On this day in 1607, the English colony of Jamestown, in the state of Virginia, is first settled. It was the first permanent English settlement in the New World, coming on the heels of some epic failures - like the Lost Colony of Roanoke - and would serve as capital of the colony for 83 years.

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On this day in 1643, Louis XIV becomes King of France upon the death of his father, Louis XIII. The Bourbon royal, popularly referred to as the Sun King, was only 4 years old at the time, enabling him to eventually become Europe's longest-reigning monarch, ruling France and Navarre for 72 years and 110 days.

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On this day in 1796, medical researcher Edward Jenner administers the first ever smallpox vaccination. Just imagine how thick that dull the syringes must have been back then... Ugh.

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On this day in 1948, in the city of Tel Aviv, Jewish Agency chairman David Ben-Gurion declares: "We hereby proclaim the establishment of the Jewish state in Palestine, to be called Israel." Within hours, Israel is repelling military attacks from pretty much all of its neighbors.

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On this day in 1955, the nations of Bulgaria, Hungary, East Germany, Poland, Romania, the Soviet Union and Czechoslovakia sign a mutual defense treaty. They call themselves the Warsaw Pact.

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On this day in 1970, the Red Army Faction, or RAF, is established in Germany by Andreas Baader, Gudrun Ensslin, Horst Mahler, and Ulrike Meinhof. The RAF described itself as a communist and anti-imperialist "urban guerrilla" group engaged in armed resistance against what they deemed to be a fascist state. Their terrorist activities mostly consisted of attempts to free jailed members of their gang using violent means. They eventually hook up with the Socialist Patient's Collective, or SPK, a real bunch of nutters who believed that "illness as the protest against capitalism and considering illness the anticipation of the human species that does not yet exist but that should be created through illness." As such, they took a hard-line stance against capitalism... and doctors. I'm not kidding. In their own documents - some of which were co-written by respected French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre! - they proclaimed themselves to be staunchly "pro-illness." You couldn't make up this crap if you tried.

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On this day in 1984, Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg is born. That's right... the fucker ain't even 50 years old yet. How's that Mac'N'Cheese taste, amigo?

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On this day in 1995, the Dalai Lama proclaims 6-year-old Gedhun Choekyi Nyima to be the eleventh reincarnation of Panchen Lama, thereby proving that, contrary to popular supposition, Tibetan Buddhism isn't any more enlightened than any other world religion.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 9

On this day in 1874, British archaeologist Howard Carter is born. In 1922, he would discover the tomb of 14th century BC Boy Pharaoh, King Tutankhamen, thus sparking a worldwide frenzy of "Egyptomania" in the years between the First and Second World Wars.

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On this day in 1950, pulp magazine writer L.Ron Hubbard's book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health hits store shelves for the first time. Today, May 9th is regarded as an important Church of Scientology holiday: the "Anniversary of Dianetics."

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On this day in 1960, the FDA announces it will approve birth control as an additional indication for Searle's Enovid - otherwise known as "the pill" - making it the world's first government approved oral contraceptive. Depending on who you ask, it is also another giant step down the slippery slope of NWO-sponsored eugenic population control... but I'm not quite ready to buy into that argument yet, myself.

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On this day in 1974, the United States House of Representatives Judiciary Committee opens formal and public impeachment hearings against President Richard Nixon. Tricky Dick resigns in the face of overwhelming evidence of his guilt in the Watergate affair (among other, far worse things), therefore robbing the committee of their chance to make history.

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On this day in 1989, Vice-President Dan Quayle delivers a speech to the United Negro College Fund board of governors. In it, he mangles that institution's motto - "A mind is a terrible thing to waste" - by declaring: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful." You know, after experiencing Preznit Dubya's suspiciously familiar verbal locutions, it kinda clears up some of the mysteries surrounding his Poppy Bush's choice of running mates way back in 1988... Potatoe-head Dan reminded Herbert Walker of his own first-born son!

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On this day in 2004, Chechen president Akhmad Kadyrov is killed by a land mine under a VIP stage during a World War II memorial victory parade in Grozny, Chechnya. 30 others die in the blast, which came from a bomb that was actually built right into a bridge earlier that year in long-term anticipation of this particular event. Watch any  video of the event to see why they say that the "Russian Panic Button" is the trigger on an AK-47.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 26

On this day in 1937, the Nazis test the bombing capabilities of their newly inaugurated Luftwaffe air force on the tiny Spanish town of Guernica, with Generalisimo Francisco Franco's consent. For three hours, German planes poured bombs on the town in what was history's first ever bombing of purely civilian targets, a tactic that would later be enthusiastically adopted by both sides of the conflict, at the ultimate cost of millions of innocent lives. The attack inspired Picasso to paint his great masterpiece, Guernica.

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On this day in 1962, roughly three days after being launched, NASA's Ranger 4 spacecraft - which was designed to transmit pictures of the lunar surface, to rough-land a seismometer capsule on the Moon, to collect gamma-ray data, and to study the potential radar reflectivity of the lunar surface - fails to do ANY of those things after a computer malfunction causes it to crash into the dark side of the Moon.

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On this day in 1986, a nuclear reactor at the Chernobyl power plant in the Soviet Union melts down, killing 31 and irradiating hundreds of thousands more. It was, and still remains, the single worst nuclear accident in history, with a legacy that is just... it's... it's beyond words, is what it is.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 25

On this day in 1983, mere months after President Ronald Reagan famously likened the USSR to an "evil empire," Soviet leader Yuri Andropov replies to a personal letter from American fifth-grader Samantha Smith. In response to Smith's question about nuclear war, Andropov wrote:

"Samantha, we in the Soviet Union are endeavoring and doing everything so that there will be no war between our two countries, so that there will be no war at all on earth. This is the wish of everyone in the Soviet Union. I vow that we will never, but never, be the first to use nuclear weapons against any country.” 

Andropov ended his letter by inviting Smith and her family to Moscow for a visit. She accepted, and for a while, Samantha Smith was getting O.J.-level media attention. They were calling her: "America's youngest ambassador!" They were talking about a sea change in American-Soviet relations.

Within the span of two years, both Yuri Andropov and Samantha Smith would be dead. The former was felled by a fierce kidney infection, and the latter was torn to shreds in a small plane crash. Two voices for peace, conveniently silenced, leaving the military industrial complex safe to go on churning out five hundred dollar hammers, thousand-dollar toilet seats and billion-dollar stealth bombers.

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On this day in 1933, the United States drops the gold standard. Ever since then, the economy has been built upon the illusion of fiat currency and the “promise” of future debt. Judging by the mortgaged house you live in, the leased vehicle you drive, the mass-manufactured food and the mass media stimulation devices you use to stuff your face and brain, thereby numbing your psychic agony, I suppose it all worked out for the best!

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On this day in the year 1792, the art of punishment collides head-on with the cutting edge of technology as the guillotine is first used in the execution of a criminal. The lucky footnote? Highway bandit Nicolas Pelletier.

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On this day in 1953, scientists first identify DNA, the words formed by the genetic alphabet of life. Kinda looks like one of the corridors from the Discovery in Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey, doesn't it?

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 24

On this day in 1479 BC, upon the death of his father Thutmoses II, and at the tender age of three years old, Thutmose III begins co-ruling Egypt with his stepmother, Hatshepsut. The two co-rule Egypt for twenty-two years, until Hatshepsut’s death, after which he would go on to reign, alone, as the sixth Pharaoh of the Eighteenth Dynasty, for another thirty-two years. Generally considered to be one of the greatest rulers of the Ancient World, Thutmoses III led numerous highly successful military operations to expand Egypt’s territory and influence, as well as its art and monumental architecture.

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On this day in 1184 BC, the simultaneously historical/mythological city of Troy falls to an invasion led by the revenge-driven – and also quasi-mythical – King Agamemnon. So, just to put things in perspective, the head in the photograph at the top of today’s column dates from nearly half a millennium before the events described in the Greek Epic Cycle, or more specifically, in Homer’s Iliad. Sometimes, history can be pretty fucking cool.

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On this day in 1915, two hundred and fifty Armenian intellectuals and community leaders are arrested in Istanbul, marking the opening salvo of what would eventually degenerate into one of the worst genocides of a century pretty much jam-fucking-packed with genocides. Sometimes, history isn’t very cool at all.

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On this day in 1955, representatives from twenty-nine African, Asian and Middle Eastern nations get together for the final day of the Bandung Conference, held in Bandung, Indonesia. At the time, the nations represented – Egypt, China, Indonesia, India, Iraq and others – all had yet to take sides in the Cold War, and for the most part they wanted to keep it that way, believing the struggle between the United States and the Soviet Union had little to do with them. Instead, they hoped to focus on economic development, improving health care, and ensuring better crop yields for their farmers. They also called for an end to South African apartheid and the nuclear arms race, which was gathering steam at the time. American reaction was not encouraging, to say the least. They refused to send an observer to the meetings, despite being invited to do so. Secretary of State John Foster Dulles reiterated the government's Dubya-esque policy of equating neutrality with aggression. The end result? Economic, political and even covert military retaliation, all of which caused increases in nationalism, anti-Americanism and/or radical Muslim fundamentalism in almost every nation represented at the conference. Many of these nations have yet to recover.

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On this day in 1990, during the thirty-fifth Space Shuttle mission, the Hubble Space Telescope is packed aboard the Discovery, then launched into outer space and successfully positioned into its current low-Earth orbit, from whence it has been providing us with mind-blowing deep-space porn ever since. Sadly, the Hubble is scheduled to go out of commission this year some time, and its replacement, the James Webb Space Telescope, won’t be launched until 2018, at the earliest. Considering the economic state of the world, and without a working Space Shuttle to ferry it up there, your humble correspondent is starting to worry that the Hubble might not ever be replaced. All you science-lovers out there keep your metatarsals and metacarpals crossed. Hubble was replaced by the James Webb Telescope on December 25, 2021. Even more deep space porn ensues apace.

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On this day in 2005, for the first time ever, a cloned dog is born in South Korea. It's creator, the controversial Korean scientist Hwang Woo-Suk, names it Snuppy. This might not seem like such a big deal, considering Dolly the sheep was cloned almost nine years earlier. However, according to Wikipedia, despite scientists being able to clone everything from cats, cows, horses, mice, mules, pigs, rabbits and rats, they were having trouble cloning dogs “due to the problematic task of maturing a canine ovum in an artificial environment.” Who knew?

TESLA CEO COMPARES A.I. TO "SUMMONING THE DEMON"

Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla Inc, has a history of warning society about the potential dangers posed by research into artificial intelligence, once tweeting that AI could become "more dangerous than nuclear weapons." At today's Centennial Symposium at MIT, Musk expanded on his previous comments, stating:

If I were to guess like what our biggest existential threat is, it’s probably that. So we need to be very careful with the artificial intelligence. Increasingly scientists think there should be some regulatory oversight maybe at the national and international level, just to make sure that we don’t do something very foolish. With artificial intelligence we are summoning the demon. In all those stories where there’s the guy with the pentagram and the holy water, it’s like yeah he’s sure he can control the demon. Didn’t work out.

These comments make me wonder whether Musk is just resorting to a popular metaphor - along the lines of calling AI a "Frankenstein's Monster" - or if he grasps the very real parallels between what today's cutting edge scientists are doing when they work towards creating AI, and what sorcerers, alchemists, and ceremonial magicians have always done when attempting to communicate with or conjure up the powerful dark and primal forces that have haunted our universe since before we were even a twinkle in God (or the Demiurge's) titanic, all-seeing eye.

Readers of sf master Alfred Bester's unjustly neglected novel Golem100 know what I'm talkin' 'bout. That's the cover art, above, btw.

PHYSICIST WORKING ON TIME MACHINE JUST MIGHT SUCCEED...

The more I read from and/or about Dr Ronald Mallett, the University of Connecticut physics professor who wrote the 2006 memoir Time Traveler: A Scientist's Personal Mission to Make Time Travel a Reality, the more that the man seems to me to emanate the kind of potentially world-historic, game-changing light that shines off so many other, ostensibly off-the-wall, world-historic, game-changing super-geniuses. People like Nikola Tesla, Albert Einstein, Francis Crick, Buckminster Fuller , John C. Lilly, and Werner von Braun. 

If anyone else out there has any thoughts on Mallett or his work, please post it in the comments section, below.