PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 11

On this day in 1804, after decades of getting up each other's asses and for reasons far too complicated to get into here, Founding Father Alexander Hamilton and then-Vice-President Aaron Burr meet at the Weehawken, New Jersey dueling grounds at the crack of dawn to settle their differences at the end of a pair of pistols. What happened next depends entirely upon which eye-witness you choose to believe. Either Hamilton, in a poorly-timed attempt to prove himself a gentleman, fired into the air only to be shot square in the gut by Burr immediately afterwards, or else he simply took his shot and missed, leaving Burr to offer up a more accurate and deadly rebuttal. Whichever scenario is closest to the truth, the end results remain the same: Alexander Hamilton - the genius confidante of George Washington, the man who designed America's economic framework - was dead, and Aaron Burr's reputation as a vicious, villainous brute was firmly established. Now persona non grata, Burr and some foreign belligerents began formulating a plan to conquer Mexico - which, at the time, covered much of the South and Southwest - in order to set up a separate, independent, competing state. After being acquitted of treason, Burr kicked around Europe for a while, leaving a trail of angry creditors wherever he went. He eventually returned to the United States and lived long enough to witness the Texas Revolution, about which he mused: "What was treason in me thirty years ago, is patriotism now." Then he died.

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On this day in 1889, the Mexican city of Tijuana is born. Three days later, the place is declared a poverty-stricken tourist trap with an unwholesome fixation on the donkey, Mexico's national beast of burden.

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On this day in 1895, the Lumière brothers demonstrate film technology to scientists.

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On this day in 1921, Mongolia gains its independence from China. Considering the serious developmental difficulties that come with that extra chromosome of theirs, you have to admit that's pretty impressive. 

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On this day in 1921, former U.S. President William Howard Taft is sworn in as 10th Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, becoming the only person to ever be both President and Chief Justice.

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On this day in 1955, Congress authorizes all American currency to be printed with the motto: "In God We Trust." Unfortunately, they left off the funnier half: "All others pay cash." But seriously, it behooves us to recall that these four words were added to American money - along with the words "Under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance - at the behest of the Roman Catholic Knights of Columbus fraternal order. Not in 1776. Not in 1855. Not even in 1900... but in 1955. Ten years after the end of World War II. The year President Eisenhower sent the first American troops to Vietnam. The year of the first McDonald's restaurant, and Bill Haley's Rock Around the Clock. In other words, it was a knee-jerk addition based on a passing fad, and the time has come to drop it.

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On this day in 1979, the space station Skylab returns to Earth… the hard way. 

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The government of the United States awards the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. the Presidential Medal of Freedom on this day in 1977, roughly nine years after awarding him the Troublemaker's Bullet of Shut-the-Fuck-Up in Memphis, Tennessee. And that's a fact, Jack.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 4

On this day in 1493, Pope Alexander VI divides the New World between Spain and Portugal along the Line of Demarcation, thereby initiating a series of events that would eventually lead to some of the world's most incredibly hostile soccer rivalries.

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On this day in 1855, adventurer William Walker sets off from San Francisco with about 60 men and a plan to conquer the Central American nation of Nicaragua. This time, contrary to his numerous previous attempts, he actually succeeds! Without too much violence, Walker installs himself as "President of the Republic of Nicaragua." His rule lasted for less than two years, at which point his junta was defeated by a coalition of Central American militias. Walker was eventually executed in Honduras in 1860.

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On this day in 1904, the United States begins construction of the Panama Canal, a civil engineering project that would turn out to be a global game-changer, both politically and economically.

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On this day in 1961, the first 13 Freedom Riders begin their bus trip through the American South, in an effort to end segregation of the public transportation system. After training in non-violent civil disobedience techniques, black and white volunteers sit next to each other as they travel by bus through the Deep South. In Anniston, Alabama, one bus is destroyed, and riders on another are attacked by men armed with clubs, bricks, iron pipes and knives. In response to these acts of violence, Attorney General Robert Kennedy sends DOJ official John Seigenthaler to accompany the Freedom Riders. In Birmingham, the passengers are greeted by the Ku Klux Klan, and further acts of violence. At Montgomery, the state capital, a white mob beats the riders with chains and ax handles. When local authorities make it clear that they will make no effort to protect the Riders, President John F. Kennedy sends federal marshals from the North to do the job. Despite the escalating violence, over a thousand volunteers take part in Freedom Rides during the ensuing months.

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On this day in 1970, at Ohio's Kent State University, thirteen seconds of rifle fire by a contingent of 28 National Guardsmen leaves four students (Allison Krause, Jeffrey Miller, Sandra Scheuer, and William Schroeder) dead, one permanently paralyzed, and eight others wounded. A "special" state grand jury exonerates the Guardsmen, but indicts 25 students for a variety of offenses such as bleeding on public property, excessive weeping, and attempting to avoid being shot.

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On this day in 1979, Margaret Thatcher becomes the first, and so far last, female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Until Theresa May

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On this day in 1989, former White House aide Oliver North is convicted of three crimes and acquitted of nine other charges in connection with the Iran-Contra Affair, still one of the most poorly understood scandals in recent American history. These convictions are later overturned on appeal.

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On this day in 1994, Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin signs a peace accord with PLO leader Yasser Arafat regarding Palestinian autonomy granting self-rule in the Gaza Strip and Jericho. Consequently, he would soon become the victim of the most transparently conspiratorial political assassination in the history of Mideast politics. And brother, that is saying something.

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On this day in 1998, Theodore "Unabomber" Kaczynski is sentenced to four life sentences (plus 30 years) by a California court after accepting a plea agreement which spares him from the death penalty. Check out this Useless Eater Blog post from years ago for a detailed look at the Unabomber case, and its connections to the creation of the Internet, the spread of LSD across college campuses in the 60's, the rise of Game Theory and the Cybernetic Model of mind-control, among many, many other things.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 3

On this day in 1469, Italian historian and political thinker Niccolò Machiavelli - author of The Prince and favorite philosopher of neoconservative Godfather Leo Strauss - is born.

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On this day in 1616, prolifically productive wordsmith William Shakespeare is alleged to have died, although some people claim he passed away on April 23, while others claim he never even existed, at all.

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On this day in 1802, America's capital city, Washington, D.C. is incorporated, featuring a distinctly diabolical layout, courtesy of Master Mason and civic planner Pierre Charles L'Enfante. Quite disturbing that the old esoteric saying "as above, so below" should apply to road maps as well as it does to... other things.

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On this day in 1938, the Vatican officially recognizes Generalissimo Francisco Franco's government in Spain. In the forty years between his inauguration and the end of his murderous, fascist reign in the 1970's, it was never suggested that perhaps it might be a good idea to deny Franco the right to receive Holy Communion, as a symbolic show of disapproval for his brutal tactics. Come to think of it, they never said "peep" to Mussolini, either. American Democratic politicians, on the other hand...

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On this day in 1963, the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior delivers his "I have a dream" speech. Meanwhile, in Birmingham, Alabama, the police force there decide to confront the Birmingham campaign protesters with fire-hoses, billy-clubs and vicious attack dogs. That night, newscasts around the world are filled with King's powerful oratory juxtaposed with scenes of brutal and violent police suppression.

ON THIS DAY IN PARA-CULTURE, JUNE 5

On this day in 8239 BC, the Universe is imagined into existence by two void-dwelling Gods, according to the Mayan "long-count" calendar. FYI, this same calendar lists December 21st, 2012 AD as the day that the Universe will come to an end... So smoke'em if ya got'em!

On this day in 1956, new-fangled rock-and-roller Elvis Presley creates a nationwide panic when he goes on The Milton Berle Show and performs a swivel-hipped rendition of his cover tune classic, Houndog. Later that night, pretty much anywhere within a five mile radius of a television set, if you went outside and breathed in deep, you could smell the faint aroma of sopping wet panties hanging in the air.

On this day, in 1968, at 12:16 am Pacific Standard Time, Sirhan Sirhan shoots Bobby Kennedy (or not), who dies the next day. JFK, RFK, MLK, John Lennon... Hey! How come these whack-job lone gunmen only succeed when they go after liberals? God must be a conservative, I guess.

On this day in 1933, U.S. Congress abrogates the gold standard by enacting a joint resolution (48 Stat. 112) nullifying the right of creditors to demand payment in gold. This is one of those historical "wrong turns" Ron Paul is always harping on about.

On this day in 1963, British Secretary of State for War John Profumo resigns after it comes to light that he's been shagging sexy, commie-connected call girl Christine Keeler. The scandal is popularly known as the Profumo Affair. Why it isn't called the Keeler Kerfuffle, I have no idea.

On this day in 1967, the Six-Day War begins when the Israeli air force launches (ahem) simultaneous pre-emptive attacks on the air forces of Egypt and Syria.

On this day in 1977, the Apple II, one of the first personal computers, goes on sale. So... have you ever wondered what that "apple with a bite out of it" logo means? Or why the first Apple computer sold for $666? So have these guys.

On this day in 1981, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that five people in Los Angeles, California have a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with weakened immune systems, in what turns out to be the first recognized cases of AIDS.

On this day in 1989, a single man halts the progress of a column of advancing tanks for over half an hour during the Tiananmen Square massacre. You gotta hand it to him. He was one ballsy fucker, and that's for damn sure.

On this day in 2004, after nearly 16 years out of office and out of the public eye, President Ronald Reagan dies at 93 years old. He is the oldest serving and the longest-living of all American Presidents. The heavily stage-managed media spectacle that followed Reagan's passing was, simply put, astonishing in its mercenary zeal. I wrote some good editorials about it, back in the day. If anybody asks, I'll email them. Also, don't worry... I hope to get some new quality writing done soon, so I can stop reveling in my former glories.

ON THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICAL HISTORY - MAY 3

On this day in 1469, Italian historian and political thinker Niccolò Machiavelli - author of The Prince and favorite philosopher of neoconservative Godfather Leo Strauss - is born.

On this day in 1616, prolifically productive wordsmith William Shakespeare is alleged to have died, although some people claim he passed away on April 23, while others claim he never even existed, at all.

On this day in 1802, America's capital city, Washington, D.C. is incorporated, featuring a distinctly diabolical layout, courtesy of Master Mason and civic planner Pierre Charles L'Enfante. Quite disturbing that the old esoteric saying "as above, so below" should apply to road maps as well as it does to... other things.

On this day in 1938, the Vatican officially recognizes Generalissimo Francisco Franco's government in Spain. In the forty years between his inauguration and the end of his murderous, fascist reign in the 1970's, it was never suggested that perhaps it might be a good idea to deny Franco the right to receive Holy Communion, as a symbolic show of disapproval for his brutal tactics. Come to think of it, they never said "peep" to Mussolini, either. American Democratic politicians, on the other hand...

 On this day in 1963, the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King Junior delivers his "I have a dream" speech. Meanwhile, in Birmingham, Alabama, the police force there decide to confront the Birmingham campaign protesters with fire-hoses, billy-clubs and vicious attack dogs. That night, newscasts around the world are filled with King's powerful oratory juxtaposed with scenes of brutal and violent police suppression.

If you enjoyed this post, be sure to check out THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICAL HISTORY for MAY 1 and MAY 2, too! They had EVERYTHING!