On this day in
1522,
Suleiman the Magnificent accepts the surrender of the surviving
Knights of Rhodes during the Siege of Rhodes. They're allowed to evacuate. They eventually settle on Malta and become known as the
Knights of Malta.
***
On this day in
1669, rabble-rouser
Marcus Jacobson thought he was gonna get off light when he learned his punishment would be decided by the first ever trial-by-jury. Unfortunately for Marcus, his peers didn't much care for the cut of his jib. They sentenced him to be flogged, branded, and sold into slavery. He got PUNK'D!
***
On this day in
1803, the
Louisiana Purchase is completed at a ceremony in New Orleans, Louisiana.
***
On this day in
1860, South Carolina becomes the first state to attempt to secede from the United States.
***
On this day in
1917, the
Cheka, the first Soviet secret police force, is founded.
***
On this day in
1924,
Adolf Hitler is released from Landsberg Prison. Chaos ensues.
***
On this day in
1946, the popular Christmas film
It's a Wonderful Life is first released in New York, New York.
***
On this day in
1968, the
Zodiac Killer kills
Betty Lou Jenson and
David Faraday in Vallejo, California.
***
On this day in
1983, the South American nation of El Salvador adopts their second constitution in as many decades. Yer old pal Jerky supposes the El Salvadoreans aren't big on that whole "amendment" thing. Maybe they could write their next constitution on an Etch-a-Sketch. Whenever they're sick of the old one, just shake and start over!
***
On this day in
2004,
Preznit Dubya's plan to keep the Department of Homeland Security under the leadership of men with oddly shaped heads hits a snag. Former New York City police commissioner
Bernard Kerik - whose cranium evokes memories of WWI-era mortar shells - seemed like a shoe-in to replace
Big Tom Ridge, whose own notorious noggin is approximately the size, shape and density of a cinder block. Unfortunately, it soon became obvious that Kerik's nomination was a five hundred pound albatross. Officially, Kerik withdrew his nomination because of unpaid taxes on "an illegal babysitter" who doesn't seem to exist. More likely it was because of his failure to disclose expensive gifts from political pals, his multiple, overlapping extramarital affairs, his highly inappropriate
partisan pandering during the presidential campaign, a warrant being issued for his arrest due to unpaid rent, his ties to organized crime, and his flirtation with
bigamy. And so, the search was on. Before settling on the cadaverous and incompetent
Michael Chertoff, these were some of the candidates being considered:
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