On this day in 298, Roman Emperor Maximian concludes his campaign in North Africa against the Berbers, and makes a triumphal entry into Carthage.
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On this day in 1629, Charles I of England dissolves Parliament, beginning the eleven-year period known as the Personal Rule.
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On this day in 1791, doctor George Hayward becomes the first American surgeon to use ether, the lucky bastard.
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On this day in 1804, in St. Louis, Missouri, a formal ceremony is conducted to transfer ownership of the Louisiana Territory from France to the United States.
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On this day in 1831, the French Foreign Legion is established by King Louis Philippe to support his war in Algeria.
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On this day in 1873, Canada establishes their Royal Canadian Mounted Police force. With uniforms and duties that make them seem like hybrid boy-scout-forest-ranger-peace-keepers, the RCMP - a.k.a. "the thin scarlet line" - remain Canada's most popular postcard model subjects.
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On this day in 1876, Alexander Graham Bell makes the first successful telephone call by saying "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you."
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On this day in 1906, the Courrières mine disaster, Europe's worst ever, kills 1099 miners in Northern France.
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On this day in 1907, the world's first ever eugenics (involuntary sterilization) law is passed, in… the state of Indiana! Might Hitler have been a closet Hoosier?
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On this day in 1922, Mahatma Gandhi is arrested in India, tried for sedition, and sentenced to six years in prison, only to be released after nearly two years for an appendicitis operation.
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On this day in 1933, an earthquake in Long Beach, California kills 115 people and causes an estimated $40 million in damage.
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On this day in 1945, the U.S. Army Air Force firebombs Tokyo, and the resulting firestorm kills more than 100,000 people, mostly civilians.
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On this day in 1952, Fulgencio Batista leads a successful coup in Cuba and appoints himself as the "provisional president".
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On this day in 1959, fearing an abduction attempt by China, 300,000 Tibetans surround the Dalai Lama's palace to prevent his removal. Ballsy fuckers, eh?
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On this day in 1969, in Memphis, Tennessee, James Earl Ray pleads guilty to assassinating Martin Luther King Jr. He later unsuccessfully attempts to retract his plea.
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On this day in 1977, astronomers discover rings around Uranus. What's the matter? Don't you ever wash that thing?!
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On this day in 1981, the highly entertaining Dan Rather replaces Walter Cronkite as anchorman for the CBS Evening News. It's all downhill from there.
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On this day in 1997, something called the Senior Golf Slam takes place. Among the event's TV sponsors are Metamucil Code Red, the Rascal Cruzer elder-scooter, and PamPrrrs X-Treme adult diapers.
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