Tuesday, June 5, 2012


On this day in 8239 BC, the Universe is imagined into existence by two void-dwelling Gods, according to the Mayan "long-count" calendar. FYI, this same calendar lists December 21st, 2012 AD as the day that the Universe will come to an end... So smoke'em if ya got'em!

On this day in 1956, new-fangled rock-and-roller Elvis Presley creates a nationwide panic when he goes on The Milton Berle Show and performs a swivel-hipped rendition of his cover tune classic, Houndog. Later that night, pretty much anywhere within a five mile radius of a television set, if you went outside and breathed in deep, you could smell the faint aroma of sopping wet panties hanging in the air.

On this day, in 1968, at 12:16 am Pacific Standard Time, Sirhan Sirhan shoots Bobby Kennedy (or not), who dies the next day. JFK, RFK, MLK, John Lennon... Hey! How come these whack-job lone gunmen only succeed when they go after liberals? God must be a conservative, I guess.

On this day in 1933, U.S. Congress abrogates the gold standard by enacting a joint resolution (48 Stat. 112) nullifying the right of creditors to demand payment in gold. This is one of those historical "wrong turns" Ron Paul is always harping on about.

On this day in 1963, British Secretary of State for War John Profumo resigns after it comes to light that he's been shagging sexy, commie-connected call girl Christine Keeler. The scandal is popularly known as the Profumo Affair. Why it isn't called the Keeler Kerfuffle, I have no idea.

On this day in 1967, the Six-Day War begins when the Israeli air force launches (ahem) simultaneous pre-emptive attacks on the air forces of Egypt and Syria.

On this day in 1977, the Apple II, one of the first personal computers, goes on sale. So... have you ever wondered what that "apple with a bite out of it" logo means? Or why the first Apple computer sold for $666? So have these guys.

On this day in 1981, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that five people in Los Angeles, California have a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with weakened immune systems, in what turns out to be the first recognized cases of AIDS.

On this day in 1989, a single man halts the progress of a column of advancing tanks for over half an hour during the Tiananmen Square massacre. You gotta hand it to him. He was one ballsy fucker, and that's for damn sure.

On this day in 2004, after nearly 16 years out of office and out of the public eye, President Ronald Reagan dies at 93 years old. He is the oldest serving and the longest-living of all American Presidents. The heavily stage-managed media spectacle that followed Reagan's passing was, simply put, astonishing in its mercenary zeal. I wrote some good editorials about it, back in the day. If anybody asks, I'll email them. Also, don't worry... I hope to get some new quality writing done soon, so I can stop reveling in my former glories.

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