PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR SEPTEMBER 25

On this day in 1690, Publick Occurrences Both Forreign and Domestick, the first newspaper to appear in the Americas, is published for the first and only time.

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On this day in 1789, the United States Congress passes twelve amendments to the United States Constitution: the Congressional Apportionment Amendment (which was never ratified), the Congressional Compensation Amendment, and the ten that are known as the Bill of Rights.

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On this day in 1906, in the presence of the king and before a great crowd, Leonardo Torres Quevedo successfully demonstrates the invention of the Telekino in the port of Bilbao, guiding a boat from the shore, in what is considered the birth of the remote control.

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On this day in 1951, Luke Skywalker was born. Exactly one year later, Superman was born. Today, Luke Skywalker is playing "Pharoah" in a Branson dinner theater production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and Superman is dead. Oh, how the mighty have fallen...

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On this day in 1956, the first ever transatlantic telephone call takes place, between AT&T bigwig Cleo Frank Craig and Dr. Charles Hill of the British Post Office. At its humble beginnings, the transatlantic cable could only handle a mere thirty-six conversations at any one time. Now, people get upset if their computer lags when they've got thirty-six full-resolution hardcore porn videos downloading at once. We've come a long way, baby!

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This day in 1986 was a bleak day for the Supreme Court of the USA, as neo-fascist bizarro-cult-member Antonin "the Godfather" Scalia is appointed to that formerly respectable institution by then-President, Ronald Fucking Reagan.

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On this day in 1990, Saddam Hussein warns that by attacking Iraq, the US would have to endure a re-run of the Vietnam experience. Little did anyone know it would take an unlucky thirteen years for the Mesopotamian dictator's prophecy to come (somewhat) true.

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On this day in 1992, NASA launches the Mars Observer, a $511 million probe to Mars, in the first U.S. mission to the planet in 17 years. Eleven months later, the probe would fail.

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On this day in 1996, the last of the Magdalene asylums - essentially laundromats run with an iron fist by Catholic nuns and operated on a slave labor system by captive women and children - closes in Ireland.