PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 6

On this day in 1528, shipwrecked Spanish conquistador Álvar Núñez Cabeza de Vaca becomes the first known European to set foot in the area that would become Texas.

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On this day in 1861, Jefferson Davis is elected president of the Confederate States of America.

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On this day in 1869, in New Brunswick, New Jersey, Rutgers College defeats Princeton University (then known as the College of New Jersey), 6–4, in the first official intercollegiate American football game.

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On this day in 1913, Mohandas Gandhi is arrested while leading a march of Indian miners in South Africa.

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On this day in 1917, the Bolshevik revolution begins with the capture of the Winter Palace. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1944, plutonium is first produced at the Hanford Atomic Facility and subsequently used in the Fat Man atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki, Japan.

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On this day in 1947, Meet the Press makes its television debut (the show went to a weekly schedule on September 12, 1948).

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On this day in 1962, the United Nations General Assembly passes a resolution condemning South Africa's racist apartheid policies and calls for all UN member states to cease military and economic relations with the nation.

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On this day in 1990, Arsenio Hall gets a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, thereby causing the value of neighboring stars to plummet drastically.

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On this day in 1995, the Rova of Antananarivo, home of the sovereigns of Madagascar from the 16th to 19th centuries, is destroyed by fire.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 5

On this day in 1138, Lý Anh Tông is enthroned as emperor of Vietnam at the age of two, beginning a 37-year reign.

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On this day in 1605, Guy Fawkes is arrested. So HAPPY GUY FAWKES DAY to all our jug-eared, snaggle-toothed friends in Jolly Olde Englande! Today is the day they celebrate the fact that a Catholic terrorist plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament - along with King James I - was foiled by a treacherous turncoat. This they do by lighting bonfires, setting off fireworks and burning effigies of conspirator Guy Fawkes, whose execution was marred by the fact that he slipped and broke his neck on the way to the gallows, thus denying the assembled spectators the satisfyingly cathartic public hanging they had gathered to watch.

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On this day in 1862, in Minnesota, 303 Dakota warriors are found guilty of rape and murder of whites and are sentenced to hang. 38 are ultimately executed and the others reprieved.

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On this day in 1872, in defiance of the law, suffragist Susan B. Anthony votes for the first time, and is later fined $100.

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On this day in 1895, George B. Selden is granted the first U.S. patent for an automobile.

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On this day in 1925, secret agent Sidney Reilly, the first "super-spy" of the 20th century, is executed by the OGPU, the secret police of the Soviet Union.

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On this day in 1935, the Parker Brothers game company contribute to the steady unraveling of the fabric of Western society by launching Monopoly, a game responsible for more family punch-ups than you could fit in two dozen seasons of Jerry Springer.

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On this day in 1967, the Hither Green rail crash in the United Kingdom kills 49 people. Survivors include Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees.

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Acid-head Herbert Mullin was terrified that a monster earthquake was about to send California sliding into the Pacific Ocean as a sort of cosmic retribution against America for devastating South East Asia during the Vietnam War. So, in order to prevent this monster quake, Mullin did the only thing he believed might make a difference… he began offering up human sacrifices! The fucked-up fruit-cake killed his first of thirteen victims on this day in the year 1972.

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On this day in 1979, Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini first identifies the United States as "The Great Satan." Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1990, Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the far-right Kach movement, is shot dead after a speech at a New York City hotel.

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On this day in 1995, André Dallaire attempts to assassinate Prime Minister Jean Chrétien of Canada. He is thwarted when the Prime Minister's wife locks the door.

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On this day in 2003, Green River Killer Gary Ridgway pleaded guilty to 48 counts of murder.

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On this day in 2009, US Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan murders 13 and wounds 29 at Fort Hood, Texas in the deadliest mass shooting at a US military installation.

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And on this day in 2015, in the Brazilian state of Minas Gerais, an iron ore tailings dam bursts, flooding a valley, causing mudslides in a nearby village and causing at least 17 deaths and two missing. Also in 2015, Rona Ambrose takes over after Stephen Harper steps down as the leader of the Conservative Party of Canada. Are these two events connected? Only the clown knows...

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Finally, on this day in 2017 some sick fuck with a gun kills 26 and injures 20 in a church in Sutherland Springs, Texas.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 4

On this day in 1646, the leadership of the Massachusetts Bay Colony pass a law making it a capital offense for any citizen to deny that the Bible is the divinely inspired and wholly-true Word of GOD. By the way, that's "capital" as in "hung by the neck until dead." And this, in a place populated by people who fled England because of religious persecution! Oh, the IRONY!

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On this day in 1791, the Western Confederacy of American Indians wins a major victory over the United States in the Battle of the Wabash.

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On this day in 1847, Sir James Young Simpson, a British physician, discovers the anaesthetic properties of chloroform. Woo-hoo!

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On this day in 1921, Japanese Prime Minister Hara Takashi is assassinated in Tokyo.

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On this day in 1922, in Egypt, British archaeologist Howard Carter and his men find the entrance to Pharaoh Tutankhamun's tomb in the Valley of the Kings.

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On this day in 1924, Nellie Tayloe Ross of Wyoming is elected the first female governor in the United States.

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On this day in 1942, disobeying a direct order by Adolf Hitler, General Field Marshal Erwin Rommel leads his forces on a five-month retreat.

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On this day in 1952, the United States government establishes the National Security Agency.

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On this day in 1955, after being destroyed in World War II, the rebuilt Vienna State Opera reopens with a performance of Beethoven's Fidelio.

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On this day in 1970, Genie, a 13-year-old feral child is found in Los Angeles, California having been locked in her bedroom for most of her life. Crazy, but true.

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On this day in 1979, the Iran hostage crisis begins when a group of Iranians, mostly students, invades the US embassy in Tehran and takes 90 hostages (53 of whom are American).

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On this day in the year 1995, after making a speech at a peace rally in Israel, Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin - a man who wanted peace because he had hands-on experience with war - is gunned down in the street by Yigal Amir, an ultra-conservative Israeli who thought Rabin didn't take a sufficiently hardline stance towards the Palestinians. Or was he?

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On this day in 2008, Barack Hussein Obama becomes the first African-American to be elected President of the United States.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 3

On this day in 1493, Christopher Columbus first sights the island of Dominica in the Caribbean Sea.

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On this day in 1793, French playwright, journalist and feminist Olympe de Gouges is guillotined.

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On this day in 1817, the Bank of Montreal, Canada's oldest chartered bank, opens in Montreal, Quebec.

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On this day in 1903, with the encouragement of the United States, Panama separates from Colombia.

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On this day in 1954, the first Godzilla film is released and marks the first appearance of the character of the same name.

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On this day in 1956, the Khan Yunis killings are perpetrated by the Israel Defense Forces in Israeli-occupied Gaza, resulting in the deaths of 275 male Arabs.

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On this day in 1957, the Soviets launch Laika the dog into orbit on Sputnik 2. For her heroism and selflessness (like she had a choice), Laika was long beloved behind the iron curtain countries, many of which issued some rather lovely stamps in her honor. Sadly, depending on which expert you ask, the heroic bitch either suffocated when her oxygen ran out, or she roasted alive soon after the satellite shed its heat shields.

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On this day in 1964, Washington D.C. residents are able to vote in a presidential election for the first time.

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On this day in 1979, the Greensboro massacre happens when five members of the Communist Workers Party are shot dead and seven are wounded by a group of Klansmen and neo-Nazis during a "Death to the Klan" rally in Greensboro, North Carolina, United States.

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On this day in 1982, the Salang tunnel fire in Afghanistan kills up to 2,000 people. Now THAT'S a FIRE!

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On this day in 1986, the Lebanese magazine Ash-Shiraa reports that the United States has been secretly selling weapons to Iran in order to secure the release of seven American hostages held by pro-Iranian groups in Lebanon. This was one of the elements of a scandal that would come to be known as Iran/Contra.

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And on this day the 2020 US Presidential Election takes place, between Democratic nominee and Former Vice President Joe Biden, and Republican nominee and incumbent President Donald Trump. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, a larger than normal number of mail-in ballots were used. On November 7, Biden was declared the winner, Thank Jehoshaphat!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 2

On this day in 1898, cheerleading is started at the University of Minnesota with Johnny Campbell leading the crowd in cheering on the football team. Soon, even Presidents of the USA would be engaging in this pursuit.

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On this day in 1899, the Boers begin their 118 day siege of British held Ladysmith during the Second Boer War.

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On this day in 1917, the Balfour Declaration proclaims British support for the "establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people" with the clear understanding "that nothing shall be done which may prejudice the civil and religious rights of existing non-Jewish communities".

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On this day in 1930, Haile Selassie is crowned emperor of Ethiopia.

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On this day in 1936, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation CBC is established. Meanwhile, in the UK, the British Broadcasting Corporation initiates the BBC Television Service, the world's first regular, "high-definition" (then defined as at least 200 lines) service. Renamed BBC1 in 1964, the channel still runs to this day.

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On this day in 1947, in California, designer Howard Hughes performs the maiden (and only) flight of the Spruce Goose or H-4 The Hercules; the largest fixed-wing aircraft ever built.

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On this day in 1957, the Levelland UFO Case in Levelland, Texas, generates national publicity.

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On this day in 1959, Twenty One game show contestant Charles Van Doren admits to a Congressional committee that he had been given questions and answers in advance.

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On this day in 1965, Norman Morrison, a 31-year-old Quaker, sets himself on fire in front of the river entrance to the Pentagon to protest the use of napalm in the Vietnam war.

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On this day in 1982, Channel 4 is launched in the United Kingdom. They have a reputation of being one of the most risk-taking and adventurous broadcasters in the world.

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On this day in 1983, U.S. President Ronald Reagan signs a bill creating Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

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On this day in 1988, the Morris Worm, the first internet-distributed computer worm to gain significant mainstream media attention, is launched from MIT.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR NOVEMBER 1

On this day in 1512, the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, painted by Michelangelo, is exhibited to the public for the first time.

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On this day in 1520, the Strait of Magellan, the passage immediately south of mainland South America connecting the Pacific and the Atlantic Oceans, is first discovered and navigated by European explorer Ferdinand Magellan during the first recorded circumnavigation voyage.

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On this day in 1755, the Lisbon earthquake takes place, jolting many "modern" people's faith in God. The city of Lisbon is destroyed by a massive earthquake and tsunami, killing between sixty thousand and ninety thousand people.

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On this day in 1896, a picture showing the bare breasts of a woman appears in National Geographic magazine for the first time.

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On this day in 1911, the first dropping of a bomb from an airplane in combat, during the Italo-Turkish War.

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On this day in 1939, the first rabbit born after artificial insemination is exhibited to the world.

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On this day in 1941, American photographer Ansel Adams takes a picture of a moonrise over the town of Hernandez, New Mexico that would become one of the most famous images in the history of photography.

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On this day in 1946, Karol Wojtyla, the future Pope John Paul II, is ordained to the priesthood by Adam Sapieha. Also on this day in 1946, the first ever NBA basketball game is played... in Toronto! That's right, you read right. The first NBA game was played in Maple Leaf Gardens, where the Toronto Huskies (they lasted one season) faced off against the New York Knickerbockers. Black players would not be allowed in the NBA for a few years yet, so the game mostly consisted of pasty, lumbering Irishmen and Swedes violently hurling the ball up and down the court in a sloppy, clay-footed passing game. Needless to say, nobody dunked. New York won, 68-66.

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On this day in 1950, Puerto Rican nationalists Griselio Torresola and Oscar Collazo attempt to assassinate US President Harry S. Truman at Blair House.

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On this day in 1951, during Operation Buster-Jangle, 6,500 American soldiers are exposed to 'Desert Rock' atomic explosions for training purposes in Nevada. Participation is not voluntary.

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On this day in 1954, the Front de Libération Nationale fires the first shots of the Algerian War of Independence.

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On this day in 1956, the Springhill Mining Disaster takes place in Springhill, Nova Scotia, killing 39 miners; 88 are rescued.

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On this day in 1959, Montreal Canadiens goaltender Jacques Plante wears a protective mask for the first time in an NHL game.

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On this day in 1960, while campaigning for President of the United States, John F. Kennedy announces his idea of the Peace Corps.

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On this day in 1968, the Motion Picture Association of America's film rating system is officially introduced, originating with the ratings G, M, R, and X.

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On this day in 1988, DC comics announces the result of their fan poll to decide whether Batman's sidekick Robin would live or die. The mob demands blood, and Robin is blown to bits in the very next issue, leaving Batman without a date for the twelfth annual Fire Island Halloween Flame-Out and Vogue-Off Ex-trava-ganza.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 31

On this day in 683, during the Siege of Mecca, the Kaaba catches fire and is burned down.

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On this day in 1517, Protestant reformer Martin Luther posts his 95 theses on the door of the Castle Church in Wittenberg.

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On this day in 1876, a monster cyclone ravages India, resulting in over 200,000 deaths.

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On this day in 1913, the Lincoln Highway, the first automobile highway across United States, is dedicated.

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On this day in 1917, the "last successful cavalry charge in history" takes place during World War I, at the Battle of Beersheba.

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On this day in 1926, after being punched in the stomach by some idiot college punk backstage after a show in the frozen Canadian city of Montreal, Harry Houdini - the world's most famous magician and escape artist - dies of a burst apendix. Hey! Smooth move, CANADA!

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On this day in 1941, after 14 years of work, Mount Rushmore is completed.

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On this day in 1956, the United Kingdom and France begin bombing Egypt to force the reopening of the Suez Canal. Jeez, why didn't they just ASK?!

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On this day in 1961, in the Soviet Union, Joseph Stalin's body is removed from Lenin's Tomb.

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On this day in 1963, hundreds of people gather at the Indiana State Fair Coliseum to take in the season's final showing of Holiday on Ice. Unfortunately, a faulty propane-powered popcorn machine explodes under the bleachers, and seventy-four people die in the resulting conflagration, making this one of Indiana's worst ever man-made catastrophes. God damn you, Orville Redenbacher!

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On this day in 1984, Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi is assassinated by two security guards. Riots break out in New Delhi and nearly 10,000 Sikhs are killed.

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On this day in 2000, the Soyuz TM-31 launches, carrying the first resident crew to the International Space Station. The ISS has been continuously crewed since.

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By this day in 2001, it had only been a few days since our erstwhile superiors in Washington passed the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.O.T.A.C.T. (without ever reading it), but it was passed in time for Wisconsin man Jeffrey Remshek to learn about the game's changing rules, the hard way. Jeffrey was arrested after calling Central Intelligence Agency headquarters and accusing the organization of being involved in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. This, of course, was a very bad idea, as the CIA has the third worst sense of humor of any federal law enforcement agency (with the NSA and the Secret Service being only slightly less whimsical). After four calls, the spooks had had enough. They sent local authorities to arrest Remshek on three misdemeanor counts of - get this - "making an unlawful telephone call with intent to threaten." How could they possibly know that?! Anyway, he spent the night in jail, and was released the next day on a signature bond, which means he will likely be under omnipresent surveillance until the day he dies... and all for pointing out the obvious! Gee... I wonder whatever happened to old Jeff? I'd check myself, but I don't feel comfortable Googling his name.

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On this day in 2002, a federal grand jury in Houston, Texas indicts former Enron Corp chief financial officer Andrew Fastow on 78 counts of wire fraud, money laundering, conspiracy and obstruction of justice related to the collapse of his ex-employer.

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On this day in 2011, the global population of humans reached seven billion. This day is now recognized by the United Nations as Seven Billion Day.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 30

On this day in 1501, a banquet held by Cesare Borgia in the Papal Palace where fifty prostitutes or courtesans are in attendance for the entertainment of the guests. This legendary party is often referred to as the Ballet of Chestnuts, for some reason.

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On this day in 1806, believing he is facing a much larger force, Prussian Lieutenant General Friedrich von Romberg, commanding 5,300 men, surrendered the city of Stettin to 800 French soldiers commanded by General Lassalle.

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On this day in 1831, in Southampton County, Virginia, escaped slave Nat Turner is captured and arrested for leading the bloodiest slave rebellion in United States history.

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On this day in 1905, Tzar Nicholas II's "October Manifesto" grants civil liberties to his Russian subjects. Having been given an inch, the Bolsheviks soon decide to take a foot.

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On this day in 1938, soon-to-be-cinematic auteur Orson Welles broadcasts his radio play of H.G. Wells's The War of the Worlds, causing anxiety in some of the audience in the United States.

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On this day in 1941, Franklin Delano Roosevelt approves U.S. $1 billion in Lend-Lease aid to the Allied nations before the USA officially joins in the World War II festivities.

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On this day in 1953, U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower formally approves the top secret document National Security Council Paper No. 162/2, which states that the United States' arsenal of nuclear weapons must be maintained and expanded to counter the communist threat. An uncontrollable military-intelligence-industrial-media-complex ensues.

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On this day in 1960, Michael Woodruff performs the first successful kidney transplant in the United Kingdom at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary.

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On this day in 1961, the Soviet Union detonates the hydrogen bomb Tsar Bomba over Novaya Zemlya; at 50 megatons of yield, it is still the largest explosive device ever detonated, nuclear or otherwise.

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On this day in 1974, the Rumble in the Jungle boxing match between Muhammad Ali and George Foreman takes place in Kinshasa, Zaire. Guess who won?

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 29

On this day in 1390, the first trial for witchcraft in Paris leads to the death of three people.

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On this day in 1675, the philosopher Leibniz makes the first use of the long s (∫) as a symbol of the integral in calculus. That’s right. It wasn’t Newton. The two shared credit for the creation of this notoriously difficult aspect of mathematics.

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On this day in 1787, Mozart's occult-tinged opera Don Giovanni receives its first performance in Prague.

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On this day in 1901, assassin Leon Czolgosz is executed by electrocution for killing U.S. President William McKinley.

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The dull, wet thud of accountants and money-lenders kissing concrete echoes throughout New York City on this day in the year 1929, as the worst Stock Market crash in history - Black Tuesday - triggers the so-called Great Depression. Truth is, there was nothing "great" about it.

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On this day in 1941, in the Kaunas Ghetto over 10,000 Jews are shot by German occupiers at the Ninth Fort, a massacre known as the "Great Action". One year later, on this day in 1942, leading clergymen and political figures in the United Kingdom hold a public meeting to register outrage over Nazi Germany's persecution of Jews.

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On this day in 1967, Montreal's World Fair, Expo 67, closes after welcoming over 50 million visitors, a smashing success by any measure.

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On this day in 1969, the first-ever computer-to-computer link is established on ARPANET, the precursor to the Internet.

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On this day in 1991, the American Galileo spacecraft makes its closest approach to 951 Gaspra, becoming the first probe to visit an asteroid. 

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On this day in 1994, Francisco Martin Duran fires over two dozen shots at the White House Duran is later convicted of trying to kill US President Bill Clinton.

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On this day in 1997, Anton Lavey, founder of the Church of Satan, dies in San Francisco of pulmonary edema.

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On this day in 1998, Space Shuttle Discovery blasts off on STS-95 with 77-year old John Glenn on board, making him the oldest person to go into space, until Shatner.

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On this day in 2012, Hurricane Sandy hits the east coast of the United States, killing 148 directly and 138 indirectly, while leaving nearly $70 billion in damages and causing major power outages.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 28

On this day in 1420, Beijing is officially designated the capital of the Ming Dynasty on the same year that the Forbidden City, the seat of government, is completed.

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On this day in 1516, Turkish forces under the Grand Vizier Sinan Pasha defeat the Mameluks near Gaza in the Battle of Yaunis Khan.

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On this day in 1538, the first university in the New World, the Universidad Santo Tomás de Aquino, is established. It would take another 98 years before a vote of the Great and General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony would establish the first college in what would become the United States, today known as Harvard University, on this day in 1636.

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On this day in the year 1900, after over five fucking months of competition, the Paris Olympic Games finally come to an end, much to the delight and relief of everyone involved.

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On this day in 1919, U.S. Congress passes the Volstead Act over President Woodrow Wilson's veto, paving the way for Prohibition to begin the following January. Crime - both organized and not-so-organized - ensues.

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On this day in 1922, Italian fascists led by Benito Mussolini march on Rome and take over the Italian government.

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On this day in 1948, Swiss chemist Paul Müller is awarded the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine for his discovery of the insecticidal properties of DDT. Today, after a few decades in the doghouse, it seems as though the substance is poised to make a comeback, for better or for worse.

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On this day in 1962, USSR leader Nikita Khrushchev orders the removal of Soviet missiles from Cuba, effectively bringing an end to the Cuban Missile Crisis.

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On this day in 1965, Nostra Aetate, the "Declaration on the Relation of the Church with Non-Christian Religions" of the Second Vatican Council, is promulgated by Pope Paul VI. This declaration officially absolves the Jews of responsibility for the death of Jesus, reversing Pope Innocent III's 760 year-old dictum to the contrary.

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On this day in 1965, construction on the St. Louis Arch is completed. Did you know you can ride an elevator up to the top of this damned thing?! I wouldn't, but you might want to some day.

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On this day in 2005, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Vice-president Dick Cheney's chief of staff, is indicted in the Valerie Plame Affair. Libby resigns later that day. Here's a little something I wrote about that massive debacle, back in the day.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 27

On this day in 312, during the Battle of the Milvian Bridge, Constantine the Great is said to have received his famous Vision of the Cross, after which he decides to fight "under the protection of the Christian God" by slapping crosses on his soldiers' shields and armor. His troops win the battle and Christianity starts its long march towards becoming the most important world religion for the next thousand-plus years.

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On this day in 1553, after being condemned as a heretic, Spanish theologian, physician, cartographer and Renaissance humanist Michael Servetus is burned at the stake just outside Geneva.

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On this day in 1682, the city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - the City of Brotherly Love - is founded.

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On this day in 1838, Missouri governor Lilburn Boggs issues the Extermination Order, which orders all Mormons to leave the state or be exterminated. Seriously.

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On this day in 1904, the first underground New York City Subway line opens; the system becomes the biggest in United States, and one of the biggest in world.

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On this day in 1936, Mrs Wallis Simpson files for divorce which would eventually allow her to marry King Edward VIII of the United Kingdom, thus forcing his abdication from the throne.

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On this day in 1962, Major Rudolf Anderson of the United States Air Force becomes the only direct human casualty of the Cuban Missile Crisis when his U-2 reconnaissance airplane is shot down in Cuba by a Soviet-supplied SA-2 Guideline surface-to-air missile.

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On this day in 1962, A plane carrying Enrico Mattei, post-war Italian administrator, crashes under mysterious circumstances. Don't they all?

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On this day in 1964, washed up actor Ronald Reagan delivers a speech on behalf of Republican candidate for president, Barry Goldwater.

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On this day in 1986, the British government suddenly deregulates financial markets, leading to a total restructuring of the way in which they operate in the country, in an event now referred to as the Big Bang.

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On this day in 1988, President Ronald Reagan decides to tear down the new U.S. Embassy in Moscow because of Soviet listening devices in the building structure.

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On this day in 1999, gunmen open fire in the Armenian Parliament, killing Prime Minister Vazgen Sargsyan, Parliament Chairman Karen Demirchyan, and 6 other members.

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On this day in 2005, riots begin in Paris after the deaths of two Muslim teenagers who were running from police. It was some batshit crazy bullshit that went down, and that's for damn sure. Check out this timeline for more information.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 26

On this day in 1776, Benjamin Franklin departs from America for France on a mission to seek French support for the American Revolution. It works!

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On this day in 1944, the Battle of Leyte Gulf – the largest naval battle in history – ends with an overwhelming American victory against Japan.

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On this day in 1967, Iran’s shah, Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, crowns himself Emperor of Iran and then crowns his wife Farah Empress of Iran.

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On this day in 1984, Baby Fae receives a heart transplant from a baboon.

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On this day in 1999, Britain's House of Lords votes to end the right of hereditary peers to vote in Britain's upper chamber of Parliament.

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On this day in 2001, America's political class passes the U.S.A.P.A.T.R.I.O.T.A.C.T. into law without even really trying to READ the damned thing..

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On this day in the year 1988, American and Soviet scientists combine their efforts to save two gray whales from certain death after the beasts are suddenly surrounded by miles of unbroken ice off the coast of Alaska. They work day and night for nearly a week, cutting holes in the ice so the whales can surface and breathe. Meanwhile, a tribe of harpoon-clutching Eskimos - their tummies grumbling - can only shake their heads as they watch this absurdly expensive and time-consuming rescue effort escort a month's worth of food towards open water.

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On this day in 1988, after doing four months of "consulting" work, oleaginous real estate tycoon Donald Trump issues a $2,000,000 invoice to heavyweight cannibal rapist Iron Mike Tyson, thereby inadvertently revealing the secret to all his financial success: STEALING from mentally unstable people!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 25

On this day in 1415, the army of Henry V of England defeats the numerically superior French army at the Battle of Agincourt. It was an important battle in many ways, not least of which being the novel use of the English longbow, used in very large numbers. The battle is also the centerpiece of the play Henry V, by William Shakespeare.

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You've probably heard of the Charge of the Light Brigade, even though you probably never really knew what it was all about. Well, the "light brigade" in question "charged" on this day in 1854. It was at the Battle of Balaklava, during the Crimean War. A witness to the charge, Marshal Canrobert, declared: "C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre!" which means "it's nice, but it's not butter!" or something. I'm not sure. My French is a little rusty these days.

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On this day in 1861, the Toronto Stock Exchange is created. Big freakin' whoop.

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On this day in 1917, the Russian Royal Family's Winter Palace in Petrograd, Russia is captured. This is the traditionally understood date of the beginning of the October Revolution.

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On this day in 1940, Benjamin O. Davis, Sr. is named the first African American general in the United States Army.

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On this day in 1962, US ambassador to the UN Adlai Stevenson shows photos at a meeting of the United Nations Security Council proving that Soviet missiles are installed in Cuba.

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On this day in 1999, the Coca-Cola company start market-testing a new vending machine that senses the air temperature and raises the price of the product when it gets really hot outside. At the time, Coke chairman Doug Ivester defended the concept to various brown-nosing business reporters, saying: "Coca-Cola is a product whose utility varies from moment to moment." Justice was soon done, however, as Ivester would soon become the subject of one of the most humiliating corporate turfings in the history of corporate turfings, although the $120 million golden parachute he got probably helped to cushion the blow quite a bit...

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Also on this day in 1999, a runaway Learjet with golf pro Payne Stewart (and five others) on board crashes near Mina, South Dakota, after flying on autopilot for several hours. It is believed the accident is due to a loss of cabin pressure at high altitude, which would have caused all on board to go unconscious from lack of oxygen. After air traffic controllers lost contact with the plane, it was tracked by the FAA, assisted by several Air Force and Air National Guard fighters and an AWACS radar control plane, up until when it crashed. The 9/11 Commission will later compare NORAD’s response to this incident with its response to Flight 11 on 9/11, and claim: “There is no significant difference in NORAD’s reaction to the two incidents,” thus making the 9/11 Commission Report perhaps the greatest work of political satire since The Warren Commission, released roughly four decades earlier.

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HEY GUYS! If you enjoy the content I create and share with you here via the Daily Dirt Diaspora family of blogs - currently including the Daily Dirt Diaspora, the Useless Eater Blog, and Kubrick U - and you buy stuff through AMAZON.COM or (if you're in Canada, obviously) AMAZON.CA... would you mind occasionally entering those two sites via the links that I am providing here? Because when you do, I get a very small kickback, at ZERO COST to you! It's a great way to help keep yer old pal Jerky creating content! Because, man, let me tell you, the last time anyone tossed anything into my tip jar, I think we were all worrying about a potential Mitt Romney administration. Ah... happier days, eh? So come on, man! Use my Amazon portals, and keep me from having to set up a freaking Patreon account, like all the Worst People in the World are doing these days!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 24

On this day in 1260, the extremely witchy Cathedral of Chartres is dedicated in the presence of King Louis IX of France. It is now an official UNESCO World Heritage Site. Of course it is.

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On this day in 1857, Sheffield FC, the world's first football club, is founded in Sheffield, England, giving rise to the question… who the heck did they play against?!

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On this day in 1861, the First Transcontinental Telegraph line across the United States is completed, spelling the end for the 18-month-old Pony Express.

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"Black Thursday" takes place on this day in 1929, when the New York Stock Exchange collapses in on itself.

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On this day in 1945, the United Nations is founded.

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On this day in 1947, showbiz bigshot Walt Disney testifies before the House Un-American Activities Committee, naming Disney employees he believes to be communists. What an asshole.

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On this day in 1989, PTL Club founder Jim Baker is sentenced to 50 years in jail for fleecing his flock by selling them bogus time-shares to his Pentecostal vacation-community/theme-park, among other scams. The former protege of one-time presidential candidate Pat "Hurricane" Robertson, the always ambitious Baker was born James Orson, and took his wife Tammy Faye's maiden name when they got married, because it sounded more authoritative. Baker was released from prison in 1994. Most of his victims - including many little old ladies who gave him all their money because they wanted to guarantee themselves a window seat on the airplane to Heaven - are still flat broke.

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On this day in 1990, Italian prime minister Giulio Andreotti reveals to the Italian parliament the existence of GLADIO, the Italian "stay-behind" clandestine paramilitary NATO army, which was implicated in false flag terrorist attacks implicating communists and anarchists as part of the strategy of tension from the late 1960's to early 1980's. This is still one of the least understood, most important aspects of our collective secret/hidden history here in the West, and we NEED to learn all we can about it before the documentation and witnesses all disappear down the Memory Hole.

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On this day in 1992, the Toronto Blue Jays become the first Major League Baseball team based outside the United States to win the World Series.

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On this day in 2002, police arrest spree killers John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, ending the Beltway Sniper attacks in the area around Washington, DC. To this day, there is still something very freakin' fishy about this case... in particular the use of very MK-Ultra sounding "key phrases" by the authorities addressing Muhammad and Malvo through the media. I mean, what the hell is a "duck in a noose" anyway?!

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"Bloody Friday" takes place on this day in 2008, seeing many of the world's stock exchanges experience the worst declines in their history, with drops of around 10% in most indices.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 23

On this day in 1790, African slaves revolt en masse against their oppressors on the island nation of Haiti. But don't worry! Sweet ORDER is soon brutally restored by the French, oddly enough.

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On this day in 1861, US President Abraham Lincoln suspends the writ of habeas corpus in Washington, DC for all military-related cases.

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On this day in 1917, Russian revolutionary V.I. Lenin calls for the October Revolution. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1929, after a steady decline in stock market prices since a peak in September, the New York Stock Exchange begins to show signs of panic before sliding into the full-fledged Great Depression.

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On this day in 1958, the Smurfs, a fictional race of blue dwarves, later popularized in a Hanna-Barbera animated cartoon series, appear for the first time in the story La flute à six schtroumpfs, a Johan and Peewit adventure by Peyo, which is serialized in the weekly Spirou magazine.

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On this day in 1983, as a direct result of President Ronald Reagan's political decision to maintain a land-base in war-torn Beirut - a decision, which flew in the face of advice from military brass - 241 Marines are slaughtered when a smiling terrorist drives a truck loaded with 2000 lbs of TNT and compressed gas into the barracks building lobby. Two days later, in what many viewed as an attempt to divert the public's attention from his disastrous foreign policy fuck-up, Reagan orders the Marines to invade Grenada, a tiny spice-producing country with 125,000 citizens. It was this incident, and not Lewisnkygate, that inspired the film Wag the Dog.

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On this day in 1999, cavorting with all those fart-inhaling, vomit-spewing, lesbian, necrophiliac Down Syndrome dwarves finally pays off for radio shock-jock Howard Stern when, after 21 years of marriage, he announces that he and his wife Alison are getting a divorce. Lucky for Howard, his fan-base chooses to ignore the fact that this means his book and movie, Private Parts, was a load of horse-shit happy talk.

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On this day in 2002, the Moscow Theatre Siege begins when Chechen terrorists seize the House of Culture theater in Moscow, taking approximately 850 theater-goers hostage. Demanding the withdrawal of Russian forces from Chechnya and an end to the Second Chechen War was official siege leader Movsar Barayev. After a two-and-a-half days, Russian Alpha Group commandos pumped knock-out gas (some maintain that it was weaponized fentanyl) into the building's ventilation system before raiding it. During the raid, all 40 attackers are killed and about 130 hostages die from the gas.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 22

On this day in the year 4004 BC, at exactly 8 PM, THE LORD THY GOD begins creating the universe. At least, that's the story according to seventeenth century Anglican archbishop James Usher, who no doubt spent uncountable minutes pouring over dozens of Bibles to reach his theologically-binding conclusions.

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On this day in 1797, one thousand meters above Paris, André-Jacques Garnerin makes the first recorded parachute jump. Quite the gutsy move for a Frenchman!

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On this day in 1844, a group of Millerites – followers of Christian evangelical figure William Miller – anticipate the end of the world in conjunction with the Second Advent of Christ. When the world fails to end the following day, it becomes known as the Great Disappointment. Heheh… Christians.

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On this day in 1924, the public speaking organization Toastmasters International is founded.

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On this day in 1926, some idiot named J. Gordon Whitehead sucker punches magician Harry Houdini in the stomach in Montreal, precipitating his death.

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On this day in 1962, US President John F. Kennedy announces that American reconnaissance planes have discovered Soviet nuclear weapons in Cuba, and that he has ordered a naval "quarantine" of the Communist nation.

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On this day in 1964, French philosopher/novelist Jean-Paul Sartre is awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature, but turns down the honor.

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On this day in 1964, a Multi-Party Parliamentary Committee selects the design which eventually becomes the new official Flag of Canada.

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On this day in 1975, Air Force sargeant Leonard Matlovich, a decorated Vietnam veteran, is given a "general" discharge after coming out of the closet as a gay man. Not the kind of man to take such a thing lying down (he preferred "taking it" whilst on all fours), Matlovich launched a legal challenge against the Air Force's no homos policy, sparking a controversy that landed him on the cover of Time Magazine. Matlovich's lawsuit failed to get the ban tossed out, but after four years in court, he succeeded in getting his discharge upgraded to "honorable." Nine years after that, he died of AIDS. His epitaph in the Congressional Cemetery reads: "A gay Vietnam Veteran. When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one."

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On this day in 1976, Red Dye No. 4 is banned by the US Food and Drug Administration after it is discovered that it causes tumors in the bladders of dogs. The dye is still used in Canada.

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On this day in 1979, the Walt Disney World entertainment complex welcomes Sue Anne Dobbs, their one-hundred-millionth visitor! Later that night, Mickey Mouse-headed thugs kidnap Dobbs from her hotel room and drag her down into the Magic Kingdom's vast network of underground tunnels. There, they offer her up as a blood sacrifice to their cryogenically frozen idol/God, Walt Disney, who surveys the wanton butchery from behind the frosted Plexiglas window of his icy sarcophagus.

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On this day in 1986, WNBC-AM NYC traffic reporter Jane Dornnacker transmitting a traffic report over the airwaves when her helicopter crashes to the ground for some reason, killing her and her pilot as a stunned radio audience listens live.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 21

On this day, in the year 1520, world explorer Magellan first discovers the Straits of Magellan, and his mind is, like, totally blown by the coincidence!

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On this day in 1879, in his Menlo Park, New Jersey lab, half-mad inventor Thomas Edison first shows off his new-fangled flameless illumination flask, soon to be known as the light-bulb.

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On this day in 1921, President Warren G. Harding delivers the first speech by a sitting President against lynching in the Deep South. It doesn’t work.

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On this day in 1921, director George Melford's silent film The Sheik, starring Rudolph Valentino, premiers. Soaked panties ensue.

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On this day in 1931, the Sakurakai, a secret society in the Imperial Japanese Army, launches an abortive coup d'état attempt. Pretty lame secret society, there, guys…

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On this day in 1940, the first edition of Ernest Hemingway’s novel For Whom the Bell Tolls is published. The ending of that novel still has the power to piss readers off.

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On this day in 1944, the first kamikaze attack takes place when a Japanese plane carrying a 440 lb bomb attacks HMAS Australia off Leyte Island as the Battle of Leyte Gulf begins.

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On this day in 1945, women are allowed to vote in France for the first time.

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On this day in 1959, President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs an executive order transferring Wernher von Braun and other German (and yes, NAZI) scientists from the United States Army to the “civilian” organization, NASA.

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On this day in the year 1969, in the African nation of Somalia, the deeply corrupt government is overthrown in a bloodless coup. Since then, thanks mostly to the excellent marketing efforts of the world's shadiest international arms dealers, Somalia's subsequent coups have been a hell of a lot more bloody.

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On this day in 1978, Australian civilian pilot Frederick Valentich vanishes in a Cessna 182 over the Bass Strait south of Melbourne, after reporting contact with an unidentified aircraft.

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On this day in 1995, President William Jefferson Clinton signs a classified presidential order “directing the Departments of Justice, State and Treasury, the National Security Council, the CIA, and other intelligence agencies to increase and integrate their efforts against international money laundering by terrorists and criminals.” It was the first serious effort by the US to track bin Laden’s businesses. All in all, it wasn't exactly a roaring success.

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On this day in 2001, a Washington Post article hints at the US government’s use of rendition and torture. Among the alternative strategies reported to be under discussion were drugs, pressure tactics and extraditing the suspects to allied countries where security services employ threats to family members and resort to torture. Unbeknownst to the public at large, the CIA had already been renditioning suspects to countries known for practicing torture, and had made arrangements with NATO countries to increase the number of such renditions, no ifs, ands or buts about it.

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On this day in 2003, images of the dwarf planet Eris are taken and subsequently used in documenting its discovery by the team of Michael E. Brown, Chad Trujillo, and David L. Rabinowitz.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 20

On this day in 1818, the Convention of 1818 signed between the United States and the United Kingdom which, among other things, settled the Canada/United States border on the 49th parallel for most of its length.

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On this day in 1944, liquid natural gas leaks from storage tanks in Cleveland, then explodes; the explosion and resulting fire level 30 blocks and kill 130. Ka-freaking-BOOM, muddafuggaz.

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On this day in 1947, the House Un-American Activities Committee begins its investigation into Communist infiltration of Hollywood, resulting in a blacklist that prevents some from working in the industry for years. It would take the combined forces of Stanley Kubrick, Kirk Douglas and time (over a decade) before the blacklist was smashed for good when formerly untouchable writer Dalton Trumbo was hired to pen the script for the decidedly "liberal" sword-and-sandal epic Spartacus.

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On this day in 1968, former First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy marries Greek shipping tycoon Aristotle Onassis. This gives rise to countless conspiracy theories of a particularly 70's-tinted hue. Remember Gemstone? And now, there's even some relatively new conspiracies popping up around this odd couple! Aristotle behind the assassination of RFK? Dunno if I buy that one, personally, but who knows?

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On this day in 1977, 3 members of Southern-flavored rock combo Lynyrd Skynyrd and its entourage perish in a fiery plane crash. Some of their more sentimental, superstitious fans insist that the three - Ronnie Van Zant, Steve Gaines and his sister Cassie Gaines - became "free birds" in that crash. Yer old pal Jerky suspects the only birds those poor bastards resembled on that day were of the Kentucky Fried variety.

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On this day in 2011, ousted Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi is found hiding in a culvert near his hometown of Sirte by National Transitional Council forces who proceed to torture, then kill him. Disgusting video footage of his last moments show rebel fighters beating him senseless (and, allegedly, buggering him with a rifle) before shooting him dead, then inflicting further desecration upon his corpse. US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton's subsequent media gloating is, quite possibly, the most offensive thing she's ever done. The fact that it feels to me like she was doing it to curry favor with neocon hawks and right-wing Republicans (a fruitless endeavor) makes it all the more disappointing and disturbing. Oh well... at least she isn't Trump.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 19

On this day in 1469, Ferdinand II of Aragon marries Isabella I of Castile, a marriage that paves the way to the unification of Aragon and Castile into a single country: SPAIN!

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On this day in 1789, Chief Justice John Jay is sworn in as the first Chief Justice of the United States.

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On this day in 1933, the Berlin Olympic Committee votes to allow the sport of basketball during the Olympic games scheduled to be held in Nazi Germany three years later. This explains why Germans are now such a dominating force in the sport.

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On this day in 1978, actor Gig Young (They Shoot Horses, Don't They?) kills his second wife, then commits suicide. You wouldn't expect a guy with such an up-beat, cheery name to be so freaking grouchy, would you? But, there you go...

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On this day in 1980, Salem bin Laden, oldest brother of Osama, is allegedly involved in secret Paris October Surprise meetings between US and Iranian emissaries, including George Herbert Walker "Poppy" Bush, during which a delay to the release of the US hostages in Iran was negotiated, thus helping Ronald Reagan and Bush win the 1980 Presidential election.

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On this day in 1986, Samora Machel, President of Mozambique and a prominent leader of FRELIMO, and 33 others die when their Tupolev 134 plane crashes into the Lebombo Mountains.

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On this day in 1987, the Dow Jones Industrial Average falls by 22%, 508 points on this day, which would henceforth be remembered as Black Monday.

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On this day in 2005, the pathetic sham of a kangaroo court show-trial for former Iraqi strongman President Saddam Hussein begins in Baghdad. 

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR OCTOBER 18

On this day in 629, King Dagobert I is crowned King of the Franks. He was the last king of the much feared and loathed Merovingian Dynasty to wield any "real" royal power... or so THEY would have you believe.

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On this day in 1009, the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, a Christian church in Jerusalem, is completely destroyed by the Fatimid caliph Al-Hakim bi-Amr Allah, who hacks the Church's foundations down to bedrock.

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On this day in 1648, Boston shoemakers form first U.S. labor organization, otherwise known by that currently dirty word: “union”.

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On this day in 1851, American author Herman Melville's novel Moby-Dick is first published as The Whale, by publisher Richard Bentley in London.

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On this day in 1867, the USA takes possession of Alaska after purchasing it from Russia for $7.2 million. Celebrated annually in the state as Alaska Day. Thirty one years later, on this day in 1898, they take possession of Puerto Rico. Which purchase do you suspect has brought the American People the most joy over the years?

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On this day in 1922, the British Broadcasting Company (BBC) is founded by a consortium, to establish a nationwide network of radio transmitters to provide a national broadcasting service.

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On this day in 1945, Argentine military officer and politician Juan Perón marries actress Eva Perón. Don't cry for them, Argentina, even though they didn't exactly live happily ever after.

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On this day in 1954, Texas Instruments announces the first Transistor radio.

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On this day in 1967, the Soviet probe Venera 4 reaches Venus and becomes the first spacecraft to measure the atmosphere of another planet.

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On this day in 2002, at the request of FBI Director Robert Mueller, Attorney General John Ashcroft files a declaration invoking the “state secrets” privilege to block FBI translator Sibel Edmonds’ lawsuit against the government from being heard in court. The Justice Department insists that disclosing her evidence, even at a closed hearing in court, “could reasonably be expected to cause serious damage to the foreign policy and national security of the United States.” Normally, the privilege is used to block the discovery of a specific piece of evidence that could put the nation’s security at risk. But Ashcroft’s declaration asserts that the very subject of her lawsuit constitutes a state secret, thus barring her from even presenting her case in court. The text of Ashcroft’s declaration is classified.