THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICAL HISTORY - APRIL 13

On April 13 in the year 1953 -- in a development that was a direct outgrowth of the American Establishment’s disastrous decision to recruit the elite of the Nazi scientific and intelligence communities in order to prevent the Soviets from scooping them up to use against us in the then-brewing Cold War -- CIA director Allen Dulles launches the mind-control program MKULTRA. According to a recently de-classified CIA document from May 5^th, 1955, MKULTRA was devoted to the discovery of the following materials and methods:

1. Substances which will promote illogical thinking and impulsiveness to the point where the recipient would be discredited in public.

2. Substances which increase the efficiency of mentation and perception.

3. Materials which will prevent or counteract the intoxicating effect of alcohol.

4. Materials which will promote the intoxicating effect of alcohol.

5. Materials which will produce the signs and symptoms of recognized diseases in a reversible way so that they may be used for malingering, etc.

6. Materials which will render the indication of hypnosis easier or otherwise enhance its usefulness.

7. Substances which will enhance the ability of individuals to withstand privation, torture and coercion during interrogation and so-called "brainwashing".

8. Materials and physical methods which will produce amnesia for events preceding and during their use.

9. Physical methods of producing shock and confusion over extended periods of time and capable of surreptitious use.

10. Substances which produce physical disablement such as paralysis of the legs, acute anemia, etc.

11. Substances which will produce "pure" euphoria with no subsequent let-down.

12. Substances which alter personality structure in such a way that the tendency of the recipient to become dependent upon another person is enhanced.

13. A material which will cause mental confusion of such a type that the individual under its influence will find it difficult to maintain a fabrication under questioning.

14. Substances which will lower the ambition and general working efficiency of men when administered in undetectable amounts.

15. Substances which will promote weakness or distortion of the eyesight or hearing faculties, preferably without permanent effects.

16. A knockout pill which can surreptitiously be administered in drinks, food, cigarettes, as an aerosol, etc., which will be safe to use, provide a maximum of amnesia, and be suitable for use by agent types on an ad hoc basis.

17. A material which can be surreptitiously administered by the above routes and which in very small amounts will make it impossible for a man to perform any physical activity whatever.

TEA PARTY SEMINAR: HOW TO FAKE A GRASSROOTS MOVEMENT ONLINE

Click PLAY on this video, then keep reading...

The young man in the video above -- a Tea Party activist who, in this video, is training other would-be Tea Party activists -- represents the new breed of foot-soldier in the Conservative Movementarian War against facts, against reason, against honesty, against decency, against common sense and against fair play. 

This war is being waged because all of these attributes and factors tend to work against conservative arguments, beliefs and ideals. The young man all but admits as much in this video. So, what do Conservative Movementarians use instead? Simply listing the opposites of the above-mentioned "Enemies of the Conservative Movement" yields intriguing results. 

Let's see... instead of facts, they've got anecdotes. For instance, say all your arguments for doing away with welfare are proven false by the statistics around the issue. What do you do? Yell loudly about "Cadillac-driving Welfare Queens!!!"

Instead of reason, they've got blind faith. For instance, can't think of a good rational reason to hate gay people? Well then, just point to those parts in the Bible where GOD says to hate gay people! "It's in the BAH-bull!!! Yew ain't gunnah tell me yew don't buh-leev thuh BAH-bull, are yuh?! It's thuh ruh-veeled WURD o' GAWD!!!"

Instead of honesty, they've got lies. Ahem... Rush Limbaugh. Bill O'Reilly. Glenn Beck. Case closed.

Instead of decency, they've got thuggish, bully-boy tactics. It would take a thousand blogs like this one to list just a small fraction of the incidents of conservative violence over the last few decades. And, of course -- just like school-yard bullies and inveterate hypocrites -- they are HUGE whiners, complaining loudly and repeatedly via their community's massive and growing propaganda-spreading media networks whenever someone subjects one of them to the tiniest fraction of the abuse that they heap on their adversaries on a daily basis..

Instead of common sense, they've got bought-and-paid-for "skeptics". 

Instead of fair play, they cheat. The 2000 presidential election. The 2002 mid-term election. The 2004 presidential election. The 2006 mid-terms. All either stolen outright or subject to rampant Conservative Movement tampering and cheating.

All of which begs the question... WHY do conservatives do these things? Why do they use these tactics? They do so because, in the fractured model of reality that they've put together in their twisted minds, it is absolutely imperative that they win... at all costs, and by any means necessary. 

Whether it's by rigging elections, blackmailing political opponents or framing them for crimes they didn't commit. Or, hell, even tampering with brake-lines, small planes, or the minds of easily-manipulated loners who can then be MKUltra'd into committing history-changing assassinations on behalf of the New World Order Powers That Be, using techniques evolved from those of their Third Reich predecessors...

But these are all topics for another day. For the time being, I would just like for everyone to watch the video above, and then ask yourself if it doesn't explain a few things that have been going on around here, recently...

THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICAL HISTORY - APRIL 12

On April 12 in 1638, the Roman Catholic legal body known as the Inquisition begins its trial of Galileo Galilei. The famed scientist and astronomer was charged on suspicion of heresy, and was ultimately found “vehemently suspect” of holding the opinion that -- contrary to Holy Scripture -- the Sun, and not the Earth, is at the center of the Universe. By the end of his trial, Galileo was sentenced to imprisonment “at the pleasure of the Inquisition”… and a great deal of pleasure did the religious authorities of the day derive from their victory over that arrogant upstart, the scientific method, you can be sure. Galileo’s works were gathered up and destroyed, and further publications were forbidden. He was held under house arrest for the rest of his natural life, during which time he wrote one of his most important works: Two New Sciences. Fortunately, Galileo was allowed a certain degree of freedom during this time, and was allowed to have visitors. Two of these visitors were the world-historic philosophers Thomas “Leviathan” Hobbes and Rene “Cogito Ergo Sum” Descartes.

On this day in 1861, the first shot of the American Civil War is fired by a Confederate soldier in the general direction of Fort Sumter, in the harbour of Charleston, South Carolina. By the time the last shot of the war is fired, more Americans will have died in that conflict than in World War I, World War II, the Korean Conflict and Vietnam… COMBINED. It was a goddamn bloodbath.

On this day in 1945, at 3:35 in the afternoon, during the fourth month of his fourth term in office, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt dies of a massive cerebral haemorrhage at the age of 63. His vice president, Harry Truman, assumes the Presidency later that same day.

On this day in 1961, Soviet cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin becomes the first human being to travel into outer space and perform the first manned orbital flight. From agrarian peasant feudalism to the loftiest heights of scientific achievement in a mere three generations? Way to go, you communist Rooskie bastards!

On this day in 1968, the Skull Valley Sheep Kill takes place. A rancher came upon a startling scene when he went to check on his herds of sheep. Six thousand of the fluffy white creatures, which had been grazing peaceably on a piece of property in Utah, all mysteriously and simultaneously dropped dead for some reason. That reason most likely had something to do with their neighbors, the military’s Dugway Proving Ground, where locals had always suspected chemical weapons were tested, despite the government’s absolute and implacable silence on the issue. In fact, government silence on the topic was so complete and so long-lasting that it wasn’t until three DECADES after the incident that a Defense Department report was made public, revealing that OF COURSE the animals were killed by a leak of deadly VX nerve gas, and OF COURSE the military knew all about it, for fuck’s sake. 

On this day in 1994, the first massive commercial Usenet SPAM message is posted by the husband-and-wife lawyer team of Laurence Canter and Martha Siegel. The couple splash their “Green Card Lottery” SPAM across a grand total of 5,500 Usenet discussion groups, pissing off everyone from Trekkies to Furries to the 7 dedicated members of the alt.binaries.images.sex.fetish.erotica.Gillian-Anderson-head-on-other-womens-bodies newsgroup. And yet… it worked! In a 1994 interview, Canter & Siegel claim to have gained a thousand new clients and earned over a hundred thousand dollars with an ad that cost pennies. Insert your own Christian Bale "Good for you” sound effect, here.

THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICAL HISTORY - APRIL 11

On April 11 in the year 1775, for the last time on European soil, an individual found guilty of the crime of witchcraft is killed in an official, state-sanctioned execution, in Germany.

On this day in 1868, shogun Tokugawa Yoshinobu surrenders Edo Castle to Imperial forces, marking the end of Japan's shogun era and the beginning of the Meiji Restoration. This development came about partly because, after American Commodore Matthew Perry showed up in Japan accompanied by an impressive fleet of technologically advanced warships, Japanese elites collectively freaked out. They hatched a plan to get rid of the samurai class and the feudal, agrarian system over which they presided and replace it with a more forward-thinking oligarchy, headed up by a hereditary figurehead, the aforementioned Emperor Meiji. In less than half a century, the combination of rapid cultural change, techno-fetishism, the sublimation of a disgruntled samurai remnant and increasingly obsessive Emperor worship would lead to some of the most unfortunate chapters in the history of all mankind.

On this day in 1876, the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks is first organized. They remain one of the leading fraternal orders in the United States, with over one million dues-paying members.

On this day in 1951, less than four months after its theft from Westminster Abbey by Scottish nationalist university students, the Stone of Scone is discovered hidden beneath the altar of Arbroath Abbey in Scotland. The origins of the so-called "Stone of Destiny", which played a minor role in the recent film The King's Speech, is shrouded in mystery. Some claim that it dates back to Antiquity, or even that it is the legendary "Stone of Jacob", the rock upon which the biblical patriarch was resting his head when he was delivered a "divine revelation" from Jehovah, as detailed in the Book of Genesis. But it's probably just a rock.

On this day in 1961, the trial of fugitive Nazi technocrat Adolf Eichmann begins in Jerusalem. After World War II, Eichmann had fled to Argentina under an assumed name, where he worked for Mercedes-Benz until he was identified, located, then kidnapped by the Mossad, who brought him to Israel to stand trial for his central role in organizing the Holocaust. He was found guilty and hanged in 1962, the only person ever to be executed in Israel based on the findings of a civilian court.

On this day 1968, President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act into existence, prohibiting discrimination in the sale, rental, and financing of housing to individuals based on their race. At the time, pondering the effect this might have on voters in the formerly Democratic-leaning South, Johnson is said to have said: "We've lost them for a generation." It turns out he was way too optimistic.

This day in 2001 saw the ignominious conclusion to the Hainan Island Incident, the first real crisis of Preznit Dubya's heart-breaking White House career. On April Fools Day, an American spy plane had to make an emergency landing on a Chinese island after being bumped out of the sky by a Chinese fighter jet. It was on this day, ten days later, that the 24 American crew members were released by the Chinese government, but not before the White House issued a groveling apology, which they preferred to characterize as "an expression of regret and sorrow" over the death of the Chinese driver... I mean pilot. A coincidence of note is that the American aircraft was a Navy EP-3E ARIES II signals intelligence aircraft, and the incident took place while the sun was in the Zodiac House of Aries. Aries is ruled by the planet Mars, God of War.

And, finally -- last but definitely not least -- on this day in 2002, an attempted coup d'état takes place in Venezuela, resulting in the temporary ouster of President Hugo Chávez. If you relied on Western media to inform you about those infuriating, exasperating, incredibly inspiring days, then you have no idea what happened. I strongly urge you to give your undivided attention to the documentary, The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, embedded below. It's one of the most important documents ever produced in terms of its revelations about the the true nature, focus and direction of American policy towards Latin America. Just watch it. From beginning to end. I'm serious. It will infuriate you, and you will never forget the lesson it teaches.

THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICAL HISTORY - APRIL 10

On April 10 in the year 1606, the Charter of the Virginia Company of London is established by royal charter by King James I of England. In December of that same year, 144 men and boys set out on a ship from Blackwall, London, to establish the colony. The voyage takes 144 days -- far longer than usual -- and 40 passengers die along the way. After that, things really go South...

On this day in 1710, the Statute of Anne enters into force in Great Britain. It is the first ever law to regulate copyright. Contrary to popular assumption, copyright law originally had little or nothing to do with protecting the rights of authors as regards securing access to potential revenue that their work might generate. Rather, it represented a government effort to regulate and control the potentially subversive output of that new-fangled contraption known as the printing press.

On this day in 1904, in Cairo, Egypt, British mystic Aleister Crowley transcribes the third and final chapter of his Liber AL Vel Legis, also known as The Book of The Law. It all began when, during a trip to Egypt, Crowley performed a ritual to invoke the Egyptian deity Thoth. Soon afterwards, his then-wife, Rose Kelly, went into a light trance, repeatedly telling Crowley: "They are waiting for you."  Because Kelly had previously shown little interest in occult matters, Crowley ignored her. But then, one day, the couple paid a visit to Egypt's Buluq Museum, where Kelly was able to find, identify and (most importantly) explain the Stele of Revealing, an ancient Egyptian artifact. This convinced Crowley that Kelly was being truthful, so he began paying attention, at which point his Holy Guardian Angel, a being by the name of Aiwass, dictated the entirety of the Book of the Law through Kelly, whose words were dutifully transcribed by Crowley. The Stele, by the way, is currently tucked hidden away in a disused corner of the Cairo Museum. As the central artifact in one of the most controversial New Religious Movements of the 20th century, it appears to be a source of embarrassment. Recently, an associate of yer old pal Jerky's hunted down the Stele and shot some footage of it on his camera phone. That video, now...

On this day in 1912, the Titanic leaves port in Southampton, England, for her first and only voyage.

On this day in 1919, Mexican Revolution leader Emiliano Zapata is ambushed and shot dead by government forces in Morelos.

On this day in 1972, 74 nations sign the Biological Weapons Convention, the first multilateral disarmament treaty banning the production of biological weapons. Shortly thereafter, HIV and AIDS begin  working their Satanic magic, depopulating the resource-rich African continent. As an added bonus, they also begin to "deal with" America's troublesome homosexual and intravenous drug using communities. By the way, to those debunkers who claim that "conspiracy theories" about AIDS can be proven wrong simply by identifying strains that existed prior to that point in history where the transmission vector becomes so incredibly suspicious, I say to you, does the fact that a rock might be millions of years old mean that it can't be used to bash in another person's skull?

One year ago today, on this day in 2010, Polish Air Force Tu-154M -- carrying a Polish delegation en route to Katyn to attend a ceremony marking the 70th anniversary of the Katyn Massacre in which the Soviets killed about 22,000 Polish military officers -- crashes near Smolensk, Russia, killing all 96 passengers. Among those killed were President Lech Kaczyński and dozens of senior Polish officials, including former President-in-exile Ryszard Kaczorowski, Poland's top military brass, lawmakers, heads of the Polish National Bank and other central institutions, presidential aides, bishops and priests of various denominations, relatives of those killed in the Katyn massacre, as well as officers of the presidential security detail and crew members. Here is the text of the speech that President Kaczyński was supposed to deliver that day.

WHO'S BEEN CHECKING OUT WIKILEAKS?

THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICAL HISTORY

On April 9 in the year 2003, after the application of a little "Shock and Awe" by the Coalition of the Willing, the city of Baghdad falls to advancing American forces. In the center of the city, a statue of Saddam Hussein is pulled down in what the mainstream media described as regular, everyday Iraqis turning on symbols of their former leader. In fact, that's still the way Wikipedia portrays those events. In reality, however, even the Pentagon was forced to admit that the whole thing was a stage-managed psychological operation. Oh well, it might have been a Big Lie, but at least it ended the war!

"ANTI-CHRIST" DIRECTOR TACKLES NIBIRU-STYLE APOCALYPSE IN NEW FILM!

Judging by the lovely new trailer for his upcoming film, Melancholia, Denmark's cinematic "enfant terrible" Lars Von Trier hasn't quite finished saying everything he wants to say about the End of the World. Yer old pal Jerky thought Anti-Christ was a masterpiece, so I can hardly wait to see this one.

WORD GAMES: DETECTING AND DISSECTING PROPAGANDA

A few years back, Republican political consultant and pollster Frank Luntz (rhymes with "cunts")  published a massive "how to" tome instructing his clients on the art of propaganda through linguistic hijacking. Of particular interest was the book's appendix, entitled The Fourteen Words Never To Use, which was a document Luntz originally prepared for Congressional spouses, in order that they might, quote: "STOP saying words and phrases that undermine your ability to educate the American people."

The following is yer old pal Jerky's analysis and critique of Luntz's work.

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Government"
Luntzian Alternative: "Washington"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: The geographic location of the nation's capital city is inconsequential. The American government is made up of its elected officials and bureaucrats, not its office buildings and monuments.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "The Powers That Be"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Privatization/Private Accounts"
Luntzian Alternative: "Personalization/Personal Accounts"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: Conservatives only stopped calling their ridiculous Social Security scheme "privatization" late last year when polling showed that the American people were dead-set against it. Now, they insist that everyone follow their nomenclatural lead or be attacked as liberal-biased obstructionist saboteurs. But there's nothing "personal" about handing over federally-collected funds to private, for-profit investment gamblers whose only guarantee is that they'll take their cut whether you win or lose, and use a percentage of their earnings to bribe more politicians to pass more bad legislation to put even more money into their already overflowing pockets.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Lock Box Looting"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Foreign Trade"
Luntzian Alternative: "International Trade"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: What's the fucking difference?!
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Bargain Hunting"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Health Care choice"
Luntzian Alternative: "The Right to Choose"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: Again, I have to ask… what's the fucking difference?!
Daily Dirt Alternative: "H.M.O.B.S."

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Drilling for oil"
Luntzian Alternative: "Exploring for energy"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: The only way Luntz's clients want to "explore" is in a downward direction, through the Earth's crust, with a diamond-tipped drill bit. And the only "energy" they're interested in is the combustible dinosaur soup us simple folk call "oil." So let's put away the fucking Thesaurus, shall we?
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Raping Mother Nature's Asshole"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Tort Reform"
Luntzian Alternative: "Lawsuit Abuse Reform"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: According to the Constitution, the responsibility of determining whether or not a lawsuit constitutes abuse of the legal system falls upon a jury of the litigant's peers. The Republican obsession with tort reform can thus be seen in its proper context as a natural extension of the broader conservative contempt for the American people.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Pre-emptive Absolution"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Trial Lawyer"
Luntzian Alternative: "Predatory Personal Injury Lawyer"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: See above.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "A Necessary Evil"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Corporate Transparency"
Luntzian Alternative: "Corporate Accountability"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: Without transparency, true accountability is impossible. Unless, of course, you're willing to take Bernie Madoff at his word.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Transparent Accountability"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "School Choice"
Luntzian Alternative: "Parental Choice/Equal Opportunity in Education"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: Parents are already free to send their kids to private schools, religious indoctrination schools or hippie "alternative" schools if they so choose. They can even teach their kids at home if they want, despite this practice often leading to nervous breakdowns and the occasional bathtub murder. But taking cash out of the already under-funded public education system to bankroll the efforts of those who want to protect their children from "indoctrination" (by indoctrinating them in a different way) constitutes the polar fucking opposite of equal opportunity in education.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Faith-based Kickbacks"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Tax Reform"
Luntzian Alternative: "Tax Simplification"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: Whenever conservatives talk about simplifying the tax code, what they really mean is the elimination of taxes on anything other than goods, services and labor income. That the simplest taxation methods -- the flat tax, a national sales tax, etc -- happen to be the easiest for wealthy Republican donors to circumvent is surely no coincidence. Everybody's gotta buy food and clothing. Only the chosen few earn capital gains.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Vertical Wealth Shift"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Inheritance/Estate Tax"
Luntzian Alternative: "The Death Tax"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: Even the wealthiest dead cannot be taxed. On the other hand, the inheritors of their estates can, and should, be taxed at a far greater rate than they currently are. America was never meant to become a den of dynastic, hereditary elites. Cream rises of its own accord.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "The Paris Hilton Toll"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Globalization"
Luntzian Alternative: "Free Market Economy"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: Luntz's disdain for his fellow citizens here is radiant. Americans don't like globalization, he claims, not because they can follow its inexorable logic after having suffered the already dire consequences of its inglorious beginnings, but because it "represents something big, something distant and something foreign." The poor dumb sheep are simply afraid, you see. And, like little children recoiling at the sight of an immunization needle, their fear renders them incapable of deciding what's best for them.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Third-Worldification"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Outsourcing"
Luntzian Alternative: "Taxation, Regulation, Litigation Innovation, Education"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: When confronted with a no-win topic, what should the smart Republican do? Change the subject! Instead of defending or pledging to curb the shipping of American jobs overseas, he should urge his questioners to help elect him so that he may do everything in his power to make America a more attractive place for American companies to do business, like China, Indonesia and Haiti.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Economic Treason"

*** **** ***

Forbidden Word: "Undocumented Workers/Immigration Reform"
Luntzian Alternative: "Illegal Aliens/Border Security"
Why the Alternative is Bullshit: If it wasn't for the greedy elite practice of reverse outsourcing -- importing so-called guest workers to do back-breaking labor for less than minimum wage -- this might be more of a legitimate concern. In any case, giving Texas back to Mexico would likely have an extremely salutary effect upon the national character, and should be gotten over with sooner than later.
Daily Dirt Alternative: "Aztlan Repopulation"

(originally published in the Daily Dirt some time in 2005, with minor changes for this repeat- YOPJ)

NAGGING DOUBTS ABOUT THE PHILOSOPHY OF POWER - PART 1

Sorry for the tardiness of this edition, folks, but yer old pal Jerky is grappling with a crippling case of writer's block… again. It's a particularly nasty block this time, with a multiplicity of causes, none of which are easily resolved or explained. Nevertheless, as an exercise in piercing this vexing mental membrane, I will attempt to do so. I request your patience for the next few paragraphs.

As far as I can tell, the roots of this current blockage are three-fold.

First is a nagging self-doubt. I have increasingly come to feel that -- especially but not exclusively as regards matters relating the global realpolitik - my opinions and suspicions are neither sufficiently grounded in verifiable data, nor all that interesting to anyone other than myself, to merit publication. This is due to a number of factors, not least of which is the increasing and calculated pollution of the media streams which constitute the sum totality of my information gathering resources.

Corporate journalism is hopelessly compromised by trickledown meddling from management, ownership and above. The alternative media -- always something of a haven for attention-craving crackpots with dubious hidden agendas -- now play host to a growing number of agents provocateur. These PsyOps warriors dispense expertly crafted disinformation designed to send would-be truth-seekers dashing madly off in all directions, chasing wild geese, red herrings and jackalopes. Perfect cover for the crimes of their elite clientele.

Knowing that most of the writers whose opinions I respect drink from the same poisoned well as I do only serves to compound my despair. How can you trust your instincts when you can't even trust the information on which said instincts are based?

Which brings me to my second problem: outrage fatigue. Today, after six years of writing about The Powers That Be getting away with literal and metaphorical murder, I feel as though I know how Sisyphus felt as he rolled that boulder up the hill, over and over again, only to watch it tumble back to the bottom every time he came close to reaching the top. I imagine it's the exact same kind of fatigue which has caused Capitol Hill Blue founder Doug Thompson to finally call it quits. From his 'no mas' farewell editorial:

"I'm tired and this tilting at windmills business is exhausting. I've been writing about the foibles, corruption and misdeeds of politicians for more than 40 years but the system we have today is worse than ever. I'm no longer sure that trying to educate a deaf audience through journalism is worth the time or the effort."

While yer old pal Jerky isn't quite arrogant enough to consider himself an educator, he certainly groks Thompson's sentiment. So many Daily Dirt readers, with the best of intentions, write me, asking: "Why haven't you written anything about the missing White House e-mails, or that creepy Negroponte's appearance before the Senate Intelligence Committee, or the leaked documents that show Bush and Blair were planning to trick Saddam into war, or the missing billions in Iraqi reconstruction funds, or Halliburton's new no-bid contract to builddetention camps on American soil?"

My (so far unspoken) answer to these questions is an exasperated "What's the fucking point?" Writing about the crimes of The Powers That Be is beginning to feel like performing surgery on myself without anesthesia. It hurts like hell, and I only have a vague hint as to what I'm doing, which means I'll likely fuck it up in the long run.

Which brings me to my third problem: Disillusionment.

According to legend, the last words spoken by Hassan i-Sabbah - the Old Man of the Mountain, head of the Order of Assassins -- were: "Nothing is true; everything is permitted." It is a maxim that makes explicit the fundamental idea at the heart of existentialism, that every individual is free to do whatever he is capable of doing. Utterly and terribly free. Ethics, morals, religious precepts, laws; all are artificial constructs created by men of greater or lesser wisdom, and all may be ignored by any individual or group possessing sufficient will and determination.

In other words, when Thrasymachus told Socrates: "justice is the advantage of the stronger", and that "injustice, if it is on a large enough scale, is stronger, freer, and more masterly than justice", he was right. The idea that the United States is a nation of laws is, and perhaps has always been, a lie. Maybe there's some truth to the idea that it's a "noble lie" in the tradition of Leo Strauss and his neoconservative disciples -- heirs to Thrasymachus' philosophy of power, via Machiavelli, Hobbes and Nietzsche -- but it remains a lie. Maybe our problem isn't that we're being lied to. Maybe our problem is that we're being lied to poorly.

And anyway, what good does it do us to know that it's a lie? That there is no set of rules that can't be gamed, that even commandments etched in stone can be chipped and chiseled away, given the right tools and mindset? In the bible, God forbade Adam and Eve to eat fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. The philosopher John Stuart Mill declared, only half jokingly, that "ignorance is bliss". In The Big Lebowski, Walter salves his friend's angst by declaring: "Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowling." I, for one, am beginning to think these gentlemen were on to something.

Are you confused? Are you sick of it all? Are you ready to call it quits and throw in the towel? Do you secretly wonder if it's you, not them? Are you constantly amazed by the daily parade of bald-faced liars who force their way into your living room and spew demonstrably ridiculous propaganda in your face as though their very lives depended on it?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then at least you know you're not alone.

(This editorial originally ran in the Daily Dirt on Febuary 2, 2006, but remains absolutely relevant to where yer old pal Jerky finds himself today. - YOPJ)

JAPOCALYPSE NOW!

Over at Useless Eater Blog's sister-site, the Daily Dirt Diaspora, I have posted a not-so-in-depth pseudo-cultural cross-examination of the Quake/Tsunami/Meltdown Terror Trifecta that has engulfed Japan since 3/11/11. You can read all about it at THIS LINK!

PREZ OBAMA HAS FUN WITH NUMEROLOGY!

On the fourth day of the fourth month of the year, the forty-fourth President of the United States of America - Barack Hussein Obama - announced his intention to run for re-election in the 2012 Presidential Elections.

When you divide 2012 by 4, you get 503.

503 is a prime number and also a safe prime, this being a prime number that takes the form 2p + 1, where p is also a prime.

503 is also the sum of three consecutive primes: 163 + 167 + 173. It is also the sum of the cubes of the first four primes.

503 is also a Chen prime and an Eisenstein prime with no imaginary part. In mathematics, an Eisenstein prime is an Eisenstein integer that is irreducible (or equivalently prime) in the ring-theoretic sense: its only Eisenstein divisors are the units (±1, ±ω, ±ω2), a + bω itself and its associates. The associates (unit multiples) and the complex conjugate of any Eisenstein prime are also prime. Cool, right?

Furthermore, 503 is also a proposed HTTP status code indicating a gateway time-out, SMTP status code meaning bad sequence of commands. Hmmm... "bad sequence of commands"... "Barack Obama"... Could this possibly be a coincidence?

Um... actually, yeah. Come to think of it, it probably is.

WHO IS FETHULLAH GULEN?

The Man, the Movement, the Gule-Meister!

You've probably never heard of him, but Mohammed Fethullah Gülen is one of the most controversial and divisive - yet profoundly influential - mainstream Islamic personalities to emerge in recent decades. He remains a veritable institution in his homeland, Turkey, despite having fled to Pennsylvania after being brought up on charges of encouraging the dismantling of Turkey's secular government in order to replace it with a state built upon an Islamic foundation. There he remains to this day, in a veritable fortress on a 45-acre estate in the Keystone State's mountainous Pocono region.

Gülen has amassed an estimated $25 billion fortune over the years, most of it from media properties and other investments. However, much of that fortune stems from the vast number of charter schools he has established all over the world. Currently, Gülen schools can be found in 25 of America's 50 states - usually with innocuous names like "Bumblebee Academy" - and the FBI has recently launched an investigation into the movement's suspicious fiscal practices and alleged visa abuse.

Much has been written about Gülen over the years, most of it ridiculously contradictory. For instance, despite its vocal stance against all forms of terrorism, many Western sources have portrayed the Gülenist movement as anti-Semitic and anti-Western, calling it a dangerous proselytizing force that seeks to "Islamize" the Christian West. Socially conservative and far-right periodicals in Europe have gone so far as to claim Gülen is a new Khomeini, devoted to the resurrection of the Ottoman Empire and even the establishment of a global caliphate... a "New Islamic World Order".

The Islamic world sees a very different Gülen. To conservative Islamic public intellectuals, Gülen is an agent of the the Western intelligence aparat, an American puppet, a tool of the Vatican and a Zionist patsy. They see the "kinder, gentler" Islam being preached in Gülenist schools throughout the Middle East and claim it is an attempt to soften or "Christianize" Islam in order to make it more docile, thus rendering the region easy pickings for the Western power elites who are pulling Gülen's strings. 

In Turkey, despite his substantial following, Gülen has enemies on both sides of the fence. Conservatives side with the hard-line Islamist view, while the nation's substantial secularist segment sees this "imam in exile" and his movement as a clear and present danger to Turkey's long, proud history of separation between Mosque and State. 

Meanwhile, Turkey's ruling AK (Justice and Development) Party has fostered close ties with the Gülenist movement, and those who criticize from the secularist perspective are beginning to feel the pinch. In recent weeks, Turkish police have jailed anti-Gülenist journalist Ahmet Sik, raided his lawyer's and publisher's offices and seized every existing copy of the unfinished manuscript of his book, The Imam's Army, much to the dismay of global free press advocates Reporters Without Borders. 

The court order that launched these lightning raids was issued on the grounds that Sik's book was "a document that clearly makes the propaganda of a terrorist organization," in reference to Turkey's hugely controversial and ironically byzantine Ergenekon meta-conspiracy - as dense and complex a conspiracy as your humble bloggist has ever tried to wrap his head around. This, of course, does little to allay fears that much of Turkey's police and judiciary are currently under the sway of Gülen and his cronies.

What does the future hold for Mohammed Fethullah Gülen and the movement he created? Because Turkey is - and for the foreseeable future will remain - one of the most strategically important areas in the world, it is the duty of every concerned citizen to pay attention to what is going on there. Alert readers need not be reminded that Turkey isn't alone in its use and abuse of the "terrorist" label to undermine critics of The Powers That Be. Recognizing this does not legitimize the practice. Rather, it should serve to remind us that these recent developments are not a Turkish problem, but a human problem.

In any case, one thing is certain: Mohammed Fethullah Gülen is a force to be reckoned with, and we should all be paying closer attention.

Friends in High Places...

CHARLES FORT MAKES CAMEO IN LATEST LOVECRAFT SOCIETY MOVIE!

The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society - the same team of pro-ams who produced the excellent Call of Cthulhu "silent film" a few years back - have struck again! This time, they've adapted the H.P.'s classic tale, The Whisperer in Darkness. And guess who makes a guest cameo in the preview? None other than Charles Fort, himself! The film-makers seem to have cast him as a 1930's version of Art Bell or George Nouri. Okay, so Fort doesn't actually appear Lovecraft's original story, but that's a minor issue. Lovecraft and Fort are two of the key personalities for understanding the Apocalyptic Age in which we are currently embroiled, so I'm willing to give the HPLHS a pass on this one. Besides, if the movie is half as good as Call was, I'm more than willing to part with a few sheckles in support of the cause...

LIVE TV GIBBERISH, LANGUAGE AS A VIRUS AND PONTYPOOL CHANGES EVERYTHING

What does the current spate of TV personalities falling prey to Broadcast Babbling Breakdown Syndrome have to do with an extremely creepy zero-budget Canadian zombie movie cult classic? Well, to begin with, they are both concerned with language. Also, they're both profoundly creepy.

The film is called PONTYPOOL, and it's based on a novel titled PONTYPOOL CHANGES EVERYTHING, by Tony Burgess. It's a very good film, starring Stephen McHattie, one of the creepiest character actors working in cinema today.

If you have a chance to see the movie, by all means do so. However, here's something else that's cool about PONTYPOOL... the movie is set entirely in a small town radio station. This makes it feel kind of like Apocalypse WKRP. And guess what? There's a PONTYPOOL RADIO PLAY that you can listen to right now.

The radio play features all the same actors from the movie, and was produced for Canada's CBC Radio by director Bruce McDonald at the same time as he was shooting the film version.


Give it a listen and see if it gives you the same 'frisson' of recognition as it did yer old pal Jerky.

UPDATE! ANOTHER GIBBERISH-SPEWING REPORTER ON LIVE TV!

UPDATE to our previous report on the possibility that some shadowy group might be covertly messing with TV presenters by scrambling their brains with microwaves or whatever in the middle of live reports! This time, the Broadcast Babbling Breakdown victim is one Sarah Carlson, a CBS News personality in Madison, Wisconsin. Notice the similarities to what happened to Global Canada's Mark McAllister and another CBS reporter, Serene Branson...

Okay, that's just creepy. I mean, what the eff was that she said about "exorcism"? Is she trying to say the Devil made her lose it? Her fellow announcer seemed pretty freaked at the end, there, too. I know I sure would have been.

Anyhoo, if you spot any more incidents like this, please let me know, and I'll try to post them here! This could be the mind control equivalent to ChemTrails - which are on the verge of being proven fact after years of being called bullshit, just like Giant Squids and MK-Ultra! So let's keep on top of this crazy phenomenon and see what we can see!

"UGLY BETTY" ACTOR DECAPITATES 9/11 SURVIVOR WITH FREEMASON SWORD

New York actor Michael Brea - who appeared in an episode of the hit TV show Ugly Betty and was a one-time spokesmodel for the Coca-Cola energy drink Full Throttle - apparently chopped off his mother's head using a "samurai sword" he claims he was given during a ceremony at a Masonic Lodge. Adding intrigue to insanity, the victim in this horrific case used to work at... wait for it... wait for it... the World Trade Center Marriott! That's right. Yannick Brea was a survivor of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. And now she's dead.

According to authorities, it seems Brea believed his mother was possessed by Satan, thus necessitating the application of his admittedly extreme yet crudely effective exorcism technique.

An official representative for the Masons has claimed that Brea was not a Brother. "There are groups out there in Brooklyn and elsewhere that call themselves Freemasons but they are not recognized by the Grand Lodge of the State of New York," explained the unnamed rep. "Anyone who knows the rituals can go and say 'I’m going to form a Lodge.' But they are not recognized. They are called clandestine."

Traumatized witnesses claim they could hear Yannick screaming and pleading for her life as her son shouted: "Repent, sinner! Repent! You never accepted Jesus!" They also claim that police present at the scene inexplicably refused to break down the door and stop Brea's attack until Mom's screams had ceased, and it was obviously too late to save her.

Why did police stand by and let this woman be hacked to death? NYPD officials claim "protocol", that the officers who arrived on scene had instructions to wait for S.W.A.T., who showed up an hour later. I've sniffed around the underweb and have found no evidence that Yannick Brea had ever made claims of a conspiratorial nature about the events of 9/11, or even that she had ever been involved in the "9/11 Truth" movement, but my search was by no means exhaustive.

If anyone out there reading this has any further information about this case, please post it in the comments section. In the meantime, I'll keep sniffing, and I'll keep you posted.

GRAMMY WINNING PIANIST VICTIM OF ELABORATE CONSPIRACY FRAUD

It all started in August of 2004, when Grammy-winning composer and classical pianist Roger Davidson discovered a virus on his computer. Fearing it might wipe out decades' worth of compositions and recordings, Davidson dropped his computer off at a Westchester computer and specialty IT services store called Datalink, owned and operated by Indian immigrant Vikram Bedi and his Icelandic girlfriend, Helga Invarsdottir.

When Davidson returned to pick up his de-bugged computer, Bedi told him that he had never before encountered such a vicious and difficult piece of malware. According to Bedi, Davidson's computer was so badly infected, so incredibly contagious, that simply plugging it in had led to every other computer at Datalink being infected! Furthermore, Bedi said he'd researched the origins of the virus and he'd tracked it to a hacker enclave in Hondouras. Fortunately for Davidson, Bedi had an uncle in Indian intelligence who was willing to travel to Honduras and investigate... for a substantial fee, of course. 

Davidson was intrigued. Why had he been targeted? He also had money to burn, being the heir to a multi-million dollar trust fund set up by his great-grandfather, the founder of Schlumberger, a Fortune 500 oil-field services company. He agreed to fund a hands-on investigation, if only to get some answers.

Those answers came, but Davidson wasn't going to like them. According to Bedi, the virus attack was only the beginning. It turns out Davidson had been targeted for assassination by Opus Dei, a hard-core Roman Catholic secret society.  

Not pausing to wonder why an order of right-wing priests should be out to get him - perhaps he assumed they didn't approve of the ecumenical nature of his Society for Universal Sacred Music - Davidson immediately went into panic mode. Fortunately, Bedi was well equipped to calm his fears, because aside from being a computer security specialist, he also happened to be an operative for the Central Intelligence Agency! Even better, he was also currently involved in a Top Secret CIA "op" to keep Opus Dei from infiltrating the highest levels of American government! 

What an incredibly fortuitous coincidence! Davidson jumped at the chance to have his computers, himself, and his entire family protected from Opus Dei by this real live agent from the CIA!

Of course, round-the-clock protection doesn't come cheap. Bedi charged Davidson $160,000 each and every month for his services. This went on for just under six years. When added to the amount Davidson paid for the initial Honduras investigation and other incidental fees - for instance, the tuxedo Bedi wore while hulking behind Davidson in full-on "pretend bodyguard" mode in the video, below - investigators figure Bedi ultimately took Davidson for roughly 20 MILLION dollars.

Within months of their first encounter at Datalink, Bedi and his girlfriend, Helga, had insinuated themselves into every aspect of Davidson's life. Davidson put the duo in charge of his Universal Sacred Music Society. He also made Bedi a co-trustee of his 60 million dollar fortune, believing that someone so tied in to the mechanics of America's intelligence power elite would surely make wise investment decisions.

As you can probably guess, that was the beginning of the end. Within a few years, Bedi had managed to lose nearly $13 million of Davidson's fortune on bad investments. By August of 2010, the local police got involved when new neighbors of Davidson's complained that someone had planted GPS tracking devices on their family vehicles. It turns out Bedi had told Davidson the family was actually a group of Opus Dei assassins, the latest twist in their nefarious plot to end his life. A doubtful Davidson told the police he had planted the GPS devices himself in a misguided attempt to confirm or debunk Bedi's assertions.

As soon as the police cracked a window into Bedi's byzantine conspiracy construct, the whole thing came tumbling down like a kooky house of cards. Police swooped in on Bedi and Invarsdottir just as they were about to high-tail it to Iceland, where Helga's pop is a prominent businessman. At the time of their arrest, the dastardly duo had almost $8 million in the bank, several expensive cars, the deeds to many of Davidson's properties, and $150,000 in cash stuffed under the bed in the master bedroom of their gorgeous Westchester home.

Bedi, of course, offers an alternate explanation. According to him, HE is the victim in all this, and all that conspiracy hoo-hah was Davidson's creation. The TRUTH is that Davidson - who also, according to Bedi, had amassed tons of pornography on his hard-drive - was trying to surreptitiously sneak $400 million into the country from a Liechtenstein bank without paying any taxes on it. He was also under the impression that the French and US governments were spying on his computers in an effort to get back 60 years worth of unpaid taxes. That's why he hired Bedi. Topping it all off, Bedi claims Davidson made repeated sexual advances on Invarsdottir, claiming it was his natural right as a "high-born" person. All that money? It was just what Davidson felt Bedi was owed for recovering 30 years' worth of music from a damaged hard-drive. Oh, and there was also a $2 million gift that Davidson had given the couple, just because Davidson was "generous" and he "liked" them. 

Of course, elsewhere, Bedi has also claimed that he "invented the world's first Pentium-based computer laptop", and that he's best buds with both George W. Bush and Vladimir Putin. So, you know... caveat emptor and all that jazz.

As F. Scott Fitzgerald's old truism goes, "the rich are different than you and me." That's why yer old pal Jerky assumes that Davidson was far more upset by Bedi and Invarsdottir's betrayal of his trust than he was by their pillaging of his loot. Regardless, all you trust-fund billionaires out there reading this should take Davidson's lesson to heart: Just because you're worth a bunch of money, that doesn't necessarily mean Opus Dei is out to get you. M'kay?

A $20,000 donation to the Democratic Party doesn't get you what it used to!

ATTACK OF THE GIBBERISH-SPEWING MEDIA TITS!

Who - or what - is targeting the world's on-air TV personalities? Is this some emerging syndrome? Something we might call Broadcast Babbling Breakdown? Or is something more sinister afoot? Like, for instance, are we perhaps witnessing the results of some shadowy, behind-the-scenes Dark Agents being naughty by testing out their mind control technologies on live TV?

In recent weeks, a strange phenomenon has been spreading across our television screens. In a variety of different, seemingly unconnected markets, veteran media presenters have gone on the air and dissolved into puddles of bizarre, nonsensical and occasionally disturbing babbling.

The first victim was Serene Branson, a CBS presenter reporting live from the Grammy Awards show. Her descent into gibberish has all the hallmarks of involuntary glossolalia - otherwise known as "Speaking in Tongues." Watch the video of her melt-down and ask yourself if it seems like she's being "slain by the Spirit" to you...

Quite odd, isn't it? According to CBS, Serene has had a history of medical problems that could spark blackouts and seizures, and as far as her doctor is concerned, the above nonsense was simply the result of nothing more exotic than a "migraine with aura". Actually, that sounds pretty exotic to me - and kind of New Age-y, to boot - but I'm no doctor, so what do I know?

The next case that captured the world's attention happened at the Canadian independent Global News channel. Here we see respected political reporter Mark McAllister seemingly running down a list of words he spotted floating in his morning bowl of Alphabits...

Okay, so, after watching this a few times, I can almost see how some might argue that this particular case involves McAllister making one minor mistake while reading the teleprompter, followed by another small mistake, and then another, and another, until the whole damn thing snowballs, cascading into an absolutely catastrophic loss of composure. We all get scrambled brains on occasion, and it is not beyond the realm of possibility that this is what happened here. 

However, when you stop and compare the behavior exhibited by McAllister and Branson with the popular descriptions of how microwave mind control technology is alleged to function - by invasively forcing unwanted images, words and concepts into your consciousness, crowding out your rational thoughts and replacing them with static and garbage - it gives one pause.

Which brings us to another week, in another country, and another on-air breakdown. What are we to make of this video, featuring a German weather-woman who starts laughing, and then seems totally incapable of pulling herself together? Watch...

What the hell was so funny, lady? Have you seen that guy naked before and there's something you're dying to tell us about him? I mean, we've all had laughing jags, but come on! Once again, this behavior seems exaggerated beyond all sense of proportion, perhaps even... enhanced?

What's this? Hold on a minute, ladies and gentlemen... I'm being handed a breaking story... oh, wow. 

This just in, folks: They got Judge Judy! Sadly, this is one case that didn't happen on live TV, so we don't have any video of the incident... not yet, anyway. Which is probably just as well, because the sound of that screeching harridan's voice is often all it takes to send yer old pal Jerky into spastic fits of uncontrolled hysteria, himself.

Summing up, is it too early to be alarmed by this? Or are those whom we deride as paranoid conspiracy nuts actually on to something when they bring up the possibility of mind control technologies being involved? After all, the Nazi/US government program known as MK-Ultra was eventually proven to be 100 percent fact, after decades of being mocked as the worst kind of goofiness. So, what'll it be? Should we consider making tinfoil hats the next big fashion trend? Or are those of us who find something odd about this new phenomenon just malingering fatuous blizzard in the toothy septuagenarian ishkabibble snow-cone Beelzebub C'thulhu R'lyeh F'taghn?

You be the judge, dear reader... you be the judge.

WHY YOU SHOULD STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT!

Damnit! I wanted to write a story about the rash of on-air gibberish melt-downs that have taken place over the last couple months, and now I see that frickin' asshat Drudge has linked to a story about it. I could have beat these bastards to the punch and had a scoop! Maybe Drudge even would have linked to Useless Eater! Or even just linked to a story that linked to UEB. Ah, I guess there's no point getting upset over spilled scoop... I'll have more on this story later, regardless.