PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 26

On this day in 1533, the 13th and last emperor of the Incas, Atahualpa, dies by strangulation at the hands of Francisco Pizarro's Spanish conquistadors. His death marks the end of 300 years of Inca civilization.

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On this day in 1775, Hellfire Club charter member Benjamin Franklin becomes America's first Postmaster General.

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On this day in 1847, Liberia declares independence... and they all lived happily ever after.

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On this day in 1887, publication of the Unua Libro, founding the Esperanto movement.

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On this day in the year 1928, cinematic sorceror-king Stanley Kubrick enters the world kicking and screaming. During the time-span between the release of Dr. Strangelove in 1964, through the five years it took to film 2001: A Space Odyssey, continuing up until the premiere of Clockwork Orange in 1971, no popular artist had as firm a grasp on the zeitgeist of the West as did Stanley Kubrick. Two-hundred years from now, if human beings are still around to watch and discuss film, Stanley Kubrick’s masterpieces will continue to be watched, revered and fiercely debated, while 99.999% of the tepid dreck that currently pollutes our movie screens will be blissfully forgotten.

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On this day in 1936, the Axis powers decide to intervene in the Spanish Civil War, thus giving macho liberals, socialists and other assorted left-wingers - like Ernest Hemmingway - a chance to earn their battle scars and gain some macho street cred, years before World War II really got rolling.

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On this day in 1941, in response to the Japanese occupation of French Indochina, US President Franklin D. Roosevelt orders the seizure of all Japanese assets in the United States. This does not sit well with them.

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On this day in 1944, the first German V2 rocket hits the United Kingdom. Seeing as they were supersonic, you never heard the one that hit you.

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On this day in 1947, US President Harry S. Truman signs the National Security Act into law, thus creating the Central Intelligence Agency, the Department of Defense, the US Air Force, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and the United States National Security Council. One year later, on this day in 1948, Truman signed Executive Order 9981, thereby desegregating the US military.

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On this day in 1956, following the World Bank's refusal to fund building the Aswan Dam, Egyptian leader Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalizes the Suez Canal, sparking international condemnation.

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On this day in 1977, the National Assembly of Quebec mandates the use of French as the official language of the provincial (and perhaps, one day, national) government.

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On this day in 1989, a federal grand jury indicts Cornell University student Robert T. Morris Jr for releasing the Morris Worm, thus becoming the first person to be prosecuted under the 1986 Computer Fraud and Abuse Act.

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On this day in 1990, President George Herbert Walker "Poppy" Bush signs into law the Americans with Disabilities Act, thereby making it possible for his very own son, George "Dubya" Bush, to become the nation's first mentally retarded Preznit, only a decade later.

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On this day in 1991, a Florida police officer arrests Pee Wee Herman after watching him jerk off in a porno theater. Within hours, every last person on the planet - including people who had no idea who Pee Wee Herman was - are informed that Pee Wee Herman jerked off in a porno theater. For a while there, he was the designated Global Village Idiot.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 15

On this day in 1149, the reconstructed Church of the Holy Sepulchre is consecrated in Jerusalem.

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On this day in 1741, Russian explorer Aleksei Chirikov sights land in Southeast Alaska. He sends men ashore in a longboat, making them the first Europeans to visit Alaska.

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On this day in 1799, French military captain Pierre-Francois Bouchard discovers the Rosetta Stone in an Egyptian village. The large stone tablet is essentially a Greek/Egyptian translation dictionary using three scripts: Hieroglyphic, Demotic Egyptian and Greek. Greek being relatively well understood, the stone was the key to deciphering ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, including such rules of grammar as "feather before squiggly line, except after bird."

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On this day in 1869, everybody's third-favorite toast spread – margarine – is patented in Paris, for use as a butter substitute by the French Navy. It is neither healthier, nor is it better tasting, than butter, but it does serve nicely as an inexpensive lubricant for anal sex. How ironic, then, that it should be made with "rape seed oil."

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On this day in 1964, Republicans nominate arch-conservative, extremist Arizona senator Barry M. Goldwater for president, thus ensuring the election of Texas Democrat Lyndon B. Johnson by one of the widest margins in electoral history.

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On this day in 1974, Ohio morning news personality Christine Chubbuck goes on the air and says: "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide." She then pulled a .38 revolver out from underneath her desk, put it to her head and pulled the trigger, thus becoming the first person to commit live, publicly broadcast suicide.

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On this day in 1979, US President Jimmy Carter gives his so-called malaise speech, where he characterizes the greatest threat to the country as "this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our nation". Funny thing about that speech, not once does he use the word “malaise”.

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On this day in 1983, a terrorist attack is launched by Armenian militant organization ASALA at the Paris-Orly Airport in Paris, leaving 8 people dead and 55 injured. That’s right, Armenians! Betcha didn’t think they had it in ‘em!

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Preznit Dubya's "Total Information Awareness" guru John Poindexter – the biggest Big Brother yet – spent this day in 1987 telling lies to the Congress during the Iran-Contra hearings. He would ultimately be convicted of conspiracy, lying to Congress, defrauding the government, and destroying evidence in the still poorly-understood guns-for-drugs-for-hostages-for-blood scheme dreamed up in the White House basement during the Glorious Reign of Ronald, the Reagan.

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On this day in 1997, in Miami, Florida, serial killer Andrew Cunanan guns down world-famous fashion designer Gianni Versace outside his home.

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On this day in 2002, so-called "American Taliban" John Walker Lindh pleads guilty to supplying aid to the enemy and to possession of explosives during the commission of a felony. Meanwhile, in Pakistan, an anti-terrorism court hands down the death sentence to British born Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh and life terms to three others suspected of the videotaped beheading of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl.

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On this day in 2003, AOL Time Warner disbands Netscape. The Mozilla Foundation is established on the same day.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 10

On this day in 48 BC, Roman dictator Julius Caesar barely avoids a catastrophic defeat to Pompey in Macedonia during the Battle of Dyrrhachium. The circumstances surrounding this battle were phenomenally complicated.

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On this day in 1212, London burns to the ground. Thousands perish in the blaze, which would be known as the Great Fire of London until 1666, when an even bigger fire came along to steal its thunder.

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On this day in 1821, the United States takes formal possession of Florida, which had been recently purchased from Spain. Imagine how pissed off they were when they got there and realized it was mostly swampland!

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On this day in 1832, US President Andrew Jackson vetoes a bill that would re-charter the Second Bank of the United States. Failing to secure recharter, the Second Bank became a private corporation in 1836, and underwent liquidation in 1841.

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On this day in 1890, Wyoming is admitted as the 44th U.S. state, thus paving the way for the possibility of Vice Preznit Dick Cheney. And also his daughter, Wyoming's former Representative, Liz Cheney. I'm not a fan of her politics, but she is a rare specimen - a Republican with a backbone! Respect!

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On this day in 1921, 16 people are killed and 161 houses destroyed during rioting and gun battles in Belfast, Northern Ireland in an event that will forever be remembered in Ireland (and by U2 fans curious enough to research the meaning of certain song lyrics) as Bloody Sunday.

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On this day in 1925 the so-called Monkey Trial begins in Dayton, Tennessee. John Scopes, a young high school science teacher, is accused of teaching his students evolution, which was a violation of Tennessee law. He actually lost the case, which is ironic when you consider that people in Tennessee are less evolved than the people in most other states. And unless you've been there and seen for yourself, don't contradict me on this.

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On this day in 1925, the guru Meher Baba begins his silence of 44 years. His followers observe Silence Day on this date in commemoration.

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On this day in 1962, the world's first communications satellite, called TELStar, is launched into orbit. 

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On this day in 1973, filthy rich Illuminati bloodline scion John Paul Getty III, grandson of the oil magnate J. Paul Getty, is kidnapped by Calabrese gangsters in Rome, Italy. The whole ordeal - involving cheapskate negotiation tactics by the elder Getty, even after the kidnappers cut off and mailed in one of John Paul's ears - is rather insane, and you can read all about it here.

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On this day in 1985, the Greenpeace vessel Rainbow Warrior is bombed and sunk in Auckland harbor by "elite" French military agents, killing Portuguese photographer Fernando Pereira in the process. It is the French military's finest hour since the days of Napoleon.

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On this day in 1985, after a mere three months of sticking to their guns, the Coca-Cola Company announces they will be bringing back Coca-Cola Classic, in what many take to be a full-blown admission that the decision to change the Coca-Cola recipe - sparking a nationwide Coca-Cola hoarding crisis - was sheer idiocy, regardless of what they paid Bill Cosby to say about it on the TV. New Coke, which was sold alongside Coca-Cola Classic for a while, was soon euthanized without fanfare... or hoarding.

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On this day in 1989, one of the most familiar voices in the world - dozens of them, actually - is silenced when Warner Bros. cartoon veteran Mel Blanc dies at the age of 81. The next day, in the trade paper Variety, some true gentleman at Warner Bros. takes out a two-page/one-word tribute/eulogy for their old friend, an image which to this day is capable of turning yer old pal Jerky into a blubbering, snot-bubble-popping wreck. I don't know why... it just gets me every time. It is reproduced above. Enjoy.

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On this day in 1992, President George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush has one of his many CIA criminal co-conspirators, former Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega, locked up for 40 years on drug and racketeering charges. It's a wonder he didn't end up dead, when you think about it. Hey, hold on a second… has anybody checked his cell lately? Dead in 2017? Maybe old Manuel is kickin' back, sipping boat drinks with Ken Lay, dead in 2006, on that fortified Costa Rican compound where The Powers That Be send all their invisible heavies these days.

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On this day in 2000, 250 villagers in Nigeria are killed in a massive fireball explosion while scavenging gasoline from a cracked petroleum pipeline. Don't laugh... the way gas prices are going, you'll be doing the same thing soon enough.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 8

On this day in 1680, the first ever American to be killed by a tornado is… um… killed by a tornado. In Massachusetts no less!

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On this day in 1872, a man by the name of John Blondel takes out a patent on the donut-cutter, thereby ushering in a bold new era of morbidly obese police officers.

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On this day in 1889, the first issue of the Wall Street Journal is published. For a while, it was a pretty decent conservative journal, but as this ridiculous interview with cartoon-like WSJ editorial board member Dorothy Rabinowitz amply illustrates, it has long since lost the plot and gone batshit crazy.

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On this day in 1896, presidential hopeful William Jennings Bryan gives his infamous "cross of gold" speech at the Democratic national convention. It's still an incredibly powerful piece of oratory. Read it here.

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On this day in 1932, the Dow Jones Industrial Average reaches a Depression era low-point of… 41! Ouch.

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On this day in 1937, the nations of Turkey, Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan sign the Treaty of Saadabad. And they all lived happily ever after.

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On this day in the year 1990, just past twelve-thirty in the afternoon, all the numbers in the standardized Western calendar and time code fall into absolute numeric sequence… or, in poker terms, a "straight." Here's how it works: 12:34:56, 7/8/90 equals 1234567890! Pretty cool, ain't it?

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On this day in 1996, the Israeli Institute for Advanced Strategic and Political Studies publishes a paper titled “A Clean Break: A New Strategy for Securing the Realm.” The paper, whose lead author is the notorious, slug-like neoconservative Richard Perle, is meant to urge Israel's new PM, Benjamin Netanyahu, to seek the downfall of Arab states by exploiting the inherent tensions within and among them. The first step? Remove Saddam Hussein in order to "destabilize the entire Middle East", thus allowing governments in Syria, Iran, Lebanon, and other countries to be replaced. Other suggestions include abandoning the Oslo Accords, abandoning the notion of land for peace, and reestablishing a policy of preemptive strikes. The paper also fleshes out a vision that analyst Craig Unger has called "a secularized version of the theology of the American Christian Right", demanding “the unconditional acceptance of Arabs of our rights, especially in their territorial dimension”, and pushing the boundaries even further by using the Bible as grounds for Israeli dominion over all or parts of Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Iraq, and even Saudi Arabia. This link explains how the ideas in "Clean Break" were ultimately recycled by neocon "intellectuals" at the Project for a New American Century - PNAC - in their paper "Rebuilding America's Defenses", which controversially surmised that it would take "a new Pearl Harbor" for the nation to accept their proposed reforms... not too long before the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, provided the newly empowered* neoconservative movement with exactly that.

* via the Bush Crime Family's theft of the White House in 2000

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 21

On this day in 1948, Columbia Records introduces the long-playing record album (LP) in a public demonstration at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel in New York, New York, thus ushering in the era of the deleriously pompous excesses of Progressive Rock and "concept albums".

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On this day in the year 1964, three civil rights workers - Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman and James Chaney - disappear while driving back to New York in the middle of the night. 44 days later, their dead bodies are discovered in an earthen dam where their Klan-affiliated murderers, including some members of the local constabulary, had buried them. What did these three men do to deserve such a fate? They were getting black folks to register for the vote in Mississippi.

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On this day in 1969, homosexual icon Judy Garland dies in London at the age of 47, in a freak avalanche. Seems she was singing in the shower when she hit a high note that triggered a chain reaction, sending all the pills in her medicine cabinet plunging into the bathroom, crushing her.

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On this day in 1982, would-be Reagan assassin John Hinckley Jr is found not guilty by reason of insanity. The fact that he’s the son of one of the people who financed George Herbert Walker “Poppy” Bush’s bid for the Republican nomination just a few years earlier - a bid he lost to Reagan - probably helped him out a bit, don't you think? Seriously folks, read the information contained at the given link. You'll be amazed, if you aren't already aware of these facts.

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On this day in 2004, Paul Allen and Burt Rutan’s SpaceShipOne becomes the first privately funded spaceplane to achieve spaceflight. Spacewow, that’s, like, totally spaceawesome!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 3

On this day in 1943, U.S. Navy sailors and Marines clash with Latino youths In Los Angeles, California, in a confrontation that the news media of the day would soon christen the Zoot Suit Riots.

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After being arrested on suspicion of having broken into a Florida poolroom, Charles Gideon was put on trial and immediately found guilty, thanks mostly to the fact that he couldn't afford a lawyer. In Florida at the time, that meant he had to defend himself. It also pretty much guaranteed that he was jail-bound. Afterwards, while in jail, Gideon made multiple appeals on the grounds that he had a constitutional right to be represented in court by a professional lawyer. Eventually, his case made its way to the Supreme Court, which declared: "a fair trial cannot be realized if the poor man charged with the crime has to face his accusers without a lawyer to assist him." And that's how, on this day in 1960, the ceaseless whining of one petty criminal permanently changed the way the USA’s legal system works... for the better! A rare thing, indeed.

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On this day in 1968, a notoriously unstable radical feminist by the name of Valerie Solanas tries to assassinate leading New York “scene” artist Andy Warhol, shooting him three times at near point-blank range. Warhol survived the attack, but sales of Solanas’ SCUM Manifesto went through the roof. “SCUM” is an acronym for “Society for Cutting Up Men”, and most editions feature an image of a box-cutter on the cover. Nice.

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On this day in 1989, armed troops kill hundreds of pro-democracy student demonstrators in the streets of Beijing. Within months, President George Herbert Walker “Poppy” Bush grants China "most-favored nation" trading status. Understanding the Bush Crime Family’s long-standing entanglements in the region helps explain why he did so.

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Also on this day in 1989, Iran's Ayatollah Ruhullah Khomeini -- the intellectual father and popular/populist spearhead of Iran's fascinatingly paradoxical Islamic Revolution in 1979 -- dies of internal bleeding at the age of 86.

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On this day in 2011, after spending over 8 years behind bars for helping a terminally ill man end his life on camera for an episode of 60 Minutes, doctor, author and death-with-dignity activist Jack Kevorkian passes away due to kidney failure at the age of 83.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 18

On this day in 1152, King Henry II of England marries Eleanor of Aquitaine, an incredibly fascinating world-historic person in her own right.

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On this day in 1804, Napoleon Bonaparte is proclaimed Emperor of the French by the French Senate, which kind of flies in the face of the ideals behind the entire Revolutionary Project, but whatever.

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On this day in 1896, a mass panic on Khodynka Field in Moscow during the festivities of the coronation of Russian Tsar Nicholas II on the day of his 28th birthday results in the deaths of... hold on, can this be right? 1,389 people?! Sheez, that must have been some serious-ass panicking!

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On this day in 1910, the Earth passes through the tail of Halley's Comet. Despite many contemporaneous prophecies to the contrary, life as we know it does not cease to exist right then and there.

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On this day in 1927, 45 second-to-sixth graders are killed and 58 more are wounded when a huge cache of explosives planted by anti-tax activist Andrew Kehoe explodes beneath a school in Bath, Michigan. It took Kehoe a year to plan his atrocity, and months to pack the school full of explosives which he then detonated remotely, herding his victims for maximum carnage, before blowing up his own shrapnel-packed car with himself inside it. He even issued a number of vague threats before doing the dirty deed, but nobody caught on.

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On this day in 1944, the Soviet Union exiles more than 200,000 Tartars from Crimea because they were collaborating with the Nazis. And to think… the only thing the USA did with their Nazi collaborators - Preznit Dubya's grand-daddy being chief among them - was give them a slap on the wrist and hand their descendants the keys to the White House. It's kind of funny, in an utterly fucking disgusting kind of way.

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On this day in 1974, India becomes the sixth nation in world history to explode an atomic bomb... not counting Atlantis.

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On this day in 1980, Mount Saint Helens erupts, gushing forth billions of gallons of volcanic ash, killing between 57 and 65 people (depending who you ask) and blasting away a huge chunk of the mountainside. 

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On this day in 1995, a crystal-meth-addicted, half-psychotic, authority-hating Army vet named Shawn Nelson steals an M60 Patton Tank from a National Guard base in San Diego and goes on a rampage, destroying cars, fire hydrants and other property before being gunned down by police after getting stuck on a median.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 16

On this day in 1918, the United States Congress passes the Sedition Act, which extended the Espionage Act of 1917 to cover a broader range of offenses, notably speech and the expression of opinion that cast the government or the war effort in a negative light, or interfered with the sale of government bonds. Basically, these laws made criticism of the American government an offense punishable by hefty fines and/or incarceration. The Espionage Act (an umbrella law that covered the later Sedition Act) was repealed by Congress in December of 1920. Democrat Woodrow Wilson was President during both enactment and repeal.

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On this day in 1943, after 28 days of bloody fighting, armed resistance by Jews in the Warsaw ghetto comes to an end as Nazi soldiers overwhelm the area.

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On this day in 1988, a report issued by United States' Surgeon General C. Everett Koop states that the addictive properties of nicotine are similar to those of heroin and cocaine. To be perfectly honest... he's very wrong about that.

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On this day in 1991, Queen Elizabeth II becomes the first British monarch to ever address the United States Congress. She spends most of the speech congratulating President George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush on his magnificent handling of the Gulf War in Iraq.

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On this day in 2005, Newsweek magazine retracts a story in which it was claimed that investigators had found evidence the Quran was desecrated by interrogators at the U.S. naval prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The story had sparked deadly protests in Afghanistan and elsewhere. Of course, despite the retraction, it's clear that the desecration did take place - that, and far, far worse - and that Newsweek cracked under pressure by The Powers That Be.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 15

On this day in 1648, the first documents of the Treaty of Westphalia are signed in Osnabrück and Münster, setting in motion the machinations that would bring about the Peace of Westphalia. At the time, this was as huge as huge could be, ending the Thirty Years' War in the Holy Roman Empire, and the Eighty Years' War between Spain and the Dutch Republic, with Spain formally recognizing the independence of the Dutch Republic. Everybody was involved in this. The Holy Roman Emperor, Ferdinand III, of the House of Habsburg, the Kingdom of Spain, the Kingdom of France, the Swedish Empire, the Dutch Republic, the Princes of the Holy Roman Empire, and sovereigns of the free imperial cities. This was truly a world-historic development, and, for the most part, a good one.

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On this day in 1817, the first private mental health hospital opens its doors in the United States. It is called the Asylum for the Relief of Persons Deprived of the Use of Their Reason. Such a great name.

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On this day in 1829, John the Baptist materializes somewhere in the American mid-west and anoints one Mister Joseph Smith, ordaining him to start the Church of Mormon. Of course, this is all according to Joe, himself, so you may want to take it with a grain of salt.

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Mickey Mouse made his first appearance on this day in 1928, in a cartoon entitled Plane Crazy... and the character still isn't in the public domain. Most people haven't got a problem with this. Should they? I don't know. All I know is, when you work at Disney, nobody fucks with the mouse.

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On this day in 1940, McDonald's opens its first restaurant in San Bernardino, California. Today, the Golden Arches are as recognizable as the Nazi Swastika, and the role played by Mickey Dee's in the implementation of a population-controling Genocide Diet cannot be under-estimated or over-stressed.

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On this day in 1972, In Laurel, Maryland, Arthur Bremer shoots and paralyzes Alabama Governor George Wallace - called "the most influential loser in American politics" by some - while the latter was campaigning to become the Democratic candidate for President on a segregationist platform. Wallace, after receiving great treatment and loving care form a succession of black nurses, would go on to renounce his racist views before dying in 1998. Bremer served 35 years in jail for his crime, and was released in 2007.

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On this day in 1991, while former CIA chief/then-President George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush escorts the Queen of England to a Baltimore Orioles game (I kid you not), the Defense Department releases documents showing that Central American dictator Manuel Noriega was, at one time: "The CIA's man in Panama."

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On this day in 1988, after more than eight years of fighting, the legendarily hard-ass Soviet Red Army begins its withdrawal from Afghanistan, defeated by a rag-tag assembly of heroic, CIA-funded Mujahideen! Or, at least, that's what the neoconservatives used to say is what happened. They don't like to talk about it so much now, after one of those heroic heroes masterminded the September 11 terror attacks. See Adam Curtis' documentary The Power of Nightmares for clarification. Here's Part One to get you started. Seriously, if you haven't already watched this, what the fuck are you waiting for?!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 9

On this day in 1874, British archaeologist Howard Carter is born. In 1922, he would discover the tomb of 14th century BC Boy Pharaoh, King Tutankhamen, thus sparking a worldwide frenzy of "Egyptomania" in the years between the First and Second World Wars.

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On this day in 1950, pulp magazine writer L.Ron Hubbard's book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health hits store shelves for the first time. Today, May 9th is regarded as an important Church of Scientology holiday: the "Anniversary of Dianetics."

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On this day in 1960, the FDA announces it will approve birth control as an additional indication for Searle's Enovid - otherwise known as "the pill" - making it the world's first government approved oral contraceptive. Depending on who you ask, it is also another giant step down the slippery slope of NWO-sponsored eugenic population control... but I'm not quite ready to buy into that argument yet, myself.

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On this day in 1974, the United States House of Representatives Judiciary Committee opens formal and public impeachment hearings against President Richard Nixon. Tricky Dick resigns in the face of overwhelming evidence of his guilt in the Watergate affair (among other, far worse things), therefore robbing the committee of their chance to make history.

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On this day in 1989, Vice-President Dan Quayle delivers a speech to the United Negro College Fund board of governors. In it, he mangles that institution's motto - "A mind is a terrible thing to waste" - by declaring: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful." You know, after experiencing Preznit Dubya's suspiciously familiar verbal locutions, it kinda clears up some of the mysteries surrounding his Poppy Bush's choice of running mates way back in 1988... Potatoe-head Dan reminded Herbert Walker of his own first-born son!

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On this day in 2004, Chechen president Akhmad Kadyrov is killed by a land mine under a VIP stage during a World War II memorial victory parade in Grozny, Chechnya. 30 others die in the blast, which came from a bomb that was actually built right into a bridge earlier that year in long-term anticipation of this particular event. Watch any  video of the event to see why they say that the "Russian Panic Button" is the trigger on an AK-47.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 7

On this day in 1794, French Revolutionary Robespierre proposes that the new state religion of the French First Republic be the Illuminati-inspired Cult of the Supreme Being. It fails to catch on.

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On this day in the year 1824, composer Ludwig von Beethoven's magnificent 9th (and final) Symphony - one of the only world-historic pieces of music - is performed for first time in front of an audience. The vocal section uses Freidrich Schiller's poem Ode To Joy, which is jam-packed with esoteric allusions that are ripe for exploitation as an expression of the beauties and charms of collectivism, which makes its eventual use as the "national anthem" of the European Union both amusing and somewhat troubling. Stanley Kubrick proved that he understood the essential duality of this piece of music - as well as the double-edged nature of genius in general - by highlighting it in an incredibly ironic way in his satirical sf masterpiece Clockwork Orange.

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On this day in 1896, one of the first and most prolific and inventive serial killers of all time is put to death for only a handful of the crimes he committed over a lifetime of almost unbelievable wickedness. His name was Herman Webster Mudgett, alias Doctor Henry Howard Holmes, and he built his own private "Murder Castle" in Chicago during the 1893 World Columbian Exposition - itself an event rife with parapolitical and paracultural over-and-undertones.

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On this day in 1952, the concept of the integrated circuit, also known as the "monolithic integrated circuit" and the "microchip" - the basis for all modern computing technology - is first presented to the public by Geoffrey W.A. Dummer. Culturally, economically and historically, it's a game-changer on pretty much every imaginable level.

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On this day in 1999, the British Antarctic Survey reports that the sky fell by no less than five miles over the preceding forty year period, as the upper limit of the ionosphere - beyond which lies the vacuum of space - collapsed from 190 to 185 miles altitude. Researchers at the time pointed to this startling phenomenon as "an important environmental warning sign," but yer old pal Jerky hasn't heard any more about it since the report was released. What gives?!

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On this day in 2004, in one of the most heinous of many heinous landmarks that we collectively had to endure in the 'naughties, the sadistic and brutal beheading of American businessman Nick Berg is recorded on videotape and released on the Internet for all the world to see. I present to you an editorial that I wrote on the subject of the Berg conspiracy theories, reprinted now at my Useless Eater blog for archival purposes. Also reprinted is one of my best editorials (if I do say so myself), titled The Paradox of Polar Bears. It also touches on Berg's murder, but for much different reasons. I'd suggest you "enjoy", but somehow that just doesn't seem right in this case.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MAY 1

The first day in the month of May is celebrated as May Day – also known as International Workers’ Day – almost everywhere in the world, with the most glaring exception being the nation whose citizens’ blood fertilized the soil of its inception: the United States of America.

First suggested at the first congress of the world socialist Second International in 1889, May Day was meant to commemorate Chicago’s infamous Haymarket Massacre of three years prior, in which dozens of labor demonstrators were gunned down by police after one of them allegedly threw a dynamite bomb.

The holiday was formally recognized as an annual event at the International's second congress in 1891. Three years later, following a particularly nasty Wall Street panic, the May Day Riots took place in Cleveland, OH. Ten years later, in 1904, the International Socialist Conference meeting in Amsterdam called on "all Social Democratic Party organizations and trade unions of all countries to demonstrate energetically on May First for the legal establishment of the 8-hour day, for the class demands of the proletariat, and for universal peace."

Considering its origins and history, it shouldn't be too surprising that The Powers That Be have never had much love for May Day. Right-wing governments, invariably favoring Capital over Labor, have historically downplayed the holiday’s significance, often celebrating “Labour/Labor Day” on another day – for instance, as in the USA and Canada, on the first Monday of September.

Unfortunately, simply shifting the holiday to a different spot on the calendar left folks with nothing to celebrate on the first day of May. The solution? How about the one-two punch of Law Day and Loyalty Day? Yes, that’s right, in the late 50’s, Republican President Dwight “Ike” Eisenhower and his Republican-led Congress created these two (count’em!) brand spanking new holidays to take people’s minds off the central role labor has played in human progress over the years!

Of course, the above covers the “Red Root” (Labor) version of May Day. There exists another, “Green Root” (Pagan) version of the holiday, related to the sex-heavy Celtic festival of Beltane and the somewhat less sexy Germanic festival of Walpurgis Night (which is named after a Saint, after all). Some of the more hard-core versions of this European celebration were done away with after Christianization, but surviving traditions usually involve dancing around a Maypole – representative of either a Sacred Tree or a giant phallus, depending on who you ask – and other fertility-related activities, such as presenting gifts of flowers to loved ones. Beltane, specifically, involves ritual purification through fire, and if you've seen the The Wicker Man (1973), you already know how much fun that can be.

ALSO ON THIS DAY

On this day in 1776, a Jesuit-trained Bavarian philosopher by the name of Adam Weishaupt adopts the name Spartacus and establishes a secret society which he dubs the Order of Perfectibilists, more popularly known as the Illuminati. Both Weishaupt and his long-defunct organization remain as poorly understood today as they were by their contemporaries, a point underscored by the fact that Thomas Jefferson counted himself an unabashed admirer.

***

On this day in 1863, the Confederate Congress passes a resolution declaring no Black Union soldiers may be taken prisoner. Instead, all Black soldiers are to be shot on sight. And yet, some people still try to make believe the Civil War was about "state's rights," and had nothing to do with the institution of slavery. Go figure!

***

On this day in 1915, the RMS Lusitania departs from New York City for her 222nd – and final – crossing of the Atlantic. Six days later, a torpedo launched from a German submarine would sink her off the coast of Ireland, killing twelve hundred. 128 of the dead were Americans, which caused an about-face in the US population’s doggedly non-interventionist stance vis-à-vis the Great War. Within months, Americans would be dying in their thousands in the hideous, Satanic meat-grinder of trench warfare, ostensibly to avenge the deaths of those unlucky dozens.

***

On this day in 1930, the Solar System’s ninth planet is saddled with the decidedly Hellish name Pluto, borrowed from the Greek Lord of the Underworld. Upon their discoveries, Pluto’s moons would be given the similarly Stygian monikers Charon, Nix and Hydra. Who makes these decisions?! Later, much to the public's dismay (and misunderstanding) the Planetary Union demote Pluto to planetoid, leaving Niburu (yet to be found, though calculations SUGGEST it is there) to become the 9th planet, eventually.

***

On this day in 1945 a German newsreader announces that Adolf Hitler has "fallen at his command post in the Reich Chancellery fighting to the last breath against Bolshevism and for Germany.” 

***

On this day in 1948, The "Democratic People's Republic of Korea" – a.k.a. North Korea – is established by “Great Leader” Kim Il-sung. Folks, you couldn't pack more irony into a single sentence if you tried. Today, 75 years and two generations of despotism later, North Korea retains its title as quite possibly the single most fucked up nation on a planet that is known for being home to some incredibly fucked up nations. The USA falls uncomfortably high on that same list now. Time for someone else to become well-hung as well.

***

On this day in 1956, the polio vaccine developed by Jonas Salk is made available to the public. And we all lived happily ever after.

***

On this day in 1960, a Lockheed U-2 spy-plane being piloted by American Francis Gary Powers is shot down over the Soviet Union. Powers survives by ejecting, and his U-2 glides to a soft crash-landing that leaves it frustratingly intact, allowing the Soviets to learn everything about the plane's structure and abilities when they pick it apart. Powers is interrogated for months, then forced to confess to espionage. He was sentenced to 10 years hard labor at a Soviet work camp, but ended up serving less than 8 months before being sent back to the USA in a spy-swap. After a different kind of rough landing back home (he was interrogated by hostile officials from the CIA, Pentagon, a few Senate committees and even Lockheed!), Powers continued his aviation career until 1977, when he died while heroically ditching his helicopter rather than risk a crash-landing in a field where children were playing..

***

On this day, in 1986, Russia finally tells the rest of the world about the nuclear accident at Chernobyl… five days after what was at that time the worst meltdown in the history of nuclear power. Much to the delight of the Ukrainian Tourism Bureau, “Fukushima” is poised to replace “Chernobyl” as short-hand for “FUBAR Nuclear No-Go-Zone”.

***

And, finally, on this day in 2003, Americans celebrate "Mission Accomplished Day" when Preznit Dubya appears before a cheering crowd of soldiers on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln in full padded-crotch regalia to declare that "major combat operations in Iraq have ended.” Sadly, nothing could have been further from the truth.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 11

On this day in the year 1775, for the last time on European soil, an individual found guilty of the crime of witchcraft is killed in an official, state-sanctioned execution, in Germany.

***

On this day in 1868, shogun Tokugawa Yoshinobu surrenders Edo Castle to Imperial forces, marking the end of Japan's Shogun era and the beginning of the Meiji Restoration. This development came about partly because, after American Commodore Matthew Perry showed up in Japan accompanied by an impressive fleet of technologically advanced warships, Japanese elites collectively freaked out. They hatched a plan to get rid of the samurai class and the feudal, agrarian system over which they presided and replace it with a more forward-thinking oligarchy, headed up by a hereditary figurehead, the aforementioned Emperor Meiji. In less than half a century, the combination of rapid cultural change, techno-fetishism, the sublimation of a disgruntled samurai remnant and increasingly obsessive Emperor worship would lead to some of the most unfortunate chapters in the history of all mankind.

***

On this day in 1876, the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks is first organized. They remain one of the leading fraternal orders in the United States, with over one million dues-paying members.

***

On this day in 1941, the Nazis take over Germany's most popular Jewish weekly newspaper. The abrupt change in editorial tone proves unpopular with subscribers. Sales plummet.

***

On this day in 1951, less than four months after its theft from Westminster Abbey by Scottish nationalist university students, the Stone of Scone is discovered hidden beneath the altar of Arbroath Abbey in Scotland. The origins of the so-called "Stone of Destiny", which played a minor role in the recent film The King's Speech, is shrouded in mystery. Some claim that it dates back to Antiquity, or even that it is the legendary "Stone of Jacob", the rock upon which the biblical patriarch was resting his head when he was delivered a "divine revelation" from Jehovah, as detailed in the Book of Genesis. But it's probably just a rock.

***

On this day in 1961, the trial of fugitive Nazi technocrat Adolf Eichmann begins in Jerusalem. After World War II, Eichmann had fled to Argentina under an assumed name, where he worked for Mercedes-Benz until he was identified, located, then kidnapped by the Mossad, who brought him to Israel to stand trial for his central role in organizing the Holocaust. He was found guilty and hanged in 1962, the only person ever to be executed in Israel based on the findings of a civilian court.

***

On this day 1968, President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act into existence, prohibiting discrimination in the sale, rental, and financing of housing to individuals based on their race. At the time, pondering the effect this might have on voters in the formerly Democratic-leaning South, Johnson is said to have said: "We've lost them for a generation." It turns out he was way, WAY, too optimistic.

***

This day in 2001 saw the ignominious conclusion to the Hainan Island Incident, the first real crisis of Preznit Dubya's heart-breaking White House career. On April Fools Day, an American spy plane had to make an emergency landing on a Chinese island after being bumped out of the sky by a Chinese fighter jet. It was on this day, ten days later, that the 24 American crew members were released by the Chinese government, but not before the White House issued a groveling apology, which they preferred to characterize as "an expression of regret and sorrow" over the death of the Chinese driver... I mean pilot. A coincidence of note is that the American aircraft was a Navy EP-3E ARIES II signals intelligence aircraft, and the incident took place while the sun was in the Zodiac House of Aries. Aries is ruled by the planet Mars, God of War.

***

And, finally -- last but definitely not least -- on this day in 2002, an attempted coup d'état takes place in Venezuela, resulting in the temporary ouster of President Hugo Chávez. If you relied on Western media to inform you about those infuriating, exasperating, incredibly inspiring days, then you have no idea what happened. I strongly urge you to give your undivided attention to the documentary, The Revolution Will Not Be Televised. It's one of the most important documents ever produced in terms of its revelations about the the true nature, focus and direction of American policy towards Latin America. Just find it and watch it. From beginning to end. I'm serious. It will infuriate you, and you will never forget the lesson it teaches.

DDD SUGGESTED READING LIST ~ DEC 28, 2014

WOULD YOU TRUST THE MAN ON THE RIGHT?

1. You know how, in the strange online world of "conspiracy theory" research, individuals who fall out of favor with any particular message board's groupthink - and stick to their guns about it - will invariably be called out as "disinfo" agents? It's a serious accusation, to declare someone a paid provocateur with a mandate to infiltrate an online group full of legitimate, unbiased truth-seekers and pervert their ability to properly assess the goings-on by mixing a little bit of truth with a whole lot of fabrication, thus rendering everything and anything that group comes to take as an assumed truth more easy to "debunk" at some future point in time. Well, after reading this article from the Leopold Report - an article that paints in intricate, detailed little brushstrokes just exactly how damaging to the concepts of truth and justice and history a real disinformation agent can truly be - you'll never again call someone who is merely wrong-headed or dogmatic a disinfo agent. 

This Oswald LeWinter fellow (1931-2013) described at the link is a criminal of the highest order, and you'll be shocked to discover how one CIA-connected literature prof's twisted lie/truth combos have hindered and poisoned investigations into everything from the murder of Olaf Palme to the October Surprise. Everyone from InterPol to Pentagon whistleblower Barbara Honegger got caught up in his web of bullshit.

A key bit:

[Journalist Robert] Parry asked LeWinter why he had contacted journalists to - as he claimed - expose October Surprise, when he had submitted so much obviously false information. One of these was that he claimed that one of Reagan's advisers had been in Paris and negotiated with the Iranian leadership, when it was easy to prove that the same person at that time was in the US - as a participant in a live television program (Parry 1993:67ff). 

LeWinter replied:

"I was asked by some people to mount a disinformation campaign". [..] "Barbara Honegger [..] had started enough interest in the newspaper community and the media to throw a negative light on George Bush's candidacy, potentially a negative light. The people who asked me to intervene felt that the country could not stand another Watergate, another major political scandal and upheaval, and also worried that the Democratic party's candidate might have hurt the intelligence community, which was just in the process of recovering from the damage that had been done to it during the Carter administration." 

His next statement is important: 

"I contacted Barbara Honegger through another person. [..] I managed to pass on some information to her which had factual elements in it, but also elements that with a little bit of digging could be discovered to be questionable. The story would lead some investigators to spend time and effort running into blind alleys, with the result that eventually the whole story would be discredited." 

LeWinter also admitted to having received USD 100,000 in payment for his disinformation campaign.

Ultimately, it took a man like investigative journalist Robert Parry (a personal favorite of mine) to suss out just a bit of the truth about LeWinter's true character. This is truly terrifying stuff, and one of the reasons why perjury is considered such a serious goddamn crime. 

2. Even though I can't help but harbor suspicions that Western accounts of Soviet leader Joseph Stalin's criminal depravity have been exaggerated for a century's worth of propaganda purposes, this American Scholar article about Stalin's unlikely rise to power is still very much worth your time.

Except for Mao, and perhaps Genghis Khan, Joseph Stalin stands as the greatest mass murderer in history. His war on the peasantry killed perhaps 14 million people, half of whom were deliberately starved to death. This project of “dekulakization” and “collectivization” overshadows even the Great Purge of 1936–38, which claimed some four million lives. Several small ethnic minorities suspected of disloyalty lost half their population, and tens of millions were swallowed into the massive system of forced labor camps known as the Gulag Archipelago. ... 

How was all this carnage possible? How did a revolution made in the name of social justice, and supported by so many progressive spirits around the world, lead to such monstrous results? What made Stalin capable of such cruelty, and how did he manage to accumulate the power to practice it?

Keep reading to find out more!

3. One of the most intriguing if little known episodes of the Cold War Collapse era involved Frank Zappa's brief tenure as "special ambassador to the West on trade, culture and tourism" for the newly-liberated nation of Czechoslovakia. See, it turns out Vaclav Havel - dissident author and leading figure in the "Velvet Revolution" - was a really big fan of Zappa's band, The Mothers. As journalist Jack Anderson explained it in his oddly apologetic account of the events:

Havel, a playwright known for absurd satire, met Zappa in Prague in January 1990, and the two men hit it off immediately. Havel had long been a fan of Zappa's music genius and even credited his music as part of the inspiration for the anti-communist revolution. A Czech group, The Plastic People of the Universe, named after one of Zappa's songs, copied his style and became an underground sensation in Czechoslovakia. Their revolutionary lyrics so irritated the communist government that the group was thrown behind bars for disturbing the peace. That mobilized Havel and other artists to form a dissident group that led the opposition and, after communism was toppled, formed the nucleus of the current Czech government. So Havel had plenty to thank Zappa for. He was so grateful, in fact, that he impetuously created the special ambassadorship for Zappa. The musician left town with Havel's praise in his ears and the adulation of hundreds of fans who treated him as a Czech national hero.

Unfortunately for Frank, the Bush Crime Family didn't much care for the cut of his jib. They dispatched their most trusted consigliere, unindicted co-conspirator James Baker III, to threaten Havel thusly:

"You can do business with the United States or you can do business with Frank Zappa."

Frank Zappa happens to be my very favorite musician, as well as a personal hero and an ongoing inspiration for more reasons than I could possibly list in this space. So you'll forgive me for being suspicious about the fact that this rather formidable individual would be dead and buried a mere three years after his brush with Pure Evil, chronicled above.

WHO IS BEHIND THE "SEASTEADING" MOVEMENT?

Just over three years ago, Alternet published a very interesting article, authored by Mark Ames, which explored the personalities behind the ongoing attempts to actualize the longstanding science-fiction dream of escaping burdensome taxes, regulations, and moralistic prohibitions - not to mention the teeming, unwashed masses - by heading out to sea on giant, floating, libertarian cities. The best part about this article? Ames doesn't shy away from naming names.

The article begins:

What happens when Americans plunder America and leave it broken, destitute and seething mad? Where do these fabulously wealthy Americans go with their loot, if America isn't a safe, secure, or even desirable place to spend their riches? What if they lose faith in their gated communities, because those plush gated communities are surrounded by millions of pissed-off Americans stripped of their entitlements, and who now want in? We finally have the answer, and you're not going to like it: a new fleet of castles that float in the oceans. The super-wealthy are already building their first floating castle, a billion-dollar-plus luxury liner that offers permanent multimillion-dollar housing with the best protection of all: moats made of oceans, keeping the land-based Americans they've plundered at a safe distance.

So click on through to catch a frightening glimpse of the collective fantasy being dreamed into reality by such aquatic would-be John Galts as blood-soaked Bush Crime Family bag-man Frank Carlucci, libertarian icon Milton Friedman's perverted grandson Patri, and bizarre right-wing PayPal founder, Peter Thiel, always keeping in mind that you most definitely are not going to be invited along for the ride.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 9

"Read Free or DIE!!!" The first ever tax-supported public library opens its doors in Peterborough, New Hampshire on this day in 1833.

***

On this day in 1860, a French fellow by the name of Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville makes the oldest known recording of an audible human voice - his own, singing Au Clair de la Lune, very slowly - on a machine of his own devising, which he christened the Phonautograph Machine! You can listen to this brief but creepy echo from the far, distant past here, on the machine's Wikipedia page.

***

On this day in 1865, after four years of bloody combat that left 600,000 dead, Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrenders the Army of Northern Virginia to Ulysses S. Grant at the Appomattox Courthouse in Virginia. This effectively ends the American Civil War. Today, many revisionists try to argue that the Civil War wasn't about slavery - either the practice at it had evolved in the South, or its expansion into the newly developing Western states. Anybody who tries to argue this point is either pathetically ignorant of history or a bald-faced liar, and anything they have to say about any topic can therefore be dismissed as a-historical balderdash and/or right-wing propaganda.

***

On this day in 1992, a U.S. federal court finds former Panamanian dictator and notorious, CIA asset, and Bush Crime Family crony Manuel Noriega guilty of drug and racketeering charges. Sentenced to 30 years in prison, Noriega was ultimately extradited to France in 2010, where he was tried for money laundering, and then back home to Panama in 2011, where he was tried over the murder of a domestic political challenger, and where he remains behind bars to this day.

***

On this day in 2003, the world first learns that Patient Zero in the SARS pandemic just happened to fly on seven different planes to six different international locations in the span of six fucking days just two weeks earlier. He flew from Hong Kong to Munich on March 30, then flew to Barcelona where, according to authorities, he began developing symptoms. Undaunted, he hopped another plane to Frankfurt, then switched off and flew to London (same day, different plane). The day after that, he flew to Munich, then headed back to Frankfurt, again on a different plane. Eventually, he made his way back to Hong Kong, where he checked into a hospital and was confirmed to have SARS. Regarding these suspiciously ostentatious travel habits, authorities said: "He travels a lot." In other words: "Move along, nothing to see here."

***

On this day in the year 2003, after the application of a little "Shock and Awe" by the "Coalition of the Willing", the city of Baghdad falls to advancing American forces. In the center of the city, a statue of Saddam Hussein is pulled down in what the mainstream media described as regular, everyday Iraqis turning on symbols of their former leader. In fact, that's still the way Wikipedia portrays those events. In reality, however, even the Pentagon was forced to admit that the whole thing was a stage-managed psychological operation. Oh well, it might have been a Big Lie, but at least it ended the war!

I'm kidding, of course. Because even though Preznit Dubya and all the bought-and-paid-for whores in the right-wing military/industrial/media propaganda complex declared victory, in reality, the war in Iraq had barely just begun. Ten years, six thousand dead Americans, a hundred times that many dead Iraqis and over a TRILLION wasted dollars later, the only undeniable truth about the war in Iraq. is that it was a wasteful, Satanic enterprise built upon a foundation of propaganda, forgery, and lies. There was no valid ethical, moral or legal justification for it, no matter how "easy" the task might have seemed back in the early days of what would ultimately turn out to be a completely Pyrrhic victory.

ARE WE ALL JUST KLEENEX FOR THE ILLUMINATI ELITE?!

I had just begun re-reading Fritz Springmeier's 1995 conspiranoid magnum opus Bloodlines of the Illuminati when I came across a passage that sparked the recollection of an odd event that took place just prior to George W. Bush's theft of the 2000 presidential election. The passage in question is on page 5, in the second paragraph of the first chapter, which focuses on the Astor family.

Of John Jacob Astor, Springmeier writes:

If this man lacked social graces and was so cold, and was so poor during his first years in the U.S., why did he rise to such prominence in Freemasonry? Certainly not because of his social graces. For instance, one time later in life at a meal given for elites, when his hands got dirty at the table he reached over and used the shirt of the man beside him to wipe his hands.

Upon reading the above, I instantly remembered Preznit Dubya's October 19, 2000 appearance on CBS's Late Night with David Letterman, where he notoriously wiped his eyeglasses clean with a sweater worn by one of Letterman's staff during a commercial break. Even though it happened off-air, the cameras were still rolling and Letterman shared this revealing moment with his audience the very next night.

Here's a video of the event:

Meanwhile, as I was looking for the above video on Youtube, I came across yet another unbelievable incident involving Dubya's ongoing efforts at keeping his hands clean, this time involving Bill Clinton and some anonymous Haitian fellow whom the two former Presidents met as they toured the earthquake-devastated nation of Haiti in May of 2010. Frankly, I can hardly believe that I missed this story when it first skittered across the news cycle.

Anyway, here's a video:

So, by using other people as his personal snot-rag, has Dubya been exhibiting a peculiarly Illuminati personality trait? Or is it just that he's something of a germophobic douche-nozzle, as suggested by President Barack Obama in his book Audacity of Hope? Are the two necessarily exclusive? Who knows? Who cares?

Anyway, don't ask me; I just write here.

ON THIS DAY IN PARA-CULTURE, JUNE 3

On this day in 1839, in Humen, China, Lin Tse-hsü destroys 1.2 million kg of opium confiscated from British merchants, providing Britain with a casus belli to open hostilities, resulting in the First Opium War. And now, in Afghanistan, the poppy fields are... well... as you can see, 'twas ever thus, folks.

Czech novelist Franz Kafka dies on this day in 1924 at the age of 41. His last will and testament ordered that all his writings should be burned. Fortunately, his friends refuse his dying wish, and the world gets to read his many works of genius.

On this day in 1937, the Duke of Windsor abdicates his rightful place as the King of England in order to marry his American divorcee girlfriend Wallis Simpson. And it's a good thing, too, seeing as the Duke was a Hitler-admiring, Nazi-sympathizing reprobate.

After being arrested on suspicion of having broken into a Florida poolroom, Charles Gideon was put on trial and immediately found guilty... thanks mostly to the fact that he couldn't afford a lawyer. In Florida at the time, that meant he had to defend himself. It also pretty much guaranteed he was jail-bound. Afterwards, while in jail, Gideon made multiple appeals on the grounds that he had a constitutional right to be represented in court by a professional lawyer. Eventually, his case made its way to the Supreme Court of the USA, which declared: "a fair trial cannot be realized if the poor man charged with the crime has to face his accusers without a lawyer to assist him." And that's how, on this day in 1960, the ceaseless whining of one petty thief permanently changed the way the nation's legal system works, for the better... a rare thing indeed!

On this day in 1968, radical feminist and SCUM Manifesto author Valerie Solanas shoots superstar artist Andy Warhol three times. He survives.

On this day in 1989, Chinese military troops and tanks storm through Beijing's Tiananmen Square which, unfortunately for them, just happened to be chock full with nearly a million pro-democracy protesters at the time. At the time, Western witnesses estimated between 300 and a thousand protesters had been killed - either shot by soldiers or trampled in a mad dash to avoid getting shot - and nearly 10,000 were arrested for taking part in the protests. Then-President George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush reacted swiftly to this massive assault on human rights by granting China Most Favored Nation trade status.

ON THIS DAY IN PARAPOLITICS - MAY 9

On this day in 1874, British archaeologist Howard Carter is born. In 1922, he would discover the tomb of  14th century BC Boy Pharaoh, King Tutankhamen, thus sparking a worldwide frenzy of "Egyptomania" in the years between the First and Second World Wars. 

On this day in 1950, pulp magazine writer L.Ron Hubbard's book Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health hits store shelves for the first time. Today, May 9th is regarded as an important Church of Scientology holiday: the "Anniversary of Dianetics." 

On this day in 1960, the FDA announces it will approve birth control as an additional indication for Searle's Enovid - otherwise known as "the pill" - making it the world's first government approved oral contraceptive. Depending on who you ask, it is also another giant step down the slippery slope of NWO-sponsored eugenic population control... but I'm not quite ready to buy into that argument yet, myself.

On this day in 1974, the United States House of Representatives Judiciary Committee opens formal and public impeachment hearings against President Richard Nixon. Tricky Dick resigns in the face of overwhelming evidence of his guilt in the Watergate affair (among other, far worse things), therefore robbing the committee of their chance to make history.

On this day in 1989, Vice-President Dan Quayle delivers a speech to the United Negro College Fund board of governors. In it, he mangles that institution's motto - "A mind is a terrible thing to waste" - by declaring: "What a waste it is to lose one's mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful." You know, after experiencing Preznit Dubya' suspiciously familiar verbal locutions, it kinda clears up some of the mysteries surrounding his Poppy's choice of running mates way back in 1988... Potatoe-head Dan reminded Herbert Walker of his own first-born son!