PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JULY 11

On this day in 1804, after decades of getting up each other's asses and for reasons far too complicated to get into here, Founding Father Alexander Hamilton and then-Vice-President Aaron Burr meet at the Weehawken, New Jersey dueling grounds at the crack of dawn to settle their differences at the end of a pair of pistols. What happened next depends entirely upon which eye-witness you choose to believe. Either Hamilton, in a poorly-timed attempt to prove himself a gentleman, fired into the air only to be shot square in the gut by Burr immediately afterwards, or else he simply took his shot and missed, leaving Burr to offer up a more accurate and deadly rebuttal. Whichever scenario is closest to the truth, the end results remain the same: Alexander Hamilton - the genius confidante of George Washington, the man who designed America's economic framework - was dead, and Aaron Burr's reputation as a vicious, villainous brute was firmly established. Now persona non grata, Burr and some foreign belligerents began formulating a plan to conquer Mexico - which, at the time, covered much of the South and Southwest - in order to set up a separate, independent, competing state. After being acquitted of treason, Burr kicked around Europe for a while, leaving a trail of angry creditors wherever he went. He eventually returned to the United States and lived long enough to witness the Texas Revolution, about which he mused: "What was treason in me thirty years ago, is patriotism now." Then he died.

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On this day in 1889, the Mexican city of Tijuana is born. Three days later, the place is declared a poverty-stricken tourist trap with an unwholesome fixation on the donkey, Mexico's national beast of burden.

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On this day in 1895, the Lumière brothers demonstrate film technology to scientists.

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On this day in 1921, Mongolia gains its independence from China. Considering the serious developmental difficulties that come with that extra chromosome of theirs, you have to admit that's pretty impressive. 

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On this day in 1921, former U.S. President William Howard Taft is sworn in as 10th Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, becoming the only person to ever be both President and Chief Justice.

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On this day in 1955, Congress authorizes all American currency to be printed with the motto: "In God We Trust." Unfortunately, they left off the funnier half: "All others pay cash." But seriously, it behooves us to recall that these four words were added to American money - along with the words "Under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance - at the behest of the Roman Catholic Knights of Columbus fraternal order. Not in 1776. Not in 1855. Not even in 1900... but in 1955. Ten years after the end of World War II. The year President Eisenhower sent the first American troops to Vietnam. The year of the first McDonald's restaurant, and Bill Haley's Rock Around the Clock. In other words, it was a knee-jerk addition based on a passing fad, and the time has come to drop it.

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On this day in 1979, the space station Skylab returns to Earth… the hard way. 

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The government of the United States awards the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. the Presidential Medal of Freedom on this day in 1977, roughly nine years after awarding him the Troublemaker's Bullet of Shut-the-Fuck-Up in Memphis, Tennessee. And that's a fact, Jack.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR JUNE 3

On this day in 1943, U.S. Navy sailors and Marines clash with Latino youths In Los Angeles, California, in a confrontation that the news media of the day would soon christen the Zoot Suit Riots.

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After being arrested on suspicion of having broken into a Florida poolroom, Charles Gideon was put on trial and immediately found guilty, thanks mostly to the fact that he couldn't afford a lawyer. In Florida at the time, that meant he had to defend himself. It also pretty much guaranteed that he was jail-bound. Afterwards, while in jail, Gideon made multiple appeals on the grounds that he had a constitutional right to be represented in court by a professional lawyer. Eventually, his case made its way to the Supreme Court, which declared: "a fair trial cannot be realized if the poor man charged with the crime has to face his accusers without a lawyer to assist him." And that's how, on this day in 1960, the ceaseless whining of one petty criminal permanently changed the way the USA’s legal system works... for the better! A rare thing, indeed.

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On this day in 1968, a notoriously unstable radical feminist by the name of Valerie Solanas tries to assassinate leading New York “scene” artist Andy Warhol, shooting him three times at near point-blank range. Warhol survived the attack, but sales of Solanas’ SCUM Manifesto went through the roof. “SCUM” is an acronym for “Society for Cutting Up Men”, and most editions feature an image of a box-cutter on the cover. Nice.

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On this day in 1989, armed troops kill hundreds of pro-democracy student demonstrators in the streets of Beijing. Within months, President George Herbert Walker “Poppy” Bush grants China "most-favored nation" trading status. Understanding the Bush Crime Family’s long-standing entanglements in the region helps explain why he did so.

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Also on this day in 1989, Iran's Ayatollah Ruhullah Khomeini -- the intellectual father and popular/populist spearhead of Iran's fascinatingly paradoxical Islamic Revolution in 1979 -- dies of internal bleeding at the age of 86.

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On this day in 2011, after spending over 8 years behind bars for helping a terminally ill man end his life on camera for an episode of 60 Minutes, doctor, author and death-with-dignity activist Jack Kevorkian passes away due to kidney failure at the age of 83.