PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 21

On this day in 1620, William Bradford and the Mayflower Pilgrims land on what is now known as Plymouth Rock in Plymouth, Massachusetts.

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On this day in 1844, the Rochdale Society of Equitable Pioneers commences business at its cooperative in Rochdale, England, United Kingdom starting the Cooperative movement.

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On this day in 1879, the world première of Henrik Ibsen's A Doll's House at the Royal Theatre in Copenhagen, Denmark.

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On this day in 1907, the Chilean Army commits a massacre of at least 2,000 striking saltpeter miners in Iquique, Chile.

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On this day in 1913, Arthur Wynne's "word-cross", the first crossword puzzle, is published in the New York World.

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On this day in 1919, American anarchist Emma Goldman is deported to Russia.

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On this day in 1937, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, the world's first full-length animated feature, premieres at the Carthay Circle Theatre.

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Wowie Zowie! On this day in 1940, American iconoclast and unmitigated musical genius Frank Zappa was born. Didja get any onya?!

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On this day in 1967, Louis Washkansky, the first man to undergo a heart transplant, dies in Cape Town, South Africa, having lived for 18 days after the transplant.

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On this day in 1968, Apollo 8 is launched from the Kennedy Space Center, placing its crew on a lunar trajectory for the first visit to another celestial body by humans.

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On this day in 1969, the United Nations adopts the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Racial Discrimination. And we all lived happily ever after.

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On this day in 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 from London to New York explodes in midair over Lockerbie, Scotland, an hour after departure. An altitude-sensitive bomb in a boom box detonated when the plane hit 31,000 feet. All 259 passengers on board - including five CIA field agents - were killed in the explosion, and 11 Lockerbie residents were crushed in the resulting avalanche of fiery wreckage. Merry Fuckin' Christmas.

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On this day in 1989, President George Herbert Walker "Poppy" Bush uses the American military as his own personal goon squad when he orders them to invade Panama to oust a former partner-in-crime from his CIA days, General Manuel Noriega. (Dude! Deja vu!) The invasion of Panama was a costly, militarily useless endeavor, and the case against Noriega was mostly based on lies that didn't unravel until after the invasion was over and done with, so nobody cared. (Double deja vu!) It cost a shitload of money, and cost thousands of innocent civilians their lives. (Wow!) It almost seems like the Bush Crime Family gets some sort of perverse thrill out of invading sovereign nations under false pretenses in order to kidnap leaders whom they, themselves, initially helped rise to power. (Any editorial comment I could add would be redundant at this point. But do read this!)

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On this day in 1991, "Hanoi Jane" Fonda marries CNN-founding billionaire redneck Ted Turner. Chaos ensues.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 20

On this day in 1522, Suleiman the Magnificent accepts the surrender of the surviving Knights of Rhodes during the Siege of Rhodes. They're allowed to evacuate. They eventually settle on Malta and become known as the Knights of Malta.

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On this day in 1669, rabble-rouser Marcus Jacobson thought he was gonna get off light when he learned his punishment would be decided by the first ever trial-by-jury. Unfortunately for Marcus, his peers didn't much care for the cut of his jib. They sentenced him to be flogged, branded, and sold into slavery. He got PUNK'D!

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On this day in 1803, the Louisiana Purchase is completed at a ceremony in New Orleans, Louisiana.

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On this day in 1860, South Carolina becomes the first state to attempt to secede from the United States.

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On this day in 1917, the Cheka, the first Soviet secret police force, is founded.

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On this day in 1924, Adolf Hitler is released from Landsberg Prison. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1946, the popular Christmas film It's a Wonderful Life is first released in New York, New York.

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On this day in 1968, the Zodiac Killer kills Betty Lou Jenson and David Faraday in Vallejo, California.

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On this day in 1983, the South American nation of El Salvador adopts their second constitution in as many decades. Yer old pal Jerky supposes the El Salvadoreans aren't big on that whole "amendment" thing. Maybe they could write their next constitution on an Etch-a-Sketch. Whenever they're sick of the old one, just shake and start over!

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On this day in 2004, Preznit Dubya's plan to keep the Department of Homeland Security under the leadership of men with oddly shaped heads hits a snag. Former New York City police commissioner Bernard Kerik - whose cranium evokes memories of WWI-era mortar shells - seemed like a shoe-in to replace Big Tom Ridge, whose own notorious noggin is approximately the size, shape and density of a cinder block. Unfortunately, it soon became obvious that Kerik's nomination was a five hundred pound albatross. Officially, Kerik withdrew his nomination because of unpaid taxes on "an illegal babysitter" who doesn't seem to exist. More likely it was because of his failure to disclose expensive gifts from political pals, his multiple, overlapping extramarital affairs, his highly inappropriate partisan pandering during the presidential campaign, a warrant being issued for his arrest due to unpaid rent, his ties to organized crime, and his flirtation with bigamy. And so, the search was on. Before settling on the cadaverous and incompetent Michael Chertoff, these were some of the candidates being considered:

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 19

On this day in 211, Publius Septimius Geta, co-emperor of Rome, is lured to come without his bodyguards to meet his brother Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, to discuss a possible reconciliation. When he arrives the Praetorian Guard murders him and he dies in the arms of his mother Julia Domna.

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On this day in 1154, Henry II of England is crowned at Westminster Abbey.

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On this day in 1606, the Susan Constant, the Godspeed, and the Discovery depart England carrying settlers who found, at Jamestown, Virginia, the first of the thirteen colonies that became the United States.

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On this day in 1796, two British frigates under Commodore Horatio Nelson and two Spanish frigates under Commodore Don Jacobo Stuart engage in battle off the coast of Murcia during the French Revolutionary Wars.

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On this day in 1891, the first black American to become a Catholic priest is ordained in Baltimore. His name was Charles Uncles, and as far as Google is concerned, he never molested anybody. Way to go, Charlie!

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Believe it or not, it was on this day in 1918 that Robert Ripley began his illustrated column, which is still syndicated in hundreds of newspapers worldwide to this very day. Ripley used his column to disseminate and popularize some truly retarded and factually inaccurate bullshit, which is why, to avoid lawsuits, he gave it a title that could also function nicely as a disclaimer... "Believe it or not!" It's all up to you.

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On this day in 1924, the last Rolls-Royce Silver Ghost is sold in London, England, United Kingdom.

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On this day in 1946, the troubles in Vietnam (then called Indochina) begin in earnest when Ho Chi Minh attacks the seat of French colonial power in Hanoi. These troubles would not come to an end until three decades - and more than four million human beings - had passed.

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On this day in 1950, the Dalai Lama flees Tibet, just because it's being invaded by Mao Zedong's Red Army! Chicken.

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On this day in 1956, Irish-born physician John Bodkin Adams is arrested in connection with the suspicious deaths of more than 160 patients. Eventually he is convicted only of minor charges.

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On this day in the year 1971, Clockwork Orange - Stanley Kubrick's dystopian rumination on violence, bureaucracy, and free will - had its premiere in New York City. The film, based on Anthony Burgess's brutal cult novel, was originally rated X for its gruesome violence and disturbing tone. Part of the problem people had with Clockwork is that Kubrick coerces the audience into identifying with a vicious, murderous, rapist thug... a trick that began with Shakespeare, in his Richard III. In England, after hoodlums started dressing up like the Droogs and committing copycat rapes and home invasions, Kubrick unilaterally had the film pulled from circulation, and it didn't play there again until after his death in 1999. Some people think Clockwork Orange is a work of dark, satiric genius. Others think it's a cold, mechanical exercise in misanthropic excess. Yer old pal Jerky thinks it's both, and loves it all the more for its ambiguity. If you haven't seen this movie yet, do so post haste.

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On this day in 1978, the horrible stink coming from the crawl space under a house owned by John Wayne Gacy - a.k.a. Pogo the Clown - leads authorities to a serial-killer motherlode of 27 decomposing corpses, all nubile young boys. Ultimately, homo-psycho-killer Gacy was found guilty of rape-torture-murdering 33 men and boys, some as young as 9 years old. He was executed by lethal injection in 1994, and his clown paintings continue to attract top dollar in the lucrative serial killer collectibles market. Johnny Depp is a particularly big fan.

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On this day in 1984, the Sino-British Joint Declaration, stating that China would resume the exercise of sovereignty over Hong Kong and the United Kingdom would restore Hong Kong to China with effect from July 1, 1997 is signed in Beijing, China by Deng Xiaoping and Margaret Thatcher.

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On this day in 1998, President Bill Clinton is impeached by The United States House of Representatives, becoming the second President of the United States to be impeached. This historic (and ridiculous) impeachment is overturned by the more sober-minded Senate.

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On this day in 2001, desperate food riots erupt in Buenos Aires, Argentina, formerly one of the shining exemplars of South American economic prosperity, then undergoing a Great Depression of its own. The widespread destruction is blamed on neoliberal (meaning "conservative" or "laissez faire") policies enforced by the World Bank and IMF.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 18

On this day in 218 BC, Hannibal's Carthaginian forces defeat those of the Roman Republic during the Battle of the Trebia of the Second Punic War.

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On this day in 1271, Kublai Khan renames his empire "Yuan", officially marking the start of the Yuan Dynasty of Mongolia and China.

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On this day in 1642, Abel Tasman becomes first European to sight New Zealand.

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On this day in 1777, the United States celebrates its first Thanksgiving, marking the recent victory by the Americans over British General John Burgoyne in the Battle of Saratoga in October.

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In what a surprisingly large number of secessionist conservatives still consider to be a crushing blow to the sanctity of state's rights, the thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified on this day in the year 1865, finally putting an end to the practice of slavery in the New World. Well... one kind of slavery, anyway.

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On this day in 1878, John Kehoe, the last of the Molly Maguires is executed in Pennsylvania.

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On this day in 1878, the Al-Thani family become the rulers of the state of Qatar

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On this day in 1912, the Piltdown Man, later discovered to be a hoax, is announced by Charles Dawson.

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On this day in 1987, Larry Wall releases the first version of the Perl programming language.

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On this day in 1997, coke-snorting, morbidly obese funnyman Chris Farley is found dead on the floor of his Chicago high-rise apartment, half-undressed and foaming at the mouth. Just like his idol, John Belushi, Farley was only 33 years old when he died.

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On this day in 2001, after mounting pressure from JINSA, the ADL, CAMERA and other groups, FOX News removes a controversial story about the so-called "Israeli art student spy ring" with connections to the events of September 11, 2001, from its website, after only two days. CAMERA suggests the reporter “has something, personally, about Israel. Maybe he’s very sympathetic to the Arab side.” The head of the ADL calls the report “sinister dangerous innuendo which fuels anti-Semitism.” Yet there does not appear to be any substance to these personal attacks.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 17

On this day in 497 BC, the first Saturnalia festival was celebrated in ancient Rome

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On this day in 942, William I of Normandy is assassinated.

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On this day in 1538, Pope Paul III excommunicates Henry VIII of England, thus setting in motion the sequence of events that would eventually lead to the creation of the Anglican Church.

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On this day in 1577, adventurer Francis Drake sets sail from Plymouth, England, on a secret mission to explore the Pacific coast of the Americas for Queen Elizabeth I of England.

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On this day in 1777, France formally recognizes the United States.

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On this day in 1790, the Aztec calendar stone is discovered.

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On this day in 1843, A Christmas Carol, a novel by English author Charles Dickens, is first published by Chapman & Hall.

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On this day in 1892, the first issue of Vogue Magazine is published

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Also on this day, in 1903, at 10:35 AM, aviation pioneer Orville Wright pilots a ramshackle contraption across a field, puttering along at about 5 to 10 feet off the ground. Meanwhile, Orville's brother Wilbur - a complete and utter chickenshit - stays on the ground and holds Orville's jacket.

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On this day in 1938, Otto Hahn discovers the nuclear fission of the heavy element uranium, the scientific and technological basis of nuclear energy.

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On this day in 1944, Japanese-Americans are released from prison camps throughout the western states, where the army had detained them as a safety precaution while the United States was at war with Japan. After suffering what many considered to be humiliating and unjustly harsh treatment at the hands of the leaders of their adopted nation, many Japanese-Americans agonized over a single question: "Why? Why oh why didn't Gamera save us?!" Friend to all children, my ass!

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On this day in 1957, the United States successfully launches the first intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) - the Atlas - from Cape Canaveral, Florida.

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On this day in 1967, Australia's Prime Minister Harold Holt disappears while swimming near Portsea, Victoria. His body is never found.

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On this day in 1977, post-punk rocker Elvis Costello fills in for no-show "punk" novelty act The Sex Pistols when the latter fail to show up for their slated gig on Saturday Night Live because they're too busy "accidentally" murdering junkie whores or being amusingly vile to pathetic, fawning, "rock journalists" or something. Anyway, Costello rocks the house down and the Sex Pistols comet burns out soon thereafter.

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On this day in 1989, the first episode of television series The Simpsons, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire", airs in the United States.

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On this day in 2010, Mohamed Bouazizi sets himself on fire, thus kicking off the Tunisian revolution and the wider Arab Spring.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 16

On this day in 1653, Oliver Cromwell becomes Lord Protector of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland and Ireland.

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On this day in 1707, the last recorded eruption of Mount Fuji takes place in Japan.

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On this day in 1773, in order to protest a drop in tea taxes that would give a tea monopoly to the East India Company, Samuel Adams and 60 Sons of Liberty dress up in Mohawk drag, sneak onto three British tea ships and dump £18,000 worth of tea into Boston harbor. This Boston Tea Party leads the Brits to implement punitive legislation designed to humiliate Massachusetts by closing Boston to merchant shipping, establishing formal British military rule, making British officials immune to criminal prosecution, and requiring colonists to quarter British troops. This leads to more monkey business by the Sons of Liberty, and before you know it, yadda yadda yadda, America gains her independence.

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On this day in 1826, Benjamin W. Edwards rides into Mexican controlled Nacogdoches, Texas and declares himself ruler of the Republic of Fredonia.

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On this day in 1903, Taj Mahal Palace & Tower first opens its doors to guests.

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On this day in 1915, noted scientist Albert Einstein publishes his "General Theory of Relativity," which posits that people from the same family tend to look alike.

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On this day, in 1916, tough-as-nails monk/mystic Grigori Rasputin is poisoned, bludgeoned, axed, stabbed, castrated and shot by a bunch of aristocrats who fear he is exerting an unnatural control on the Romanov Russian Royal Family. Unfortunately, when they were done, Rasputin was still breathing. So they had to tie a bag of rocks around his legs and toss him into the Neva river, where, finally, he cacked. Ten weeks later, the Romanovs were overthrown by the Bolshevik revolution, just as Rasputin had prophecied while his assailants were murdering him.

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On this day in 1922, President of Poland Gabriel Narutowicz is assassinated by Eligiusz Niewiadomski at the Zachęta Gallery in Warsaw.

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On this day in 1930, bank robber Herman Lamm and members of his crew are killed by a 200-strong posse, following a botched bank robbery in Clinton, Indiana.

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On this day in 1942, Heinrich Himmler orders that Roma candidates for extermination be deported to Auschwitz.

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On this day in 1944, a Nazi V-2 rocket causes 634 deaths when it hits an Antwerp bioscope. Wow! That was one crowded bioscope!

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On this day in 1944, the Battle of the Bulge begins with the surprise offensive of three German armies through the Ardennes forest.

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On this day in 1950, US President Harry Truman proclaims a state of emergency, saying that "communist imperialism" constitutes "a grave threat to the peace of the world" that "imperils the efforts of this country and those of the United Nations to prevent aggression and armed conflict." Furthermore, this particular kind of imperialism is bad, according to Truman, because it doesn't allow victim states "the right to choose those who conduct their Government," nor "the right to engage freely in collective bargaining." Indeed.

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On this day in 1968, the Second Vatican Council officially revokes the Edict of Expulsion of Jews from Spain.

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On this day in 1985, in New York City, New York, Paul Castellano and Thomas Bilotti are shot dead on the orders of John Gotti, who assumes leadership of the Gambino family.

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On this day in 2009, Avatar is released internationally. It would later be the first film to gross $2 billion and the highest grossing movie of all time.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 15

Happy ZAMENHOF DAY to all five Daily Dirt readers who speak Esperanto! To learn more about the rich tradition of Zamenhof Day and all it entails, click here!

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On this day in 1810, a group of Irish entrepreneurs decide to combat the rising tide of anti-Irish stereotyping by launching America's first Irish culture magazine. Unfortunately, they shoot themselves in the foot when they decided to call it... The Shamrock. That's like Italians putting out an magazine devoted to the Italian American experience and calling it The Meatball!

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On this day in 1890, Hunkpapa Lakota leader Sitting Bull killed on Standing Rock Indian Reservation, leading to the Wounded Knee Massacre.

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On this day in 1945, General Douglas MacArthur orders that Shinto be abolished as the state religion of Japan.

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On this day in 1960, Richard Paul Pavlick is arrested for attempting to blow up and assassinate the U.S. President-Elect, John F. Kennedy only four days earlier.

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On this day in 1961, in Jerusalem, Israel Adolf Eichmann is sentenced to death after being found guilty of 15 criminal charges, including charges of crimes against humanity, crimes against the Jewish people and membership of an outlawed organization.

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After a number of people had prophetic dreams about a river disaster - and after the plethora of Mothman incidents - it was on this day in 1967 that the Silver Bridge collapsed in Point Pleasant West Virginia, killing 46 people.

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On this day in 1970, the Soviet spacecraft Venera 7 successfully land on Venus. It is the first successful soft landing on another planet

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On this day in 1973, John Paul Getty III, grandson of American billionaire J. Paul Getty, is found alive near Naples, Italy, after being kidnapped by an Italian gang on July 10, 1973.

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On this day in 1973, the American Psychiatric Association votes 13–0 to remove homosexuality from its official list of psychiatric disorders, the DSM-II.

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On this day in 1985, diminutive thespian Sylvester Stallone weds statuesque Eurotrash plastic-surgery-test-dummy Brigitte Nielson, despite being able to walk between her legs without bending over.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 14

On this day in 1287, the St. Lucia flood takes place when the Zuiderzee sea wall in the Netherlands collapses, killing between 50,000 to 80,000 people.

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On this day, in the year 1503, noted physician and visionary Nostradamus is born.

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On this day in 1900, Kraut physicist Max Planck publishes his groundbreaking quantum theory of subatomic relations, forever changing the face of modern physics. Essentially, Planck demonstrated that radiant energy, depending on the circumstances, can exhibit characteristics previously thought to be the exclusive domain of physical matter. In other words, it can behave as both wave and particle. Subsequent experiments and theorems posited by other scientists like Albert Einstein, Niels Bohr and Erwin Schrodinger made possible the development of quantum mechanics, which allows multiple collision centers from all over town to work on the same car at the same time. Spooky, ain't it?

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On this day in 1911, Roald Amundsen's team, comprising himself, Olav Bjaaland, Helmer Hanssen, Sverre Hassel, and Oscar Wisting, becomes the first to reach the South Pole.

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On this day in 1962, NASA's Mariner 2 becomes the first spacecraft to fly by Venus.

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On this day in 1981, Israel's Knesset passes The Golan Heights Law, extending Israeli law to the area of the Golan Heights.

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On this day in 1990, a gravely ill and suffering Nancy Cruzan wins the right to have her feeding tube removed. Because doctors aren't allowed to assist in her suicide, it takes Nancy 12 days to die of dehydration and starvation.

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On this day in 1994, construction begins on the Three Gorges Dam on the Yangtze River.

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On this day in 1999, torrential rains cause flash floods in Vargas, Venezuela, resulting in tens of thousands of deaths, the destruction of thousands of homes, and the complete collapse of the state's infrastructure. Hell of a day for floods, eh?

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On this day in 2004, the Millau Viaduct, the tallest bridge in the world, near Millau, France is officially opened.

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On this day in 2008, Muntadhar al-Zaidi threw his shoes at then U.S. President George W. Bush during a press conference in Baghdad, Iraq.

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On this day in 2012, 28 people, including the gunman, are killed in a mass shooting in Sandy Hook village, Newtown, Connecticut. launching a bunch of the dumbest conspiracy theories anybody ever heard of, unmatched in their stupidity until the Boston Marathon bombing, soon thereafter.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 13

Happy REPUBLIC DAY to all seven Daily Dirt readers living on the tiny tourist-trap European island of Malta! Now that you've wandered in from the city of Saint John without a dime, can you see the glory (see the, glory of) of the Royal Scam?

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On this day in 1937, the Battle of Nanking takes place. The city of Nanjing, defended by the National Revolutionary Army under the command of General Tang Shengzhi, falls to the Japanese, whose troops begin carrying out several weeks worth of raping and murdering hundreds of thousands civilians and suspected Chinese resistance.

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On this day in 1949, the Knesset votes to move the capital of Israel to Jerusalem. It doesn't work out so well. For anyone.

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On this day in 1972, Eugene Cernan and Harrison Schmitt begin the third and final Extra-vehicular activity (EVA) or "Moonwalk" of Apollo 17. To date they are the last humans to set foot on the Moon.

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On this day in 2002, the last Guns N' Roses tour was officially called off after Axl Rose skipped a show in Philly in order to watch a basketball game on TV. This sparked another one of those fan riots GnR were so famous for, patting down the final spadeful of dirt on the grave of this misbegotten and thankfully aborted 80s Revival they were trying to foist on us there, for a while.

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On this day in 2003, former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein is captured after being pulled from a spider hole near his hometown of Tikrit. Or was he?

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 12

On this day in 1098, Crusaders breach the town of Ma'arrat al-Numan's walls and massacre about 20,000 inhabitants. After finding themselves with insufficient food, they resort to cannibalism.

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On this day in 1408, the Order of the Dragon a monarchical chivalric order is created by Sigismund of Luxembourg, then King of Hungary.

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On this day in 1900, Lift Every Voice and Sing - the Black National Anthem - is composed. It's a beautiful song.

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On this day in 1917, Michael Jackson's most favorite place in the whole wide world - Boys Town! - is founded by Father Flanagan, just outside Omaha, Nebraska. Also on this day in 1917, the worst train disaster ever occurs in Modane, France, when a train goes off the rails just before entering the Mount Cenis tunnel. An incredible five hundred and forty-three soldiers perish in the crash and ensuing blaze.

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On this day in 1941, Adolf Hitler announces extermination of the Jews at a meeting in the Reich Chancellery

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On this day in 1957, Rock and Roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis manages to break two taboos (at least!) in one fell swoop when he marries his 13 year old cousin Myra Gale Brown while still married to his first wife, Jane Mitcham.

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On this day in 1959, the United Nations Committee on the Peaceful Use of Outer Space is established, then ignored.

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On this day in 1969, the Piazza Fontana bombing takes place when the offices of Banca Nazionale dell'Agricoltura in Piazza Fontana, Milan, are bombed as part of Gladio and the Strategy of Tension.

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On this day in 1979, South Korean Army Major General Chun Doo-hwan orders the arrest of Army Chief of Staff General Jeong Seung-hwa without authorization from President Choi Kyu-ha, alleging involvement in the assassination of ex-President Park Chung Hee.

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On this day in the year 2000, the Supreme Court of the United States of America delivers their most ridiculous, indefensible decision since Dred Scott. Click HERE for scads of information about the transparently partisan BUSH vs. GORE decision - among other things - then click HERE for Vincent Bugliosi's blistering, eloquent essay, None Dare Call it Treason, which painstakingly and exactingly dissects the decision, concluding that five Republican-appointed Justices committed "the unpardonable sin of being a knowing surrogate for the Republican Party instead of being an impartial arbiter of the law." That's why some of us now refer to Rehnquist, Scalia, Kennedy, O'Connor and Thomas as the December Criminals. Okay, so only yer old pal Jerky calls them that. It's still an apt moniker for those treasonous suckers of Satan's cock.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 11

On this day in 220, Cao Pi forces Emperor Xian of Han to abdicate the Han Dynasty throne. The Cao Wei empire is established. The Three Kingdoms period begins.

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On this day in 630, Muhammad leads an army of 10,000 to conquer Mecca.

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On this day in 1792, King Louis XVI of France is put on trial for treason by the National Convention.

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On this day in 1901, Italian inventor Guglielmo Marconi transmits the first ever transatlantic radio signal from Cornwall, England, to Saint John, Newfoundland. The transmission consisted of a single letter of the alphabet: "S." To this day, the Newfoundlanders are trying to figure out what he meant. Was it a secret code? Or maybe a thinly veiled insult? It's all so confusing.

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On this day in 1934, Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, takes his last drink and enters treatment for the last time.

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On this day in 1941, Germany and Italy make the biggest mistake in their nations' histories when they officially declare war upon the United States of America.

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On this day in 1964, Che Guevara speaks at the United Nations General Assembly in New York, New York.

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On this day in 1968, The Rolling Stones "Rock and Roll Circus" featuring Jethro Tull, The Who, Taj Mahal, Marianne Faithfull, John Lennon, Eric Clapton and Yoko Ono is filmed at the Intertel Studio, Wycombe Road, Wembley. It doesn't see the light of day for decades because the Stones were embarrassed at being upstaged by both The Who and Tull. It was eventually released as a DVD in 1996.

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On this day in 1972, Apollo 17 becomes the sixth and last Apollo mission to land on the Moon.

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On this day in 1981, the El Mozote massacre takes place when armed forces in El Salvador kill an estimated 900 civilians in an anti-guerrilla campaign during the Salvadoran Civil War.

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On this day in 1997, the Kyoto Protocol opens for signature.

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On this day in 1999, after mass panic grips the nation, President Bill Clinton signs legislation banning so-called "crush" videos, wherein women are videotaped crushing tiny animals - such as mice, worms and frogs - beneath high heels. Occasionally, they would do this while naked or masturbating, but such pornographic accouterments were of secondary interest to the crush fan, who was in it for the crush. Amusingly, in order for the law to pass Constitutional muster, the people who wrote it had to include a loophole exception for works of "serious religious, political, scientific, educational, journalistic, historical or artistic value." Which begs the question, outside of the Vatican library, where would one be able to find works of "serious, religious, political, scientific, educational, journalistic, historical and artistic value" that feature footage of scanty-clad women stomping gerbils underfoot? Ann Coulter's apartment?

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On this day in 2006, The International Conference to Review the Global Vision of the Holocaust is opened in Tehran, Iran by then-president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad; nations such as Israel and the United States express concern.

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On this day in 2006, Felipe Calderón, the President of Mexico, launches a military-led offensive to put down the drug cartel violence in the state of Michoacán. This effort is often regarded as the first event in the Mexican Drug War.

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On this day in 2008, Bernard Madoff is arrested and charged with securities fraud in a $50 billion Ponzi scheme.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 10

On this day in 1988, a massive earthquake of Biblical proportions rips the Armenian city of Spitak and surrounding areas asunder, snuffing out 100,000 souls by the time it had run its course. Tiny, isolated Armenia had just over three million citizens to begin with. So to put those casualties in their proper, "per capita" perspective, you have to imagine some monstrous natural disaster - an asteroid collision, perhaps, or a massive tsunami - claiming TEN MILLION American lives. Kinda boggles the fricken' mind, don't it?

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On this day in 2004, Gary Webb - the investigative journalist who dug deep into the cephalopodan entanglements between the CIA, right-wing Central American drug lords, New World Order elites and the crack cocaine pandemic that swept through America's inner cities - dies. Victim of an apparent suicide, Webb immediately ascended to the Paranoid's Pantheon alongside such notable truth-warriors as Dorothy Kilgallen, Danny Casolaro, Steve Kangas, Jim Hatfield, Mark Lombardi and countless others who've been rewarded for their efforts by being fed through the Buzzsaw. You can find a collection of Webb's stories on the Dark Alliance here. You can also read his final published story, The Killing Game, which examines the ulterior motives behind the Pentagon's free, online "first-person shooter" videogame, and the sinister implications of their subsequent observations of player behavior.

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Some dude by the name of Gregory must have been pretty darn proud of himself on this day in 1582, when France switched over to the "Gregorian" calendar.

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On this day in 1898, after costing nearly four thousand American military lives and untold "enemy" casualties, the Spanish-American War - in many ways, the Iraq War of its day - comes to an end with the USA in possession of the Philippines, Puerto Rico and Guam. These days, you can find Filipino restaurants in every big city, where you can also find lots and lots of Puerto Ricans. But what about Guam? So far, we've seen sweet fuck all from these fuckers. What's the matter, Guam? Aren't you glad America saved your asses from turn-of-the-century Spanish tyranny?! Send us some restaurants and/or sexy, big-assed actresses to drool over! It's long past time you paid the soldier's blood-debt you so clearly owe us.

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On this day in 1971, racist sack of shit William Hubbs Rehnquist is confirmed by Richard Nixon to be a "justice" (how ironic) on the Supreme Court of the Land. Meanwhile, down in Hell, Satan, laughing, spreads his wings.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 9

On this day in 730, the Khazars annihilate an Umayyad army and kill its commander, al-Jarrah ibn Abdallah al-Hakami, at the Battle of Marj Ardabil.

***

On this day in 1793, New York City's first daily newspaper, the American Minerva, is established by Noah Webster.

***

On this day in 1851, the first YMCA in North America is established in Montreal, Quebec.

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On this day in 1872, in Louisiana, P.B.S. Pinchback becomes the first serving African-American governor of a US state.

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On this day in 1935, Walter Liggett, American newspaper editor and muckraker, is killed in gangland murder.

***

On this day in 1946, the "Subsequent Nuremberg Trials" begin with the "Doctors' Trial", prosecuting doctors alleged to be involved in human experimentation. Mengele, unfortunately, the infamous Doctor Death, isn't there. He's hiding out in South America, where he will remain for decades, undetected.

***

On this day in 1950, Harry Gold is sentenced to 30 years in jail for helping Klaus Fuchs pass information about the Manhattan Project to the Soviet Union. His testimony is later instrumental in the prosecution of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, who both fry for their efforts.

***

On this day in 1953, General Electric announces that all communist employees will be discharged from the company.

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On this day in 1958, the virulently right-wing John Birch Society is founded in the United States.

***

On this day in 1960, the first episode of the world's longest-running television soap opera Coronation Street is broadcast in the United Kingdom.

***

On this day in 1963, three amateur kidnappers snatch 19-year-old Frank Sinatra Jr. from a motel room in Lake Tahoe. Frank Jr. is held hostage for four days, until Frank Sr. pays the kidnappers' ransom demand of $240,000. The kidnappers were apprehended almost immediately. After serving his time, the "brains" behind the kidnapping - Barry Keenan, a close friend of Jr's sister Nancy - went on to make a fortune in real-estate speculation.

***

On this day in 1979, the eradication of the smallpox virus is certified, making smallpox the first and to date only human disease driven to extinction.

***

On this day in 1981, porno superstar John Holmes is charged with taking part in the brutal iron-bar torture/murders of four underworld figures in California's Laurel Canyon. He is found guilty and spends a few years in jail, where his experience in gay porn comes in real handy.

***

On this day in 1992, the would-be King of England and his fairytale bride send British Prime Minister John Major out to officially inform their pudding-slurping, East Enders-watching subjects that their loveless charade of a marriage was finally coming to a legal and incontrovertible end. Once they had rid themselves of each other's company, Charles and Diana were free to explore life-options that had heretofore been closed off to them. And so it was that the Prince began to work on a revolutionary line of sentient horse tampons, while his former bride Diana fucked her way through an innumerable assortment of Egyptians, footballers, and well-hung veterans of the Falklands Conflict.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 8

On this day in 1660, a woman - either Margaret Hughes or Anne Marshall - appears on an English public stage for the first time, in the role of Desdemona in a production of Shakespeare's play Othello.

***

On this day in 1792, one Henry Laurens - the details of his life lost to history's blind spots - becomes the first person ever to be cremated in the New World of America. Until then, we'd either been burying our dearly departed in graveyards, or devouring their remains to stave off starvation in quiet, desperate shame.

***

On this day in 1854, in his Apostolic constitution Ineffabilis Deus, Pope Pius IX proclaims the dogmatic definition of "Immaculate Conception", which holds that the Virgin Mary was conceived free of original sin.

***

On this day in 1927, the Brookings Institution, one of the United States' oldest think tanks (I prefer to call them "brain brothels", where one can hire the dubious charms of various "thought-stitutes"), is founded through the merger of three organizations that had been created by philanthropist Robert S. Brookings.

***

On this day in 1941, US President Franklin D. Roosevelt declares December 7 to be "a date which will live in infamy", after which the U.S. and the Republic of China declare war against Japan.

***

On this day in 1976, the General Assembly re-elects Kurt Waldheim for a second term as Secretary-General of the United Nations, and it's easy to see why. Waldheim had a truly kick-ass résumé at the time. Especially for a frickin' NAZI*!

***

On this day in 1980, former Beatle John Lennon is gunned down by pathetic loser Mark David Chapman in front of the Dakota, the Manhattan apartment building where Roman Polanski’s Rosemary’s Baby was shot.

[*Pssst! 

The CIA only exposed Waldheim's Nazi affiliations after he stopped being a Nazi! 

It's true! Pass it on! - Jerky]

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 7

On this day in 1869, American outlaw Jesse James commits his first confirmed bank robbery in Gallatin, Missouri.

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On this day in 1891, the United States' fifty-second Congress holds their first session. This Congress is significant, as they are the first Congress to have over $1 BILLION dollars to play with. And, you know, a billion dollars was a lot of money back then!

***

On this day in 1930, W1XAV in Boston, Massachusetts broadcasts video from the CBS radio orchestra program, The Fox Trappers. The broadcast also includes the first television commercial in the United States, an advertisement for IJ Fox Furriers, who sponsored the radio show.

***

On this day in 1941, at 7:53 in the morning, three-hundred-and-fifty-three Japanese bombers engage in a sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. In their wake, the bastards leave 2,403 dead soldiers and civilians, 188 destroyed planes, and a crippled Pacific battleship fleet. By attacking American forces, however, the Japanese bit off more than they could chew. As Churchill wrote in his memoirs: "Now at this very moment I knew the United States was in the war, up to the neck and in to the death... Hitler's fate was sealed.Mussolini's fate was sealed. As for the Japanese, they would be ground to powder." And so it was... for a time.

***

On this day in 1975, Indonesia invades East Timor.

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On this day in 1982, in Texas, Charles Brooks Jr. becomes the first person to be executed by lethal injection in the United States.

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On this day in 1993, Long Island Railroad passenger Colin Ferguson murders six people and injures 19 others on the LIRR in Nassau County, New York.

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On this day in 1995, the Galileo spacecraft arrives at Jupiter, a little more than six years after it was launched by Space Shuttle Atlantis during Mission STS-34.

***

On this day in 2003, the Conservative Party of Canada is officially recognized after the merger of the Canadian Alliance and Progressive Conservative Party of Canada.

***

On this day in 2000, magnificently belligerent gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson writes the following:

"There was one exact moment, in fact, when I knew for sure that Al Gore would Never be President of the United States, no matter what the experts were saying - and that was when the whole Bush family suddenly appeared on TV and openly scoffed at the idea of Gore winning Florida... Losing was out of the question. Here was the whole bloody Family laughing and hooting and sneering at the dumbness of the whole world on National TV. The old man was the real tip-off. The leer on his face was almost frightening. It was like looking into the eyes of a tall hyena with a living sheep in its mouth."

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 6

On this day in 1648, colonel Thomas Pride of the New Model Army purges the Long Parliament of MPs sympathetic to King Charles I of England, in order for the King's trial to go ahead; came to be known as "Pride's Purge".

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On this day in 1768, the first edition of the Encyclopædia Britannica is published.

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On this day in 1884, the Washington (Freemason) Monument in Washington D.C. is completed.

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On this day in 1917, the most destructive man-made explosion of the pre-atomic age occurs when the French munitions ship Mont Blanc - bound for Europe, where World War I was raging - collides with the Norwegian vessel Imo in Canada's Halifax Harbor, setting off 35 tons of benzol, 300 tons of ammunition, 10 tons of gun cotton, 2,300 tons of picric acid, and 400,000 pounds of TNT. Over 2,000 people were evaporated. Another 9,000 were wounded. The city's north end was utterly destroyed. 1,600 homes were reduced to kindling. The barrel of one of Mont Blanc's cannons was found weeks later, three and a half miles from the explosion site. Windows 50 miles away were shattered in their frames, and people three hundred miles away heard the terrifying roar. An official Canadian inquiry into the disaster eventually ruled, and I quote: "it was just a plain bad luck stupid accident." Those gosh-darned Canucks... always so polite and forgiving!

***

On this day in 1928, the government of Colombia sends military forces to suppress a month-long strike by United Fruit Company workers, resulting in an unknown number of deaths.

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On this day in 1953, Vladimir Nabokov completes his controversial novel Lolita.

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On this day in 1969, a black man named Meredith Hunter is killed by the Hells Angels during a Rolling Stones concert at the Altamont Speedway in California after allegedly pulling out a pistol during the show and aiming it at Mick Jagger, who was performing "Sympathy for the Devil" on stage.

***

On this day in 1989, just after 5 PM, Mark Lepine strolled into the University of Montréal's engineering building with a .223 calibre semi-automatic rifle. A man after hate-radio superstar Rush Limbaugh's shriveled, shit-encrusted heart, Lepine shouted "You're all a bunch of feminists!" as he blasted bullets into the female students he lined up against the wall, after ordering all the men to leave the classroom. By the end of his spree, Lepine had murdered fourteen women and injured thirteen more.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 5

Remember the rowdy ruckus raised by pro-Dubya protesters outside the Miami-Dade County elections office in early December 2000? You might have missed it, as most of the major media didn't pay much attention, but the 'demonstration' basically involved a lot of chanting, pounding, fist-waving, knuckle-dragging and drooling. They didn't have much to say, really. They were just angry that a manual recount was taking place at all, because deep down, they knew fewer people in Florida (and the country) voted for their boy than for Al Gore.

At a certain point, however, things got ugly. The 'protesters' chased and assaulted a vote-counter - knocking a few innocent bystanders on their asses in the process - after one of them claimed he saw that person "stealing a ballot" (it turned out to be a sample ballot used by all vote-counters).

"Hey," you might be saying to yourself at this point, "I can grok that. People take their politics very seriously. Tempers flare." And you'd be right, of course, but just in case you're laboring under the impression that those protesters were every-day, pissed-off citizens venting their anger at a process they believed to somehow be unfair... think again. They were paid Republican flunkies, flown in from all over the country by the Bush campaign... and it's time to name names.

1. Tom Pyle, policy analyst, office of House Majority Whip Tom DeLay (R-Tex.).

2. Garry Malphrus, majority chief counsel and staff director, House Judiciary subcommittee on criminal justice.

3. Rory Cooper, political division staff member at the National Republican Congressional Committee.

4. Kevin Smith, former House Republican conference analyst and more recently of Voter.com.

5. Steven Brophy, former aide to Sen. Fred D. Thompson (R-Tenn.), who went on to work at the consulting firm KPMG.

6. Matt Schlapp, former chief of staff for Rep. Todd Tiahrt (R-Kan.), moved on to the Bush campaign staff in Austin.

7. Roger Morse, aide to Rep. Van Hilleary (R-Tenn.).

8. Duane Gibson, aide to Chairman Don Young (R-Alaska) of the House Resources Committee.

9. Chuck Royal, legislative assistant to Rep. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.).

10. Layna McConkey, former legislative assistant to former Rep. Jim Ross Lightfoot (R-Iowa), eventually got a job at Steelman Health Strategies.

***

On this day in 1484, Pope Innocent VIII issues the Summis desiderantes, a papal bull that deputizes Heinrich Kramer and James Sprenger as inquisitors to root out alleged witchcraft in Germany and leads to one of the most oppressive witch hunts in European history. 

***

On this day in the year 1876, a fire breaks out at a Brooklyn Theater, killing 295 people. Most of the victims didn't burn, but were trampled to death during the rush to the doors. From this horrific event, we get the popular phrase: "All's well that ends well!" Wait a minute... that's can't be right.

***

HAPPY WET DAY! On this day in 1933, after fourteen miserable years, the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is ratified, repealing the 18th Amendment and bringing an end to the era of national prohibition of alcohol in America! So let's all raise a glass and toast to the hope that, one day soon, The Powers That Be will see the light and put a similarly swift, inglorious end to the current prohibition against that blessed, multifaceted weed, marijuana!

***

On this day in 1952, a cold fog descends upon London, combining with air pollution and killing at least 12,000 in the weeks and months that follow.

***

On this day in 1969, the four node ARPANET network is established

***

It was on this day in the year 2001 that Dean Kamen let everybody down when he revealed the TRUTH about his latest invention, which had been hyped for months as a revolutionary technological innovation that would irreversibly change the course of human history. It's a wonder people didn't riot in the streets when it was revealed that "Ginger" - or "It" as an overly-dramatic press corps had taken to calling it - was nothing but a bulky scooter capable of traveling an underwhelming 12 miles per hour. As Kamen demonstrated his $3000 toy for the first time on Good Morning America, he dutifully preached the benefits: "It's like a pair of magic sneakers!" he said, his voice edging dangerously close to desperation. "This is the world's first self-balancing human transporter! It does what a human does - it has gyros and sensors that act like your inner ear; it has a computer that does what your brain does for you. It's got motors that do what your muscles do for you. It's got those tires that do what your feet do for you!" Maybe one day, "genius" inventor Kamen will create something that's useful to those of us whose inner ears, brains, muscles and feet are all in good working order.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 4

On this day in 1829, in the face of fierce local opposition, British governor Lord William Bentinck issues a regulation declaring that all who abet suttee in India are guilty of culpable homicide.

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On this day in 1872, the crewless American ship Mary Celeste is found by the British brig Dei Gratia. The ship had been abandoned for nine days but was only slightly damaged.

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On this day in 1875, notorious New York City politician Boss Tweed escapes from prison and flees to Cuba, then Spain.

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On this day in 1918, US President Woodrow Wilson sails for the World War I peace talks in Versailles, becoming the first US president to travel to Europe while in office.

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On this day in 1921, the first Virginia Rappe manslaughter trial against roly-poly movie comic actor Roscoe 'Fatty' Arbuckle ends in a hung jury.

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On this day in 1954, the first Burger King is opened in Miami, Florida, United States

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On this day in 1956, the Million Dollar Quartet (Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, and Johnny Cash) get together at Sun Studios for the first and last time.

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The FBI commits a de facto political assassination on this day in 1969 when Black Panther Party members Fred Hampton and Mark Clark are shot and killed in their sleep during a raid by 14 Chicago police officers and federal officials.

***

On this day in 1971, the Montreux Casino in Switzerland is set ablaze by someone wielding a flare gun during a Frank Zappa concert; the incident would be noted in the Deep Purple song "Smoke on the Water".

***

On this day in 1980, English rock group Led Zeppelin officially disbands, following the death of drummer John Bonham on September 25th.

***

On this day in 1981, President Ronald Reagan signs a bill - Executive Order 12333 - which allows the CIA to legally engage in DOMESTIC counter-intelligence. Basically, this meant that America's intelligence forces were given carte blanche to "surveil" individuals and groups, even if they weren't breaking any laws or acting on behalf of any foreign power. Today, forty some years later…

***

It was on this day in 1988 that actor Gary Busey became the poster-boy for helmet laws after losing control of his motorcycle, skidding over a hundred feet, and kissing the curb with his bare-naked forehead at thirty miles per hour. Shortly after his accident, Goofy-boy "found" the Lord. Sadly, Busey has yet to recover from either of those two unfortunate mishaps.

***

On this day in 1991, journalist Terry A. Anderson is released after 7 years in captivity as a hostage in Beirut. He is the last and longest-held American hostage in Lebanon.

***

On this day in 1992, President George H. W. Bush orders 28,000 US troops to Somalia in Northeast Africa. Later when the events chronicled in the film Blackhawk Down take place, it’s all blamed on Bill Clinton, who became President AFTER Bush ordered troops into that hell-zone.

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 3

On this day in 1854, in what is claimed by many to be the birth of Australian democracy, more than 20 gold miners at Ballarat, Victoria, Australia are killed by state troopers in an uprising over mining licences.

***

On this day in 1901, US President Theodore Roosevelt delivers a 20,000-word speech to the House of Representatives asking the Congress to curb the power of trusts "within reasonable limits".

***

On this day in 1970, in Montreal, Quebec, kidnapped British Trade Commissioner James Cross is released by the Front de libération du Québec terrorist group after being held hostage for 60 days. Police negotiate his release and in return the Canadian government grants five terrorists from the FLQ's Chenier Cell their request for safe passage to Cuba.

***

On this day in 1976, an assassination attempt is made on Bob Marley. He is shot twice, but plays a concert two days later.

***

On this day in 1979, eleven concertgoers are trampled to death during a Who concert in Cincinnati. This tragedy prompts the producers of the hit sitcom WKRP to do a very special episode dealing with the tragedy, and calling for an end to festival seating. Thank you, Johnny Fever! Meanwhile, in Persia, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini becomes the first Supreme Leader of Iran.

***

On this day in 1982, a soil sample is taken from Times Beach, Missouri that will be found to contain 300 times the safe level of dioxin.

***

On this day in the year 1984, the Creeping Death sent by God to kill every first-born Egyptian son back in the days of Moses swings by for an encore when a leak at the Union Carbide plant in Bhopal, India creates a deadly cyanide fog that kills an estimated sixteen thousand of the world's poorest people. Meanwhile, down in Hell, Satan, laughing, spreads his wings.

***

On this day in 1989, in a meeting off the coast of Malta, US President George H. W. Bush and Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev release statements indicating that the cold war between NATO and The Soviet Union may be coming to an end.

***

On this day in 1999, NASA loses radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander moments before the spacecraft enters the Martian atmosphere.

***

On this day in the year 2000, O.J. Simpson once again loses his cool and yanks a pair of glasses off the face of one Jeffrey Pattison, who had just made the mistake of flicking his high-beams at the Juice to catch his attention after he'd run a stop sign. The really weird thing about this case is the fact that cops only figured out it was O.J. they were looking for after they found one broken lens on the floor of Pattison's car, and the other lens right outside Simpson's Florida estate-in-exile! When confronted with the evidence, Orenthal reportedly shouted: "I wouldn't wear them ugly-ass glasses!" then started whining about how this was one of the worst frame jobs he'd ever seen. Get it? Frame job? Glasses? Ahhh... screw you, that's funny stuff right there!

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 2

On this day in 1763, the Touro Synagogue is dedicated in Newport, Rhode Island. It is the first synagogue in what will become the United States.

***

On this day in 1823, during a State of the Union message, US President James Monroe proclaims American neutrality in future European conflicts, and warns European powers not to interfere in the Americas. This is what will come to be known as the Monroe Doctrine.

***

On this day in 1845, in a State of the Union message, US President James K. Polk proposes that the United States should aggressively expand into the West. This is what will come to be known as Manifest Destiny.

***

On this day in 1851, French President Louis-Napoléon Bonaparte overthrows the Second Republic. One year later, he becomes Emperor of the French as Napoleon III. It is from Karl Marx’s excellent essay, The 18th Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte, written one year later, that we get the phrase: “Hegel remarks somewhere that all great world-historic facts and personages appear, so to speak, twice. He forgot to add: the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.”

***

On this day in 1859, militant abolitionist leader John Brown is hanged for his October 16th raid on Harpers Ferry, West Virginia.

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On this day in 1867, at Tremont Temple in Boston, British author Charles Dickens gives his first public reading in the United States.

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On this day in 1942, during the Manhattan Project, a team led by Enrico Fermi initiates the first self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction.

***

On this day, in 1952, a Colorado television station runs the first ever publicly televised footage of a woman giving birth. Couch potatoes all over the state are shocked to learn that the so-called "miracle of life" is actually a bloody, grotesque spasm of screaming agony, gushing fluids and cunt-splitting horror.

***

On this day in 1968, President Nixon appoints Henry Kissinger to the post of Security Advisor. Chaos ensues.

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On this day in 1980, 4 US nuns and churchwomen, Ita Ford, Maura Clarke, Jean Donovan, and Dorothy Kazel, are murdered by a right-wing, CIA-backed military death squad.

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On this day in 1982, at the University of Utah, Barney Clark becomes the first person to receive a permanent artificial heart.

***

On this day in 1983, at the Comdex electronics trade show in Las Vegas, the so-called Windows War begins in earnest as over a dozen software companies - including VisiCorp, Apple and Microsoft - demonstrate some kind of mouse-based, window-centered user/computer interface technology. Despite taking longest and achieving the least impressive results, Admiral Gates and his Microsoft army ultimately win the Windows War by using "war of attrition" tactics.

***

On this day in 1993, Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar is shot and killed in Medellín.

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On this day in 2001, the assholes behind that Dubya-backing “Big Money” Texas energy conglomerate Enron file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection... the swine.