PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR DECEMBER 22

On this day in 1807, the Embargo Act, forbidding trade with all foreign countries, is passed by the U.S. Congress, at the urging of President Thomas Jefferson. Just imagine trying to pass a law like that today.

***

On this day in 1808, Ludwig van Beethoven conducts and performs in concert at the Theater an der Wien, Vienna, with the premiere of his Fifth Symphony, Sixth Symphony, Fourth Piano Concerto (performed by Beethoven himself) and Choral Fantasy (with Beethoven at the piano).

***

On this day in 1864, Savannah, Georgia falls to General William Tecumseh Sherman, concluding his "March to the Sea".

***

On this day in 1891, Asteroid 323 Brucia becomes the first asteroid discovered using photography.

***

On this day in 1894, the Dreyfus affair begins in France, when Alfred Dreyfus is wrongly convicted of treason.

***

On this day in 1964, after what had been at that time the longest and costliest obscenity trial in history, controversial comedian Lenny Bruce is sentenced to four months in jail for violating obscenity laws. Luckily, Bruce never has to serve that jail time. He dies of a heroin overdose while waiting on an appeal. Deck the fuckin' halls.

***

On this day in 1984, four-time mugging victim Bernhard Goetz turns into a steely-cold vigilante and shoots 4 young hoodlums who attempt to rob him on a New York City subway train. New York's substantial criminal population is indignant, demanding that Goetz be jailed, and that the subway be declared a security free zone, where they can earn a living without fear of being shot by their victims. I mean, that's why we call them victims, right?

***

On this day in 1989, the Communist President of Romania, Nicolae Ceaucescu, is overthrown by Ion Iliescu after days of bloody confrontations. The deposed dictator and his wife flee Bucharest with a helicopter as protesters erupt in cheers. His subsequent capture and execution are caught on camera for all the world to see.

***

On this day in 1992, the so-called "Archives of Terror" are uncovered in Paraguay, detailing thousands of atrocities committed in Latin America.

***

Aiming to expand their market share into non-cola products, Coca-Cola pays an astonishing $840 million to the Pernod group for the rights to a sparkling drink called Orangina, on this day in 1997. Unfortunately, Coke fails to recoup their investment when the American public proves unwilling to drink something that sounds like "orange vagina." What next... a drink called "Tangereenis"?

***

On this day in 2001, some goof named Richard Reid attempts to destroy a passenger airliner by igniting explosives hidden in his shoes aboard American Airlines Flight 63.

***

On this day in 2008, an ash dike ruptured at a solid waste containment area in Roane County, Tennessee, releasing 1.1 billion gallons of coal fly ash slurry into the surrounding environment. Remember that horrific crime against nature? No, right? Me neither. Thanks, Mainstream Media!

***

On this day in 2010, the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, the 17-year-old policy banning homosexuals serving openly in the United States military, is signed into law by President Barack Obama.