Saturday, March 11, 2017

PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR MARCH 11


On this day in 222, Emperor Elagabalus is assassinated, along with his mother, Julia Soaemias, by the Praetorian Guard during a revolt. Their mutilated bodies are dragged through the streets of Rome before being thrown into the Tiber.

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On this day in 1702, The Daily Courant, England's first national daily newspaper is published for the first time.

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On this day in 1791, John Stone patents the Pile Driver. It would be nearly two centuries before another wrestling move was patented: Abdullah the Butcher's Sleeper Hold.

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On this day in 1824, the United States Department of War creates the Bureau of Indian Affairs. Wow! That explains EVERYTHING!

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On this day in 1848, Louis-Hippolyte Lafontaine and Robert Baldwin become the first Prime Ministers of the Province of Canada to be democratically elected under a system of responsible government.

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On this day in 1849, President Abraham Lincoln becomes the first and only President to apply for a patent. He is sorely disappointed when his "covering moles with facial hair" technique is deemed ineligible.

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On this day in 1864, the largest man-made disaster ever to befall England kills over 250 people in Sheffield, in what would come to be known as the Great Sheffield Flood.

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On this day in the year 1893, the management of New Mexico State University cancel their very first graduation ceremony after the school's one and only graduate - an unlucky fellow with the studly moniker of Sam Steele - is robbed and murdered the night before.

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On this day in 1918, the first case of Spanish flu occurs, the start of a devastating worldwide pandemic.

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On this day in 1927, in New York City, Samuel Roxy Rothafel opens the infamous Roxy Theatre.

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On this day in 1933, Nevada becomes the first US state to regulate narcotics, which is kind of ironic when you think about it.

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On this day in 1946, Rudolf Höss, the first commandant of Auschwitz concentration camp, is captured by British troops.

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On this day in 1971, the Senate approves a constitutional amendment lowering the voting age to 18, even though they don't deserve it, those ungrateful hippy bastards!!!

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On this day in 1993, Janet Reno is confirmed by the United States Senate and sworn in the next day, becoming the first female Attorney General of the United States.

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On this day in 1993, unfortunately moniker'd OBGYN David Gunn, a doctor who performed abortions, was shot three times in the back by a cowardly, murderous Christian thug during an anti-abortion protest at the Pensacola Women’s Medical Services clinic in Florida. Before pulling the trigger, the murderer, Michael Griffin, had been heard to shout: "Don’t kill any more babies!" The response issued by Rescue America - the group holding the protest at which the murder took place - was weak, to say the least. "While Gunn’s death is unfortunate," an official statement said, "it’s also true that quite a number of babies’ lives will be saved." Griffin's murder of Dr. Gunn sparked a wave of anti-choice terror resulting in numerous murders, as well as innumerable acts of assault, terroristic threats, vandalism, bombings, arson and all that other good stuff they teach in certain churches. Unfortunately, pro-lifers have, for the most part, achieved their goals. The tepid government response to their terrorism has led many abortionists to switch careers, thus severely limiting the availability of the procedure.

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On this day in 2004, the Madrid train bombings take place when simultaneous explosions on rush hour trains in Madrid, Spain, kill 191 people. It's Spain's 9/11.

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On this day in 2007, Georgia claims Russian helicopters attacked the Kodori Valley in Abkhazia, an accusation that Russia categorically denies later.

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On this day in 2009, 16 are killed and 11 are injured before recent-graduate Tim Kretschmer shoots and kills himself, leading to tightened weapons restrictions in Germany. Hey, wait... I thought guns were illegal throughout Europe?!

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On this day in 2011, an earthquake measuring 9.0 in magnitude strikes 130 km (81 mi) east of Sendai, Japan, triggering a tsunami killing tens of thousands of people. This event also triggered the second largest nuclear accident in history - or largest, depending on whom you ask - and one of only two events to be classified as a Level 7 on the International Nuclear Event Scale: the terrifying, ongoing Fukushima Meltdown.

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On this day in 2012, a US soldier kills 16 civilians in the Panjwayi District of Afghanistan near Kandahar.

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